Artemis frowned. He knew Butler was looming, and trying to keep his composure.
"I'm trying to imagine Holly shoving you into any of these and I just cannot," Butler said, suppressing a laugh.
"It's not me, it's Fern Short. Her extremelyirritating introvert programmer cousin with no social skills," Artemis replied, with a smirk.
"Picking a cover, are we?" Butler replied. "You've learned well."
"It's the only way I can even sort of imagine wearing any of this crap," Artemis replied, shrugging, flicking though the digital pages of cloaks and tunics and jumpsuits that had lines of glowing light sewn into the hems and patterns. PERFECT YOUR EQUINOX LOOK, the magazine extolled about what could best be described as fairy rave gear, complete with instructions on bioluminescent face paints that were "in" that year.
"I can't tell if I'm going to a fairy circle or a discotec."
"Artemis?"
"Yes, old friend?"
"Nobody says discotec."
"Ready for tonight?" Butler hissed at Artemis, sitting at the dinner table next to Beckett in a booster seat.
His migraine was pressing down on his face to the point he was past pain. He could feel his magic crackling around his temples, acting as an anesthetic against the swelling. There was no way his parents couldn't see the sparks on his face. Even if his pitch black hair was long enough to cover the pressure points.
"Going out, Artie?" his mother asked gently from across the table.
"Yes, Mother, I am," Artemis said calmly. "Butler will be accompanying me for the evening. We were invited to an autumnal equinox party at Tara."
Artemis's mother raised a well manicured eyebrow. "A party, Artie? Since when do you willingly go to social events?"
"I am accompanying a friend, Mother. I will be back in the morning."
"A friend, Artemis?" his father asked, curious.
"A… female friend, yes," Artemis added, with fake slyness. Hopefully they would insinuate it was a date and let him go. His mother had been goading him to try and meet girls, or do anything that most other parents would be boxing their teenagers' ears for.
"Her name?" his mother interrogated, leaning forward, having taken the bait.
"Holly. And I am meeting her there, Mother. It is a dance."
"See now that I can't believe. My son Artie, going out on a Saturday, on a dancing date, with a girl! Next you'll tell me you won't wear a suit."
Artemis suddenly felt very hot under the collar but still kept the ruse. "T-talk to Butler," he said, before dipping his head into his bisque.
"I can assure you, Holly is a very good influence on Artemis," Butler commented, passing the basket of fresh rolls down the table to Artemis Sr.
"So you've met Artie's girlfriend and I haven't?" Angeline Fowl asked with a pout.
"She's not my girlfriend," Artemis said, annoyed, adding under his breath in Gnomish, "technically my sister."
"Giiiiiirlfriiiiiiend," chirped the twins.
Artemis dropped his soup spoon. "I'm going to excuse myself, thank you," he said curtly. It was a good enough excuse. Holly had warned him to go hungry.
"Artie, no, wait," his mother called after him.
"I am fine, Mother. There will be a meal served there. I should change."
"Let me see you before you go."
Artemis paled. It was an order in a human dwelling. Artemis could feel the bile already rising in his throat knowing he was planning to disobey.
"You see me now, Mother."
"Please?"
"Mother, it is a masquerade party. I will be putting the rest of the costume on there. If I have reception I will send you a photo of us."
Angeline pouted again. "Fine. Get ready and stay safe. I'll settle for a photo when you're there with her."
"That I can do," Artemis said, feeling the discomfort pass immediately.
Damn fairy law.
Artemis sat on the edge of his bed, sighing. "Holly? Im ready for my makeover," Artemis said with a soft chuckle, opening his arms, as if he was throwing in the towel.
Holly shimmered into existence, followed by a pop.
N'1 stood next to her, sheepish. Both were in brightly colored clothing, Holly's tunic sewn with iridescent scales that shimmered in the light, and N'1 slathered with swirls of white paint on his face, hands and tail. Had Artemis ever seen Holly in civilian clothing before? Was this normal for her or just the equinox talking?
"Not that I mind, mind you, but why is N'1 joining us?"
The imp smiled, and his side eyelids blinked, reminding Artemis of a crocodile. If crocodiles liked Shakespeare and trashy romance novels. "Well, once they realized you were a fairy, you'd have to be allowed to perform the Ritual. Quan's first suggestion was to project the image of a demon around you. We are the only Family that is typically your height."
Artemis nodded. "Yes, at a meter and a half on average, my height would not seem out of place."
"True. But non- warlocks have just gone up to party. They aren't allowed near the tree to get an acorn. There's no point. And there's only two warlock demons alive."
"Yourself and Quan, yes, I see the issue. Me appearing as a demon warlock might raise even more surprise than even a human crashing the party."
"Precisely- oh, that's a pretty word. Rolls right off the tongue in English, doesn't it?"
"So, what then? I'm to be a giant elf? Can elves even get this tall, Holly?"
"Yes, but it's so rare most of them are famous crunchball players. Same problem as being a 'demon warlock'."
"Cam-foil?" Artemis asked curiously.
"Runes," N'1 replied, grinning. "We shrink you to two thirds your size. Temporarily, of course. It's a lot easier and more stable then a full transfiguration."
"Shrink… me…" Artemis said, looking between them. "You're going to…"
Before Artemis could think, N'1 slapped something on his left wrist. Artemis felt a momentary unease, before he heard a loud thunk-thunk.
His polished loafers fell off his feet and to the floor, as he was swallowed up by his suit.
Artemis sputtered and wriggled up to catch air. "You could have warned me, you know," he deadpanned. "You know I love having magic thrown on me with no sign whatsoever."
"I'll step outside and N'1 can help you change. Let me know when you're dressed," Holly said, her voice cracking from laughing. She flitted out the bedroom window on her dragonfly wings and was gone, cackling loudly as she exited.
"If I had warned you, you would likely have panicked. And that would have hurt," N'1 added, gesturing to Artemis. "No pain, yes? You are sparking a little around your face."
"Migraine," Artemis clarified, wriggling free of most of his clothing while using a hand to keep his boxers over his personal parts, sliding off the bed.
N'1 nodded sagely. "I will turn away. If you need help, please ask."
Artemis dug through the bag of clothing at the foot of the bed, picking up each piece and considering. Not wanting to keep Holly waiting, he pulled out the first of three ensembles he'd asked for, finding it chosen in his new size.
Four. He'd gone from a fairy eight to a four. Average.
