Born Again, Back Again, Bilbo and Durin Find Where They Belong

by sarenelsoria

Bilbo is pregnant when he leaves Erebor assuming that his beloved Thorin has died. He gives birth to a baby in Rivendell and stays there for three years. He then decides to go back to Erebor to raise his son among his people. He doesn't know that Thorin is alive and when he finds out he is happy, but not certain if he wants a life with the dwarf after what Thorin did to him

2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"I'm sorry if my song bothered you, my son loves it and I wanted him something to remember his Father by."

"Your son is a child of battle?" Someone asked and Bilbo nodded.

"Aye I come to ask the King for his protection and lodging for me and my son. I wish for him to be raised among his people." Bilbo said.

"A worthy desire, he is a very cute lad, a credit to his line." A dwarf said and Bilbo smiled softly.

"Thank you." He said and a messanger appeared in front of him.

"Your song has made the King wish to see you next, it was very beautiful."

"Thank you." Bilbo said and smiled and walked behind the messenger, he smiled when he saw his old friends gathered together at a high table.

He managed to hold back tears, but barely, he had thought Thorin and the boys to be dead, yet there they were a bit worse for wear, but they were alive. He couldn't help but burst into tears and he cried freely.

"What is wrong Shield Maiden? Why do you weep, surely my face isn't that ghastly." Kili said, Bilbo continued crying, unable to stop the tears that ran down his face, unable to speak through his sobs. Then Fili smiled at Kili, before his fingers clumsily signed.

Shield Mother, it is alright to be sad, much was lost I hear that you lost your One in the Battle of Five Armies? It took several long minutes for Bilbo to pull himself together.

"Yes, I lost my One in the reclaiming of Erebor, I would ask for lodging for my son and myself."

"Of course, we will provide for you, where he cannot, as it has always been and as it will always be." Thorin replied and Bilbo smiled.

"I am glad to know that you have survived, I had heard rumors that you had died during the battle."

"Where did you hear such rumors?"

"In the Iron Hills, before I left to go to the Blue Mountains, I didn't make it. Balfur was born in Rivendell and there I have lived for the past three years, until he was strong enough to travel. By then my grief had lessened and I wished for my son to grow up in the kingdom that his Father died for. To live amongst his people and to grow into a strong dwarf that the man I knew would be proud of."

"A worthy goal indeed, you will given lodging amongst the Shield Mothers, what is your chosen craft?"

"Scribing, I speak and write the three most common elvan languages, as well as reading rune signs, both ancient and modern and speaking both the old tongue and the new. I also am fond of writing songs and singing them. I have a passable voice and I can play the lute. I didn't receive training in weapons until three years ago and I fight in the style of Rivendell elves, as they were the ones who gave me formal instruction."

"Elves?" Kili blurted out and Bilbo nodded.

"Aye, elves I'm just a novice though, at the bow, sword and daggers."

"How have you had the time to do anything, with such a small child?" Kili asked.

"Kili! Be curious at all times, even when someone has lived an interesting life, we do not ask prying questions." Thorin said sternly and Bilbo had to fight back a laugh.

"Its quite alright, Prince Presumptive Kili son of Vili son of Cili was merely curious sire. As to how I was able to care for Baldur it was simple enough, when he cries, I feed him, or change him. When he wants to play I stop for a time and I play with him, when he wants to sleep, I simply strap him to my back. I also had help with him, Elrond became like a Grandfather to my son."

"You were that close with Elrond?"

"Our relationship developed with time, but I felt uncomfortable asking guest right of him for any longer than three years. I decided to return here and live among the Shield Maidens. I do not wish to show my face, or tell anyone of who I am in truth, my husband had several enemies and I would not want them to harm my son. I want him to have a childhood and not to be constantly worried about who might attack him next."

"If his father had that many enemies, it would be far better to reveal yourself, or at least present yourself to his kin, or your kin."

"I have no kin and I do not wish to burden his family."

"It would not be a burden, such a child is a joy to behold, and his family deserves to know him." Balin said and Bilbo sighed.

"If I am to reveal myself, I want the King's oath that I will not come to harm, nor will my son. Whatever crimes I committed, or my One committed will be absolved and we will be allowed to live with the Shield Maidens. I will be allowed to determine how my son is educated and raise him how I see fit."

"I give it gladly Shield Maiden, return to us, your people." Thorin said and Bilbo nodded, he removed his hood and untied his mask, silence filled the room.

"Hello Thorin, I'm glad your alive, I had thought you dead or else I would have returned sooner." Bilbo said.

