August 2015
Anastasia
I'm due any day now with our fourth child, second son, that we're naming Reigner Carrick. Camden is going to be turning three in October and the girls are now nineteen months old, so our home is a madhouse right now. Christian has been working from home since the beginning of August, worried I would go into labor while he was away. I can't imagine trying to wrangle my three toddlers while trying to labor. Thankfully, I have Gail to help.
I'm as big as a whale and it's hard to carry one child at a time, much less two, or God forbid, all three of them. Once upon a time, I had perfected carrying all three at once, but never again. Now that we'll have four, I'll never be able to hold all my babies at once. It's a sad reality, but seeing the house filled with tiny humans that Christian and I have created will compensate for the loss of holding all my babies at once.
Honestly, I'm nervous about having another child. How will I cope dealing with three mobile toddlers and one newborn that needs me constantly? Our house is large and we have baby gates galore, but I might have to convince Christian to put up a couple more. I'll need to be able to corral the children no matter the place in the house. Cooking dinner is already a struggle with three toddlers, but I suppose having a newborn wrapped to me and attached to my breast while I make dinner for my husband and children won't be much different.
Right now, though, I'm sitting in a lawn chair in the backyard with Gail while my three toddlers run around barefoot with their daddy and Uncle Taylor, playing with bubbles. All three of my babies are giggling and squealing and the sound is like music in the backyard. My husband is also barefoot and wearing dark-faded jeans with a white t-shirt and he looks good enough to eat. It's so unfortunate. My sex drive is there, but Dr. Greene gave me strict orders to abstain from sex until the baby is born. Boo. It's hard to stick to orders when I've got such a delicious looking husband. At least I can still treat him.
My girls are still a little wobbly on their feet, but our oldest, Camden, is very careful about not knocking his sisters over. Even at his young age, he feels like an old soul. He worries about his sisters constantly and will help as much as he can if one of them is fussy or gets hurt. It's very sweet to watch the connection he has with them. He's a quiet and serious child. His playful side seems to come out when his daddy is around and that's a lovely sight to see.
Christian rough-houses with him which often gives me heart palpitations, but Camden loves it. They wrestle and Christian flips him upside down and holds him by his ankles or throws him into the air and Camden just eats it up. When Camden jumps on Christian's back, Christian suddenly becomes melodramatic and falls to the floor, moaning and groaning while Camden clings to him and announces that he is the king now. In a few years, our two boys will be able to team up and take on Christian properly. That'll be fun to watch.
Reigner is a kicker, so I have no doubt he'll have the energy to take on his father. He's constantly moving and kicking me in the ribs and the bladder, which has made me wet myself on more than one occasion. Now that he's running out of room, his restlessness seems to be constant and it's hard for me to get any sleep with a tiny human kicking me from the inside out.
As I watch my children toddle around the backyard, trying to catch and pop the bubbles, I realize what's going to happen before it's even happened. In front of Gracie there is a watering hose and I see her tiny little toes getting stubbed on the green hose two feet before she gets there.
When her toes catch the hose, her eyes go wide and she falls forward, as if in slow motion. Her chubby little fingers instinctively move forward to try to stop herself, but it's too late and she gets a faceful of grass and dirt. Next, comes the wail. I try to get up, but my large stomach prevents me from doing so, quickly.
Gail puts a hand on my arm. "Christian's got it."
My eyes fall on Christian and our baby, who he has in his arms and is already carrying her over to me while picking grass off of her face.
"Ma-ma-ma-ma!" Gracie cries for me and sobs and my poor heart aches for her.
"I'm taking you to Momma, baby. We'll get you all cleaned up." Christian presses a kiss to her cheek and when they get close, she dives out of his arms and into mine as I reach up for her.
"I'll grab a warm washcloth." Christian jogs back inside.
Gracie sobs into my neck and I rub her back, trying to soothe my baby girl. "Sh, sh...it's alright, baby. It's okay. Momma will make it all better."
Christian returns with lightning speed, holding a warm washcloth in his hand. He looks half panicked.
"This is all my fault. I should have watched her better."
I take the washcloth out of his hand. "Don't blame yourself. Accidents happen." I turn Gracie to the side so I can see her face and her mouth is open as she cries, mud stuck in her upper two front teeth.
