I must thank my reviewers. It's what keeps me writing, seriously. Sorry if you feel I'm updating slow. I just prefer having around 10,000 words per chapter so you're reading a lot and not a little.
Remember these chapters happen in the past. Like six or so years so words I use in this would be terms they'd use growing up in the era they did. As for a question I got from a reviewer, I actually do not know if the main story occurs during Batman Begins. Maybe slightly before and what not.
And I have not a clue about ballet, the dance I gave the main character to have as her hobby and passion, so terms and things I say about it may not be spot on if one of you does that type of dance. Don't take offense! I'm new to it.
Also in the comics, Jonathan had the ability to make people feel certain emotions just by his words. He drove two people to suicide just by his words. I want this ability to happen in this Dr. Crane. I feel like Cillian's is capable of it.
"When I arrived at my house that day, after my dance practice I was a bit on the foul smelling side and reeked of sweat. Deciding to take a quick shower, I glanced at the clock and say it was only 4:30. I wondered to myself while I was in the shower and letting the warm water wash away the remainders of my dance routine, if he would arrive at six or afterwards. I had told him anytime after six. I hoped he would just show up right away so we could get the awkward night over with. I began to over think a few things and thought then to myself, what if he hadn't eaten yet. Six o'clock was a super time in some families. Five was ours, but I did not know at all how his functioned. Did I have to feed him too?
What type of food did he like? Did he even eat? He was almost dangerously skinny that it looked as if he barely ate at all.
Trying to brush my thoughts aside, I got out of the shower and dried myself off, changing into simple sweatpants and a short sleeve shirt with our school's mascot plastered on it as well as sponsors of our 'education'.
I didn't feel like changing into jeans or anything nice looking. I wasn't trying to impress the kid, I didn't care what I looked like, and I was much more comfortable having the ability to cross my legs when I sat. Tight jeans were all the craze in our school and that took a toll on comfortable seating arrangements.
I left my hair wet for the time and went downstairs where my family was setting up for dinner. I helped set the table sat down to a small feast of pasta and rolls.
"I have that guy in my class coming over tonight for our project remember?" I reminded my mother, just to be sure she did not forget.
"I remember, what's his name again?" She asked, helping herself to another roll.
"Jonathan Crane? His last name ring any bells or whistles?" I asked her.
"Not particularly." She said, trying to think if she knew someone in his family.
"Mary, I don't think I like this idea of a guy being in her room alone with her." My father suddenly stated.
I could not hide the laugh that came out of me. I was able to dim it down to a reasonable level, but none the less a fit of sound came out of me and echoed in my kitchen.
"Dad don't be ridiculous, I would never date this guy. I don't think he is even interested in females in general. I mean he could be, but he's so rude and kind of annoying that he'd scare off any girl within sight." That and his looks could do the trick too, but I didn't say that out loud. My mother would start giving me a lesson in treating everyone the same and looks don't matter. I knew that looks didn't matter, but I never once was creeped out by Jonathan's looks, just his glaring and his over cocky attitude and just everything!
"Well, keep the door open regardless." My dad mumbled. Good ole protective father instincts kicking in more he continued to speak. "And if I hear anything going on-"
"Dad...Honestly. I don't like him. Even as a friend. He tries way to hard to be better than anyone else." I tried to calm his father routine down. It didn't help he was a cop. He was very protective of his family.
"Even as a friend? Harsh sis." My brother Tyler said.
After our dinner, I helped my mother and brother pick up the table while my father did a few papers from work he had left over. I went up to my second floor room and turned on my boom box. My dance routine's songs were in the CD player of it, so a wide mix of slow and fast songs blared out of its two tiny speakers. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was six. He would arrive at any time now.
I turned on my computer and waited a few minutes for it to start up. I opened a writing document, just to prepare us for when he arrived, so we could start and get it all done as soon as possible.
I stared at the blank screen with the blinking cursor, egging me on to either write something or at least put a word down.
I gave in and put our names in the top left corner. Knowing it might make him upset, I put my name first and half smiled at the thought of him saying he wouldn't approve of me being the first thing on the paper.
I looked at the clock again feeling antsy. It was ten minutes past six.
Running a hand through my wet hair and the slight chill running up my spine, I had decided to go to the bathroom and blow my hair dry. Feeling warm and loving the air on my skin, I spent longer doing my hair than normal. In the end though I just tied it up in a messy bun. With my normal bedtime attire complete, I returned to my room, running to my bed jumping into the cushions and laying in its warmth. I stared at my ceiling for a while, extremely bored with everything.
Just when was he going to show up?
The clock now read 6:30.
I began to doubt whether he'd even show up. Most likely he had just lied to me and did the project himself at his house so he wouldn't have to deal with socializing and whatever else he did not want to deal with.
