We drove in Mikasas dark blue Toyota Corolla to pick up Armin, at his house. That was our morning ritual, which both Armin and I appreciated. Neither of us could afford a car: Mikasa could because she had inherited a lot of money.
I don't know if the money was from her parents, who were killed the some months before she came to live with us, or it was compensation from a lawyer. I had no idea, nor did I have the guts to ask her.

Armin lived with his grandfather. His parents went on a trip to Europe some years after Armin and I met. They disappeared and no one knows what happened, but they are believed to be death.
Armin wasn't that old when it happened, but Eren remember how strange Armin had been at that time. It took some time for him to recover, but he did and he never really talks about it anymore. He's just happy he still got his grandfather.

We drove into the schools parking lot; it was early so it wasn't full yet. We managed to get a spot almost at the doorstep. It was Friday before Christmas, so everybody at the school was excited.
Most were going out partying later on. Me, Mikasa and Armin were going clubbing at one of the local clubs. A lot from the school would be there.

We split up to go to our separate classes. My first class of the day was English. I sighed, I really hated that.

Every year, before the Holidays, the teachers would gather all students in the auditorium and perform some half assed play, making fun of the students. It could be fun sometimes, but for most it was just lame.

There was always a pause between the last class and the gathering. In that pause I sat on one of the indoor benches with a guy from my math class called Connie, Armin, Mikasa and Mikasas boyfriend Jean.
Jean and Mikasa started dating in the last week of her freshman year. He was a year older, so he is a senior now. They'd been together for so long that most people in school saw them as a unit.
Jean and I had hated each other in the start. Of course I would, he was doing my sister, but over time we learned to accept each other as a part of Mikasas life. I would even go so far that we have developed a little friendship.

"What do you think the teacher will do this year?" Jean asked not really interested in an answer. He just asked to keep the conversation going.

While Connie started to give a theory about the teachers play, Sasha came over to us.

Before she sat down, she bent over and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were soft. She opened her mouth a little, allowing my tongue to meet hers. We broke apart when Armin said "Get a room". I used to smile like an idiot every time she kissed me, but this time I didn't feel it. I was still upset about the fact that she didn't want to take it any further, despite months of dating. She didn't notice that I didn't smile.

Before we started dating, Sasha was a class clown. I'm not sure if she was on purpose, but she would always act silly. I don't know if her change of personality was due to the breakup with the blonde guy. It probably was. She could still be that girl sometimes, but she had gotten a more serious attitude, which often was accompanied with sexy and dirty walks and talk, like she didn't give a fuck about anything.

She sat down and took a gigantic lunch up of her bag. In the start I was so shocked by how much she ate. She's so skinny, but she eats like a grown man.

The others restarted their conversation about the teachers again, but I didn't feel like joining in. My mind was back on the girl who was my girlfriend, but wasn't really my girlfriend.

She ate fast and when she was done she said "Eren, I'll be going now. I'm meeting some of the girls before the play, see you tonight" she kissed him again and went. It was strange how ordinary her kisses seemed now. Like they were nothing anymore.

"That girl has a serious issue with food" Jean laughed

"I don't get why she's so skinny" Armin supplied

"Sometimes you would think she would marry food" Connie contributed and they all laughed, except me. I didn't think it was funny, but I still think it was true.

"Have you ever eaten cucumber at her house, Eren?" Mikasa suddenly asked.

The look of utter confusion I sent her, made her burst into laughter.

"What? I don't know. If I have I don't remember? What Mikasa"

She didn't answer and just kept laughing. I looked at the other boys, which to my reliefs looked as confused as I felt. "What the fuck Mikasa, don't be a bitch. What?"

"Okay, okay okay. I'll tell you" She wiped some tears away from the corner of her eye. "It's something Annie told me about." She laughed again "Sasha once told her that she" She couldn't hold it and laughed again "she once used a cucumber to you know" She made eyes, which told me that I had to know what she was trying to say, but I didn't so I just looked puzzled. "Argh Eren, do I have to cut it into pieces for you? She masturbated with it. She put it up her pussy" She laughed, this time the others laughed too.