"Here, baby. Let momma clean you up. You got mud in your teefers." I start with her mouth and wrap the washcloth around my finger, gently wiping at her teeth. Her breath is still shuddering and she's whining a bit, but her screams and most of her sobs have stopped. Once I have her mouth clean, I show her the white washcloth, now spotted brown with mud. "Look at that mud, Gracie. Did you try to eat dirt? What a silly girl." She grins at my teasing.
Christian takes the washcloth from my hand. "If Momma holds you, can Daddy wash your face?"
Gracie turns her face and hides in my shoulder.
"Daddy wants to take care of his Gracie-girl. Will you let Daddy make you better?"
Slowly, her head turns and she looks up at Christian, her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. He kneels down, getting to her level and begins to clean her face. She stays still as he wipes at her face and Carlie, her twin, comes toddling over.
"Gace...ow." Carlie ducks her head and kisses Gracie's skinned knee. "Mwah!"
"Aw, Carlie's worried about you Gracie. She's kissing your owie. She loves you."
Gracie smiles at Carlie. "luh-loo."
I grin at my sweet girls.
"There, all better." Christian sits back on his heels and looks her over.
"Thank you, Daddy! Daddy made everything all better, didn't he?" I ask, kissing the top of her head.
Gracie gives him a toothy grin and reaches out for him. Christian's face immediately lights up and he takes her, hugging her to him. She gives him a big, wet kiss and lays her head on his shoulder, patting him like we do to them.
"You want to play?" Christian asks and she smiles and nods, so he stands with her, heading toward the grass.
Camden is standing in front of Gail, a small pout on his own lips.
"Camden, baby boy, what's wrong?" I hold my hands out for him and he comes to me so I can pull him into my lap.
"Gracie is okay?"
"Yes, Gracie is okay."
"What happened?"
"She fell over the hose."
"DADDY!" He yells, surprising me.
"What?" Christian calls, grinning.
"MOVE THAT HOSE! IT MAKES OWIES!"
Christian laughs. "Yes, sir!" He salutes and marches over to the hose to pick it up.
Camden turns towards me and smiles. "No more owies."
I giggle and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Cam. You're good at giving orders."
He looks so proud of himself as he hops off my lap and hurries over to Christian to 'help' move the hose.
I relax back in my chair with a sigh. I really do have the best husband and children.
Little Reigner kicks and I rest my palm over the spot, smiling. I didn't forget about you, baby. I'm sure you'll be as beautiful and brilliant as the others.
I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
XxXxXx
"So, how'd it go?" I'm in the middle of making dinner when Christian shows up in the kitchen. By the look on his face, it looks like it didn't go well.
"Nothing. Forty-five minutes on the pot and nothing."
We're trying to potty train Camden before Reigner comes, so that we don't have four children in diapers. Like every child, he has his good days and his bad days. Today, he's being stubborn. Potty time is a sensitive time for Camden. If he can hear himself going in the potty, he becomes embarrassed and starts to cry. To compensate for the sound of his urine hitting the bowl, we have to turn the water in the sink on a little bit and sing the whole time he sits there. The. Whole. Time. But, not any song will do. It has to be the same song. 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' just happens to be his song of choice. I've come to loathe that song.
While Gail is entertaining our children in the living room, Christian and I continue to make dinner for all of us.
"...So, when Barney-" Christian is in the middle of telling me about a break in the solared powered phone system he's been working on, but I hear something that sounds like singing in the background.
"Did you hear that?"
Christian's eyebrows knit together. "What?"
"Twinkle, Twinkle little star…" The voice of our oldest comes from the opposite room and our eyes go wide before we both book it into the other room.
"GET CAMDEN! I'LL GET THE POTTY!" I hurry as fast as I can, waddling to the hall bathroom to pull the extra toddler potty out from the closet.
Christian comes running with Camden. "Wait, buddy, wait. Almost there, almost there, almost there!" He's chanting as I place the potty on the ground and turn the water on a pinch so the sound splatters against the bottom of the sink. Christian places him on his feet and yanks his bottoms down, placing him on his little potty.
Camden giggles. "You're fast, Daddy."