Almost as if on cue, I heard the doorbell ring.
I left the warmth of my bed, and went down the stairs to the front door.
Oh the chaos that would ensue tonight... I was thinking to myself
I chuckled again thinking of my father saying if he heard anything he'd check into my room to make sure I wasn't doing what his fatherly mind thought I was.
I opened the door to Jonathan standing there in his jeans and black sweatshirt, a large poster board tucked under his arm and resting against his side. In his other hand he had his car keys and a book.
"Hello." I said to him as I opened the door more for him.
He said nothing as he eyed me up and down for a moment, taking in the clothing he wouldn't normally see on me.
"You're not intending on sleeping while we do this project are you?" He asked me, looking amused.
"No, I just wanted to be comfortable." I stated.
He stepped into the house and scanned his surroundings. "Where's the computer?"
"This way." I began up the stairs, ushering him to follow me. I was a little frazzled by his first words to me.
The awkwardness was setting in as he followed me to my room. Jonathan Crane, following me to my room. Jonathan Crane in my house. Jonathan Crane entering my room. It was all weird to me as I am sure it was for him.
I sat on my bed, keeping my feet planted on the ground as he looked at my room.
He raised an eyebrow at everything. My room was a typical teenage girl room. Large posters showing off the latest hits in music and movies. Christmas white lights I had stolen from a box in the attic were strewn across my upper wall, going around all the walls in my room, allowing me to have those on and not my overhead light. Minus the fire hazard I refused to admit it had against the papers on the wall, I adored it. I had a fish next to my bed; the only pet I was allowed to have. I also had paper star lamps hanging in various placing from my ceiling.
"Is all this necessary?" Jonathan said, twirling one hand in a gesture to mean the entire room itself.
"What's wrong with my room? I like it." I said, sort of offended. At the time I thought my room was very well decorated.
"You clutter this room with so much things, I can barely think in here." He scrunched his nose as if smelling something foul.
"Just take your glasses off you'll think better then." I said flat toned, beginning to get annoyed.
He didn't respond verbally the the glare sent my way was enough to show his feelings. He paced the room more, and stopped in front of my book shelf.
"Do I even have to ask if this is for show?" He pointed. He began to looked closer at the individual books on it, reading their titles. He even picked up a few and read the summery on the back.
Half the books were romance books, those were the ones he didn't bother to pick up. The other half were psychology books and science books. Some teaching books. Some animal. A wide variety of educational ones.
"Do you actually read these or-" He began, his tone changed to a normal voice as if he was generally interested.
I responded like a smart ass. "No they are not just for show. I actually read them. Can we just get started on the project and not have you barging into my personal life?"
"I'm only asking about these because I would not peg you to have an interest in subjects such as this." He said gesturing to the book he was opening that he had pulled out. He skimmed through a couple of the pages before placing it back on my shelf.
"Maybe if you didn't judge me before you met me, you would know." I calmed my voice down.
At that comment he grew suddenly tense and snapped his next sentence at me. "Let's just do the project and get this over with."
It took me a moment to realize the reason he could have snapped. He, being teased all throughout his life, was the greatest example of people judging him before they knew him and teasing him due to the label they thrust upon him. Something as small as judging someone was not into the medical and educational fields of study was nothing compared to what he went through.
I felt bad only for a moment.
He went over to the chair by the computer and sat in it, beginning to type something.
"Fine." I mumbled.
I pulled over an extra chair from one of the corners of my room and placed it next to Jonathan's.
"What...Why'd you do that?" I asked.
He had changed the order of our names, like I knew he would.
"I'm putting it in order of who will be doing the most work." He remarked.
"I'm going to be doing just as much work as you, yanno." I reminded his ignorant good for nothing brain.
"I don't think so, why don't you just go do what you girls do and grab some glitter and crayons and decorate our poster board." He shooed me with his hand while he opened his book, which I looked down to see was one about the different sections of the mind.
It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
"Excuse me?" I raised my voice, not caring about the excessive amount of attitude I was about to give him. "I'm sick of your shit! Why are you being so mean to me? I literally have done nothing to you. What is your problem!"
He looked at me for one moment and returned to looking down at his book.
"No, don't even pull this, I am talking to you!" I snatched the book and shut it close, throwing it onto my bed across the room.
"Hey! What was that for?" He glared.
"For not listening to me when I am talking to you!" I yelled. "Look, we have a school project to do, so you just need to deal with the fact that you have work cooperatively with me and stop acting like a jerk!"
I look back now at all the comments I said to him that night and laugh at how ridiculously young I sounded.
Now Phil you know never to say those words or comments to others. It can hurt people's feelings."
She paused waiting for him to respond. His head had nodded forward, eyes shut, and snoring sounds coming from his throat.
She snapped her fingers in front of his face a few times, until he opened his eyes, rapidly blinking.
