Jude felt her mouth open in a huge yawn as she slowly woke up. The way that sunlight streamed in to wake her up while also warming her up was one of the things she loved most about her flat. She had been in Notting Hill for over six months and it still felt like a perfect dream. Turning over in the bed, Jude's hand hit the empty pillow beside her.

"Make that almost perfect," she mumbled, scrunching her eyes. The sunlight suddenly didn't seem so refreshing.

She hated that she missed him this much.

Her mind immediately wandered down the path of what ifs. She imagined what her life would have been like if she had chosen the other road. She would be waking up a completely different person with a completely different name. Jude Dutoit. Despite everything, it had a ring to it that she couldn't help but love.

Tightening her hand around the pillow next to her, Jude tried to force herself back to sleep. She wouldn't be having these thoughts if she were asleep. Her hand ran up and down the pillow. He had never slept there but she still felt his warmth in her memory.

Jude was just starting to believe that she could put off her studio work until the afternoon and catch a few more hours of unconsciousness when her cell phone beeped loudly. She almost knocked out the lamp on her nightstand but eventually her hand grasped the phone.

She groaned as she saw the nagging text from her producer. "No sleeping in for you, Harrison."

Grumbling to herself, Jude rolled out of bed and stumbled her way down the stairs to the kitchen. She had always needed at least two cups of coffee if she was expected to accomplish anything worthwhile in the studio. These days it was even worse. She couldn't even pretend like she didn't know why.

Pot after pot of coffee hadn't been a necessity when she was recording on the other side of the pond, not when she had Tommy Q. There was always something indescribably exhilarating about writing a song with Tommy which had nothing to do with how much she loved him. Before the Instant Star competition, she would spend days writing a song and then months revising it. With Tommy, she could compose and revise a song in the matter of a day. What they had just came naturally.

Jude picked up her cell phone off the counter and punched in the voicemail. She had four messages. Two were from her producer reminding her that they needed an early start if they were going to get anywhere and declaring he would know if she even thought about blowing him off. The third message was from Jamie who had never really gotten a handle on the time difference. He rambled on for about ten minutes about some new artist he was close to signing. The last message was from her sister. Jude sighed and sat down at the counter, preparing to listen to Sadie and already knowing she wasn't going to like what she heard.

"I'm not going to tiptoe around why I called, Jude. You need to talk to him. He's producing again but I'm worried. You know that I've never been a fan of how Tommy hurt you over and over again but it's taken me this long to really see that he's been hurting, too. You went from getting married to different continents without really explaining why. I get that you needed to do this on your own, but you left it unfinished. He needs to know why it had to be so final. Not knowing is wearing him down. It's not the same here without you. He's not the same. You need to fix this before it's too late." Sadie paused for a second and then she sighed loudly. "It's like what Dad used to say. You can make mistakes as long as you're willing to take the time to fix them. You have to fix this, Jude, for both of your sakes. Call me back when you're not recording."

Frustrated, Jude slammed her coffee mug down and stomped back up the stairs. She was so tired of Sadie always meddling in her life. Her sister thought she knew what was best, and it completely infuriated Jude that her sister was usually right.

Sadie had never been right before when it came to Tommy. Whatever message Jude's heart gave her, you could bet that Sadie was telling her the opposite. Jude seemed so willing to be hurt by Tommy time and again, and no matter how much she tried to explain what she loved him so much, it was never enough for Sadie. Her big sister could never justify supporting the relationship.

So it made sense that the second that Jude decided to agree with Sadie, her sister went and changed her mind. Jude wondered what had really happened to make Sadie do a one-eighty. A small part of her wondered just how bad Tommy was to make Sadie so concerned.

Jude heard her cell phone beep and looked down to see another angry message from her producer. Sighing, she got to her feet. She needed two things right now, a shower and no more thoughts about her ex-boyfriend.

Jude shook her head as she stepped into the bathroom. She wasn't quite sure if she could classify Tommy as her ex-boyfriend. Or was it ex-fiancé? Classification and Tommy Quincy did not go together. For starters, she wasn't even sure if there was a 'you and me' or a 'we' between them anymore. She had made lots of stupid mistakes in her career as a recording artist but nothing beat that final concert in Toronto. She had broken off their engagement and made it clear she was moving to London on her own, and she had done it all on stage during a performance with thousands of people witnessing.

Looking back, she could see that she took the easy way out even though it broke her heart. She should have made the fans wait so that she could explain to Tommy why she wanted to do this on her own. She would have, too, if the excitement in his eyes hadn't overwhelmed her. She couldn't find the courage to say those hurtful words. She couldn't bear to see the happiness in his eyes fade away so she let her music do the talking. She was a coward and because of that, since that day she hadn't spoken one word to the man who could have been the love of her life.

Sometimes she let herself imagine how things could be different if she had simply been brave enough to voice her concerns. What if she had told him it couldn't wait until later? What if she had made herself forget how embarrassing it was and they just hashed out their problems right there in the wings of the concert hall?

She knew that he would have understood. Tommy always understood. He would have insisted that she go to London. He would have promised to visit as often as he could. He would have offered to let her live her own life for awhile.

