As we made our way through the doors I ran to the nurses' station.
"Burt Hummel?" I asked with a catch in my voice.
The nurse looked up from a file and looked at me. She went to the computer and typed something in. She looked at the screen for a few seconds and turned back to me.
"It looks like he's in surgery right now. Are you a relative?" The nurse replied softly.
"I'm his son" I replied confidently.
Her face softened even more, almost sympathetic. "You can wait in the waiting area. We will come and get you as soon as we know something more. If you need anything don't hesitate to come and get one of us." She reached out to my hand and squeezed it gently, as if to say how sorry she was.
I didn't need her sympathy. I didn't need anyone's remorse. All I needed was my dad back. So I could give him a hug, for him to tell me everything is alright. For me to hold his hand once more.
I hadn't noticed, but the two teachers were behind me listening to what the nurse had said. We all made our way to the chairs along the wall. I couldn't bring myself to sit. I pulled out my phone and texted the one person who would understand. My friend who truly understands me for who I am. Blaine Anderson.
We met on the staircase at Dalton Academy a few months earlier. I never forget how I was led to a performance of the Warblers, Dalton's glee, which Blaine was lead. They sang their own rendition of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. From the first note he sang, I was in love. Not like the kind of crush I had on Finn just last year. This was legit. This was true.
Sadly, we were only friends. Two gay friends who got together for coffee, to just hang out. He was actually the one I was planning on going to the Sound of Music sing- a- long with. He bought the tickets after hearing my love for the musical.
"Blaine, I need you. When you have time come to the hospital. Please."
A few seconds later my phone buzzed in my hand. I opened it quickly to see a reply from him.
" What? What happened? Are you alright? I'm on my way now."
"I'm fine physically. It's my dad. He's had a heart attack."
"I'll be there as fast as I can."
I put my phone away and paced the floor. Every once and a while Mr. Shuester got up and paced with me, putting his hand gently on my shoulder as if to give comfort. I truly appreciated it, but there was something about it that didn't feel right. I was glad they were there to support me, but teachers didn't have the same effect as someone my own age did.
As we paced I heard the automatic doors open. I looked up quickly and saw the boy with gelled hair, in his blue and red uniform. I couldn't help smile at the way he looked around the hospital frantically. Finally he caught my eye. He ran to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I returned it by putting my arms over his shoulders. For the first time since I heard about the heart attack, I broke down. I buried my face into his jacket and the tears came one after the other. He led me over to the chairs, never breaking the very small space between me and him, his arms still securely around my waist. We sat for a few seconds before I reluctantly pulled away. I wiped my eyes and gave out a small laugh. I must have looked ridiculous.
Blaine looked at me with those big brown eyes with sorrow written all over his face. I looked away and put my hand to my face. As I felt ashamed and embarrassed I felt a hand rubbing small circles over my back. The same gesture Ms. Pillsbury had done in the hallway.
"I'm sorry", I said softly trying to control myself.
"Shhh. Don't ever be sorry for being sad. It's a way to know that you're o.k. I would be more worried if you didn't cry." He said with a very small smile. He and his wise words always got to me.
I turned around and smiled back. The way he looked at me, the way he smiled, reminded me of my dad the day after my mom died. His efforts to be a single parent was quite challenging for him. He tried cooking, but everything turned out raw. He tried having conversations with me but everything just turned to be awkward and uncomfortable. Finally we both let our guard down, let our comfort bubbles pop, and we had a real conversation. We had a dinner where we didn't need to order take out last minute.
As quickly as the memory came, it faded and there I was sitting in the hospital staring into the eyes of the boy I loved. The tears came again, the emotions sweeping over me, drowning me. Blaine reached his hand over and put it on top of mine and gently squeezed it, tears in his own eyes.
"I hate seeing you like this, Kurt. It kills me." I had wanted to say, but the words couldn't form right. I wanted to let him know everything was going to be alright, that I was going to be there right by his side, and for the first time, tell him how I truly felt about him. But now, I guess wasn't the time. It would just seem that I was taking advantage of him; even though that was the last thing I wanted to do.
I brought my free hand around him and pulled him into another hug, rubbing the top of his hand with my thumb. Just then I heard footsteps. We looked up and there was the doctor. Kurt stood up immediately and wrapped his arms over his chest.
"Where is he? Is he dead?" He asked quickly. I was surprised at what he had asked, and hurried to his side waiting for the answer from the doctor.
"No he's alive." I gave out a sigh of relief and ran my fingers through the roots of my hair. "But I'm sorry I don't have any other good news." I paused. What did he mean? What possible news could he have?
"I want to see him", Kurt said as he tried pushing his way past the doctor.
The doctor only pushed him back and said, "You can't, he hasn't regained consciousness."
"I thought he had a heart attack?" The male teacher standing near us had asked.
"Brought on by an arrhythmia, which caused lack of blood to his brain. That's what made him lose consciousness." He paused for a second and continued. "And what's keeping him comatose. We have him on Lidacaned, but there is no guarantee that they are going to work or what kind of damage was done to his brain by lack of oxygen."