"Phil, you okay there?" She inquired. "I was teaching you a valuable lesson there dear. Pay attention, now I don't want you to fall asleep again. You could learn something from my story."
Phil jiggled back and forth strapped in his chair, then leaned his head to the side to crack his neck. He placed the side of his face on his shoulder and let out a animal like noise.
"Jonathan wasn't happy with what I said, and got up from his chair to retrieve the book I threw.
"Well, you didn't have to take it out on a library book. I have to return this and if there is a tear in it, I am holding you fully responsible." He held the book in his hand eyeing it from corner to corner to check its condition.
I sighed, moving from my chair to the one he had sat in, showing my control of our project. "I'll type it."
"No. There is no way you are going to." He said walking closer to me. "Move over."
I didn't budge. "Will you promise to treat this group project as a group project?"
"Yes, yes whatever." He said not sounding too sincere.
"I don't believe you. I'm going to move out of this seat and your going to do what you did earlier aren't you? Honestly what problem do you have with me? We're not going to get anywhere until we can communicate without an insult coming out of our mouths every other second."
"I don't have to tell you anything." He said.
"Fine then I'm typing." I turned my body to face the computer screen, just to see his face cringe.
"No-...No- fine I'll let you work with me on this, but if you give no useful answers you can do what I suggested and go glitter crazy. Judging by your room you would be fine to decorate our poster. See? I complimented your skills with that. I can work in a group- so just let me type it." He sounded slightly sarcastic and determined to not let me have control.
"Fine-" I scooted over back to my seat next to him, and he took the seat as soon as it was open.
"Well now that I've lost my thought of what I was going to start off with-" He mumbled.
"Why not start off with what each section of the mind controls? Then go into the neurons, connections it makes, and when they start to grow in number." I said trying to sound as he always did in class, and around me. I was going to show off my smarts.
"That sounds to middle school to start off with what each part controls. On our 3D model we can color code that. But neurons maybe..." He rested his head on one of his hands.
He began to type away a few things about neurons.
"Wait we can't just start in the middle of scientific reasoning. Start off with the simple statement that the brain is the central nervous system of the body." I said, watching him type.
He stopped his typing and considered what I said. He did not listen at first continuing his paragraph, then sighing and backtracking to type what I had suggested.
I realized in this moment that he hated being wrong or corrected.
I thought to myself that this night is going to be a long one...
"And now what, just ump into the neurons?" He asked, trying to find error in my suggestion.
"No no- write, here let me type it, I know what I want to put." I started my hands for the keyboard.
"No I got it-" He hunched his shoulder towards me as if to block me.
I continued my hand and at the same time he placed his hands protectively on the keyboard to type himself.
Our hands touched for a brief second, with his on top of mine. His skin was surprisingly warm, and not cold like I felt his heart and attitude to be. We both retracted immediately, looking between frazzled and angry.
We both looked at the screen and he quickly deleted the "fajklsf" we had accidentally typed in our little contention.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose underneath his glasses.
"Fine type what you want." He sounded tired of everything.
I greedily took the keyboard, placing it on my lap and began to type. I typed about the basic location of the mind, things it controlled and a few terms relating to it. I was going to give it back to him as I finished with the starter paragraph, but I felt the need to continue as I new exactly where I wanted to go with the next paragraph. I continued where he had left off diving into the neurons connections, and axons sending to targeted areas of the body the signal to react to the message sent.
I was surprised at this point that he had not tried to stop me once. Instead, in the brief moment I was able to see him in the corner of my eye, he watched what I typed intently.
I begin to type about emotions. It was at this point he read out loud what I had typed.
"The emotions are generally understood as representing a synthesis of subjective experience, expressive behavior, and neurochemical activity." He repeated.
"You may want to let me take over this section. I will say to you openly I am very surprised and slightly amused that everything you have written so far is correct and I find no flaws in. I commend you for actually not being half as unintelligent as I pegged you to be. But when it comes to emotion I think I have more knowledge in that field than you." He said holding his hand out for the keyboard.
"Thanks," I said taking his compliment and feeling a bit of pride in my stomach that I had proven myself to him. I didn't really want to give him the keyboard, but I did knowing I had to be fair. "What makes you think you know more about that particular part of the brain's system than me. Not trying to sound rude, I am just curious."
"Research. Ever since freshmen year I have been working on personal research of mine." He merely said and began to type.
I watched what he wrote in fascination. Instead of writing pure facts he began to dive into facts and opinion based theories of emotions being something that could be cured in the mind and that emotion were person defects within the mind.
His hands flowed gracefully over the keyboard not pausing once, showing he knew exactly what he was going to type. I on the other hand, when I had typed, had paused and thought multiple times trying to make sure I was right each time I wrote the next sentence.
