Chapter 2: Hosts, meet the authoress

The authoress climbed out of bed with her messed up short hair sticking out from all directions and muttered angrily to herself, "Ugh...I just can't seem to get enough sleep nowadays, but having Haruhi do the disclaimer is still necessary all the same. Oh what a drag..."

Although the audience could not see the connections between not getting enough sleep and making Haruhi do the disclaimer, they still had to cope with what they have just read because it was the command of the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress.

The brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress rubbed her eyes while nodding unenthusiastically toward the certain-commoner-who-feeds-werewolves (If you don't get this then you have not read the first chapter carefully.), saying, "So, Haruhi, whenever you're ready."

Silence.

"Um...Haruhi?"

"Ah? Oh, right!" the petite brunette snapped back to reality from her daydreaming mode about her long deceased Mother, and flashed one of the famous 'Haruhi-kun's deadly charming smiles' toward the camera lens, resulting in our drugged bunny host to glomp her, rubbing his face against her right cheek whilst squealing in a female first grader's voice, "Haru-chan­ kawaii!" with sparks of pink cuddly flowers all around his huge head.

The certain-commoner-who-feeds-werewolves then turned toward the auditorium that came from who knows where and looked at the bunch of onna-otaku that were drooling over her and her utterly cute companion, stating, "Natsu-kun, although I have no idea who or what that is but seeing as my debt would be reduced by half I must say this following line, does not own Ouran High School Host—...Ugh?!..." to the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress's dismay, the commoner-who-feeds-werewolves all of a sudden procrastinated and stopped dead in mid-sentence.

Although she was extremely sleepy, it was a good thing that the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress did not take her time looking up, so she got the once in a life time chance to observe how the fangirl species would all hop out of their seats together to capture their prey as the prey itself shrieked in horror...

And with that, the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress shall leave you all to picture the vanishing of the one and only Haruhi species that was left on Earth, while she herself slowly crawls back to her ever loving bed, grumbling, "Geez, she could have at least finish the disclaimer before she died! Oh just wait till I get my hands on her remains..."

--

As what anybody who has watched the Ouran High School Host Club series would expect to see from the opening of the third music room, the roses of course, were displayed to be blooming as freshly as they could, whilst the hail of flower petals would attack anyone who opens the doors that have just been pushed open by the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress in the last chapter. The hosts were, as always, doing their best to entertain their customers (With the mysterious disappearance of their natural-type of which nobody seemed to have noticed for some unrealistically odd reason that even the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress doesn't know...), while the fangirls were giggling in delight and fainting altogether over the acts of their precious hosts. In other words, it was just one of those ordinary days. But really, who would have thought that as seemingly innocent (?) as this day may look, this was also the day where the host club members shall meet their worst enemy – Natsu, the brilliantly gorgeous plus kind-hearted plus understanding authoress of this fanfic.

Oh, just think of all the fun they're going to have together in the future chapters.

"Irasshaimase!" the six gorgeous-looking boys from all corners of the room chorused as Natsu entered, wearing the boy's uniform that she purchased with her life-time saving seeing as how she has always preferred pants over skirts.

'Thank God I've gotten to the right place; for a second there I thought I was going to get lost by following my own instructions..' the authoress twitched, making a mental note down that if she ever gives out wrong instructions next time, she'd be sure to make herself unconscious first so her brain wouldn't be reading the bunch of crap that she's telling her readers.

'Now, what should I do to gain their agreement...?'

Just as Natsu was looking around observing the room, a heavy grumble rushed impatiently toward her.

"Not another man!" one of the two twin-hosts with orange locks was now staring at the new 'customer' and complained out loud whilst Natsu herself tried her best to brush the terribly sweet rose petals off of her expensive outfit.

"It's like meeting Haruhi all over again..." muttered the mirror reflection of the first one, "Why do we get so many male customers nowadays I wonder?"

With the question that was let out by the second one, the first one took it as a cue of starting out on one of their acts again, so he grabbed ahold of the hands of his identical twin and looked at him straight in the eye. Ignoring the boarder frame of the scene that was made up of dreamy roses and romantic love bubbles, Hikaru started seducing his reflection with his ever so magnetic voice, "Because they're all trying to steal Kaoru away from me, that's why! But don't you worry, Kaoru, as I will do anything to protect you. Anything..."

"Oh Hikaru..."

"Kaoru..."

"Ano..." Natsu bemusedly watched while sweat dropping over the fake Hitachiinest act played in front of her and let out a hasty gasp as the customers of the twins all squealed in delight, squirming their bodies in an amazingly flexible way.

The 'boy' gawked at the crowd of girls and covered her ears, pondering hard over how anybody could ever get so fangirly over two identical boys playing the dominant-submissive game (Which is also known as the 'seme-uke gemu' in Natsuish.).

'Amateurs...If they want to play the game for real, they would need a seme that was, at the very least, taller and more well-built than the uke; not a pair of identical twins!' thought the 'boy' as she disgustedly dodged the truck load of red and pink hearts that were now starting to float toward her own face and had broken her train of thought.

Just then, the tall blonde boy with the strange King-like behaviour decided to act out the role of a rescuer.

He confidentially twirled and swirled as he danced toward the new customer in such a manner that made him look as if his legs were a pair of bad quality chopsticks. He then held out a flourish red rose from nowhere and stuffed it under Natsu's nose, "My, what an adorable lost kitten we have here! And we are getting more males than ever these days, aren't we? Maybe I should start hiring hostesses?..."

