The wind was howling, the snow was whirling and falling down with force. The taste of winter in the air, while the storm was busting for two days. The sun was away for moons, the darkness crept over the country. "The night is dark and full of terrors," she whispered softly in the empty air. She only believed in the God of dead, but she repeated the words her lover would use. She wondered if it was possible to call him her lover if they never made love.
The kisses were sweet, bittersweet because it would never go further. The sound of the fire echoes through the castle, the stones are damp and the world feels dark and cold around her. The warmth of the fire couldn't reach her, the warmth she needed had been away already for a moon, maybe even longer. The empty feeling settled in her heart, she had been so used to the warmth and the heat. Which left her colder than ever before.
The courtyard was empty and she couldn't see further. The snow made it impossible to see the surroundings. Her only thoughts were with her lover, who was out there somewhere. Maybe freezing to dead. She shuddered, "Not today."
She was so used to the silence, the quiet. Her heart skipped a beat when a voice behind her startled her, "My- Arya." She turned to Lady Smallwood and gave a sad smile, "You don't have to worry child, they will come back safely." It was a lie. Normally she would argue, call her a liar. But the Lady meant it good, she wanted to help, make her feel better. "Come dine with me, you are freezing here, my dear. And we should talk." She held out her hand in good comfort and Arya took it. She silently followed Lady Smallwood.
She sat together with the Lady in her bedchambers, fire roaring. The servants were sent out and it was only her and the Lady in the quiet room, the sound of fire crackling was almost deafening. "I know how you feel Lady Arya." She wanted to protest but the Lady shushed her. "You are a Lady and you know it, I know it and I am going to give you a choice." Arya had the feeling that it would be a hard choice, she saw the pity in Lady Smallwood's eyes. In the past years Lady Smallwood raised her and Arya could read her now well and cared for her deeply. She had been in the castle for so long that some people now even believed that she was the Lady's bastard daughter and she had to admit she liked the life of Arya Rivers. She never wanted to be a bastard, she had even cried when she thought she was a bastard, but her bastard brother had reassured her. But she didn't want to be a bastard because that would mean that her family wasn't her family. That her mother wasn't her mother and Arya couldn't live with that idea. But now her parents were dead, just like her siblings, she wasn't sure about Sansa or even her little brothers. She shook her head the crushing feeling was worse than the empty feeling she felt earlier.
"We received a raven," the Lady looked sadly to her, "from Winterfell." Lady Smallwood knew about her parentage after staying for a year in Acornhall. It took a week for Arya to make her stop saying, My Princess, another three years to let her stop saying My Lady, but Lady Smallwood never fully learned. "King Stannis took over the Castle with the Lord Commander of the Night Watch, which I belief is your brother." She stopped talking for a second to see Arya's reaction. "They know about the fake Arya. I am not going to send the raven that you are still alive and the heir." Arya looked surprised at the Lady. In the beginning the only reason that the Lady didn't sent a raven was for Arya's own safety and because there already was another Arya out there. The Lady smiled softly at her and reached out to Arya's hand and give it a squeeze, "I said before I know how you feel," A short silence, "Loving an outlaw."
Arya froze, "What?" she said quietly. They had been so discreet or she thought they had been. A lovers touch in the shadows, a kiss in the darkness. Walking as quiet as a shadow to an unoccupied room. He wasn't as quiet, but still as quiet as he could be. The feeling of his fingers gazing her arm, his warmth around her, with one simple touch. His heat that fired up a flame inside her with one kiss. The feeling of his shudder as she breathed in his neck and whispered in his ear. Sensual were their touches and teasing were their manners. She laughed when he blushes, his red ear tips. She loved it when she made him so shy, like a boy again. She also loved it when he finally showed his dominant man side, when he is leaning over her and leads the passionate kiss.
Lady Smallwood broke her train of thoughts and wishing memories, "You care for him, but as a Lady you could never love him. I am not going to send a raven, because I don't want to make such an important choice for you." She took her hand back and folded them in her lap, "You can be the Lady of Winterfell. I will send men with you and you can meet with the King and your brother. The consequence will be that you can't stay with your outlaw. They will want to wed you." She stood up and walked to the door, "I leave the choice to you."
The wind was howling, it was dark outside where her lover was and she felt emptier and colder than ever. Once was a time that everything she wanted was to find her family, she would do anything to see them again. She still wanted to see her brother, she wanted to feel him muss up her hair, finish her sentences and call her little sister. There would be no coming back from there, she would be the Lady she didn't want to be. She would run for a short time the holdfast, she once wanted that, but when she would wed her lord husband would take over and she had nothing more to do. The biggest issue was the other possibility.