"Bilbo?" Fili and Kili demanded at the same time and Bilbo smiled softly.

"Lads, can I hug you?" Bilbo asked and a moment later both stood, they walked more hesitantly than they had before and he swept them up into his arms hugging them both. He cried and they did as well, he'd missed them so much, his boys. Thorn woke up and started crying. Without thinking Bilbo undid the straps and held Thorn on his hip.

"How?"

"Well hobbits are children of Yavannah aren't they? To keep it as simple as possible, we can both seed and grow our children, all hobbits have that ability." Bilbo said and smiled softly.

"Amad, who?" Thorn asked and Bilbo smiled.

"These are your cousins, Fili and Kili and that is your Adad." He said and pointed at Thorin. "I believe that that is your Auntie Dis and those are your Uncles, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Ori, Nori, Dori, Oin and Gloin."

"Company?"

"Yes my cleaver little lamb, this is the Company." He said and smiled as his son's eyes grew wide and he smiled broadly, before waving and sticking his hand in his mouth.

"He looks so much like Frerin." Dis said.

"I thought he got his hair from me, until the beard started growing in." Bilbo said with a laugh. "He takes after you more than me Thorin, I don't want him to see you, without me present for now."

"How dare you?"

"No how dare you, how dare you go mad, how dare you dangle me from a battlement, how dare you become mortally injured, I thought you were dead, I thought you were dead for over three years. I did what I had to, in order to survive, in order to protect myself and my son. Because my One decided that a shiny stone was more important than me, more important than our son, more important than his nephews and the Company. I am not sorry that I stole the Arkenstone; it was necessary because you weren't in your right mind. You could not be reasoned with, we would have died within two weeks. So I'm not sorry for saving your life, my life and the lives of my chosen family."

"You are my One, you admit to be my One, yet you betrayed me."

"As did you Thorin! At least I betrayed you to save our lives, you did it simply because you were a madman and the person I loved was replaced by a stranger, a stranger who then proceeded to...to do what you did. I was not enough for you, I couldn't make you come back to yourself and something needed to be done, in order to protect Thorn."

"Did you know you were carrying him, when you...when you did what you did?"

"Aye, I knew, I knew from the moment of his conception in Laketown. I wished to wait until after the danger had passed to inform you, I know how protective people can be of those that are with child. I wouldn't wait in Laketown while you faced the dragon alone and so I came with you. However when it was a choice between you and my child, I chose my child." Bilbo said and fingered his throat a nervous gesture he'd developed. A moment later Thorin started sobbing it sounded so heart broken and heart wrenching, a moment later the doors to the audience hall slammed closed and they were left with several guards, noblemen and the Company. It hurt Bilbo to see Thorin hurting deep in his soul, it hurt and he had to make Thorin feel better, he would give anything to make Thorin smile in that moment.

Bilbo walked forward and gently settled his son in Dis' lap, his son looked confused, to be set in a stranger's lap. "Its alright Thorn, this is your Auntie Dis."

"Ti ti Dis?" Thorn asked and smiled up at her. "I Durin."

"You aren't Durin, Durin was your ancestor, and he's gone to the Halls." Bilbo repeated for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

"I Durin, I like hammer rattle, I like funny painting, I like statue of son, I Durin."

"By my beard, he is Durin, he is Durin reborn." Balin said and Bilbo sighed.

"His name is Thorn and his name will remain Thorn, it's a perfectly respectable name. I won't have expectations set on his shoulders that he isn't prepared for."

"Yet the child seems to know himself, does he have nightmares?" Balin asked and Bilbo nodded.

"Yes but when I sing him some of the dwarven lullabies..." Bilbo paled. "Sweetheart do you remember living with other people, other than me and Grandfather?"

"Yes I had Adad, then I had Amads and other Adads then you. Love all, miss all, and love you. Want you!" He said and made grabby hands, Bilbo picked him up and stared down at his son.

"I love you too, Thorn."

"I not Thorn, I not Bal.. I Durin." Durin said and Bilbo sighed.

"It seems the Valar love to mess with me, very well if you want me to call you Durin, I will call you Durin. However you are just a wee lad and I will not be treating you like some great hero, when you're still in nappies." Bilbo said and Durin pouted. "None of that lad, I am your Amad and you will listen to me, even though I know your family will spoil you and want to make you happy, you need to have discipline and order and know you are safe. You are safe, you are loved so very much, by me and in time by those around you."