My first reaction was to say "But girls don't masturbate" which resulted in an eye roll from Mikasa and more laughter from Jean. I'm pretty sure neither Armin nor Connie had thought that girls masturbated. Masturbation was a guy thing.

My second reaction was to sneer and make a mental note to never eat anything penis shaped at Sashas house again. Just to be sure.

"So are you guys going out tonight? Midnight Roses or Blue Steel?" Connie asked when the laughter stopped

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't help it, the names for the only two clubs in this town was so ridiculous. Midnight Roses was a place you went if you wanted a fun, but quiet night. Blue Steel was more intense, people went crazier there. Where you would go would depend on what mood you were in.

Mikasa was the one to answer, she even worded my thoughts "We might be a bit everywhere, depends on how we feel" She smiled at Connie "Where do you plan on being, if you're going?"

"Not sure yet, might be going with Annie and Marco." Connie suddenly looked uncomfortable, he looked at me as though he wanted to say something but couldn't so I asked "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Ehrm, it's just that. Ehrm" He really didn't like this situation "Is Sasha going to be there tonight?"

"Yeah why?" I found this really weird

"You know how I had to take my senior year over again?" I nodded "Well I'm still friends with some of the guys who graduated last year. Uhm and some of them are going to come home tonight and uh they're going to party with the rest of the school tonight."

"So?" I still didn't follow and Connie still seemed nervous

"Reiner is going to be there." He looked relieved to finally have said what he wanted to say.

"Who?" I had no idea, who that guy was. The nervous look on his face was back as he said "Sasha's ex. The guy she broke up with like a little over a week before she started dating you"

I was shocked. Sasha had said they had broken up just after graduation. If what Connie said was true, they first broke up a month into the new school year.
Instead of saying that out loud I said "Doesn't matter, she's with me now" I gave him the most confident smile I could muster.

As we drove home my mood was hitting a low point. Armin, Mikasa and I had agreed on meeting at our house , get ready, eat and drink some before we went out. Mine and Mikasas parents were never home anyway. This weekend it was a conference in another city. Our dad was a doctor of high rank, my mother always traveled with him. I'm not sure why.

I didn't feel like partying tonight, but I had promised Armin that I would keep him company so I put on a face.

It became more fun as the night progressed. We'd already been drinking a lot and I felt a warm fuzzy happiness in me. I'm not even sure why I was so angry before.

We walked down to the club, it wasn't that far away, which was lucky, because neither of us could drive. Armin and I had taken on nice shirts, Armin a blue one and I had taken on a white one. Mikasa had tried to do our hair, but failed. My hair was to wild to be tamed and Armins hair was too long to do anything besides hanging. But he looked good like that.

Mikasa was wearing a black dress, which would make Jean squirm just by the look of her.

We went to Midnight Roses first. The music that was played was some pop song. It wasn't high enough to be annoying. We sat down and while we waited for our beers, Jean came over. He kissed Mikasa for a long time. I looked at them and saw Jeans Jaw line and I couldn't help but think how sexy it was. Whoa whoa whoa Eren, what are you thinking. He is a man, even Mikasas boyfriend. It's just because I'm drunk I thought.

"Hey. Do you mind if my friends come over?" He released himself from the kiss and asked Armin and I if it was okay. I just nodded, I didn't feel like speaking or looking at him after thinking that.

His friends came over and we greeted each other. I don't really remember them, except for one of them.

"This is Levi" Jean said as he pointed to shortest guy in the group " I don't know why he's actually here though." Jean laughed

The guy, Levi, looked me directly in the eye as I offered my hand as a hello. His handshake was firm. I looked down on our hands and noticed how manly his were. I looked back into his eyes, which seemed to have a storm in them. It was intense and I couldn't look away.