She could stay here as Arya, the bastard girl, who can be lovers with a bastard smith. Her other family, her other pack. She remembered how she felt when Gendry choose the brotherhood, that he would leave her. In that moment they weren't even lovers. Could she do that to him? It wasn't even a choice. A miserable life, with miserable people. Her reunion with her brother would be fleeting and then he would go back to the wall. She would find a way to let him know she was alive, but also a way to tell him that she would never go back, never be Lady Arya Stark of Winterfell. She was just Arya and she had a lover who was part of her pack. She had a new family.
The silence came back, the fire died out and the only sound was the whistling of the wind.
In the next moons turn she had written a letter for her brother, no names or places mentioned, just the letter from Nymeria to Ghost. She first wanted to sent it with a Raven, but then they would know that this was the raven from Acorn Hall and they would come and find her. She didn't want to be found.
The silence died out after a moon, not because of the Brotherhood, but Lady Smallhood needed to host trespassers who where joining the cause in the North, the cause of King Stannis and Lord Commander Snow. They needed men on the wall. Every day they hosted men and Arya hated it, The Brotherhood would stay away if there were other visitors, her lover wouldn't come home yet.
Lady Smallwood took her under her wing and made sure that her servants would gossip about the bastard daughter. They would be the only gossips that would be told about her, the bastard daughter. The servants were ordered to call her Lady Rivers, no one was to know her name. There were some mistakes, when they spoke to soon and called her Arya. But it was limited and people knew her as Lady Rivers. She hated to be called a Lady and she soon managed to make them call her Rivers, she liked the name well enough. She was the cold bastard daughter, she didn't give the men pretty smiles or sweet talk. She was silent, grave and cold. She longed for the touch of her lover and these men kept him away.
One night she sneaked into the stables and looked in the saddle backs, she found one of a messenger, with different letters, one was addressed to King Stannis, next to it she put her own letter that she sealed with black wax and addressed to Lord Commander Snow. The messenger might will get in trouble, but she hoped he would never think of Lady Rivers as a potential sender of the letter. It was a big risk she took, but it was worth it. Jon deserved to know that she was alive, well and didn't want to be found. She heard some sounds outside, she jumped up and ran over to the other side of the stable. She started to brush one of the horses and she was Lady Rivers again.
"Hello Lady Rivers," a drunk man stumbled to her. She send him a cold glare. "Is it true that you are so cold as they say you are, winter seems to have settled in your heart, but your cunt will be as warm and wet as that of every other woman.
"Would you vandalize your guest right like that?" She shot back at him, but he didn't seem to notice. She stepped out of his reach when he grabbed for her.
"I thought I saw you walk away from the hall to here." He mumbled and stepped forward again. She tried to reach for her knife but she couldn't find it. Her eyes widened, she had left it in her chamber. She never thought one of those men would dare to do her any harm, they were going to serve her brother. She wondered what Lady rivers would do in such a situation, she was no normal Lady, she was a bastard and cold-hearted. She looked around for a weapon but couldn't find something. She stepped out of his reach again and then she knew. The horse separated her from the drunk man. She was a bastard, she knew how to ride a horse, Arya Stark was a great horserider. She jumped on the horse, which ran away immediately from the shock of having someone sitting on it. Some barrels fell in the process of fleeing outside into the courtyard. The horse's hooves could be heard on the stone and one of the chickens started to make a sound. Soon people stumbled in the courtyard and Lady Smallwood ran to her. The horse only started to get spooked more and she slid of it quickly, she was safe now. She pointed to the stables where the man stumbled out, yelling.
Everyone knew what happened. Lady Smallwood ordered the man to be restraint and he was not welcome anymore in the morrow. Arya apologized to the owner of the horse, which was some Lordling. But it was good, she even got complimented on her horsemanship. She nodded, smiled and returned to her chambers with the excuse that she was tired.
From then on she observed the men that came in more cautiously. She now also noticed the dead bodies that people brought on. She listened to the stories, of bodies next to the road, some frozen and some were attacked by the big troop of wolves led by the she-wolf. She didn't know what to think of it, she only said "not today" every day. Gendry was strong he would survive.
It was the next group of men that gave more news of dead and despair. But also of the infamous Brotherhood. "They raid us, luckily didn't took all our resources. They are criminals. Just jumped out of the tree line." She shared a look with lady Smallwood, but they both didn't comment. This only happened a day ago, they were close. Her lover, her warmth was so close, she almost wanted to ride out into the snow and the dark. They all called them criminals, but they were from higher blood, they had no idea what the common folk went through. The Brotherhood raided parties to give back to the common people of the Riverlands. They went with supplies to the inn at the crossroads, Stoney Sept and other surroundings.
Lady Smallwood gave a little smile to the men, "Did you had much losses?" Arya knew she meant dead people.