"Our little cousin is Durin?" Kili said and laughed. "Well Uncle you have all the luck, the Valar do indeed enjoy playing with you." A moment later Thorin moaned and passed out.

The other dwarves in the room didn't seem much better off, very few had any color in their faces. "Do you need to sit down boys, I know it must be a bit of a shock to you."

"Understatement of the century Bilbo, Mahal we missed you."

"That's the thing about being banished under threat of death, its sort of hard to get around." Bilbo said and laughed.

"Its not funny Bilbo! we sent a letter to the Shire two years ago, but there was no response. We had no idea where you were and then you come in here, with our baby cousin? After all this time, why now?" Kili demanded.

"First off I didn't know you were even alive, I thought you had died during the battle, I thought that Thorin had died during the battle. Secondly how was I supposed to travel with a newborn, I had to get him somewhere safe. I had to have them around people I trusted and I didn't trust the Mirkwood elves, or the dwarves of Erebor. Was I supposed to go off of blind faith that you wouldn't kill me and kill my son, right after I was nearly thrown off the Battlements? "

"When none of you did anything to stop him from killing me? I'm here now because he'd never be accepted among my people and I couldn't impose upon Elrond, after a while people would start asking about the dwarven child playing with his children and that would be a diplomatic nightmare of epic proportions. I know I might not look it, but I am from the old line, descended from the Kings of old, when such was necessary in the Shire. Once we stopped wandering and were able to live our lives in peace, we decided to not have a monarchy anymore and the royal family was set to becoming landlords and seeing to the needs of the people in their care. My Grandfather is Thrain in the Shire, but Shire folk do not treat those born out of wedlock at all well, let alone those of different races. My son would have been an outcast there and I'm aware that my people have their faults, but so do dwarves. As does any race on Middle Earth, none of us are perfect, we simply are as the Valar intended." He gasped for breath as he finished and realized that several more dwarves had passed out during his tongue-lashing.

"Bilbo you are literally glowing and your face is bright red." Kili said and Bilbo took a deep breath.

"I once met a fair maiden going to the fair, her face was as dark as rich soil and she was as pure as the driven snow. I asked her "maiden fair, where do you go."

She answered with slight smile and a light in her eyes, "I go to market, to make a meal of first meeting, come with me and we will eat together forevermore."

I looked at my maiden fair, so glad that I had chosen to go to the fair, for forevermore she would be by my side." Bilbo felt the fury ebb away and burst into tears.

"Adad, sad why sad?"

Bilbo couldn't answer his son, he simply wept holding his son against him, Durin cuddled against him a tiny hand coming up and stroking his hair. "No cry Adad, I here."

"Its me that's supposed to comfort you Durin."

"We both do." Durin said and smiled up at Bilbo, he was such a tiny little boy, how could anyone look at him and see a grown dwarven warrior?

"I love you Durin, all I do for you is because I love you and I want what is best for you."

"You good Amad, know love me, I love you Amad." Durin said and Bilbo smiled, before he kissed the top of Durin's head.

"Your a good lad Durin, could I have a drink." He asked.

"Of course you can have a drink, I think we could all do with one, after what just happened." Dis said and sighed. "I suppose smelling salts are also necessary, would you take your place besides Thorin, I can move down a seat and Durin can sit on your lap for now. I think we can worry about the succession at another time."

"He was born out of wedlock."

"Aye but that doesn't matter in Dwarven inheritance law, because he has lived before and is Durin no less, his claim supersedes all others." Balin said and Bilbo noticed how relieved both Kili and Fili looked.

"That's a lot to ask of a three year old child, I want him to have a childhood, to be able to enjoy things other children enjoy and not to have to grow up fast, because he is to be king." Bilbo stated flatly. "He might be the reincarnated child of the Valar Mahal, but that doesn't mean he's any less my son, or any less a child." Bilbo said and drained a cup of wine he was given.

"What happened earlier?"

"As you are your Father's sons, my people are our Mother's Daughters, when we feel our children are being threatened, even indirectly, some of the Valar Yavannah's strength passes into us. We become vessels for her power and we are ten times stronger than we are normally and much more adept at fighting."

"You felt threatened by me?" Kili demanded looking hurt.

"Lad think for a moment how hard it was for me to come here, I revealed myself because I couldn't bare to hide myself from you. However I won't take up residence in the royal quarters, for all that I love Thorin I barely know him, I thought I knew him, I thought I knew what manner of man he was and then well...Anyway its not that I don't love all of you, never doubt that, its simply that I don't trust any of you right now. Perhaps in time I can trust you again and you can trust me again, but what matters most right now is Durin. For his sake, I want to keep it civil between us, if nothing else can be managed." Bilbo said and sat down between Thorin and Dis.

