What?

Sabre: Is that Charming's farm?

Juliet: I bet it is.

Ava: They always have to tie these stories together somehow…

*Charming answers the door*

Ava & Sabre & Juliet: Oh my God! His hair! HAHAHAHAHA!

Charming: What's wrong with my hair?

Ava: I feel the need to now take you head banging.

Ana: That sounds painful.

Sabre: It can be.

Juliet: But not as painful as that hairdo.

Ava: He must be the new Garnier Fructis model.

Charming: Quit making fun of my hair.

Ava & Sabre & Juliet: HAHAHAHA!

Ana: Who is that?

*Someone approaching on carriage*

Ava: Is that Regina's mother?

Sabre: No. I don't think she dresses like that.

Juliet: Then who is it?

Charming: It's Po Peep.

Ava & Sabre & Juliet: WHAT?! HAHAHAHA!

Ava: Now he's afraid of Po Peep?

Sabre: Can they make his character any wimpier?

Charming: It's a fight that can't be won.

Ava: Bullshit, Charming, bullshit.

The Icepick

*Emma is frozen inside and Hook swings at the ice*

Juliet: What the hell are you doing?

Hook: I need to free Emma.

Juliet: By swinging at the ice…with the round side of your hook? Really?

Ava: The pointy end is the other way Hook.

Hook: But what if it gets stuck?

Sabre: I actually think that that's what happened in a previous take.

Ava: That's your girlfriend in there!

Juliet: Use the pointy end.

Hook: No and you can't make me.

*Charming pulls out gun pointed at Hook*

Charming: Do it now.

Hook: What the hell are you doing?

Ava: Well that escalated quickly.

Sabre: Actually I think I prefer Charming when he's batshit.

Maybe…

Elsa: Before I feeze everyone in this town.

Sabre: Yes! I was praying that she was going to actually be a villain in this one and she is! Yay!

Juliet: I think she's just emotionally confused because how confident did that sound really?

Elsa: Watch out. I'll do it!

Ava: Yes because that is intimidating.

Sabre: Yeah…not a villain, but I was hopeful.

Elsa: Watch!

*Freezes Sabre into ice statue*

Elsa: See…I mean business.

Ava: She's from the Pacific northwest you need a little more firepower than that.

*Sabre breaks out of ice roaring*

Sabre: I am the Twelfth Man! You cannot stop me.

*Charges the ice and breaks open the ice wall*

Ava: Sabre, quit cutting up pieces of the story.

Juliet: Should we go get Zack?

Ava: Her brother? Oh hell no. He would probably join her in this madness.

You and what army?

Juliet: Charming said that you had a private army. OF WHAT? Two guys?

Po Peep: Well I'm on a budget.

Ava: But you couldn't afford Gary Buesy? He's scarier than these two.

Sabre: Actually where did Charming learn to fight off two people at once? Is Ana just that good?

Ava: Oh yeah! By the way, Charming….YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.

Charming: I thought girls like it when women are portrayed as strong individuals.

Sabre: Except that Ana never had any sword fighting lessons at all. She was too busy dangerously riding her bike through the halls.

*Charming wins fight and wraps Po Peep to pillar*

Juliet: Yes because a ribbon is so hard to break out of…This show man…

*Charming rushes to the barn and is jumped by Ana*

Sabre: So she was in no danger at all ever? Then what was the point? She was still on your farm the whole time, but you felt no need to go look for her? You just thought Po Peep was evil enough to do something to a complete stranger who has nothing and doesn't even live here?

Juliet: Yeah…He's just stupid.

Ava: Is no one else coming? Lamest battle sequence ever. Also – BULLSHIT CHARMING! BULLSHIT!

Heartbeat?

*Everyone can hear the heartbeat and then Snow White enters*

Sabre: HAHAHAHA!

Ava: What?

Sabre: What if it wasn't a heartbeat? Just Snow White coming up the stairs?

*Everyone stares at her incredulously*

Elsa: Ana…

Emma: Way to go guys…

Juliet: That doesn't mean it was…

Sabre: Oh but I wish it did!

*Freezes Sabre into ice statue*

Elsa: How dare you speak of my sister this way.

Ava: Fuck me. Here we go again…

*Sabre breaks out of ice roaring*

Sabre: I am the Twelfth Man! I will destroy you!

*Charges Charming and tackles him to the floor*

Ava: Sabre, get off the idiot. We still have 8 more minutes of show to watch.

Sabre: Never.

Juliet: I think we lost Charming.

Ava: So Snow, ever consider remarrying?

New Villain

Sabre: Is that the Snow Queen?

Juliet: Please tell us it's the Snow Queen!

*Snow powers activate*

Sabre & Juliet: YES!

Ava: Wait so she has been there all this time and didn't do shit? Why did she wait until right now?

Sabre: Bet you that that's Elsa's real mom.

Juliet: Oh god, please no!

Sabre: And that David and Kristoff are somehow related.

Juliet: NO, FOR THE LOVE OF THE WORLD, NO!

Ava: Where the fuck have you been?

Snow Queen: Narnia.

….

Ava: I will buy that. I am okay with this.

Sabre: All things considered, I'm sad they didn't make Elsa the villain, but it's kind of redeemable by adding in the Snow Queen as a separate person.

Juliet & Ava: Agreed.

Snow Queen: What some ice cream?

Sabre: FUCK YEAH! I LOVE VILLAINS!

Ava: Only because they give you food.