A/N: Wow. Thank you so much for all of your wonderfully kind reviews. I really appreciate all of them.

Chapter Note: I'm sure that most of you know now about Mandy Patinkin's decision to leave the show, so this chapter's inspiration is somewhat apparent. Gideon fans, I'm sorry. I hope you all still enjoy!

I don't own Criminal Minds. There's no infringment intended.

Chapter 2: Loss

POV: Hotch

"Loss is nothing else but change, and change is nature's delight." Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

"Hey, Hotch."

I looked up from my open file. Gideon was standing at my door.

"Hey, glad to see you're back."

Four days had passed since we had last spoken. To say Gideon was hurt by our last case was a severe understatement. His pain was still very evident.

"Yeah, I figured I'd stop by."

He was uncomfortable, apprehensive, and nervous. Something was not right.

"Sit down."

He obeyed.

"Any cases while I was gone?"

"No, but I'm glad you're here. We could really use you on this next case. Couples are being murdered in Annapolis..."

The look on his face stopped me. It was a grimace.

"Gideon, you ok?"

"Aaron, I need to talk to you. It's about my position in the BAU."

"What about it? Are you unhappy, or-"

"No, nothing like that. Aaron, I'm leaving the BAU. For good."

A bomb of silence exploded into my office. How many times the clock ticked before I spoke, I'm not sure.

"Leaving?"

"Yes."

"But, Gideon, you belong here. I mean, if it's about this last case, about your friend, take more time. It was a horrific thing, and you need time to grieve. You could get conseling or..."

I wasn't even fully aware of what exactly I was saying. The shock of what Gideon had announced caused me to ramble and talk abnormally fast. It felt like if I stated every single other option, Gideon would come to his senses and stay. He granted us both mercy by stopping me sooner rather than later.

"Hotch, I'm leaving the BAU. It's my time to go."

"Last time, you just took a break. If you need a few months, you can have them-"

"Aaron, this isn't like last time. Last time, I let you talk me back in."

"Jason-"

"Let me finish. I let you talk me back in. Since then, it's been a disaster. My one sanctuary was lost. I let Frank get away, and because of that, because of my mistake, I lost a dear friend." Up until this point, Gideon had been very composed, but now, he broke. His face contorted with grief and tears. "Sarah was innocent Aaron. She was innocent, and Frank killed her because of me. I can't let my mistakes hurt anyone else. I'm leaving."

His tears seemed to rip apart more and more of my heart as more and more fell. Which was the lesser of two evils, trying to get him to stay or trying to accept that he would really... leave?

"Jason, it hasn't been a disaster. Think about how many successes we've had in the last two years." I soothed.

"Aaron, I can't come back. Not anymore. A job is only supposed to take time and effort from the employee. Mine's taken not only that, but my privacy, my friend..."

I was becoming more and more numb through the majority of this. Gideon no longer in the BAU? Why did that idea seem so foreign to me? Just two years earlier we had been going through this same process. Yet, this time it seemed to sting more.

Suddenly I had a clear flashback to my conversation with Strauss.

'Agent Gideon, in many ways, is damned by his profound knowledge of others. Which is why he shares so little of himself, yet he pours his heart into every case we handle.'

Had my words been this true? Was Gideon really so affected by others that he was being truly driven away from the one place where his talent was most needed?

"Aaron, you okay?"

It occurred to me that I must have been sitting in my thoughts for several moments. I felt my gaze return to Gideon.

"Fine. I'm just... I think you belong in the BAU."

That was surprisingly difficult to say. Gideon bored his eyes into me.

"I knew you would fight this."

"I'm sorry Jason, it's just-"

"You're worried about the future and how you'll get along. I understand Hotch. But don't worry. The BAU will go on. You'll still get the unsubs. Look at our team; they're the best in the world."

"That may be true, but Jason, you're a part of that team."

He closed his eyes. I knew he was tiring of my arguing, but I wanted to try just once more.

"Jason, how can you be so sure that you want to leave? This is really sudden. Have you thought it over enough?"

"Yes, I've thought about it a lot over the last couple days, and my decision is final."

"Then what happened?" Morgan asked tensely.

I was standing in the conference room, recanting my last conversation with Gideon to the rest of the team. Morgan was sitting upright with an angry look on his face. Reid appeared paralyzed in his chair with a blank look on his face while Prentiss was slouched, appearing as if the news was taking the energy out of her. Garcia and JJ were both wide-eyed, with almost fearful looks. All were just as shocked as I was, and I couldn't blame them.

"I told him okay, and he left."

"What? You let him leave?" Morgan asked.