"Have you eaten?"

"I had breakfast and lunch, but I'm hungry again, it should be time for afternoon tea what about you Lad, are you hungry?" He asked Durin who nodded. "Unfortunately Durin has inherited my metabolism which should prove to be problematic once he starts training with a sword." He said and laughed wryly. "Elrond was astonished by the amount of food I ate after training and when I was pregnant. It surprised me how most can so easily function on three meals a day."

"You need more?" Kili asked.

"We eat seven meals in one day, its not only because we enjoy it, we actually need to eat that much."

"Why?"

"Well in case of bad winters, or times when we can't eat as much as is necessary to stay healthy. Most of the journey I had to rely upon my fat stores, in order to survive, it makes us slow and sluggish to burn fat like that and our children can't do it, like older hobbits can. Its a way my people have adapted over the years, to ensure we don't starve during hard winters, or other times of famine."

"You were literally starving the entire time you were with us?" Kili demanded and Bilbo shrugged.

"The things we do for love, course I had to go and love a King. I knew the moment he sang, I knew that my heart was his and I would follow him, even if it meant my death. It nearly did, it nearly meant my death, so forgive me if I'm not exactly eager to play the dutiful One for Thorin. I still love him, I'll always love him, but I'm not sure love will be enough in our case and I had no idea he was even alive."

"We knew you lived, because Uncle didn't die, so I can assume that if your One passes, you still live."

"Yes, though we say true love and not One, we only have one true love like dwarves. However unlike dwarves, we don't die at their passing, being without your true love, feels like there is a hole in your heart. However I don't trust Thorin, it will take time for me to learn to trust him again. After everything that happened between us, but when I don't wake up screaming, my hand grasping at my throat, I wake up screaming from reliving the Battle of Five Armies. Every night I either have to watch Thorin strangle me, or what I thought was his last moments. So you could say I have some issues, but they aren't without reason." Bilbo said. "You can be mad at me if you like Kili, but everything I did I did to protect myself and my son. Don't bother the servants, I'll just go to get quarters with the shield maids and make afternoon tea myself." Bilbo said. "I just finished traveling from Rivendell to Erebor and I'm exhausted, the last thing I need is to have a hundred different questions asked of me."

"Of course you will be allowed to lodge with them, until such a time that you feel comfortable living with Thorin again." Dis said and smiled. "I would hope that you would join us for dinner though."

"Maybe breakfast tomorrow, I'm exhausted from traveling and I'd like to unpack what I brought with me and recover somewhat from the journey." He said and Dis nodded.

"As is understandable, was it a pleasant journey?"

"We were able to avoid trouble, luckily, though we had a few close calls. It was fairly uneventful all told, the worst thing we faced was a pack of wolves, which aren't so bad in comparison to Orcs, Goblins and Trolls." He said and the company all laughed. Their laughter startled Thorin out of his stupor and he stared at Bilbo with complete and utter devotion, before he kissed Bilbo soundly on the lips.

Bilbo felt himself fall into Thorin's eyes, he kissed back a moment, before he realized where he was and how they had an audience. More than that he realized it was Thorin who was kissing him and he had no idea of what to think about that. So he didn't think, he panicked he ran towards the door and when it didn't open his fingers scrambled for purchase. It was only the sound of Durin's crying that brought him back from the fear filled haze he sometimes fell under. He crumpled in on himself and starting sobbing, careful not to harm his son. Durin stared at him as he held his knees to his chest.

"Why scared?" He asked innocently and Bilbo stared at his child, he couldn't stop shaking. "I have bad dreams, I get scared, you hold me, and I hold you?" He asked and Bilbo was able to let his son sit in his lap, baby arms wrapping around him. "Its okay, no monsters get you, I pro..pro, I help, I good lad." Durin said and Bilbo cried even harder, his baby dreamt of fighting a Balrog, of dying over and over again. He hoped that Durin didn't fully remember his dreams, didn't fully remember his past lives, because that was too much for anyone to handle, without going insane.

He cried for what seemed to be ages and he couldn't stop shaking even after Dwalin handed him a canteen full of strong spirits. He hated when this happened, hated that he was so weak. The elves called it Warrior's Dreams and claimed that his fea was sick from what had happened to him over the course of the journey. All Bilbo knew was that if someone made any sudden moves, even if it was reassuring and they were attempting to be loving and kind, he might panic. Like he was panicking now.