She never gave him the opportunity.

Jude grumbled at herself and her stupid thoughts. She was so tired of this.

Throwing on the nearest pair of pants and t-shirt, Jude tried to shove every thought out of her head. She needed to focus on the music. The record label was already asking about some demo tracks for what could be her fifth album. If the tracks went down well, she would be getting a contract with complete artistic freedom.

Jude grabbed a helmet and her keys off the front table and walked out the door. Her heart did a little flip, as always, when she saw the classic motorcycle waiting in front of her flat. She had spent hours with Tommy fixing up this bike. At the time, they had used motorcycles as a pretense for repairing their friendship. It had gone so well that, with the addition of a psycho stalker fan, they not only repaired their friendship but they also let themselves fall back in love.

The bike roared away from the curb and for the millionth time that day, Jude tried to shove the mess in her head to the side and just enjoy the air breezing past her.

She actually managed to do it for most of the ride this time, and before she knew it, her bike was pulling up outside Bermanze Records.

"Thanks, Greg," Jude said with a smile, handing her keys to the young man outside the front door. She still wasn't used to a life where you didn't have to park your car because someone was paid to do it for you. At G Major, she used to spend hours searching for a parking space and then always let herself in by the alley door. There were alleys at Bermanze but an artist would never dream of having a use for them.

Jude waited patiently for the elevator to take her up to the fifth floor where the recording studios were located. She needed to fine tune the song she was currently angling as her first UK single. On top of that, Nicola wanted her to showcase at least half of her album at the next big studio soiree. Things were still very up in the air for her at London which was completely terrifying. The record company loved her album but weren't sure at this point if they wanted to commit to her long term.

That was the whole reason Jude was working almost as hard as the first year she was on the G Major label. Just like then, she was being rented out to whoever bid on her. She played parties and benefits, street concerts and big galas, acoustic sets in pubs and opening acts at the big venues. Nicola had fought hard to get her the assignment of being the background entertainment at Bermanze's spring showcase. Jude knew she needed to bring her A game when it was time to sing her songs amidst all the covers she'd be required to sing. Important people would be listening.

"Bee!"

Jude smiled to herself as she felt a smack on the back and was shoved through the open elevator door. She turned to look at Carlee Burke, the closest person to a friend she had right now. The two of them had met at four in the morning in the Bermanze studios when Jude was mixing the sixth track on her album and Carlee was desperately trying to come up with a catchy hook to what should be her break-through single. They bonded over mutual creativity.

It was as the sun came up on that first night that Carlee uttered the words 'Hey Jude' and the nickname was born. Jude was just eternally grateful that she had gotten Carlee to shorten it from Beatle to just Bee.

"Watch where you're shoving me," Jude hissed as she almost took out two very important looking people in business suits. "Sorry."

"I'm not," Carlee said, leaning against the back wall of the elevator.

Jude rolled her eyes. Carlee was still going for the tough as nails, don't care about anyone but myself image even though she hadn't built up the fan base to support that kind of rudeness.

"We still meeting up after my show tonight? The boys in my band keep nagging me. I think they have major crushes."

"Tell them they don't have a chance but I'll be there anyway," Jude confirmed. "So what brings you to the studio this early?"

"Production meeting," Carlee said, pushing herself forward to press eight. "I see you brought your motorcycle."

"Don't start."

"I'm sorry, Jude. Motorcycles are going to hurt your image with the VIPs here. They'll think that you're too hard for what they want and you'll be dropped."

"Nicola recruited me because of my image. She didn't seem to have a problem with my riding a motorcycle."

"She recruited you because you're blond and cute and could have a semi-decent voice if you listened to what you're told instead of insisting that some ex-boy band member masquerading as a producer knows everything there is to know about how to have a successful career. See how there was no mention of being a biker chick in that?"

Jude rolled her eyes. Carlee was a pretty interesting person to know, but she was also infuriating whenever she got on her "you're not good enough" kicks. It was just the nature of the record business though. You can't be the best when your competition thinks they are. "See you later," Jude said through gritted teeth, stepping out onto the fifth floor.

Sometimes she really hated this life.

Jude found where she had stashed her guitar the night before and kept moving until she reached Studio G. It was the most underused studio but her favorite by far. Bermanze liked to utilize it when they called artists in to record short underground demos. There was only enough room for a piano, a mike, and a guitar. The only opening to the outside room was a glass window the size of a doorway that looked into the back of Studio F.

Jude frequently used the tiny Studio G for the initial stages in writing a new song. She liked to be by herself during the "sensitive" moments of the process.

It was also where she went when she didn't want to be found. That seemed to be more often than not since she came to London. She was trying hard to fit in with this new world and make it all work, but she never realized it would be this hard. Tommy had said multiple times that she need to cut the cord between them, and Jude understood what he meant at the time. She need to stand on her own two feet now so that somewhere down the line when she had to, she would be confident that she could do it.

Jude found herself going back to that day on the front steps of her house when she told Tommy she wanted to co-produce her third album. He had wanted her to give them some distance but in that moment, he looked almost petrified when he thought she was firing him as a producer. Now she understood why.