The men shook their head, "We lost one man, Gris, he died from the arrow in his leg, couldn't walk and we had no carts or horses."
Arya's eyes widened, "You left him there?" She remembered Lommy and how he couldn't walk because of the arrow in his leg. She saw how Lady Smallwood reprimanded her with her eyes. But the men just laughed.
"He was bleeding like a pig, if it wasn't the blood loss the cold will have killed him. It is war girl, it is everymen for themselves." The man took another gulp of his tankard and Arya already hated him.
Lady Smallwood apologized for her behavior, "And did they had any losses?"
Arya tried to guard her face, but this was what interested. She needed to know if Gendry was alive. The man narrowed his eyes, "What is it to you?"
Lady Smallwood looked the very image of a Lady, "We had a lot of problems with the outlaws in these woods for a long time, they raid the castle and as you see we don't have many guards to protect us."
The man smiled, "Those bastards are getting so desperate they even raid a castle, I am sorry I can't leave men here to protect you. If it sooths you, I think we got at least three of them or hurt them at least they won't last more than a day out there."
It didn't sooth Arya at all, but she guarded her face and she respected Lady Smallwood so much in that moment. "Oh it does for sure. I think my daughter feels sick of all the talk of dead and despair, she looks so pale. If you will excuse us, I will escort her to her chambers."
The servants gave more ale and the men were pleased.
Arya felt so lonely in that moment, Gendry might never come back to her. She kept walking in her room and looked outside, but she just saw fog, white of the snow and the darkness of night, that was blinding the sky also during daytime.
"It will be okay sweet child. He will come back, men always say they slay other men. They would never admit their defeat in front of woman, especially not so if they have a loss by the Archer." Lady Smallwood was seated on her bed, hands in her lap.
She gave her a reassuring smile, "Yes I am sure you are right."
The lady nodded and excused herself, she was needed as hostess. She tried to sleep that night, but it would not come. The room was dark and cold and eventually she fell into a wolf dream. She was out in the cold and the taste of flesh blood was still on her tongue. A familiar smell invaded her senses and it calmed her. She woke up covered in sweat and with longing for her lover.
It was two days later that the men left, it had stopped snowing, the fog was gone and the world was white, dark and cold. That night it was just her and Lady Smallwood, it felt quiet and she welcomed it. A day of quiet followed and she wondered how long she had to wait for the next quests.
The answer came quick. She woke up and the sounds of talking, laughter and singing reached her room. She just put on one of those dresses when Lady Smallwood walked in with a bright smile on her face. "I wanted to wake you up, but I see you are risen."
Arya looked up, "Who are the guests now?"
Lady Smallwood only smiled more, "the Brotherhood, they are back." Arya looked full unbelief, they were back, Gendry was back. She looked questionably to the Lady. "The smithy."
She needn't hear more, she ran through the door, cursing her dress in the process. She hadn't even done her hair but she didn't care, he was in the smithy, which meant that he was healthy and alive. She avoided the hall, she didn't want to see the rest of the Brotherhood, she just wanted to see Gendry. She ran outside through the snow. Once she loved the snow, now she hated it for slowing her down. She heard the sounds from a hammer hitting the steal and she beamed. She ran in the smithy, the coals were glowering and she saw the amount of steel that needed reshaping. But that didn't held her interest like the black haired man that was standing there, he had pulled his hair behind his head in a leather band it had grown so much over the past moons. He hadn't heard her coming in. He was focused on the blade that he was hammering, she missed the music he made. She had missed him and a tear rolled over her cheek. "Why didn't you wake me up stupid."
He looked up startled and then she saw the small scar on the side of his head. He turned away, but she could see him watching her from the corner of his eye. "What is that." She rushed to him so she could look at him fully."
"Watch out it is hot." She didn't care for the coals though. So he had to drop the sword next to the coals on the cold stone and step back, so she also wouldn't be too close to the heat. She brought her hand to the scar on his cheek. He flinched when she touched it and she immediately brought her hand back. "Does it hurt?" He shook his head. "How did it happen?"
He looked away, his jaw clenched, "Just a man and a sword. I was lucky I stood sideways." After that he looked unsure to her. She smiled at that and hugged him. She felt his arms incase her cautiously. She signed and some more tears escaped her when she was encased in his warm, strong chest and arms.
"I missed you so much, I am so happy you are back." She looked up and saw him staring back at her. She rested her hand against his cheek and her thumb moved soothingly over his scar. Her other hand traveled up his arm for purchase, and she leant up and kissed him. Her warmth, her heat was back. The kiss was slow and she felt how his hands started to move over her smaller back. He pulled away first, "You're even more beautiful than I remember." She smiled and moved over his scar again, "And you're more fearsome." That was met with a chuckle and she smiled at him.