"Right now, erm I'm just going to sit here for a time. If you need me I'm here, if you just want to sit, then that's fine too." Dwalin said. "I'm sorry that you have battle sickness, but know that there are others like you and you are never alone." He added and Bilbo felt himself crying harder. "Did I make it worse?" Dwalin asked and Bilbo shook his head, as he sobbed. "Do you want me here?" He asked and Bilbo nodded. "Do you want the others here too?"

"Too many." Bilbo said. "I can't handle being close to a lot of people, not now." He said and Dwalin nodded.

"All of this must have been a shock to you, it was to us as well. I'm glad that your alright and that I have a little cousin."

"Nephew." Bilbo corrected and Dwalin smiled.

"Nephew, if you want me to be Durin's Uncle, then I will, though I don't understand it. What did you mean when you called us all his Uncles."

"You are my chosen family, I consider you to be brothers, except for the boys who I consider to be nephews and Thorin, who I feel...I don't know how I feel, I thought he was dead until this morning." He shook again his hand fingering the amber necklace that hung around his neck. Arwen had given it to him along with a matching one for Durin, when she had seen how he had a nervous habit of running his hands along his throat. Now instead he ran his hands along the amber and touching it calmed him. It centered him when he had one of his attacks.

"Mother protect me, guide me through life and unto death, Mother protect me, guide me through life and unto death..."He said the prayer he had learned as a child, when he believed that Mother Yavannah would always protect and care for him. Now he wasn't so certain but the words calmed him and centered him. They seemed to have a calming effect on Durin as well, as the lad's grip on Bilbo slackened and he started snoring loudly.

Durin couldn't sleep properly unless Bilbo held him and even then the boy would wake up several times a night, screaming, right now he seemed at peace, a small smile curving the edges of his face. At least he was a sound sleeper when not having nightmares and Bilbo didn't need to worry about disturbing him. Whenever his son had pleasant dreams Bilbo loved to watch him sleep, but the pleasant dreams were few and far between. Bilbo had thought it was just ordinary nightmares like most children had, not dreams of battles that had ended centuries before Bilbo had even been born.

His son was a Warrior and who was Bilbo, a coward, he'd gone on one quest and now if someone came at him in the wrong way, he didn't know how he'd react. He was glad that he'd run instead of stabbing Thorin, like he'd nearly stabbed Elladan when the boy had snuck up on him. The thought of stabbing Thorin made him sob again and Dwalin passed him another canteen full of liquor. "If you need to sleep its alright, we can talk too and we can have something to eat if your hungry, only please stop crying."

"I can't." Bilbo said and continued crying his entire body shaking. "I don't know what I want right now." That was a lie, he wanted Thorin, but Thorin was also the person that he most feared. He wanted Thorin, yet he didn't want Thorin. His heart yearned for Thorin with every ounce of his being, yet he woke up nightly from the memory of Thorin's fingers around his neck. In his dreams Thorin didn't stop, he was either dropped to the rocks, or the world became smaller and smaller, until he was looking over his dead body and Thorin was standing there smiling, before he shaved his feet and spat on his corpse. Bilbo knew that Thorin most likely regretted what had happened between them, but he had no idea if he could ever trust Thorin again.

"That's alright, when I get like this, I either train with other warriors, or I go and mine, you like writing though don't you?" He asked and smiled softly. "I remember you were always scribbling in that journal, just like my Ori." He added.

"Your Ori?"

"Aye, we were going to tell you eventually but Ori is a lass, not a lad and she's my One, as I'm her's." Dwalin said and a light filled his eyes and he smiled a genuine smile. Dwalin had never smiled on the quest, but then again considering that most of his family and his One had constantly been in danger, Bilbo supposed that he couldn't blame him. He liked Dwalin well enough, but of all his traveling companions besides Bifur, Dwalin was the one he knew least. It was nice that the dwarf was opening up a little. He'd always thought that Dwalin didn't like him, Dwalin had told him often enough that he thought Bilbo was too soft. Well he wasn't exactly soft anymore, the quest and the following years since it, had changed him fundamentally.

As for Ori, he supposed that it made sense, he'd chosen to pretend to be a dwarrowdam after all, until he saw Thorin and made an impulsive decision. He didn't regret making it though, because he'd most likely wouldn't have been able to keep his secret for long and this way he didn't feel guilty about trying to hide his son from Thorin and his family. He didn't feel guilty about waiting until it was safe for Durin to travel, babies were fragile things after all, their fea was not so strongly tethered to this world quite yet. They could so easily return to the realm of the Valar. A year ago Durin had gotten the flu and had nearly died from it, Bilbo remembered holding him close and caring for him constantly, he hadn't slept for a week, until Durin's fever broke and he slept for four days straight.