"That's incredible." I said out loud in a low voice. I read out loud what he typed. "Negative emotions could be cured through medical research and would cause many benefits to the world as we know it. Without anger, there would be no violence. Without fear, there would be no fear of trying knew things. People claim for the mind to have other factors being the cause of the mentally insane and criminals of the world, but it all comes back to the emotions they feel."
He looked at me almost as if he was analyzing me.
"I never thought of anything like that. I never thought that the reason we have so many bad people in the world is all tied to emotion. I thought it was more a mind defect or lack of connections in a certain part of their mind." I said.
I grew very fascinated at this point. Wanting to get into that field of study in college and my future career I wanted to know more. All the things he was typing must have been the research he was talking about earlier. How did he come up with that? He knew so much.
I began to rabble off things I thought would go with his theory. "With no jealousy there would be no need to be better than the person next to you, which would mean less violence, cheating, more happiness and content with where one is."
"Exactly." He said, looking pleased with himself and me for actually understanding what he wrote.
"Is this the research you were mentioning to me earlier?" I asked.
"Yes. I guess I wanted to give a bit of a taste of my own research into a school related project to see how it would take to others. Judging by your response, I am assuming you agree with it?"
"I do- but also don't you think the corrupt if they found a way to suppress an emotion- could use it to the advantage of ridding people of positive emotions. What if they spread a mass attack of getting rid of happiness or love or excitement. The world would be full of negative emotions. I don't know I just think that this subject is very touchy. It would need to be experimented with by trustworthy people. There are some very crazy people in this world."
"I guess, but what type of person would want the world to be filled with negative emotions?" He chuckled, as if my question was completely preposterous.
"I don't know...a crazy one." I shrugged. "But I find one more flaw with you idea. Wouldn't someone want to keep fear? That keeps a person in line. It keeps a little child from running in the middle of the road. It keeps a child from not going with a stranger. We need fear at a young age to make our world safe."
"But if there was no other bad emotions in our world, there would be no need for fear." He typed as he spoke to me, revising the two pages he had wrote on emotions alone.
I started to like the conversation completely. I felt like finally I was talking to someone who not only understood the subject I was interested in, but felt strongly about it. A friend can sit there and nod and agree with things you say, but Jonathan could add to it or critic it.
"You were right." I said.
"About what?" He turned to look at me for a brief moment.
"You do know a lot about emotion. Why is that?" I asked him.
"Personal curiosity and experiences." He responded, his voice slightly fading at the end of his sentence.
"Oh-" I cut my sentence short, knowing by experiences he must have meant being bullied throughout his life. He had lived in fear of being beaten up everyday. It was no wonder he wanted to rid the world of fear.
I glanced at the clock. We had been typing away for two hours. Nearing nine o' clock, my stomach was grumbling for more food. I clutched it for a moment, hoping he didn't hear it.
Eager not only to get food, but to change subjects to avoid his temper or sadness I spoke, "Hey are you hungry? I am. Did you eat dinner?"
"I had a small snack, I'll be fine." He said, sounding slightly insincere about it.
"Are you sure? We have a lot of food down there." I persisted.
He continued to read over his words, but caved in a gave a slight smile to regard me. "Sure."
It was so funny to me that at the beginning of the day we hated each other, and through the knowledge and interest we both held for psychology, we had a silent understanding of each other's intellect. It didn't necessary mean we were going to be the best of friends and talk and hang out all the time after that moment. No not at all. It merely meant that we respected one another's opinion and realized we shared a common interest.
We reached the kitchen and I opened and closed cabinets and fridges every other second. After reopening the same drawer for the third time, I scrunched my nose in thought.
Undecided on what I wanted to eat I asked for his opinion.
"I really don't care." Was all he said.
I sighed and smiled. "Big help you are. Well we could have some good ole ravioli's in a can."
"Sure." The man of so many words responded.
When it came to facts,and theories he could talk up a storm, but when it came to normal conversation he was very straight and to the point.
I heated up the can in two bowls, and grabbed two water bottles while they were in the cue. I handed him the bottles.
"Can you carry these upstairs? I'll grab the food. Oh what time do you have to be home?" I suddenly asked, looking at the clock tick on ten minutes past nine.
"I should leave at ten I think." He regarded the clock as well.
I took the food out of the beeping microwave and walked back to my room, with Jonathan following behind me. We decided to take a break from our typing and I sat on my bed and him on the chair, slightly it turning towards me, and we ate our microwavable meal.
We continued to talk about his theory over our meal. We laughed. We disagreed. We thought. We snickered.
Overall it was a very intellectually stimulating conversation.
Just as he began to speak about something on emotions developing through parental genetic flaws, the fork holding his last tomato sauced ravioli detached itself from the food and sent it onto my blue carpeted floor.