"What else could I have done?" I retaliated.

"Try to get him to stay. Hotch, he can't just walk out on us like this."

By this time, Morgan had stood up and begun to pace. I sighed inwardly as the choler grew upon Morgan's face,

"Morgan, Gideon was firm in his decision. Nothing I would have said would have made a difference." I looked Morgan directly in the eye. "Morgan, I know you're angry-"

"You bet." Morgan spat out. His expression became slightly softer. "He belongs in the BAU, Hotch. This is where he needs to be ."

"I agree Morgan." That seemed to placate Morgan some towards me, but anger still remained.

"He could have given more warning. He could have said good-bye instead of running away. Doesn't he realize the pain and disruption this would cause us?" Morgan continued.

"Gideon knows. He knows that this was going to be hard on us, and I'm just as mad as you for him doing this. And yes," I cut Morgan's question off before he could say it, "I let him leave without expressing anger at him. Why? Because I wanted Gideon to leave in as much peace as possible. There was no changing his leaving, and I didn't want to yell good-bye in anger."

Calmed down enough from my explanation, Morgan sat back down next to Garcia. She put a hand on his back and tried to give him the comfort that only she knew how to convey to him. The kind of comfort people who are grieving needed.

In that moment, the loss of the greatest and wisest profiler I had ever known hit me. Gideon wasn't going to be back in his office next week so I could consult him. He wouldn't be here ready for our next case, putting in his invaluable knowledge. Pain consumed me, causing me to sink into the closest chair.

We all sat in our own, silent grief. Gideon had been everyone's mentor, almost parent-like figure. He had exposed strengths within each one of us and showed us how to use them effectively. He had taught us how to handle the dismal days of this job. It hurt even more to think that no more minds would be educated by this man. His knowledge and passion should have been shared with more minds and more souls. It was going to be the team's new challenge to overcome this loss.

As I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, I reflected on the five stages of grief. If they truly brought closure, then I was looking good. Stage four was at my door.

Stage one, a.k.a, denial and isolation had occurred long ago. It had been short-lived. For a few moments, I just wanted to believe that Gideon was merely playing a trick on me. He had to be kidding; it was nearly inconceivable that Gideon could actually leave. But, no, he was serious, and denial was useless. As for isolation, I had taken it when Gideon had left. Those few moments were precious in allowing the shock of this ordeal to wear off. Waiting until the moment I absolutely had to, I had dragged myself to the conference room to inform everyone. I then moved out of stage one.

Anger at Gideon for his actions had come off and on. It filled me most when I realized how hurt the rest of the team was. I had been lucky that Gideon had said good-bye to me. We had talked one last time. No one else had. All I could wonder was what the other members' last moments with Gideon had been like. Were they now regretting them because they had not realized how significant they would become? Why did Gideon have to leave in such haste? Why couldn't he have slowed down, allowed the others to be spared some pain? But, in the end, I had to remember that being angry at Gideon would solve nothing. It would prolong the suffering of others, and with that I tried to desert stage two.

Stage three was an interesting one, bargaining. I had never bargained with Gideon about him staying at the BAU. That wasn't the sort of thing that worked with Gideon. He would tell you his decisions, even explain them to you, but he would hardly ever change them for you. I knew that this choice was done. Besides, what could I offer him? This would never happen again? That's not possible in our line of work. No preventive measures could be taken. All I could offer was my hardest effort in catching future unsubs, but that promised nothing. Money and power was of little interest to Gideon, as it always had been. Bargaining was futile, thus almost skipping me from stage two to four, depression.

During this time, it is normal for a person to go through periods of sorrowfulness, numbness, and more anger. While all three existed within me, sadness clung most to my insides. Not only my mentor was gone, but my friend as well. Gideon's presence had always been one to assure and comfort me. I am certain that I would not be the profiler I am today without him.

The final stage was not here yet and would not be for a while yet. Acceptance would come someday. Someday, there would be a new profiler among us. Someday our pain would be hardly evident. Of course though, that day was not today. Today had its own goal, and that was simply to get through the rest of the day as easily as possible.

I looked around the table. Few had moved since I had explained what happened. Each was grieving in their own way at their own time.

"We have a case." I stated slowly, testing how the others would react. Everyone seemed to come back to life enough to lethargically start to grab at the files before them. My leadership intuition kicked in; we weren't ready for a case. "Wheels up at 9 tomorrow. Work on whatever you need to today."

Grateful and surprised looks passed between the rest of the team.

"Hotch, do you know when someone will... join the team?" JJ asked softly.

I shook my head. "I don't know when or who. We'll worry about that later."