What was he thinking of? He shook himself slightly clearing the thoughts from his head. Thorin seemed like he wouldn't harm him, he looked up and saw Thorin staring at him; a look of such utter despair on his face, before he looked away, the moment Bilbo's eyes met his. Thorin seemed to fold in on himself, trying to look non-threatening which was impossible, because Thorin was a big dwarf and would always strike an imposing figure. However the sight of Thorin trying to look less intimidating to put Bilbo at ease, made Bilbo laugh, before he started sobbing all over again. He grabbed Dwalin's arm and put it around his shoulders curling against the other dwarf as he sobbed.

"There now, its alright." Dwalin said and looked so very awkward, that it made Bilbo laugh again, before he returned to crying.

"I can't stop."

"You don't have to, it's alright, I'm here and if you want some of the others here too, they would gladly come. However since I was the first one to run over here like a ninny, you should be clear. Do you want me here?"

"Yes, I need you right now, I hate falling apart like this."

"I do too, it happens at the oddest times and..."Dwalin started sobbing as well his fists clenched tightly, though he still felt comforting and warm. He started shaking a moment later and Bilbo realized that Dwalin was the one that was freaking out now.

"Ori, could you come over here?" Bilbo asked before handing the flask back to Dwalin. "Dwalin drink some of this, can you turn yourself back, I can sometimes, and if I think about something I love. Tell me if I need to move, because I feel like you'd never deliberately hurt Durin, but if you are going into the dark place, I need enough time to get away." He said and Dwalin stared at him in shocked surprise, Bilbo held the canteen to his lips and Dwalin drank some of it, before he gulped it down, as he shook. "Now do you want Ori, do you want me here, or do you want to be off alone."

"I want Ori and you." Dwalin said and shuddered.

"Alright then, how are you feeling right now?" Bilbo asked.

"Sad, I'm trying not to think about things but it's hard."

"Right, sometimes when I try not to think about things, I write or I sing." Bilbo said. "We could sing a song of making, if you like? Or I could sing a song about gems, or flowers. I like to sing."

"Roses are like time, they bloom and grow, before being picked and pressed into diaries and journal by some young lass. Who in turn, blooms and grows, into a young maiden, who finds her true love and has his children, those children in turn bloom and grow, becoming mothers and fathers themselves. On and on it goes, some have their beauty fade and youth becomes a memory, others leave us far too soon. Yet others are remembered, in old books that are passed down from generation to generation, but none hold the perfect beauty of a rose in bloom better than the rose itself." Bilbo sang as Dwalin drank from the flask and Ori settled under his other arm.

"The other day I was thinking about making some gloves, your hands have looked cold lately and the last several pairs I made have been washed so many times that they are starting to fall apart. I know how you like to wear them during winter and you can read to me while I knit tonight, I'm thinking of making them either black, or blue, or maybe I'll get some grey yarn and they can be silver. I'm not really sure what color to settle on yet." Ori added before climbing into Dwalin's lap, Dwalin's arm wrapped around her and she smiled softly, one hand coming up to caress his hair. "My warrior, so strong for so many people, yet you never allow yourself to feel, you keep this barrier up always, only rarely letting it down, like you are doing now." She said and gently stroked his hair, as Dwalin finished off the canteen. "Now do you want to go back to our quarters, or stay here with me and Bilbo and the wee one."

"I want to stay." Dwalin said and Ori smiled.

"Alright then, I believe you said you were hungry Bilbo?"

"I am, but I don't need to eat..."

"I'm going to cut you off there, you need to eat, or else you wouldn't have mentioned it. You need to eat what you need to eat, it's all right and we have servants to cook and clean for us, so we can take care of other people. I'm glad that I have the time to read what I want when I'm not attempting to research something for the King, or someone needs me to look into the current law, because its changed with time. I always have a book open during audience meetings and some plan of what I'll read or write about next. I couldn't do that, if I had to constantly worry about what I was going to cook next."

"Cooking is fun, it's not a chore, its life. Everything I eat was once alive, but is not alive any longer, because it was necessary to sustain my own life. I love to cook all manner of things, but I always know the cost of my meal. The worst thing I ever had to eat was my own parents." Bilbo said and looked at his lap. "We were all starving and then my Father died and my Mother followed him and I was forced to eat my parents in order to survive." He shuddered at the memory. "Yet they live on in me."