He looked on in slight shock and embarrassment. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. I didn't realize I was moving my hands as I talked. I- I can clean it." He began to search for napkins or something.
I brushed it off. "It's fine honestly."
I got up and retrieved a tissue, picking up the food and placing it in the trash. I tried to scrub away the stain of red and brown on my floor, but it remained. I tried for another minute, but it refused to leave the strands of my carpet.
"I feel really bad that it stained. I could find you stain remover if you'd like." He watched my attempts at cleaning, the guilt on his face evident.
"Honestly its fine. I most likely have other stains on my carpet from doing the same thing. It's not a big deal." I returned to my seat on my bed and glanced at the clock. It was nearing ten now.
"Oh my time flew by." I looked again trying to honestly see if an hour had passed by when it felt like a few minutes. I was too enraptured in our conversation to know how much time had passed.
He too looked shocked at the time. "Oh my. Well I must be off, or I won't be hearing the last of it from my grandmother." He stood up smoothing out his sweatshirt as he rose.
"Do you mind if I leave the poster board here?" He asked pointing to the large blank white sheet laying on my floor.
"It's no problem, go ahead."
"When should we meet again. We did get a good chunk of the essay done. We just need to finish it, and revise it a couple times. Then the poster, and a 3D model."
"Uh..anytime is good. Tomorrow I have plans with my friends, but Sunday would be fine. Same time?"
"Why not a little earlier as it is a school night?" He inquired.
"Ah- cause I have dance practice for three hours. I can't any earlier. Sorry." I half smiled.
"You dance?" He asked.
"Yeah ballet. I don't know, my mom got me into it when I was little and I just stuck to it. My trophies are over in the corner." I pointed.
He glanced over taking note of the five or so fake gold trophies with people in various dance positions on the top.
"Another thing I would not peg you to do. That is one of the most graceful forms of dance, requiring the most concentration. Your lifestyle contradicts that." He looked slightly amused. "Why don't you tell people of your dancing that much or even your interests in psychology. You're wasting brain cells on your social crowd and their activities."
"I don't know, I just...want to fit in?" I realized after I spoke, that what I said was not only the worst possible choice of words ever, but was a complete slap in the face to him.
His face showed his disapproval and he straighted his posture and smiled sarcastically at me looking irritated. "Well, I should go now. Have a good evening. I'll show myself out thank you."
I watched him reach in his pocket for his keys and turn his back from me as he went for the door.
"I didn't mean that I'm so-" But my sentence was cut off by the slamming of my door.
I felt extremely guilty and went to my window to watch him climb into his maroon car and speed off. I had just officially put us back to square one. Back to the conversations of insults and negativity.
I honestly didn't mean to hurt his feelings, or even say that out loud. My young teenage mind had not developed to the point where I could stop things from coming out before I fully thought them through.
It didn't matter to him that I was smart or could hold up a conversation with him. What mattered was no matter what I thought he did not fit in and in the public eye I would treat him different than a person next to him.
I had a sudden urge to call him and apologize, but that would be in vain as I did not have his number. He had mine though, which I am sure he'll shred and burn once the project is over with. I walked over to the computer and saved our file. Shutting off my computer, I picked up the empty bowls and returned them downstairs to our sink.
That night I had a very odd dream. I dreamed off the world having no emotions. Everyone was tranquil. When they spoke it was very calm and almost monotone. No emotion was held in their eyes or face. I saw Jonathan and went up to him. He was the only person in that world that was smiling. He began to laugh, being the only one with emotion. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was basking in his new world. An emotionless and dry world.
The next day was a routine day. I did homework, went to practice for three hours, then was picked up by Amy to go the mall. Sarah was busy with her sister that night, so it would just be us two.
At the mall we shopped a little here and there, with nothing particular there that we needed.
"So how was last night?" Amy finally asked when we were in the food court eating our fast food.
"Awkward." I said, dipping my french fry in ketchup.
"Details!" She persisted.
"I don't know it just was awkward." I responded, not wanting to go into the night.
By shire luck, Cody and two of his friends walked by and spotted us.
"Hey!" They said and sat down in the spare seats next to us. Cody sat next to me, and I couldn't say I wasn't already feeling the butterflies.
"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Amy said to Jackson, the guy who sat next to her whom she had a crush on.
"Messing around. It was free sample day at GiGi's so naturally we had to go a dozen times." Jackson snickered.
"What about you guys?" Cody asked me.
"Shopping for stuff we don't even need." I smiled.
He let his arm extend and rest on the chair behind me. Even though it wasn't touching me as I was leaning forward I felt my stomach spike upward and tried to imagine that his arm was actually around me.
"So that project in Mr. N's class, yeah we haven't started yet and also came here to pick up supplies." Cody yawned.
"Which means we will forget by the end of the day and walk out of here with nothing school related." Joey, the other guy who was seated on Amy's other side said.