"Does everything fit?" N'1 asked over his shoulder. "I can adjust your height a little if you need me to."
"No, I think all is well," Artemis replied, still a bit dumbstruck but not enough to make it apparent. Quickly, he slid on what he assumed was an undergarment before trying and failing to fumble with the complicated set of interlocking belts of the tunic he'd chosen.
"I yield," Artemis finally admitted. "These things do not make an iota of sense."
N'1 turned around. "Iota! A lovely sounding word in Gnomish and English alike. Eye. Oh. Ta. And my, your problem is that your shirt's on backwards."
Fifteen minutes and one thoroughly humbled Artemis later, and Holly was called back in his room. He was in a pair of charcoal colored slacks and sharp, jet black shoes, things he wouldn't see out of place in his own normal wardrobe. However, his top was another story. He wore a long sleeved top, also black, layered with a loose bluish iridescent tunic that stopped halfway up his thigh, decorated with crisscrossing braided glowing belts, covered with something he considered halfway between a cloak and a floor length flowing vest, and a long light scarf, both in that it was of a thin fall material in hummingbird green hues and that there was strands of lit threads sewn in an intricate geometric pattern adorning its length.
Holly looked conflicted for a moment, before straightening to all business. She clapped her hands, as if to shake herself out of a stupor. "Right. Let's finish this and get out."
"Ah, I was going to practice teleporting myself there, so I might go on ahead," N'1 piped up, handing Artemis a slip of paper. "Here's the rune. When you're back home later, take off everything and then rip this up, and you'll be back to your own size in a snap. I wouldn't do it while still in fairy clothes, unless you want to tear them all to shreds or worse."
"Or worse?"
"Kevlar chest worse," Holly piped in. Artemis soured, thinking of Butler. Quickly, he shuffled to his attached bathroom and rolled the rune paper up, sticking it in a clear container of cotton balls. That way he wouldn't accidentally lose it during the nights events, especially if he'd need to change at home, anyway.
Things didn't feel giant, per se, he was still roughly a meter in height, but everything felt skewed. Although his own body was identically proportioned, still, he felt like a child navigating a too big home.
Holly had him sit on the ottoman of his plush lounge chair in the back corner, and began to unpack a bag of theatrical makeup.
"Sit still, eyes closed, don't fidget, I'm doing your prosthetics first."
"Since when were you a qualified makeup artist?" Artemis asked incredulously as he complied.
"Recon training. We have to-very rarely- blend in with humans. All of us know how to make ourselves look like children if we're elves, goblins, pixies, or gnomes. The other families can't really hide themselves like that. And don't nod."
Artemis felt something ice cold on his earlobe, followed by a dull pressure and what he assumed was Holly's thumb and index finger pressing down and holding the prosthetic ear tip in place until the glue hardened. After a few moments, she released.
"Artemis? Are you done yet?" Butler, at the door.
"No, but I am decent," Artemis replied, to Holly flicking his neck. "If you want to come in and laugh at my expense, now is the time."
Artemis heard the door open, softly, as his bodyguard padded in the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Artemis where- oh hello N'1," Butler said cordially. And then he was silent.
"No," Butler said drawn out as Artemis felt the cold adhesive being applied to his other ear. "I've seen many things in my life, but this is the first that's absolutely unbelievable."
"Allo Butler," Artemis chirped through closed mouth, afraid of the repercussions of him moving his face while Holly had glue on it.
He felt her fingers pinch again waiting for the ear tip to set.
"If I weren't watching you work right now, I don't think I could have picked Artemis from a crowd," Butler said with awe, but, strangely, no laughter. "I'd ask how you're doing, Artemis,, but I think Holly would slap me."
"Frond as my witness, I would," Holly replied, as Artemis felt something press just above his eye. She'd said prosthetics, not ears or ear tips.
Artemis gave up thinking about what he thought he'd look like when done and just resigned himself to meditation.
Surprisingly, Holly worked quickly, and in fifteen minutes she nudged him. "I should turn you into an elf more often. That's the most silence I've heard from you in years."
"Har har," Artemis joked back, a little upset that whatever she'd done to his hair was over so quickly. It felt nice, and his migraine had lessened considerably.
Carefully, he blinked, and turned his neck from side to side. "Well, Fern Short is going to see what he looks like," Artemis said slowly.
"Fern Short?"
"Your extremely irritating introvert programmer cousin. Emphasis onirritating," Artemis said with a wicked grin. The kind he plotted by.
"You're not posing as my cousin," Holly replied in horror.
"Unless there's some biological reason I shouldn't, I am."
"No, I actually have a fairly large extended family but…"
Artemis was now in front of the full length mirror, and he had to stifle a gasp. That wasn't him in his reflection, but an honest-to-Frond fairy elf. A meter tall, but the proportions of a teenage human, sharp pointed ears and spiky neon-blue tipped hair.
"My eyebrows!" he yelped, touching the smooth skin where they should have been. Holly hadn't plucked them out… had she? He didn't feel any sensation like that.
"Latex," Holly sighed out. "Most males have been removing their brows recently. Some weird fashion thing."
That was the sticky thing he felt her apply above his eye. Just some fairy plasters, in his skin tone.
"One last thing, face me." Holly said. She was holding a contact lens case. "It's more a precaution. It's a fineable offense to jail time to mesmerize another fairy except in certain situations."
"Like?" Artemis asked, gingerly taking the case. The lenses were mirror-lined, and colored his irises green when he put them on, covering his heterochromia.
"Medical warlocks calming down a thrashing patient, or someone willingly requesting hypnosis therapy. Basically, medical use," Holly supplied. "Butler, though, you need your lenses. If the cam-foil fails expect several thousand fairies trying to mesmerize you at once."
"Already on," Butler replied, tapping his temple. "No offense, I hope."
"None taken," Holly said, smiling. "Okay, N'1, you said you're teleporting, right?"
N'1 modded. "I would have left earlier but that was fascinating to watch. I don't think I would have recognized Artemis if I'd teleported." He bowed, and with a cracking sound of the air rushing in to take the place of where he'd been a moment before, N'1 was gone.
Holly nodded at the space where N'1 had just occupied. "I'm flying. Am I taking Artemis?"
"No, he's driving with me," Butler insisted. "You promised he wouldn't be out of my sight."