"You had to eat your parents?" Ori demanded. "Is this a common practice in the Shire?"

"When there isn't any other option there is, we couldn't dig ourselves out and I wasn't the only one who had to...do what I did."

"And I thought you were inexperienced." Dwalin said.

"Oh you were right about that, I hadn't gone farther away than two days walk in my life, before I went on the quest. Please don't ask me what it tasted like, its one of those memories that I keep buried for a reason."

"My cousin died in my arms, it was my job to protect him and he died in my arms." Dwalin said and started sobbing. "I couldn't p..pro..."

"Dwalin you were just a boy then yourself, no one blames you for it, I imagine that they might blame themselves for what happened that day, just as you do. It wasn't anyone's fault, a bad decision was made and many suffered for it, it could have just as easily have been you. I could be comforting Frerin and not you, if things had worked out differently. You survived, be it through the will of the Valar, or your own personal skill and Frerin didn't. Sometimes someone can be highly skilled a great warrior and they can still die, because someone gets a lucky strike in. Trust me I know, after all, I wasn't exactly a warrior when I joined the quest and yet I was still able to kill people who were much more capable than me."

"Orcs aren't people."

"If you want to believe that, that's your choice, I view all sentient life forms that can talk to me as people personally, but I know not everyone feels the same way I do about that. You can't however torture yourself over something that happened over eighty years ago. I will never know Frerin, but I know this much, he wouldn't want you to torture yourself over what happened to him. He is in the maker's halls and he'll give you a good kick in the ass once you arrive there yourself, if you keep blaming yourself for what happened to him." Bilbo said and laughter broke out among his friends and even Dwalin laughed.

"You know him so well, how can you, when you've never met him?"

"I might not have met Frerin, but I know all of you and I know what your like, therefore I know what he was like as well to some degree. Even though he is in the maker's halls, he also lives on in your memory." He said and smiled.

"If one of us had died in Mirkwood, would you have eaten us?" Dwalin asked and Bilbo shrugged.

"Depends on the circumstance, if you had wanted me to, I would have, if you didn't want me to, I wouldn't. The eating of sentient flesh is sacred to my people, it is only done when we have to. When there is no other choice, but to eat, or to die. If I was starving and one of you had been near death and you had offered to let me eat your flesh, I would have. If one of you had died without giving your permission, I would have honored that as well and I would have died before disgracing myself."

"Disgracing yourself?"

"You should never take sentient flesh when it is not offered, for those that have had it, get a taste for it." Bilbo said and shuddered. "Some nights I dream of the time I was forced to eat my parents and I don't know if its a nightmare, or a good dream, because those were the last moments I had with them and a part of them will always be in me." Bilbo said.

"Some of our rituals are strange to outsiders, it makes sense from a logical standpoint, but I'm not sure I could do it." Ori said. "Even if there was no other option."

"Now I wouldn't, but I was only ten then, when my mother told me to do something I did it, even if it was...well." He trailed off.

"Wow your kind of a warrior in your own way." Ori said and Bilbo shrugged.

"Gandalf knew that I had taken in the flesh of my parents, he knew that I would do anything to survive. He also knew that you needed help. He had no idea that Thorin was my one, even wizards aren't allowed to know the nature of other's hearts. Nor how fate and the Valar guide this world, but I knew the moment he sang that there was no true choice for me. What I did on the quest, all I did was necessary for my survival and the survival of the Company; I really feel that if I could do it over again, I wouldn't change anything. What if I changed something and that meant that Durin was never born, or one of you died? At any rate I don't regret my actions, particularly now that I know that you are all actually alive. There were things I could have possibly handled better, but I think that's true of all of us. I'm just so happy that Thorin and the boys are alive, even though I'm still afraid of Thorin, it doesn't mean I don't still love him."

"I love you too, I'm sorry Bilbo, and I wasn't in my right mind."

"I know that, but it doesn't excuse it, are you better now?"

"Aye it took loosing you and fighting a battle to clear my head of the gold madness." Thorin replied and Bilbo smiled.

"I'm glad that your better, but it will take me a while to trust you again, if I ever can."

"I wouldn't deserve your trust, I nearly killed you and our child." Thorin said. "I know telling you I'm sorry doesn't begin to cover it, but I've had nightmares every night since that night, nightmares that I didn't stop, that I killed you, I wake up screaming." He said and Bilbo looked at him across the room.