"I think Alexis is the only one in our class who started it." Amy snickered. "But she's paired with that geek so naturally he started the minute it was assigned."
"How's working with that weirdo?" Cody asked.
I didn't know what to say at this point and felt awkward and slightly mad at Amy for bringing the subject up again.
"It's...interesting." I said, letting them interpret it as they wished.
"I'd let him do the whole project." Jackson smiled. "In fact I'm debating on offering him money to do ours."
"No way man, we can't the teacher would know we didn't do it. Our writing isn't comparable to his. So unless you ask him to dumb it down he'd never." Joey said.
I wished they would stop talking about him.
"Hey-...Isn't that him?" Jackson suddenly pointed behind me.
I turned instinctively and saw there looking as awkward as ever Jonathan Crane, carrying a bag from a bookstore in his hand, and waiting in line to buy an ice cream.
"Hey! HEY! Jonathan!" Jackson yelled, until he got his attention. I turned to face forward, my face growing flushed with embarrassment. I slunked down in my chair to avoid him seeing me, my head ended up resting on Cody's arm that was around my chair. It didn't even register to feel awkward due to me touching Cody.
"Hey! I gotta a question for you! Do you wanna do my science project for me?" He asked.
I could tell what Jonathan did to respond to him, but obviously it upset Jackson as he began to throw the insults at him. "Fine then you creep! Go back to your little bookstore and hide behind one of your dictionaries!"
"Jackson..." I said in a low hissing voice. "Stop."
"Yeah might wanna let up man." Cody said, ushering him to keep his voice down.
"The kid sent a freaky face at me and made a gesture by running his hand across his throat as if he wanted me dead. I'm not gonna let the kid do that." Jackson growled.
"Here take the rest of my fries and just shut up!" I yelled softly, shoving my tray in front of him.
I risked my exposure and sat slightly up and turned my head. There I saw Jonathan walking away from the ice cream stand and going into the elevator. The back of it was made of glass so I saw him standing there for a moment, before turning his face slightly and meeting my eyes. Even though it was a bit of distance I could see the look of hate he was sending me and my table of peers.
My guilt increased even more. I felt defensive of him suddenly not wanting them to say negative things about him.
"Guys can you not do that anymore? He's a person too you know." I spoke up, sitting up straight in my seat.
"He's a freak." Joey said, taking a bite of Amy's double cheeseburger.
"He's rude and needs to learn his place." Jackson said snickering.
Cody stiffened a bit, not knowing what to say. "He just...I get this vibe that he's dangerous. Like he's gonna snap one day."
"Exactly what I've said." Amy said with a mouth half full.
The next day, after my practice, I wondered if he would even show up to my house. I hurt his feelings. My friends hurt his feelings in my presence.
Things just were not looking good.
When I heard the knock on my door though at six, my heart lept with anticipation as I answered it.
Could it be? It couldn't.
But it was. Jonathan stood at my door, the same keys and book in his hand.
"Let's just get this done." He said, moving past me and walking to my room without my guidance.
I followed him and he was already stationed at my computer, opening up our document. He started to type and I sat in silence next to him.
Silence was a wonderful weapon of guilt.
Half an hour into the cold shoulder, I could not take it anymore.
"We need to talk." I said.
"Why? There is no need too. I am almost done with our essay." He said, brushing me off as nothing.
"Not about the project. About what I said I want to say I am sor-"
"There is no need to apologize Alexis." It was the first time he spoke my name to me. It flowed gracefully off his tongue and I was taken back by the fact he even remembered my name as I was one to never tell him it.
I paused.
"Yes there is. I didn't mean to offend you when I said I wanted to fit in. Honestly I didn't. I wasn't implying you didn't or anything-"
"No, but it is apparent I don't. It is fine. I know I don't fit in with the unintelligent species that crowd our school system. But you want to blend in with them. No no, it's fine." He sounded sarcastic and amused at the same time. I couldn't figure out his mood at all.
"I-"
"You hide your knowledge, why?...Do you fear of being looked upon by your peers as I am looked upon? Is that was you fear? Is that why you tried to hide your presence from me that day your table of hooligans threw their insults at me and mocking my intelligence? You couldn't dare to look at me or acknowledge me in a friendly manner because then you would be judged by your peers?"
"No I-...I don't know." I said, feeling as if I suddenly wanted to cry. His words were doing something to me. They were making me feel sad and guilty beyond belief. It was so sudden, like it had crept into my stomach and spread everywhere.
"It doesn't matter how smart you are, you lack common sense and morals." He said, returning to his reading.
I was able to suppress my sudden miserable feelings and able to get anger running through my veins. I had to take control of this fight.