A team like the two of them was pretty rare in the music industry. No one got her quite like Tommy did so it was really hard to learn how to work with a different production team.

Letting out a deep breath, Jude set her guitar case down and took a seat at the piano, playing the first few measures of her favorite song off the album. She had written it during the beginning weeks she was in London when every fiber of her being wanted to pick up the phone and call Tommy. She desperately wanted to apologize and beg him to rewind the clock. She wanted to ask for her little gold twisty ring and that moment back again, but she knew that she wouldn't. She couldn't.

This song had practically spilled from her fingertips.

Jude groaned in frustration as the sounds from the piano came out completely wrong. She could play this song in her sleep. In fact, she could have sworn she had played it in her sleep a few times. Now there was just something wrong with it. It wasn't the emotions. She still felt the heartache just as strong as she had the day she wrote about it.

"Concentrate, Harrison," she whispered to herself. "Just let yourself go."

She shook out her hands and, when that didn't work, pounded them down onto the keys. Maybe she was still too distant from the music. She pulled her guitar out of the case, pausing only slightly before deciding to leave the guitar pick behind.

Her fingers could feel the abrasiveness of the guitar strings despite her calluses. The strumming took on a life of its own as she let herself flow. Maybe her mind didn't want her heart to feel this song right now. Maybe she just needed to relax and play whatever came to mind. The notes took out a familiar feel as a different song came together in her head.

She had just started humming the first few lines when a voice interrupted her. "Really, Jude?"

Jude's eyes flew open to rest on her producer. "Max. I didn't realize you'd be in the booth this early."

"I wasn't planning it, but it's not everyday you walk down the hall to hear "Pick Up the Pieces" radiating down the hall. Next time you feel the need to play Boyz Attack, can you make sure you shut the door behind you?"

Jude looked over to see that the door was indeed cracked a little. She turned back to Max. "Should I be embarrassed?"

Max shook his head. "I think I was the only one who heard you. You're lucky that I understand the long and tragic history of you and Little Tommy Q. Otherwise you might be looking for a new producer."

"It's an under-rated song," Jude grumbled, knowing that it was kind of hypocritical to defend a song she both loved and hated.

"Don't start lecturing me on that formulaic, cookie cutter song and how it was simply a bad arrangement of good lyrics."

Jude nodded, pushing her guitar to the side. It was usually better to just let these things go when Max got this fired up. "So what's on the agenda for today, oh fearless producer?"

"You are going to play until all the kinks are worked out of your single. We need you ready to hit a home run with it on Saturday."

Jude nodded and started in on her song. Max threw out a suggestion or adjustment every once in awhile, but it was mostly her fighting her way through the song again and again. Finally, after about an hour and a half, she got the whole way through and was actually satisfied with how it went.

"That was it, Maxie!" she yelled, hopping off her stool and doing a little dance of joy.

"Sit down, Jude. We have six more tracks to polish."

She let out a groan and planted herself back on the stool. The chords of the next song fell off her guitar as she looked over at where Max sat in the window. He had already turned his attention to the other people in the adjoining studio.

Max Antonelli had been assigned to her by Bermanze because he was so similar to Tommy. He had had a brief love affair with British charts in the beginning of the decade and then scratched and clawed his way up to being a credible producer. There was at least one tabloid rumor a week about his escapades and Jude was fairly certain that Max was currently dating Bermanze's number one artist and the artist's twin sister and about half a dozen other employees in the company. He rivaled Tommy in his hey-day in terms of broken hearts and bad boy escapades.

Contrary to his public image, Max was a fabulous producer and knew when to cut the crap. He pushed her to go to new places as an artist. They had a great creative working relationship. Things would be perfect except for one thing.

He wasn't the producer for her. There was really only one producer that she could work with and get the kind of music she was striving for. Too bad she had left him behind on a different continent.

For that reason alone, Max was attached to her fourth album only in name. She had done all of the recording, adjustments, and mixing on her own. He was simply there because no one believed that Jude Harrison was ready to produce her own album after the disaster that was the release of her initial third album. Max was kind of like insurance for a natural disaster, always there in case you need it but most people never do.

Jude preferred it that way. It was a lot easier to force her feelings into the music if someone wasn't devaluing them and asking her to try something else. She knew that her fourth album was going to be a bit of a cathartic experience, but at times it had gotten rather brutal.

Max had been helpful on those days when she got lost in her guilt and regret. He helped remind her why she had chosen to move across the ocean in the first place.

As much as she appreciated him, Jude was never so grateful as the day she realized she loved Max but was immune to his charms. She knew that she could not fall in love with another one of her producers or it would be bye-bye rockstar music career and hello coffee shop singer. No one would take her seriously as an artist if she was that emotionally unstable.

Still, it made her heart hurt a little to know that Tommy had been special. It wasn't just the chaos of recording album after album that drummed up such strong feelings between them. It had been love for lack of a better word.

"Pull your head out of whatever depressingly sad gutter you have it in, Jude."

Jude stopped strumming the guitar and gave Max a shrug. It was going to be a long day.