"So do I." Bilbo said and smiled at Dwalin. "How about a barging Dwalin? I can work on forgiving Thorin, if you can work on forgiving yourself." Dwalin burst into tears and suddenly wrapped his arms around the hobbit pulling him against Ori and lifting him into his lap, somehow he managed to do so without harming or even disturbing Durin. Dwalin sobbed against both of them, his hands clasping them tightly against him. Bilbo didn't feel threatened, he just saw how his friend was hurting.

"May I braid your beard?" Bilbo asked and Dwalin nodded, Bilbo took a tiny section of hair from Dwalin's beard and braided the warrior's oath braid into his beard. He then took out one of his ribbons and braided the same braid in his own hair. " Nothing defeats us, nothing stops us, except ourselves. One has offered to make an oath and the other can choose to accept or "As long as we choose to braid it, we choose to honor the oath between us. We are stronger together than we are alone, we are all brothers and sisters in battle. We are warriors, those that were able to come home and those that are in the halls of the Maker Mahal the oath that has been made between two brothers. For even the strongest have something they fear and even the weakest have something or someone that they will die to protect." He finished and they both glowed with a golden light, as long as they both wore the braid, their oath would be binding. That particular strand of hair would never get dirty despite what might happen. The one that offered the oath and spoke the ritual words had to be honest in their intentions for the ritual to work.

"That ritual hasn't been used since I was a boy." Balin said and Bilbo smiled.

"Well considering that my teachers in dwarven customs and language were all immortal beings, I would imagine some of it is outdated." Bilbo said and Ori laughed.

"I had never thought to see such an oath sworn, let alone by a hobbit." Ori said and Bilbo arched an eyebrow.

"Oh I'm sure your going to call me a Halfling next, I'm not half of anything." Bilbo said and the Company laughed.

"Your a force of nature, please don't come after me now, I'm perfectly happy with how I am." Kili said.

"I'm glad that your happy with who you are, its hard to be at your age. You boys can always talk to me, I hope you know that." Bilbo said and smiled down at his little son, the child was staring wide eyed at Dwalin.

"Pretty Daddy, I like that one." He said and smiled and clapped his hands. "Be see be hear, da brofer's bond, is fun to say with brofer's, brofers in..." He patted his chest. "with Amad and Adad all brofers." He said and looked up at Bilbo. "Did I say good Amad."

"Very good my little one, I think everyone liked what you said."

"Aye of course we liked it lad." Dwalin said and smiled. "Your hair hasn't been braided for the first time, yet has it?"

"Amad pretty clips."

"Yes we put pretty clips in your hair, do you want some pretty clips in your hair?" Bilbo asked and Durin nodded. "Alright then but first I think we might need to take a bath, since everyone knows about my son now, I hope it won't be too much of an imposition to ask for protection for me and my boy, but more than that I think we could both do with a bath."

"Of course you should wash the dust of the road off, I'll go with you and the boy and my personal attendants can accompany me." Kili said and smiled at Bilbo. "It just will take a bit for us to get there."

"Are you sure Kili, my Cousin is a Bounder and his leg got injured like yours, I know how painful it can be to walk for long distances when you have a old war wound."

"Nonsense, if my Uncle Dain can manage without his leg at all, I think I could manage a bit of a limp." Kili said and smiled. "I'm going to go with Bilbo now brother, stay with Uncle and Mother."

"Yes Kili." Fili said and gave a boyish smile. "I'll stay with Uncle and Mama." Several of the people looked sad at the way Fili spoke.

"Nonsense, you shouldn't be staying with them, you should be coming with us." Bilbo said and smiled. "I want both you boys to come, lets get away from the court and then you can play with your little cousin."

"Not both at once, cause bad men." Fili said.

"Well then Fili and I can go and Kili can stay here. I think Fili and I will get on just fine, I have cousins who've had similar injuries and well they are able to relearn a lot, but some things are just beyond them. I think Kili would better serve as advisor for now, just until Fili is ready to take his place. Fili how much of this are you understanding."

"They shout, then Uncle shouts, then they shout again. We argue all the time, bout all kinds of stuff and things."

"Do you remember what is talked about?" Bilbo asked.

"Its all too much, can't keep it straight."

"Well then how about this, for a little bit at least, you can stay with me and Durin and we'll do fun things like baking and beading, as well as reading stories and books. Then when your ready, you can go back to the council hall and take part in how your people govern themselves. For now however you have no business in the council chamber, not when you have no idea what is going on. How much do you remember Fili?"