"Ish," Artemis replied, still fascinated by his reflection in the mirror- it wasn't him, but it was and it felt strange. At first he treated it like a costume, of sorts, but when he was fully kitted out it just felt… right, somehow, lack of suit be damned. "I'll have to be wrapped in your cam-foil cloak, I don't want to show up on traffic light cameras."
"As long as I can keep a conversation with you, that counts." Butler said gruffly.
Artemis considered he could just put his fairy communicator on speaker and hide it in the backseat while he went flying with Holly, but for this first time he'd follow orders. Orders from Butler in Fowl Manor didn't have the same effect as the ones from the rest of his family, and Artemis was actually a little sad about that. Only a little though, because disobeying the order given from someone who owned a human dwelling was nota fun feeling.
Butler passed him the crinkly sort-of fabric, and Artemis bunched it around himself.
"Maybe after you've topped off I can teach you to shield," Holly said gently, before she disappeared from view herself, the window unlatching before Artemis felt a stiff breeze and the window shut behind.
Holly was off.
Butler unceremoniously lifted and slung Artemis on a shoulder, making his way out the back to go start up one of the family vehicles.
Of course his father had to stop them. Or Butler, because Artemis was rolled in the foil like a burrito. He could see out between the circuitry, but he was facing backwards.
"Butler!" Artemis Sr. said sharply, but warmly.
"Yes, sir?"
"Give Artemis a hair of distance, will you? His girlfriend isn't going to stay one for long if you loom."
"Of course, sir," Butler said with a chuckle. "Lord knows he doesn't need any more handicaps on his love life." Artemis- the fairy clinging to Butler's even more massive than usual shoulder- snorted quietly.
"Where is he?"
"Already in the garage, sir, I think he's a little embarrassed to be seen in anything other than a suit."
"Take photos," Artemis senior said with a grin. "She must be some girl to get him out of his shell."
"Holly? You have no idea, Master Fowl," Butler said, then turned around, Artemis catching a quick glimpse of his father chuckling from his slung position on Butler's shoulder.
"One more thing, Butler. Artemis looked like he was… I can't believe I'm saying this- I think he was sparking at dinner."
"That would be the augmented contacts he is working on, sir," Butler said nonchalantly. "They still need some work."
"Nothing illicit I hope?" his father asked, stern undertones.
"If by illicit you mean the ability to translate what you see into your own language, then yes," Butler replied.
Artemis the small let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Thank you for the cover, old friend." he whispered quietly right in Butler's ear.
His father took the bait. "Well, off you go. That drive is an hour, wouldn't want to be late now, would he?"
Artemis almost felt his father looking right at him but- no. That wasn't possible. He was under the foil and it was definitely working and would his father even recognize him like this- a one-meter blue haired elf?
"No, sir," Butler replied curtly, and stride down the hall.
"The cam-foil, it is working, correct?" Artemis asked once they'd cleared the estate and were out on the road.
"Unless you're actually flying with Holly and I'm speaking to your communicator, yes it is working," Butler said slyly. "Though I can see my passenger seat is buckled up with an invisible bulge, Artemis at your height you really ought to be in the backseat. If the airbags deploy you could get…" butler trailed off. "A chance to practice your healing, I suppose."
"I happen to be running on empty," Artemis replied sullenly. He could barely see over the dashboard and the seatbelt was choking him at his height.
"I can't believe what you look like," Butler said, after a long bout of silence.
"Neither can I, old friend," Artemis replied quietly. "I thought suits were the only thing that well… suited me. I could do without the electroluminescent belts on this thing, however…"
Artemis inhales sharply.
"N'1 was there because he shrunk you, I presume?" Butler asked, changing topics slightly.
Artemis nodded, then realized that wouldn't help. "I have a rune on my wrist. It is temporary."
"You think you can do this yourself, Artemis?" Butler asked, curiously.
"Your guess is as good as mine, it seems," Artemis replied, thinking. "I can mesmer and heal. I haven't even attempted to shield yet. I suppose it depends on what I'm like 'running hot', as Holly calls it. I could just have those three skills, or I could be a warlock. If it's the latter, I'm sure I could learn something a bit more advanced."
"You can… wait. You can mesmer?" Butler sounded surprised. "Which means you've tried it. On someone."
"Have you noticed that my parents never mention my heterochromia?" Artemis replied.
Butler sighed, ragged. "You're going to have to come clean, Artemis. At least to your father. I can tell you the man can keep a secret. Better to do it now than get caught later, or worse, have to mind-wipe your own parents."
Artemis bit his lower lip. "I have to get used to this first."
"You're bound by fairy rules, aren't you?" Butler asked suddenly. "I've seen how you react to entering people's homes without being explicitly asked inside.
"Astute of you, Butler."
"You aren't uncomfortable now?"
"Why would I be, this is my fathers car, isn't it? And you brought me inside, anyway. Like when I.. when I kidnapped Holly. Carrying in a fairy is an invitation." Artemis's mouth went dry on those words.
"Who owns the title and insurance on this car?"
Artemis went white. It couldn't be.
"Artemis, the car is legally mine. You're in a human dwelling, and you have to follow orders. When we get back home, you will be speaking with one of your parents about this."
"Butler, please!" Artemis pleaded. "This is blackmail!"
Butler shrugged. "It's about time you got a taste of your own medicine."
Artemis scowled under the foil, but a small part of him was also impressed. "Fine, you've beaten me. But do me a favor and give me a concrete punishment should I fail. You know in the olden days when Frond's hex was stronger, failure to comply killed a fairy."
"I don't need to give you a punishment, a severe stomach bug should be debilitating enough," Butler replied, with a grin. "And I have a feeling if I did, you'd have some loophole to exploit."
"Fine, but we are doing it on my terms."
"Depends on the terms," Butler pushed back. "Tell me now and I'll agree or not to your specific plan. If I say no, it's on myterms or you'll end up with a stomachache so poor you'll be on an IV diet until you come clean to them."
Artemis felt cornered. Scowling almost hard enough to pop the fairy plasters on his face, he began to think.
"Fine. Here is how I wish to do this…"
Butler pulled up the car to outdoor parking. "Artemis, wait."
Artemis panicked, and snapped his hand away from the car door. "Those words carry a little more weight now, old friend. Please be mindful of what you ask of me."
"Suggestions don't have to be followed, only orders, correct?"
"Yes."
"Would you mind taking off the foil so I can talk with you?"