"Maybe if you weren't so rude to everyone they would treat you differently! You know there were other people like you bullied in elementary school or middle school and when they got to high school they weren't anymore! Because normally in high school, the immature teasing stops if your nice to people! But you're so cocky and rude and ask people questions that make them uncomfortable!"
"You expect me to be nice to those who tormented me in me early youth?"
"You can't fill your life with hate. If you do, your going to be in for a nasty surprise when you grow up alone." I was only slightly aware my eyes were watering up.
"But I don't need anyone. I need my research. That's all. I gave on people a while ago." He held up the book in front of him and tapped it once.
"I don't believe that. You're too young still to give up completely."
"Believe what you will."
"There are good people in this world. You can be one. You can be around good people. Those guys who have made fun of you in your life, will get what is coming to them. But you have to act nice to new people you meet, or they will follow in the path of those who have already harmed you."
"And yet you associate yourself with bad people and tell me to be around good people. Doesn't that make you bad? Maybe I should leave right now." He saved his document, looking as if he was intent on leaving.
"No. I hang out with them, but I don't agree with them-"
"But you made no effort to stop them." He corrected me.
"When you left I told them not too."
"There is a big difference between stopping an action when it is happening and stopping an action when it has already happened." He sneered.
"I didn't know what to say."
"You didn't stop them, because that would make you openly showing you care if others bully me. That would place you in their eyes on the same level as me. Or it may have not. You wouldn't know till you stood up for me, but you didn't in fear of not being socially accepted," He suddenly thought and snapped his fingers. "You have monophobia. You fear to be alone in this world."
"Just shut up...Just please shut up for one minute." I fell back on my bed and laid down on it staring at my ceiling.
"Do you remember in seventh grade Jonathan...the day I helped you?" I asked, remaining in my laying position.
"Not particularly." He said, his voice sounding more calm than before.
"A kid had knocked your books down and your glasses. I got your glasses for you and your books, because I felt bad for you. When you got your barrings you yelled at me that you didn't need help and you frightened me. It was from that point I didn't feel as bad for you because I thought you were very rude."
"I wasn't being rude, I was standing and relying on my own two feet. It's a world where everyone is out for themselves. I didn't need your help or pity." He stated.
"Well that's why I have acted the way I have acted around you. Because of that day." I said.
"Well after Friday, you still found me rude and that is why you did nothing yesterday?" He inquired.
"Well I don't know what to think Jonathan it was one day. I didn't know if towards the end your sudden change in attitude was sincere or not. I'm sorry if I don't know what to think."
"Just explain to me what you think. Everything." It suddenly sounded like he was acting like my therapist.
"Well-.." something in his tone of voice got me to speak without even thinking. "I don't know. I like talking to you about the mind and psychology. I want to go into that field so its invigorating to finally meet someone who shares the same passion and interest as me. And someone who knows what they are talking about too." I chuckled, the ceiling suddenly turned black and I realized I had shut my eyes. My body relaxed itself as I spoke.
"I didn't know a thing about you before this though, so the sudden change in conversations and respect we had for each other was a bit of a shock to me. Here I thought we were going to spend the night bickering and arguing, but we ended up talking and having really good talks about your research. At the end of the night I honestly didn't mean to insult you. And I don't know why I want to fit in so badly. I just don't wanna be alone. I want to be around people and I know that's bad cause all the people I am around end up being fake friends. A meaningless loop. A circle with a corner. No point."
With the silence that filled my ears, the calming feeling began to fade and I wondered how he was able to get me to be so open suddenly.
He sat there in his chair with his elbow resting on my desk and his hand under his chin. He was staring at me, with a scrap piece of paper on the desk and a pencil in his other hand. He began to write a few things.
"Wait, not this again... Are you writing about me?" I asked him.
"Not you...just a generalizing of the mind and now a little in depth theories about the fear of being alone."
I sat up in my bed and rubbed my head. I had a bad headache and the throbbing pain seemed to increase as I sat more upward.
"Look, I'm sorry. Can you please forgive me Jonathan?" I asked him. "I know I was wrong and-"
He held a hand up to stop me. "Everything is fine."
I was unsure if he accepted it or just chose to ignore it. I began to think everything that had happened in the past few days was very odd. I hated Jonathan. We bickered. I came to find he was actually fascinating and his ideas were amazing. I accidentally insulted him. I saw him in public and insulted him even more by ignoring his existence. He came to my house to work on the project again. We argued. He somehow was able o get me to say my true feelings on the situation. And now we were okay?
"This is all very odd." I said out loud.
Another thought went through my head. If I were to be 'friends' with him, I wondered if this up and down stuff would happen all the time.
"I could say the same." He responded. "How about we start over?"
I stood up and sat next to him by the computer. "What do you mean?"
"Hello, I am Jonathan Crane and I believe we have a project due in two weeks that we have to do together," He extended his hand to shake mine.