He didn't look away either, but pulled me closer and whispered into my ear "You know that constant eye contact for more than six seconds either reveals a desire for sex or murder" He laughed softly as he pulled away, blinked to me and sat down on the other site of the table.

I looked around to see if any of the others had heard what he said. It didn't look like it, I was happy they hadn't, because I was sure I was blushing.

As I was considering what Levi had said to me Armin leaned closer and said" You see that girl over there?" I Nodded, I saw her.

"She has nice tits. I'd like to do her" He giggled nervously. I have always wondered if he was secretly gay, but he never told me, so I've stopped wondering. But I was still surprised that he would do the girl.
I rose from my seat so he could get out and said "Go talk to her. Tell me if you get any" I blinked at him and played the best wingman I could.

I was still sitting at our table. Mikasa and Jean had disappeared onto the dance floor and I had no idea where Armin went. Sasha had stopped by to say hi, giving me one of those crazy kisses I didn't really feel for anymore. When she walked away Levi had lifted an eyebrow. I ignored him.

I walked out to find someone I knew. I was bored. The bar had two levels, one on ground level and one in the basement. I went down there to see if there was anyone I knew and there she was. My girlfriend and she weren't alone. She was pressed against the wall by some tall, muscular dude with blonde hair. They were kissing, like we never had. He had his hands in her pants and I felt disgusted and betrayed. She sighed and moaned, obviously enjoying what he did to her. Then she opened her eyes and saw me.

"Eren!" she shouted in surprise. The guy turned around to see who she was talking to. It was the ex. The guy she had lied about, the guy she hadn't broken up with at the time she told me they had.

I got angry all at once, because I now understood what I've been used for. I now understood why she hadn't told me the truth of the breakup. Why she didn't want to go any further. She was still not over Reiner, she never had. She had used me to feel confident after feeling rejected, she used me to feel needed after Reiner. She used me to make him jealous.

"Fuck you Sasha. You fucking used me. You said you wouldn't go any further with me! And then you jump right into the pants of you ex by the first sight of him. You're so low Sasha. Hope he fucks you so hard you can't walk" I left, I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if she felt sorry or even if she might love me a little. I didn't even care if I might not have been in love with Sasha like I thought, but that doesn't mean she could use me.

On the way up I met Mikasa and Jean, they were on the way down. Mikasa always knew when something was wrong so she stopped me and asked what happened. I told them that Sasha was with Reiner down there and then I left.

I went to Blue Steel. I bought 10 shots of some gross liquorice that almost made me puke. The next couple of hours were blurry, I'm not sure what I did and what happened. The next thing I remember is that I'm sitting alone outside the club of Blue Steel and drinking a beer.

Someone suddenly stands in front of me. I look up and see that it's Levi.

"So you've come to murder me or fuck me?" I smiles at him, challenging him to try any of them, which he chose I really didn't care about at the moment.

He just laughs and sits beside me.

"Saw you kissing with that brunette. Is that your girlfriend?" He chuckled a little

My eyes shot daggers in his direction, he didn't see it so I just said "Not anymore"

"So you finally realized"

"What?" I frowned

"Kid, I have the best gaydar in this city." He smiled at me, like he knew something I didn't.

"I'm not a kid. I'm 17 and I'm not gay if that's what you're implying" That was what I said. But what I thought was that I might be. There have been moments where I have found myself looking at guys, more now than ever. But I wasn't going to tell him that. Besides it's mostly alcohol thinking.

"It was. What happened then?" He sounded genuinely interested

"You really wanna know?" I asked hesitatingly. Not sure why he asked

"Yeah" He looked me in the eyes and again I felt like I was being dragged into an ocean of feelings. I didn't know what it meant, but it made him more real.

"She cheated on me with her ex" I looked at him, challenging him to mock me for it, almost expecting him to do so. But he didn't he looked at me and said "What a bitch."

No more was said, we sat in silence until Armin and Mikasa showed up and said we should head home. Armin had a grin on his face that I would have to ask him about later, but not now. I was too drunk, tired and depressed.