"I don't mind at all," Artemis said warmly, unbuckling the irritating seatbelt and unwrapping the burrito. Butler angled the sun chase on the passenger side down so Artemis could look at himself in the mirror.
"Please tell me how you're feeling. Be honest," Butler asked sternly, before quickly adding, "if you wouldn't mind."
"Strange, nervous, hopeful, still deeply sore at the temples, and hungry enough to challenge Mulch to an eating contest."
"Artemis, I am going to give you one more order before you leave this car."
"Stay close to Holly, and don't make a scene?" Artemis asked, eyebrow raised, though Butler wouldn't see under the makeup.
"Have fun, Artemis. I'll be watching for your safety, you go and try and do something enjoyable for once."
"Can I open the door now?" Artemis asked, mollified. The getup was growing on him but now he was being ordered to have fun from a human dwelling.
'Have fun or suffer the consequences' he thought sullenly.
"Yes. And oh- this is only a big if you can- get me some food while you're there. I wouldn't say no to trying new cuisine, as long as eating fairy food isn't going to make me bound as a changeling or something."
Artemis smiled and nodded. "If I can," he echoed, then let himself out of the luxury car.
Holly buzzed down next to Artemis, then watched the driver's seat door open on its own and close quietly.
"Butler," she said pleasantly. "Hope it was a nice ride."
"Nice enough," said the air, in Butler's baritone. "I'll be at the spot I mentioned. You two know the signal if you need me to break up a party."
"And you know the signal to not come even if it looks like you should," Holly replied sternly. "Artemis's first Ritual might hurt. I want our warlocks there first, there's not much you can do if he gets magical overstimulation."
Artemis could swear he saw Butler gritting his teeth.
"I am aware." the air finally replied. "Just don't push it."
Holly grabbed Artemis's wrist, pulling the long sleeved shirt back to expose the rune. "Keep that hidden. Most fairies only think of runes as things for making thralls and black magic. If someone sees that, you might get the LEP pulled in."
Artemis frowned. "Any plasters on you?" he asked.
"Touché," Holly replied, slamming on a fairy bandage. The plaster conformed to Artemis's skin color… and then replicated the rune.
"Really," he deadpanned. "There goes that."
"Just don't roll up your sleeves," Holly chided. "I'll tell N'1 to put it somewhere else next time. Can't change it now."
Artemis peeled off the useless cover and rolled his sleeve back over the offending circle.
"Very well. Maybe I could pass it off as an ironic tattoo?"
"Given that it isn't blood, that's what I'd suggest if it is spotted," Holly said thoughtfully. "Come on, I'll fly you the rest of the way in. Just pretend you're out of magic to shield- I'll do my best to shield us both but I don't know if I can."
And with that, Holly hooked her arms under his, and lifted them both clean in the air on her dragonfly wings.
"You're good, Holly," Butler said quietly, when she, with Artemis hanging on for dear life, shimmered from view.
"Perfume?" Artemis asked, confused by a face full of something floral.
"It's a night out, Artemis, yes I'm wearing perfume," Holly said, in mock irritation.
"Fern," he corrected. "Or you might make a mistake later."
"Point taken, Cousin Fern."
"Are we early?" Artemis asked, as Holly circled one of the hills. "It's pouring, too."
Artemis looked down. The hills looked soaked.
"That's just to keep the humans away. It's only an illusion. Hope Butler has his modified LEP helmet with him or all he's going to see is a muddy field."
Artemis let out a chuckle. "Yes, he figured there must be some way the fairies haven't been spotted at a tourist site.
"I'm circling because there's a landing order for flying fairies. There's still six in front of us. You're not slipping, are you?"
"No, I've gotten used to flying with you. Are the wings LEP issue only or can a civ-"
"Hold that thought, I have permission to land," Holly said, as she dipped low.
Artemis knew now the rain was just for show, but as Holly dipped into the illusion, he could only stare in shock. In a moment's swoop, it went from dark rainy field to a bright, inviting carnival. Holly landed on a designated glowing platform, unshielding and carefully depositing Artemis next to her.
"Off, off," said an officer in LEP uniform. "I have to land two hundred fairies in an hour here," he chided.
Holly grabbed Artemis's wrist and briskly walked them both off the landing platform. Artemis turned his head to watch the next fairy, a gnome, land elegantly as she unshielded, waved at the officers and quickly got off the marked area for yet another to touch down.
"Talk about getting this down to a science," Artemis commented. And now, now he could really look on the scene in awe. Lights- some a soft gold and most as black light, floated lazily over the whole grassy area. Food vendors, carnival games, and strands of colored ribbon were everywhere, many emblazoned with colorful fall leaves. Some smaller fairies- Artemis couldn't tell if they were elf children or adult pixies- were playing a game hovering on low-speed gossamer wings.
"To answer your question, yes, civilians can buy and own wings," Holly said, sweeping to the fairies Artemis was watching. "But they're much lower power. The equivalent is that you can own a Cessna, but I don't think you have access to supersonic military jets."
Artemis warmed at the thought.
"You need a wing license first, though, except for things like those. For children. They're the… tricycles of the wing world. I don't think they can go more than a meter off the ground."
Artemis frowned. He'd figure that bit out another day, already mentally salivating over his own pair of wings.
He didn't even realize it, but then it hit him like a ton of bricks.
His headache was gone.
"Holly, there's one thing I'm confused about." Artemis darted his eyes around the fairgrounds. He saw circles of clover and flowers with floating lights and fairies dancing wildly inside, smelled the food, heard carnival barkers and laughter and chatter of thousands of fairies of all stripes, and saw giant natural sculptures of precious metals mixed with wood and hemp rope.
"There's no music."
"Of course not, Aaaaa-Fern," Holly said, catching herself. "How would anyone be able to talk and catch up? You can only hear it if you step in a circle. Look at the flowers set up around the edge; that'll tell you the genre. Or you can look at what people are wearing. Most don't hop from techno to jazz. Just don't enter the ones with white lilies- those are private parties."
She shrugged like it was the most normal thing in the world. For once, she wasn't the dumbest person in the room, a hard feat when she spent so much time with Foaly and Artemis.
"I read about silent discotecs before."
"Nobody says discotec, Fern," Holly said, laughing at him. "Do you want to do anything first, or take care of the Ritual?"
"Let me just get it over with," Artemis said, curtly. "Business before pleasure."