Then she looked worried again, "What is wrong?"
"That is the only injury you got, right?" He nodded and then she smiled again. "I thought you would never come back to me. I thought I lost you to winter forever."
"I am not that easily beaten." He tried to reassure her, while tears filled her eyes again.
"Gendry you are my only true friend, my only family, I can't lose you."
"Arya I am going nowhere."
"But you are, you might stay here for awhile, but not long. Then you are off with the Brotherhood again and I am waiting for your return." She took a breath, "Let me come with you."
"Arya you know I am not in power of those decisions."
"Even if you were, you wouldn't let me come, would you?" That was met with silence and she glared at him.
"I can't, Arya, I know you are safe here."
"But I am not! Not without you. A few weeks ago," she couldn't resume that sentence and she felt how his hands clenched and held her tighter and his look of worry and trouble in his eyes. He really looked more fearsome now, but he was the same boy who left with her King's Landing.
"What happened?" He grinded out and that remembered her of the Gendry with other people, when he was with other company than her.
"A drunken man," his hands tightened even more, that it hurt, "Gendry could you loosen your grip a bit." He immediately let go and he now slid his hands from her upper arms to the palm of her hand. "He didn't do anything to me, but he tried." He signed and he cupped her cheek and kissed her a bit more forceful.
"I won't leave again."
She knew that was a lie, "Liar."
"They leave tomorrow, since more trespassers are expected. I have too much work to finish before then. I need to finish as much as possible, but I won't leave with them, I will finish all this work."
She looked up at him, since a few years he always went with the Brotherhood and now he stayed, she wondered if she could make him stay for always. Let them kill, raid and find steel. Let him stay with her and smith and never leave again, he was safe here with her. "promise?"
He nodded promise and she kissed him then. "Arya I have work."
"But I haven't seen you in such a long time."
"If I don't finish enough they will take me to the crossroad." That made her stop. "They already wanted me there, I begged to stay here and smith. But if I don't finish enough, they know you distract me. Just one day."
She nodded, "Just one day."
"Now go greet the Brotherhood, they already expect you." She already turned to leave, "Wait." She looked back questionably. He put his own leather band out of his hair, so his long hair fell into his eyes. He pulled her hair and she turned around. He put a braid in it and bound his leather band around it. "So you are more presentable." She kissed him on the cheek and was off.
"Hello Little Lady where have you been?" Tom almost sang when she walked into the dining hall. She just smiled at him and sat herself next to Edric Dayne. The Lord of Starfall looked more matured and tired than she had ever seen him. But he still greeted her with a kind smile. Thoros and Beric Dondarrion were talking together as always and Lady Smallwood was also joining their conversation, giving them a heads up what happened in the past moons and what she heard from the quests of the past moon.
Lem was of throwing dices with some other members of the Brotherhood and then she saw a man sitting with them with a wound in the calf and she had never seen him before. He was drinking, talking and laughing with Anguy. "Who are you?"
The man laughed, "You are no Lady of courtesies are you? I am Gris, it is an honor to meet you."
She narrowed her eyes, "I have heard that name before."
The man smiled a toothy grin, "It might have been the men before M'Lady they had left me for dead and then these men that shot me patched me up and offered a trial and now I am here. I much prefer staying in the Riverlands than going to a sure dead in the North."
Anguy continued, "They say them White Walkers are back M'Lady."
"They are just stories," she answered, "And don't call me a Lady." The men started to laugh and she left them to their cups. Maybe White Walkers are real, if Beric could be raised from the dead, why wouldn't White Walkers be real. She shuddered at the thought, she remembered the stories of Old Nan. The walkers brought the endless night, dead and despair.
She was now trying to listen to the conversation between Beric, Thoros and Lady Smallwood. "We need to. the Lord of Light demands us." "And you expect Stannis to accept outlaws in his army just like that." "They can't be that picky anymore." "You want to bring her?" "No" "But you want to take him?" "She will never let him go." "It won't be a concern for at least three moons." "Then we'll see."
She couldn't pinpoint exactly what they were talking about but she had an idea. They were might going North to, she would not be allowed with them and they wanted to take Gendry from her. She would never let that happen. If she wanted to go North she would go North, but then Jon would see her and she would be put in Winterfell. Gendry wouldn't be allowed to stay with her, but fighting the White Walkers would be dead for sure. Lady Smallwood looked at her and noticed her thoughtful look.
"Lady Arya would you bring some food to Gendry he could use some lunch." She nodded and was off with some food that she had put on a plaid.
She heard the sing-song voice from Tom behind her, "Don't distract our smith too much, we need him."