Kurt didn't miss a beat. "I don't understand what you're saying. When is he going to wake up?" I sighed and put my arm around Kurt's shoulders as I could see his eyes fill with tears.
The doctor shrugged and said, "I don't know."
Kurt drew in a sharp breath and closed his eyes tight letting the tears fall. He turned toward me and buried his head into my shoulder. We stood there for a few minutes him shaking uncontrollably. All I could do was rub his back and pray to whatever or whoever was up there that some kind of miracle would happen for one Burt Hummel.
We walked silently into the room as if to not disturb anything. I gasped as I looked at his body, lying there peacefully. It took all I could do to keep myself from sobbing. I stood a few feet away from his bed, the other three close behind. No one dared to breathe. The only sound in the room was the sound of beating, which made a small smile tug slowly at the corners of my mouth. But as quickly as it came, it quickly went, remembering that he probably wasn't going to wake up anytime soon.
I couldn't bring myself to take another step. I so badly wanted to curl up next to him. For him to wrap me in his protective arms, just like he did when I was younger. But something held me back. A strange force kept my feet planted where I was. Finally, I spoke.
"I need a minute."
"I don't think you should be alone Kurt", Ms. Pillsbury said softly.
Just then I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. It wasn't as firm as my fathers, but it gave me a similar reassurance that someone cared. I turned to see Blaine staring straight at me searching my eyes as if trying to find something. I stared back giving him a pleading look.
"Let's give him a minute." Blaine said not taking his eyes off Kurt.
I gave him a look of gratitude before I turned away from the trio. As they left I slowly and carefully made my way to the side of the bed. I looked at his body, trying to find something to say. Finally, I just took his hand. It was a different feeling though. I was squeezing it hard, but the other just lay there, limp. I let out a soft sob as I took the chair beside the bed, not daring to let go.
"Dad?" I said softly, trying to hold back the tears. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand. I'm holding yours right now." I looked down and nothing changed. There was no movement. "Just squeeze back", I said, this time coming out with a cry.
I put my head down so my forehead was touching our hands, and I quietly cried to myself. I knew he couldn't hear me. What they said about patients who were in comas being able to hear their loved ones had to be a myth. If it wasn't then he would squeeze back. Right?
I sat there as the tears fell onto our hands. It was past the point of no return now. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control the cries that came out. After what seemed like hours I brought my free hand up and wiped my tear stained cheeks, and rubbed my now dry eyes.
Just then the door opened slowly and I turned to see who it was. The short figure stood in the doorway watching the scene play out. I wondered if he had heard anything through the closed door, but I didn't worry about it all that much. The boy moved ever so slowly to the other side of the bed and took a seat. He leaned forward and looked at his hands that were intertwined together in his lap.
"The teachers left. Just so you know." He said slowly. "They both got a call to return to school. They said that they were sorry they had to leave."
As he finished the sentence he looked into my eyes. For the first time, I saw that his eyes were red and puffy. Why in the world is he crying? His father isn't the one in the hospital bed. I thought to myself, wondering if there was an even bigger pity- party somewhere else in the world.
"Kurt", the boy began, looking at the ground. "I need to tell you something, but I don't know how you will take it."
"Just tell me. My father is lying on a bed unconscious. Do you think there can be something worse to tell me?" I asked impatiently.
Blaine looked up with hurt in his eyes. "I overheard some doctors and nurses talking in the hall. They said that it doesn't look good. They've never seen a case like this. Sure people had heart attacks all the time and ended up comatose, but something is different about him. I didn't understand what they were saying with all of the medical terms and stuff but-"
He stopped and looked into my eyes. I quickly looked away, ashamed at the tears that gathered in my eyes. He quickly came over and knelt beside my chair putting one hand on my back, the other on top of my hand, his thumb rubbing my skin ever so gently.
"Look at me Kurt." He said softly, only loud enough for me to hear.
I slowly lifted my gaze at the ground and looked at Blaine in the eyes. Tears gathered in his eyes as we sat there, looking at each other for what seemed like hours. I wanted to stay like that forever. Forever in his tender embrace. I gave out a small laugh that sounded more close to a whimper. He smiled, rubbing circles on my back.
"So, Mr. Blaine Warbler, why are you crying?" I asked in almost a joking sort of way.
He dropped his hand from my back and placed it on the back of his neck, rubbing it almost looking ashamed. After a few moments of silence he put his hand on the arm rest and sighed. "I hate seeing you like this Kurt. I hate seeing you so broken, that it makes me broken." He said his voice shaky.
I only looked at him, my mouth parted a little. He looked away to my father. He smiled at little and looked back to me. "It's going to be okay. I hope you know that. Everything's going to turn out for the better."
"I hope so", I said in a whisper. Blaine squeezed my hand and announced he was going to go to the cafeteria to grab some dinner. He asked if I wanted anything, but I wasn't hungry.
As he walked out the door, I scooted my chair closer to the bedside. I placed my hand on top of his hoping that something would happen. That color would rush back to his face, that he would open his eyes and squeeze my hand like he did so long ago. But nothing happened. I put my forehead on the bed rail and let out silent sobs.