Holly made an exaggerated show of annoyance. "Of course you'd say that. Come on, let's get us running hot. Tree is this way."
Holly folded up her wings, but didn't take them off, and expertly dances through the crowds, Artemis barely able to keep pace.
"Holly, I can't part a crowd like you," Artemis panted loudly. A tall elf with dark skin and pink streaks in his hair, in a glowing ruffly getup Artemis could only describe as "raver steampunk pirate" turned to face Artemis.
Commander Kelp, in civilians' clothing.
'Artemis?' Kelp mouthed at him. The once-human nodded just so and reveled in the pleasure of the Commander's eyes bugging from their sockets.
Artemis bunched up his cloak in a hand and let it billow past him as he strode by the Commander and what he assumed was Trouble's friends or family with a smirk on his face.
"Ohhhhhh no, no you don't, mudboy," Trouble hissed as Artemis gallivanted towards Holly, who was barely containing her laughter.
"Mudboy?" Artemis hissed back. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm an elf, last I checked. Just got a clean bill of health from my doctor, too," he added with poison in his voice. "Commander Kelp."
Artemis swore he heard Trouble growl.
"I'm following you," the commander insisted.
"Here comes Trouble!" Artemis shouted loudly at Holly as he caught up to her next to a spider burger stall that had a wait fifty fairies deep. He was just glad the pun worked just as well in Gnomish as it did in his own head in English.
"Commander," Holly said simply as the fuming elf followed.
"Transfiguration, now?" Trouble hissed at Holly. "You didn't get approval for that."
Holly mimed rolling up her sleeve and Artemis took the hint, discreetly showing Trouble his rune.
"A blood rune to shrink him?" Trouble asked, after a moment of studying it. "Either that or it causes uncontrollable gas. I'm fuzzy on these."
"Shrink yes, blood no. It's soy sauce, the rest is just makeup," Holly commented, tapping Artemis's ear tip as he took his hand back.
Artemis mouthed 'soy sauce?!' at Holly as she continued. "N'1 is being trained on runes now. Unlike the other seven families, demons don't have a taboo on runic use, and most of their unique magic is rune based. The council just had them find an alternate to blood. Turns out, soy sauce is equally effective. Quan thinks it's the salt content."
"If he causes any trouble…" Trouble said sighing.
"I'm bound by fairy law, I am aware," Artemis said simply. "And while we are here, I'm Fern."
"My cousin," Holly added. "One of Foaly's civilian programmers on his staff."
Trouble huffed, but relaxed. "Cousin. Fine. Go enjoy yourself, Short and…"
"Short. Cousins on her father's side," Artemis supplied, with a sharp grin. In reality, fairy bloodlines were an insanely old and complex thing. He didn't want to pick a last name and be called out on it by a real member of said family.
"Fine," Trouble repeated, calming down completely. "Oh," he added. "Fern, I owe you dinner. I don't like being in debt to people. When you've topped off come find me for it?"
Artemis stuck his hand out. "Consider it done, Commander."
Trouble turned heel and walked back to his own group, while Holly placed a hand on Artemis's back.
"Given your lack of social skills," she started.
"That was his version of a thank you," Artemis finished. "Even I'm not that obtuse."
"And am apology."
Artemis looked up.
And up.
And up a bit more.
The tree was massive by human standards, and old, but at three-fifths his normal height it felt like a skyscraper.
Six lines cordoned off by ropes wound their way around the massive tree, but not by species.
"This could be at least two hours," Holly noted. "Do you want to do this the way you're supposed to or do you want to cut the line?"
"Did you even need to ask?" Artemis deadpanned.
Holly grabbed Artemis by the wrist. "Wait. You don't have ID, do you?"
"I have a passport- well Butler has my passport- but I don't think that's going to help here."
"No. Hang on, let me grab my boss. Wait here."
Holly slipped back among the crowds, leaving Artemis alone to people watch.
A small gaggle of women in slinky prismatic dresses, and one in a kimono with a Tolkien like cloak noticed his gaze, giggling when their eyes met. Two of the girls elbowed a third, and a blonde elf with blue streaks in her hair and Celtic face paints stepped forward.
"Hi," she said shyly. "You're… um, I'm terrible at this."
"You wanted to ask me if I'm single?" Artemis said bluntly.
The woman looked flustered, playing with the ends of her hair. "I'll.. take it as a no," she said fading, stepping backwards.
"Holly is my cousin," Artemis assured her, gesturing the way that Holly had fled to. "And while the answer is yes, I am single, I'm not currently looking." Hopefully that nipped that in the bud.
"Oh," she mouthed slowly. "S-sorry to waste your time."
"Are those friends of yours putting you up to this?" Artemis hissed at her.
The elf looked down and away. Bingo. But then she did something to surprise Artemis, as her nervous demeanor literally peeled away. "Huh. The first guy of the night doesn't even take the bait."
Crap.
Artemis hadn't even done the Ritual yet and here he was, a mock defensive position, alone, and a hair away from signaling to Butler.
"Whoa, what?" the woman hissed, seeing Artemis attempt a fighting stance. He knew just about anyone would flatten him, but that was only if they knew he was bluffing. "You really don't recognize me, do you?"
Artemis softened a little. "Should I?"
The woman blinked, taken aback, just as Holly and Trouble jogged over to see Artemis in a poor excuse of a fighting pose and a confused looking woman.
"There had better be a good explanation for this," Trouble snapped.
"I should go," the woman said, quickly, attempting to retreat to the rest of her own gaggle of revelers. Holly caught her wrist.
"My cousin has a pretty good intuition. What did you do?"
Artemis relaxed and stood upright. "She acted nervous, asked me out, and when I turned her down she melted from a scardey-cat to a completely different person. I thought she was cornering me to mug me."
"I…what." The woman looked shocked. "Oh. I guess it could have been taken that way."
Trouble blinked, surprised that Artemis's stance wasn't just to stir up nonsense. He rubbed his temples and sighed. "I may be off the clock, but now I'll have to file an incident report."
"Please, no, you'll blow my cover," the elf whimpered, looking back to the group she should have been in.
They were gone.
The woman sighed. "I'm Fennel," she explained, as if that meant something.
"I knew it," Holly hissed- clearly it did, to everyone except Artemis.
"ID?" Trouble asked, and it was quietly provided. He signed again, louder this time. "Some stunt for a show?"