Natsu wrinkled her nose a bit and looked at the princely figure from top to toe with glimpses that were clearly saying 'what-the-hell-are-you-babbling-about'.

"Although I don't usually host male students of this school," the Host King continued ever so smoothly, "but seeing as how you are our second male customer of the year, I shall be all yours for today. And when I say all yours, I mean all...yours..." then, as how he always manages to do it, our favorite blonde backed the 'boy' up by running a perfectly curved finger underneath the chin of his poor victim.

All the girls within the room leaned closer toward the pair in the centre and blushed, picturing all the possible ways of how Natsu would react; swooning over the charm of the Host King perhaps? Of course, some of them were quite afraid to admit to the idea that their prince might just so happens to be gay.

"Ya know, mister..." Natsu, who by now was getting very annoyed with this flirtation (You try getting your nose stuffed with a bunch of disgustingly-sweet-smelling flower petals!), raised an eyebrow and pushed the blonde away, struggling to get back onto her feet, "Sure you're just saying this to me because it's your job as the Host King. But to tell you the truth, you really don't look half as charming as you think you do...Oh, and I don't want you, so forget it. That's not what I'm here for." a bolt of lightning struck at the background as Tamaki's eyes went blank. "Now if you don't mind, baka, please get off of me."

All the sparks and roses that were around the blue-eyed blonde fell onto the floor as he arrived in his corner of gloom within 0.00000000000001 second to draw circles on the floor while stacking one rock on top of another.

The corner of Natsus lips twitched insanely as she stared at the faraway Host King, who was now starting to grow mushrooms (Oh, we're going to have such a wonderful harvest of mushrooms this year!), with the dot-eyed look that the Ouran High School Host Club characters are famous for.

"No wonder Tono got rejected," smirked Hikaru, peering over his shoulder, "no guy would ever want get flirted by another guy and to be called an 'adorable lost kitten' now would they?...Well, unless they were homosexuals of course."

"But Hikaru...Are we...not part of the 'homosexual' group...?" the other ginger-colour-haired boy frowned in a feminine way and tilted his head.

The elder twin glanced at his reflection, who was now staring at his own feet with embarrassment. 'He does look rather cute like this.' thought the older one of the Hitachiins. So with that idea in mind, Hikaru decided that he would give their customers a bonus of the day.

The older one of the twins proficiently lifted his brother's chin up and pulled his waist closer to his own, breathing into the face that looked so much like his, "Whatever has made you think that, Kaoru?"

"Oh Hikaru, please don't," Karou looked sideways with those beautifully made golden globs of his, which were now glistening with unshed tears. Blushing harder than ever, he breathed out the words with fake difficulty in which only the audience could tell, "Not...in front of all these people at least...Please...Hikaru...Try to hold your urge till we get home..?"

Of course, the girls, even the ones that did not designate the twins, started letting out their squeals and giggles for the nth time that day, much to Natsu's horror as she almost fell over and twitch on the floor.

They sounded as if they were banshees; banshees that could somehow manage to faint right on the spot and fall each other's arms that is. This is not an exaggeration.

Really, try picturing this: A bunch of squishy worm-like creatures with, ironically, faces of beautiful maidens that are gushing ever so loudly into the poor ears of those who are not able to handle noises very well. And the fact that they were sighing over every single movement of a pair of clones was just unbelievably ridiculous.

...What was it that they always called the twins' acts?

Ah yes, 'the beautiful forbidden brotherly love'. Feh! Beautiful my aaaaa—...achoo. Oh how the authoress loathed the allergy that the roses in this room were giving her...

So anyways, after hearing the dreamy sighs of the beauties, Natsu decided that she had had enough nonsense to last her a life time and that whatever reason she was here for in the first place did not even seem important now; what was really important was to figure out a way for her to escape this place with both of her eardrums working.

--

Author's Note
Okay, I know, I lied about having the main storyline laid out in this chapter, and I know that this chapter is rather short and even more pointless/badly written than the one before. I promise that the next chapter's going to be longer though, but nevertheless it's going to continue on with the rambling of my first meeting with the cast. (After all, they are the stars of the play and stars are hard to please. Such delightful young people, aren't they?) Oh the pain of talking to rich bastards...
By the way! I hope that none of them seem too out of character! Although, I know, you don't get to see many of them in this chapter..Again, I'm sorry, okay?
I currently have Haruhi down as Snow White. The hosts are all dwarves (They're a different kind of dwarves, mind you; beautiful and elegant. Although things could change drastically. I meant the dwarves part, not their refinement no.). Bereznoff is the Neko Mirror on the Wall, and our forever lovable Rengé is responsible for the narration although she has so far been kept away from this fanfic and you people are probably thinking that I have completely forgotten about her. No worries, you'll get to see her soon enough.
But seriously, what's a Snow White and the Seven Dwarves production without the King, the Queen, the Witch (Hey maybe I should have Renge take this role instead? I mean, her 'ho ho ho's are quite suitable for a witch...?!), and most important of all, the Prince?! I've already used up (?) all the hosts as the six dwarves, so how am I supposed to find someone to be the Prince now?! Oh, I'll think of something...Somehow...
That's all I have time to say for today, minna, now please please please review, because if you don't, then there shall be no such thing as a 'next chapter'. Mwa ha ha ha ha...