Christian laughs and kneels down in front of him, looking in his pull-up. It's clean and dry. "You're such a good boy for holding it."
Camden's eyes widen. "I gotta go!"
"Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are!" Christian and I both begin to sing, hoping he goes. We hear him begin to go and I hurry to turn the water to full blast and Christian begins to sing louder so Camden doesn't get embarrassed.
When his shoulders sag and he sighs, I turn the water off.
"You done?"
He shakes his head and then begins to grunt.
My eyebrows shoot up and Christian looks over his shoulder at me, a giant smile on his face. Camden has never poo'd in the potty before. This is a first.
"Sing, Daddy!"
Christian starts singing again and I have a seat on the regular toilet seat while my boys do their thing.
"Daddy! Stop singing. I'm done." Thank goodness. I feel like I've been sitting here forever. Camden hops up to try to pull his pants up and I laugh, seeing his backside.
"Uh, Daddy… I think someone needs to wipe his butt."
Christian grabs the butt wipes from the cabinet and Camden turns away from Christian, showing him his behind.
"Is it dirty, Daddy?"
Christian gets a good look at his butt and laughs. "Yes, little man. It's dirty."
Camden sticks his butt out. "Clean it, Daddy."
Christian gives him a playful scowl. "Well, someone's very bossy today." First the hose, now this.
Camden shrugs. "I big boy now. I the boss."
Christian kneels down to clean our son. "Big boy, huh?"
"Yep. I went in the big boy potty."
"You're right. You are now a big boy. Big boys always go in the potty, okay? If you have to go, you tell Mommy or me, understand?"
"Yes, Daddy. I will."
"Good boy. Alright, you're clean. Let's get your pants pulled up."
Once Camden is clothed again, Christian pushes over the step stool and my two boys wash their hands while I deposit the contents of the toddler toilet into the regular toilet.
"Do I get M-n-M-n-M's now?"
I laugh. "It's M-and-M's, baby."
"I'm a big boy… and that's what I said, Mommy. M-n-M-n-M's."
"Yes, you get M&M's. But after dinner."
He sighs and shakes his head, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand dramatically. "Why I always wait?"
Christian laughs, but I cock an eyebrow at him. "I don't know why you think that's so funny. He got it from you. So melodramatic."
After I wash my hands, we make our way back out to finish dinner while Camden runs off to play with Aunt Gail and his sisters. As I watch him play, I can't help, but feel triumphant by our small victory tonight. He's like a little, old man trapped in a toddlers body. I can't wait to see how Camden's old soul flourishes as he ages, although the thought of him turning three in just two months time really tugs at my heartstrings.
My first baby is growing up so fast...soon, he won't even be in diapers. He made me a mommy and it was the first time I ever got to feel the love a woman has for her child. I'll never forget the way I felt when I got the first glimpse of him… My heart just seemed to burst out of my chest. When I first touched him, nose-to-nose while he was laying on Christian, it was the most intense experience of my life. I didn't know you could love anything so entirely. There is literally nothing he could do that could make me stop loving him.
I get that feeling with each of my babies and it's almost like a high I get each time I see one for the first time. With the girls, I was sobbing so hard that I could barely push Gracie out after seeing Carlie.
Christian was a complete basketcase when he saw his girls for the first time. He was moved when he first saw Camden, but there's just something about fathers with their daughters that seems to make it more emotional. My whole pregnancy he fretted about raising girls, worried they'd end up in a bad relationship or spoiled too much to thrive properly. It wasn't until about three months after they were born that he really realized that he had a handle on it. He realized that they were babies and that they'd learn and grow along with him...but I know there's a part of him that will never stop worrying about his girls. It's just part of being a father.
As we sit down to eat at our large table with two high chairs, a booster, and four chairs for the adults, I can't help, but feel my chest fill with pride. We've got incredible friends that have become family and three sweet babies who are a perfect mix between Christian and me.
Tonight, we're having spaghetti and my girls are covered from head-to-toe with sauce while Camden is wearing a spaghetti sauce mustache. They all have an appetite like their father and even through them shoveling noodles into their faces while being covered head-to-toe in sauce, they're still gorgeous.
My beautiful babies.
And they're all ours.