"My agent wanted me to come incognito and take men dancing," Fennel shrugged. Artemis quickly surmised that the woman must be a famous actress in disguise practicing for a role, and those other women were film crew. Artemis quietly re-spiked his hair. 'I'm fine, Butler', it said, though hopefully Butler was following along with the event.
Holly shrugged. "Go find your people, and be a little more careful next time. Some of us are plainclothes LEP, you know."
"Sorry for making a scene, Miss Fennel," Artemis said apologetically. "You have no idea the night I've been though already. My wallet's been swiped." He smiled, and turned out his pockets. "Not a gold coin on me, or my ID." The last point was aimed squarely at Trouble, who glared at Artemis over the paperwork remark.
"You poor thing! Wrong place, wrong time, indeed."
"I'm going to go on a limb and say that's the name of your next film, isn't it?"
Fennel blushed. "Might be," she said coyly. "If you want me to get you some dinner in apology…"
"You have dances to do, and I need to top off," Artemis replied, jabbing his thumb towards the tree. "As my friend so eloquently puts it, I'm 'running on fumes'."
Fennel smiled. "Can I at least get your name?"
"Fern. Short."
"Well, Fern, if you change your mind, call me." Fennel slipped a piece of cardstock in Artemis's hands, then disappeared to the crowd.
Trouble gaped at Artemis.
"I think you just got Fennel Spring's number," he sputtered. "You… turned down dinner… with Fennel Spring…"
"Yes, because a certain LEP officer already says he owes me," Artemis beamed.
Trouble blinked twice. "You turned down dinner with Fennel Spring because I owe you."
"Aaaa… Fern, she's one of the most famous actresses of all time."
"And she asked me on a date, yes, yes, exciting, please let's get this over with because I need dinner," Artemis huffed.
Holly and Trouble exchanged glances, pulled their LEP IDs from their pockets with one hand, and grabbed Artemis between them with their opposing free hands.
"I hate abusing my position for this," Trouble muttered, as they flashed their badges to the attendant who opened a space in the rope line for them to jump straight to the tree.
"I have to climb this." Artemis gaped.
"Yes." Trouble said, grinning.
"Myself."
"If I take down an acorn, and you plant it, nothing happens."
Artemis frowned. Some fairies, like the sprites on their own power and elves and pixies with robotic wings, simply few up and plucked one, before flitting off to plant it. Most dwarves simply scaled the damn tree like they were rock climbing.
"Trouble, don't be an ass," Holly said, unfurling her wings. "Fern, I can carry you up, as long as you pull off an acorn you can get assistance to get it."
"Please," he insisted, relieved he'd be exempt from physical activity.
He gratefully accepted being shot up in the air, as Holly searched for a good spot.
"It's common courtesy for flyers to go to the very top of the tree, so that those who climb it can get a lower hanging seed," she explained, as the world fell away from them.
"Got one," Artemis said through gritted teeth.
"Put it in your pocket, then hang on tight. I have to let go of you to pick one for me."
Artemis complied, and Holly let go of Artemis. For a tense fifteen seconds, Artemis was airborne only by his own physical strength, gripping his friend.
"If I can't get my own wings, for the love of my sanity pleasemake yourself a tandem harness," Artemis whined while she descended.
"Can do," Holly grunted, as she gently detached Artemis's whitened knuckles from her shoulders.
"Solid ground," Artemis was relieved. Trouble dipped in next to them, folding his own wings behind.
"Let's get these planted, yeah?" Trouble asked, patting Artemis on the shoulder.
"Why so friendly, all of a sudden?" Artemis blurted as he followed the two of them towards the tree line at the edge of the grassy knolls.
"Because I keep assuming the worst of you, and get soundly corrected, the commander stated, lengthening his stride. Holly pointed downfield.
"My family has been planting over on that side for millennia," Trouble pouted.
"Butler is there," Holly countered, pointing to a tree with an extremely sturdy looking branch overhang.
"Of course he is," Trouble said, exasperated. "F-fffern," he corrected. "You keep doing everything above board and for the good of the People. You could have exposed us five times over."
"I'm an asshole, but I'm not heartless," Artemis countered. "Selfish, certainly, petty like you wouldn't believe, but I'm not going to do something just for the sake of fucking someone over. Unless they've actually done something to me or my friends."
Trouble glared at him. "I think I owe you more than just dinner."
"A fairy ID card would be a start," Artemis replied, smirking. "And a bank account."
"Really, Fowl?" Trouble hissed.
"I didn't say with money in it," Artemis clarified. "I can put in my own ingots, thank you. But I'm sure it requires an identification, a citizenship number of some fashion, and probably an address. None of which I possess, at least none below ground."
"Point taken," Trouble said, nodding. "Holly and I will plant first, that way if you have a problem we are running hot and we can get a medical warlock on site."
Artemis nodded. While the other two dug and said their prayers, Artemis looked back out on the carnival with its floating lights.
"How late does this go?" He asked absently.
"Just before dawn," Holly said, sparks dancing around her body. "So about four in the morning for the equinox. The winter solstice, though, wow. That's a whole other story."
"I can imagine," Artemis said loudly, looking up. If Butler was above him, he was dead silent.
Holly whistled, and a face floated in view.
"Food?" Butler asked curiously.
"I'm not feeding him, too," Trouble deadpanned.
"I'll pay for Butler, Commander," Holly sighed out. "No, just Artemis's first Ritual. I figured you wanted to participate. It's supposed to be a big deal."
"This is big enough, Holly," Artemis insisted. "Though if N'1 wanted to join, I would be honored to have him as well."
The trio heard a loud pop, and a smoking crater, followed by N'1, a bit singed and sheepish.
"Still needs peacock- I mean practice," N'1 said, shaking his head out "I saw you head this way and called out, but I don't think you heard me."
Artemis inhaled, and heard a rustle. Butler was completely invisible again, but a giant strong hand squeezed his shoulder, and most of his back.
"I don't think Butler should be touching me when I do this, right?" Artemis asked.
"Unfortunately no, not until we know how your body reacts," Trouble said with a solemn nod. The pressure on Artemis's back vanished.
Artemis took a deep breath and dug a shallow dent in the dirt with his fingers.
"Here goes nothing, I suppose," he said, dropping in the acorn.
He exhaled deeply and started muttering the Gnomish prayers quietly.
"You know those are optional," Holly whispered. Trouble elbowed her gently in the ribs.