Everyone else seemed to begin to communicate with their eyes. Deciding that I should go back to my office anyway, I got up and let them begin to discuss this event among themselves. Upon my arrival to my office, I began to pull out some of the necessary paperwork. Gideon had asked me one last favor, and that was to get most of this done for him. He said that he handed in his letter of resignation already, ensuring that I couldn't say no.

Form after form, file after file, the day wore on. As I emerged for the occasional break, I saw that the other members were all doing slightly better. By lunch all had returned to their desks to complete paperwork or other things. Reid and Morgan both wore glum, somewhat weary looks. While my glimpses of Garcia and JJ were few, they both displayed more sadness than anything. Prentiss was a bit different in the respect that her face showed more tenseness along with some despair. But, as long as everyone was able to carry on somewhat normally, my thoughts on the team were put to a limit.

Finally, I left work a bit early. The front door seemed even more warm and inviting today. Five seconds after I had stepped in and put down my keys, my legs were suddenly strangled by a giggling toddler.

"Hi!" Jack exclaimed.

"Hey buddy."

I scooped him up in my arms. His smile did miracles to my mood. Haley suddenly appeared from the kitchen.

"Hi honey." I greeted her with our customary kiss.

"Hey. You're home early. Everything okay?"

Either my mood was really, really obvious, or Haley had picked up one too many profiling tips from me because she asked that question too heavily. My eyes pleaded her to wait, wait for a little while. I wanted to numb my brain with the safe haven of my home before having to confront the challenge of the day. Luckily, she received my message and agreed to it.

"Hey, Jack, why don't we show Daddy the picture you drew today?"

For the next few hours, I was happily thrust into the wonderful world of fatherhood. All too soon, I found myself reading Jack his bedtime story, and as slowly as I could, I tucked him into bed. Haley appeared at my side as I lengthily shut Jack's door.

"So, how was your day?"

Once again, it was a simple question that was asked much more heavily than normal.

"Horrible."

"Bad crime?"

"No. Gideon came in this morning and resigned."

"What?"

I collapsed onto the couch in the living room. Haley sat down next to me, and her ears then became filled with the details of Gideon's exit. The expression on her face was mostly of shock.

"He left for good?" She asked at the end of my monologue. "No coming back?"

"No coming back."

She remained in her thoughts for a minute.

"Haley, you ok?"

"Yeah."

She seemed dazed almost. Something wasn't right.

"Haley, you're not."

"I'm just…surprised."

Her voice was calm, and yet I began to tense up.

"Surprised at what?"

"That Gideon ran."

"It was a surprise to everyone."

"Not the fact that he did run. It's why he ran. It surprises me that this job can torture or hurt a person in so many ways."

Haley was acting scared now. She wasn't even looking me in the eye.

"It's a job that can wear down every part of you." I admitted.

"Is it a job you truly want?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you truly want a job that carries this many risks? Risk of being shot, risk of your mind becoming tortured, risk of possibly losing yourself to criminals?"

"Yes Haley. We've been through this before. Everyday, I accept those risks. I know what the BAU does to some people, and Haley, if I ever think that something could happen, I will leave. I won't run, but if I think that it might become too much, I'll leave. I promise you won't lose me to an unsub."

"You can't promise that." She reminded me quietly.

"I can do my best."

I reached over, and grabbed her hand. She finally returned her eyes to mine. A few tears had possibly appeared in the last few minutes, but she was holding them back. Her fingers grasped back onto mine, and a moment later, she had put her arms around my neck.

"Can you promise me instead that you'll be careful?"

She removed her arms and awaited my answer.

"Everyday."

Her fears and doubts had been successfully placated for now, but I wasn't so sure if mine were. Many times her worries had crossed my mind. Gideon had been driven away from this job by the job. There was no promise that I wouldn't become like that too. Most profilers had a hard time in life after this career. Was it truly worth it to stay in this job if even after you physcially leave the office, you never can mentally? Was Haley right in that it wasn't worth the risk? Was Gideon's suffering a indication or perhaps warning?

Answers to these questions were not likely to come tonight, and I didn't want Haley to see that I even had these questions, so for the rest of the night we tried to enjoy a few last peaceful, almost worry free moments together as we didn't know how long I would be away.

The morning came all too quickly. I suddenly found myself driving to my office. Packed for the most part, I was only in need of a few things, and then it would be off to Annapolis.

"Agent Hotchner, I need a word with you."

I looked up to see a person with whom my last encountar had been less than satisfactory. Agent Strauss was standing in my doorway.

A/N: My mother always said to not care what others think, but I'd love to know your guys' opinions. Don't be shy to leave them.