I smiled slightly at his idea, knowing it would only help a few days before I or he ultimately insulted the other one and a pattern would form.
"Hello, I am Alexis Crawford and I too believe we have a project due together, but it appears by some miracle we have the essay almost done."
I took his hand and we shook for one single moment, before returning our gaze to the screen.
"Well I guess today since we only have an hour before I should head home, we should edit the paper. We can skim through it. Speak up if you see an error, though their should be few to none." He said pointing at the screen.
We looked on for an hour. Once we got to the part that was his theory we ended up getting in a debate about emotions again. It was a very heated, very fascinating conversation if I do say so myself.
"I better get going." He said, looking at the clock.
"Wait, do you want some dessert before you go? I have ice cream." I offered.
"Okay," He followed me downstairs and to the freezer. I emerged from it, with a tub of fudge swirl ice cream. I took two bowls and placed an even amount of ice cream in our bowls. We sat at the dining room table and happily ate our ice cream.
"Do you think he'd let us turn this in early?" I asked referring to the project.
"Do you think he'd be able to keep track of it for one and half weeks? The man has lost so many of his lesson plans. I think we should just turn it in the day it's due." He responded.
"True, true. Sometimes I think Mr. Newman doesn't even know what he is talking about. Like he doesn't know anything about science. Everything he reads off of is just in the book. He doesn't strike me as smart." I licked the small amount of ice cream from my spoon.
"You just described nearly three fourths of the teachers in our building. All of them know no more than your average student. They just took the job thinking it be easy and they get their summers off to sit on their lazy behinds and tan." He sounded irritated by the thought.
"Wow, you're probably right." I agreed.
"So I feel bad for the poor soul who wants to be a teacher because he actually has an interest in the field and ends up jobless because the lazy ones get the job."
"But that happens in every job." I sighed. "My father was lucky to get his job and he really wanted it."
"What does your father do?" He asked.
"He's a cop. Always wanted to be one, since my grandfather was one. Although my dad isn't as well known of a cop as my grandfather was, I still am happy for him." I attacked the left over juices of ice cream that lingered at the bottom of my empty bowl with my spoon.
"What happened to your parents if you don't mind me asking? If you don't wanna say that's fine." I asked.
"My father and mother were alcoholics. They abandoned me and gave me to my grandmother to take care of, which I don't know what would be worse. Being raised by drunk parents or by an over religious strict and straight as a line grandmother." He chuckled.
"Oh my god, I'm really sorry." I frowned.
"It's fine. I don't care at this point. Almost just one year till college and I can leave my house."
"Where are you going to college?" I asked.
"Yale, Harvard. I don't know. Somewhere far though. Anywhere but Gotham. This town has too many bad memories and too much scum in it to bother with." He sneered. "Where are you intending to go?"
"Somewhere far too most likely. I was looking into a place in Maine." I smiled at the thought of being in college.
"Maine? Wow, when you say far, you mean far. But do they have any high rate schools? I could see you going to some of the places I mentioned. You'd fit in well there." He sort of put an emphasis on 'fit in'.
"I don't know...It was just a thought." I shrugged, feeling suddenly under pressure and judged by the school I had in mind.
"Thank you for the ice cream Lex, but I must be off."
I got slightly happy that he had called me Lex, instead of Alexis. I always thought Alexis was too formal for normal conversation, but was not going to correct him or anyone ever when they called me my full name.
"Okay, no problem. So in school we can just plan what day we can meet again."
"Yeah sure." He said, spinning his keys on his pointer finger a few times. "Talk to you later, good night."
"Good night." I said after him as he left my house.
I cleaned up our snack and went up to my room, to find his book by my desk. He had left it behind by accident. I glanced out my window to see his car was already gone. I'd return it to him tomorrow. Closing my shade, I went to my bed and curled into a ball under my covers.
I felt as if my life was suddenly growing confusing. It was like a roller coaster.
I knew as a teenager you had to find your true self, and find out what person you were, not influenced by your peers or anything. But it was as Jonathan was slightly influencing me to find my true self. Trying to without even realizing it, to find my true self and be able to stand on my two feet.
I didn't feel bad for him anymore from this point on, but more or less proud of what he was able to do with his life even though all the hardships. He was smart, and going to use it for good and experiment with helping fix flaws in the mind.
And there I was trying to hide and rid myself of my smarts to the public eye. I wanted to change, slowly but surely.
I also found myself to not mind if people knew I was becoming friends with Jonathan...
I actually didn't know what word we could label our relations.
Friend seemed too much.
Acquaintance seemed too little.
Intellect buddies? No. Nothing seemed to fit.
Pure curiosity.
That's the only other thing I could think of.
I talked to him out of pure curiosity of where the conversation would lead. The fascination of his mind and how much more he knew in that head of his.
A mentally based friendship.