"Let him, if he wants," he said quietly. "Do you want to start from the top?"
Artemis turned, looking back at them. N'1, curious, Holly, smiling gently, and Trouble smirking, with a conspicuous hole between Holly and N'1.
"How about together?" N'1 asked. Artemis nodded.
Five voices started, and said the old Frond prayers in unison. Artemis inhaled deeply, smelling autumn leaves, cut grass, and earth, then covered the acorn, patting down the soil.
Before he could even exhale, Artemis felt it, starting from his fingertips. Blue sparks danced across his now-muddied manicured nails, up his arms, and vented out his mouth and ears, before he started convulsing.
"Is this normal," Butler snapped.
"For a young fairy, yes," Trouble said with authority. "Someone hold him so he doesn't take-"
Trouble didn't even finish before a set of massive hands materialized into view, pushing Artemis on his back and holding him through the seizure. N'1 reached out a hand for Artemis's left, and gripped it, blue sparks dancing up into him as well.
"I'm venting the excess," N'1 explained, as Artemis's spasms subsided quick as they came. Soon the teen was still, other than occasional wheezing.
"How are you feeling, Artemis?" Butler demanded once his eyes fluttered back open.
"I think that's what it's like to grab on to a live cable," Artemis sputtered. "Though I think I am well. Better than well. Would you mind letting go?"
Butler released his charge, and his hands disappeared back into the cam-foil cloak.
Artemis shakily stood up, dusting himself off, blinking the stars out of his eyes as magic crackled off his body.
"If you turn out to be a full blown Warlock, Fowl…" Trouble hissed. "I might just have to ask you to consider joining the Force."
Artemis snickered. "Noted."
And then his stomach growled.
"Sounds like a troll needs his din-din," Holly joked, prodding him in the gut, before addressing the air. "I'll pop back and bring you something."
Silence, but Artemis saw a tree branch shake despite the utter lack of a breeze.
"So, Fern, can you dance?"
"I.. no. I'd say I have two left feet but I think that I'd get out salsa'd by Foaly or his wife."
Trouble and his brother chuckled at that, passing down a plate of nachos around a large communal high-top table. Artemis wasn't sure what he expected from fairy food, but funnel cakes and deep-fried tofu corn dogs wasn't it.
"I thought you all were vegan," Artemis hissed at Holly.
"Mostly vegetarian, but the shuttle port is under a dairy farm," she said behind a hand. "We've been giving the family good luck for centuries, and they leave out tankards of milk, cream and butter. The cows are well taken care of, so the dairy is used for the full moon festivals. There's no worry the animals aren't ill treated, so even the staunchest of vegans will go for the festival cheeses and ice cream."
Artemis shrugged, and dug in. He was expecting processed crap, and was gladly mistaken. "That is a sharp Irish cheddar," he remarked aloud. "Compliments to the chef."
Grub, Trouble's brother, gestured at another stall behind them. "Ever had poutine, Fern?"
Artemis surveyed the dairy circles.
'No white lilies, look at what people are wearing to figure out genres,' he thought to himself. He passed a circle of mostly goblins and demons silently screaming and fist pumping.
"Metal?" he asked curiously at Holly.
"Stick your head in, silly," she replied.
Artemis breathed in and broke the shimmer of the silencing spell, blasted by a shredding guitar and guttural screams of rage. He pulled back, into the regular carnival sounds. "My guess was correct," he said, simply, swallowing a ball of spit. Holly just laughed.
"Your hair's on end."
"Where do you normally go?" Artemis asked as they passed two private parties. Artemis notes that both had a lot of what he thought were children.
Holly grinned and shoved her thumb back towards the death metal circle.
"You must be joking," Artemis deadpanned. "That wasn't music, that was an assault on my senses."
"Potato, potato," she replied. "I can't stand most classical."
"I suppose I'll have to provide you with a cultural education."
Artemis frowned, scanning the circles.
"Here, I think I know one more your speed," she said, scanning the field. "There's always a few teaching dances. Aaaand… there."
Holly pointed to a circle where fairies were lined up in a long row, couples dancing down the line.
"I think it's traditional Irish dances this month. Go get yourself a cultural education."
"Using my words against me, are we?" Artemis asked with a smirk. "Very well."
Artemis wound his way over to the dance in question, before realizing none of their group was following. Holly was gone, and Trouble and his group were long parted to go listen to a sprite pop singer's live performance that required special tickets.
Artemis spied a shock of red hair slip back into the metal circle.
"She wasn't joking," Artemis mumbled, as he watched Holly crowd surf, screaming her head off silently on the shoulders of an adult demon woman.
Artemis steeled himself, adjusting his scarf, and shaking out his cloak. "Well, at least if I make a fool of myself nobody I know is watching. Almost nobody," he added, glancing back to the tree line.
He stepped inside.
A small group of fairies in equally plant-tech clothing gathered off to the side. "Here for the next class?" one asked Artemis.
"I suppose I am," he said with a shrug. "When does it start?"
"They're every two hours so…" a gnome on his left said, glancing at the chronometer on her wrist. "Fifteen minutes, give or take."
Artemis nodded, watching the row of fairies finish a reel, to the sounds of a hurdy-gurdy, drums, and fiddle. He'd never really paid much mind to traditional Irish music, and found it funny his first real interaction to be from a culture outside. He likened it to an Italian learning about pasta for the first time by a German pasta master.
Someone tapped his shoulder, and he flipped around.
Fennel and her posse. Just what he needed.
"No luck finding a date?" Artemis asked, teasingly.
"Oh no, I've been dancing all night. I just saw you alone and wanted to apologize again. I didn't mean to startle you so badly before."
"I don't get out much," Artemis shrugged. "I'm usually holed up at home inventing. I'll equally apologize for such a poor showing. Thank goodness I know quite a few LEP officers or that might have turned out badly."
"Well, I'm glad you got your magic replenished," she said.
"How can you-"
"You're still sparking. Are you sure you're not a warlock?" she asked playfully.
Artemis looked down at his hands. Fennel was right, flecks of blue continued to bounce around along his fingertips.
"My cousin Holly keeps telling me to get checked. But I've never even attempted anything other than healing and the mesmer. Truth be told, I don't even know how to shield."
Fennel looked surprised. "You're practically overflowing and you've never shielded?"
"I have not."
"Be my partner. I'll teach you, in exchange."
