When Evan had come to find Kat in the therapy room he wasn't sure what to expect. He had told Sheppard she wasn't prone to emotional or physical outbursts so he didn't think she'd start screaming or throwing things at him. Still he didn't know what to expect.
As they stood there looking into each other's eyes it was apparent that they both still had deep feelings for one another. Then Evan realized he saw something more in Kat's eyes—mistrust. He had known his letter would cause her pain. He also had known that her losing trust in him was indeed a distinct possibility, so it really should not have come as any great surprise. But actually seeing it reflected so prominently in her eyes and on her face after all this time probably hurt him more than if he had seen lingering pain. Any man with a shred of decency would have known that doing what he had done the way he had done it would cause any woman to lose faith in him. But if truth were told, he never expected to see her again, certainly not in a place where they would be in such close proximity to each other on an almost daily basis. Now he needed to try and repair that trust, but when and how. The when was easy; sooner rather than later. The how; that might be a little trickier.
Atlantis was not like Earth. The city was big but it wasn't like they could just go off someplace alone for a day and sit down and talk. There really wasn't such a thing as a true day off, either. There was always something going on or coming up that was sure to interrupt any attempt at absolute privacy.
Finally, Kat spoke. "Evan, I think we need to talk."
"I agree."
"But I don't know the ins and outs of the way things happen around here yet, so I'm going to leave the where and when up to you."
"I know a place. It's quiet and private. We shouldn't be disturbed there. I'll let you pick the when. I would hope sooner than later, though."
"Well, I get done here this evening at 1800 and don't have to be back till 0800 tomorrow. That is my schedule for the rest of this week. If you can fit it into yours then I'd say, yes, sooner than later."
"Alright, what if I come by this evening and walk you to dinner and after we can go have that talk?"
"Fine. I'll see you later then."
Evan let go of her hands and turned to walk out. He stopped at the door and looked back at her. She had already turned around and had her back to him.
*****
Promptly at 1800 Evan appeared in the Infirmary to walk Kat to dinner. They made their way to the transport in silence. Once in the cafeteria they got their food and Evan motioned to a table off to the side by one of the windows. It gave a great view of the city and he thought that if worse came to worse it could serve as a distraction if things got awkward between them. For the most part they just made small talk during dinner, talking about her first day and her big promotion and what life was like in Atlantis for him. They were both trying to avoid touching on the subject they knew was at the forefront of their thoughts.
They had finished eating and the small talk topics seemed to be getting harder to come up with. Kat finally said, "So where is this private place we can go and talk? It's getting a little crowded in here and I think we are running out of things to talk about in order to avoid what needs to be said."
They stood up and Evan led the way. They deposited their meal trays near the kitchen and then went out into the corridor to the transport. "It's not too far from here, not by transport that is." They entered and he tapped the screen.
When the doors opened Kat found herself in an alcove with a balcony off the end. There was an easel stand folded up and lying on the floor against one of the inside walls. It was obvious to Kat that this was a place Evan came to in order to paint.
"So, you're still painting, I see," she said nodding over toward the wall.
"Yes, it's so quiet and peaceful here and it offers a beautiful view of the city. The light dances differently off the water, depending on the time of day."
Kat walked to the railing and looked out. It was beautiful and the breeze was warm and smelled of the sea. "I can see why you like it here. And I can see why you picked this place for our little talk." She was standing with her back to him. She was giving him the opportunity to breach the subject first. She didn't want to beg him for answers. He was the one who created the whole mess and she felt he should be the one to clean it up. She merely gave him the starting point by saying they needed to talk.
They stood there in silence for quite some time. Evan's mind was working trying to figure out just how to explain things to her. Finally he decided the best approach was to just be honest and straightforward with her. If he had any hope in restoring her trust in him he knew anything less would be a waste of time.
"Kat, I'm sorry about the letter and I'm sorry about the way I handled things. It was wrong. You deserved so much more than that."
Kat didn't move. She stood staring out at the water. All she said was, "Why?"
He continued, "I don't know. Okay, that's not true, I do know. I was scared. Believe it or not it's true. I was afraid of burdening you if anything were to ever happen to me. You were such a vibrant active young woman. The thought of tying you to a cripple was more than I could handle."
