Renji walked through the hallway in the 13th division, entering the open door of Rukia's office, he stood in the doorway, "Hey Rukia. Ichigo said you wanted to talk to me earlier?"
Rukia eyes flickered up as she nodded, "Yeah. Sit down."
"Is it serious?" Renji asked innocently as he sat down in the chair in front of Rukia's desk. He paused as he regarded Rukia, who was expressionless as she fiddled with the framed picture of Ichigo's sisters she had on her desk before leaning back in her chair, staring back at him.
"..Wow." Renji's tone was clearly nervous as he spoke, "Wenji's a wittle scaywed-"
"Right there." Rukia leaned forward in her chair, pointing at him, "There's the problem. I've-" she rested her elbows on her desk, "-been hearing from some of the officers in your division that you have been... talking baby talk."
Renji's expression was half caught, half surprised, "..Why would people say that...?"
Rukia opened her desk drawer, "Well, I have it on good authority that you said the following." she took a note card out of her drawer and held it out to him. "Can you read that back to me?"
Renji took the card from her hesitantly, staring at it for a moment before reading aloud, "..Wenji have a boo-boo tummy."
RUkia was silent, staring at him with an accusing expression as Renji looked up at her, his face indignant, "Would you rather me say, 'Hey guys my stomach is acting up-"
"Ok-"
"-Crazy diarrhea happening'? Cause things can get real adult real fast!" his expression was annoyed now as he frowned at her almost childishly.
Rukia took another note card from her drawer, "You are also on record as saying (reads) "Wittle-ittle, footy-wooty, numb-numbs, jammies aw fuzzy-wuzzy, widicuwous, and Sei-Wei-Tei'."
"Do I sometimes replace r's with w's? Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across?" Renji tone was sarcastic, "Well if I do, Wenji sowwy!-"
"You CAN'T be a baby when you're at work in the division." Rukia stared at him pointedly, "It makes Nii-sama look like he hires babies."
"He wasn't even the one that originally hired me."
"It doesn't matter, you're his vice captain aren't you?" Rukia sighed, leaning back in her chair again, "Look, you can leave the baby talk now or have to deal with discussing it with Nii-sama later."
Renji stared at her for a moment before sighing in defeat, "Fine. I'll watch the baby voice."
"Thank you." she watched as he stood up and walked towards the door. Rukia didn't know what made her say it- maybe it was the pregnancy hormones- but she called out, "Hey, Renji."
"Yeah?" he paused in her doorway, glancing over his shoulder. Rukia sighed.
"For what its worth, I think your baby voice is tops."
Renji paused for a moment before smiling, "Tank yew Wukia."
Rukia smiled, rolling her eyes.
"Your welcome baby."