"You really want that date, don't you?" Artemis asked with a chuckle. "Don't tell me your director has been trying to push you on me."
"Oh, she did, at first. You looked like you never went to a dance before."
"I haven't."
"Well?"
"You're not taking no for an answer, are you?"
"I will, if you say it."
Artemis considered his options. He could partner with Fennel, or any of the other fairies lining up for the start of the next lesson.
"Why are you insisting?"
"After you found out who I was, you didn't change," she replied honestly. "Usually, people want something."
"I don't watch cinema often, so you're just a person doing a job," Artemis said honestly. "Yes, I'll dance with you. But be warned. I -ahem- suck.
After the seventeenth time stepping on Fennel's foot, Artemis decided to stop keeping score. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to mind. Artemis supposed it was because he was treating her like a normal elf, and not some famous fragile flower. He'd miss-step, she'd wince for a moment, and he'd quickly reach out, heal, and they just kept right back up to the thud of the drum and their dwarf teacher's bellowing commands.
"You do suck," she said, laughing, as the band adjusted for the next song.
"I did warn you."
"But every time you step on me, you heal me. I haven't had a gentlefairy to dance with like this in decades."
Artemis winced at the age comment.
"You may suck, but you're improving quickly," she added, before moving one of his hands to her hip for the next song.
Artemis blushed, and when the drum and fiddle began to thrum, he flung his partner in circles and let out an uncharacteristic whoop.
"Follow the lead of that elf," the teacher boomed into his mic pointing at Artemis. "You're dancing under a full moon, people! Have some fun! You don't need to be Fennel Spring in My Summer Valentine to enjoy a jig!"
Artemis and Fennel locked eyes.
"Don't tell me you're a world class dancer, too," Artemis whined at her as they spun.
"I might be."
Panting, and well past midnight, Artemis and Fennel stepped out of the circle.
"-call on ice cream! Last call!" the loudspeakers boomed once they could hear the regular carnival sounds. "We are down to our last freezer of ice cream, so the line will close in fifteen minutes! Anyone not in line before 1:45 AM local, you're out of luck!"
Artemis and Fennel looked at each other.
"I've heard it's not to be missed," Artemis supplied.
"You've never had equinox ice cream? Are you vegan?"
"I did say I didn't get out much," Artemis retorted. "The last Ritual was in south Ireland." He never said it was his own. And technically, hadn't it been… had it been Russia, the last time he saw Holly bury an acorn?
"Oh you're one of those people who just buries their acorn and slinks back underground," Fennel said, gently nudging Artemis in the ribs. "No Fun Fern."
"I've never been keen on social events," he explained. "I don't.. people… well."
"Given how I met you, I'd agree," she said smiling.
Artemis felt a hard pressure of wind pressing outward, before a loud pop. N'1 was licking a giant ice cream cone.
"I got one to Butler," N'1 said excitedly, before registering the woman holding hands with him. "Oh! Ohhhhhh, I am so sorry… Fern, I'll leave you be."
He disappeared as quickly as he'd come.
"Butler is a friend of mine," Artemis explained.
"Isn't that the name of that human giant that helped with the Bwa'kell rebellion?" Fennel hissed at him. "You know him?"
"You saw I was friends with Recon. I consult for their intelligence team," Artemis said, hopefully not too quickly.
"No way," Fennel said, shocked as the two of them slipped into the ice cream line. "Wait… you said Holly earlier. Was that Holly Short?"
"And I'm Fern Short," Artemis replied, puffing his chest a little. "Who's fanboying now?" he added, mock bite to his tone.
"No wonder you don't get out much," she said, nodding. "What.. what are humans like? I guess if you didn't realize, I played Holly in the movie about her kidnapping."
"Oh?" Artemis asked, curiously.
"I did get to interview her, but honestly, I really wanted to hear Artemis's side. Especially since the Council seems to have seriously changed how they feel about him. There had to be something more going on. I can't see the mud-man hero of the People as someone who was also a petty kidnapper."
Artemis frowned. For an actress, Fennel seemed very well informed. Judging a book and covers, and all that.
"Sometimes good people do very bad, selfish things," Artemis finally settled on saying. "And sometimes very bad people learn their actions have consequences."
"Which one was Artemis?" Fennel asked curiously. "If you could guess, I mean."
"I'm not sure even he knows the answer to that."
"Well, friend of Artemis, it's been a night," Fennel said, as the sky finally went from black to grey, a mound of biodegradable corn dog and funnel cake wrappers between them.
"I ought to be heading home," Artemis said with a nod.
"We can walk to the shuttle port together," Fennel suggested.
"Oh, no, I didn't come through Tara. And I will need to get a new ID issued, anyway," Artemis added hurriedly. "Unless I can find Commander Kelp, I'll be stuck outside."
"Seems to me like you need to find that human, Butler, friend of Artemis."
"Are you insinuating something?" Artemis asked, arms crossed.
"I'm just saying I spend a lot of time changing how I look. And I also spent a lot of time watching the LEP footage of a certain kidnapping event. Shaving your eyebrows, frosting your hair, and wearing colored contacts is hardly a disguise; you haven't even bothered to adjust your accented Gnomish."
Artemis bowed his head.
"If it helps, it didn't actually register until N'1 mentioned Butler," Fennel added with a smile. "Considering there's only two demon warlocks on the planet, it's not hard to connect some dots. Did he transfigure you into an elf?"
Artemis shook his head. "Bringing the demons back out of the pocket dimension did this. I was officially named a fairy last week."
Fennel looked taken aback. "That wasn't his magic sparking on you?"
"No, all my own. I wasn't lying when I said I could heal and mesmer."
Fennel nodded. "Then I owe you shielding lessons, Fern, and maybe acting while I'm at it." she said, pulling on one of Artemis's ear tips. It stayed glued, and pulled his whole ear with it.
"Hey!" Artemis shrieked, uncharacteristically, massaging his ear when she let go.
"Welcome to the Family," Fennel said with a smile as she gathered her things. "Maybe I'll see you at another dance."
Artemis watched her walk away as the first weak rays of sun rose. He quickly picked up his trash and dumped it in the composting bin, just before a small army of dwarves and demons began to comb the fairgrounds to dismantle everything with insane precision. Artemis lifted his takeaway bag of fairy food for Butler, staring morosely at it that he wasn't able to take any of the ice cream for the road. His mint cone was divine.