Evan could see the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed in the salt air. Occasionally her head would drop down and then lift up. He heard her let out a deep sigh and finally, she turned around. "Okay, so far you're not saying anything that I didn't read in your letter. I want to know why you thought, one, that you would be a cripple and two, that you would be a burden to me. Where did that whole line of thinking come from? That's what I never understood."
"Do you remember my friend, Steve Drake?" Evan stepped towards the railing and stood next to her. "We went to his wedding right after we started dating. I hadn't even moved in with you at the time."
"Yes, I remember. He shipped out a couple of weeks later to the Middle East, right?"
"Yes. And he and his wife had a son the following summer. Steve was due to ship home about six weeks after the baby was born but instead his transport got hit with a roadside bomb and he ended up paralyzed from the waist down. He also lost an arm."
"Oh, God, Evan, I didn't know that. I'm sorry." There was definite sympathy in her voice. Up until then she had been maintaining pretty much a business-like tone with him. No real emotion coming through.
"Thank you. Unfortunately that wasn't all he lost. He lost his family. He came home and his wife could not deal with having to care for an infant as well as a husband who needed as much care as he did. He wrote me to tell me that they had split up. I got the letter a couple of days before I… before I left you. I was afraid of that happening to us, I guess. I was due for reassignment but didn't know where I'd be sent. The only way out that I saw was to leave. I knew if I tried to discuss it with you you'd only end up talking me into staying. And I'd still have that fear hanging over me… us."
She stood there looking at him, this time with sadness in her eyes. She had not known about his friend or the loss of his family. She only knew what Evan had written. I don't want to be a burden to you. If anything were to happen to me I don't want you to waste your life taking care of me. "Evan, I was a nurse. I am a nurse. I was going to school to become a therapist assistant when we were together. You knew that then. Didn't you think that might have qualified me a little to take care of you—if any thing had happened? I bet you didn't know that you're the reason I went on beyond the assistant degree and concentrated my studies on traumatic injuries. I earned my full degree a couple of years ago."
Evan and Kat stayed up for hours talking about the direction their lives had taken them after they parted. Evan talked about how he had taken reassignment to Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado Springs and joined the Stargate program and eventually accepted the position out here in the Pegasus Galaxy. She told him that her mother had passed away four years ago and her father had passed about a year later. It was after the death of her parents that she had moved to Chicago to work in a trauma hospital and continue her PT studies there.
The sun was starting to come up from beyond the horizon. It was a beautiful sight. They agreed that they would just take things one day at a time and see where they went. They still had a lot to work out. Evan walked Kat back to the transport and helped her find her way back to her quarters.
*****
"Morning, Kat. Mind if I join you?" Evan had seen her sitting at a table across the cafeteria and walked over to her. The two other people that had been sitting with her had just left and she was alone.
"Sure," she smiled at him as he sat down.
"Thanks, I didn't want to intrude but then I saw your tablemates leave so I thought it might be safe."
"You mean you're not afraid I might scratch your eyes out?" She said with a chuckle.
"Ha, no, not really although if I were you, I might think about it given the fact I kept you up all night on your first day. I sure hope you don't fall asleep on duty. Dr Beckett might not like it."
"If he says anything, I'll just blame you."
*****
Evan and Kat continued to see each other whenever they could. Most often they would just run into each other in the cafeteria and sit and talk. They usually just covered current day-to-day living topics when in public. They revisited their balcony on several occasions for long discussions about the past. He still had a lot of work to do if he wanted to rebuild her trust in him. Atlantis had some spectacular sunsets and even more impressive sunrises. Things always seemed better between them after one of these all-nighters. The view had an almost life-changing effect on Kat. After almost three months of breakfasts, lunches, dinners and private alone times Evan mustered the courage to ask her out on an actual date, something where they would be seen off duty and in public.
Once a month there would be a theater style showing of a movie. There would be popcorn and beer or soda and everyone would socialize on a more relaxed level. It was something that Colonel Carter had instituted early in her command at the recommendation of Dr Kate Heightmeyer, one of the expedition psychologists, as a way for everyone to become better acquainted with each other. Normally the movies were just in the library for anyone to watch or check out along with a DVD player in order to view at their leisure.
Evan chose to ask Kat to the movie. She accepted.
*****
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