A/N: An idea I had yesterday morning. Proceed.
Hyrule Warriors: Chat Room.
"Good work, Link!" Proxi exclaimed as the Hero sheathed his sword and picked up the tiny, golden bag containing a material from the fallen Argorok and slipped it into his pocket to use for crafting badges later. "That's the last of 'em! We can all go meet back at the Allied Base now."
He nodded and started back in that direction, picking up materials and weapons as he went. Proxi guided him throughout the map, and he joined Zelda as she was heading back, casually rescuing her from a swarm of confused Stalchildren that had converged upon her.
"I was fine," she stated simply while they were walking back together. "It just would've taken me a little longer to get out. Thanks."
He dipped his head. They walked for another couple minutes before Fi and Lana came into earshot.
"Miss Lana, I do not see the point in joining this chat room."
"But it's so fun, Fi!" Link heard the sorceress declare. Zelda had taken on a slight look of alarm. "Questions are anonymous, and everybody there is required to be completely honest."
"Lana, Fi!" the princess cried in a forcibly excited tone.
The two came into vision from the crest of a hill, spotted Link, and silenced their conversation, and - like Zelda - greeting him with false excitement. Fi, however, merely dipped her head in his direction and stated calmly, "Greetings, Master Link."
She was the least suspicious of them.
Nevertheless, he pretended to be just as oblivious as they assumed he always was. It wasn't long until Zelda requested that he go sweep the only keep they hadn't conquered, and he nodded. He started off in a jog, then slowed to a walk when he was out of sight to listen in on their conversation.
"Lana, you have to be careful about what you say out on the field," Zelda chided.
"Yeah, I know," the sorceress grumbled. "You've said it before. Link is everywhere at once."
Link heard the princess sigh. "Indeed. We can't have him finding out about the chat room. Especially since he's pretty much all anyone talks about."
The Hero smirked to himself. He made a mental note to follow Lana around later. He had to find out how to locate and visit this chat room they were talking about.
"I know what you're planning to do, Link..." Proxi whispered as he continued his jog. "...and I'm definitely in. I'm curious about this chat room, too."
He had done it. He followed Lana around for an hour and finally got the information to locate the chat when she told Fi how to find it - the sword spirit claimed she had to monitor for inappropriate behavior - and he and Proxi sat down in their tent, pulling out the magically-updating map that each of the commanders received at the beginning of the war.
"Enter," Proxi said quietly to the map. They had discovered while Lana was speaking the verbal cue to get into the chat room, and had quickly decided it was ingenious. Link couldn't speak, so of course they had never assumed he could get in even if he knew it existed.
You clever girl, Zelda, Link had thought, squinting, before they left to test it.
He was brought back to the present when the map emitted a soft humming sound, and the details changed into an organized list of every important name he knew. He and Proxi exchanged a glance before peering closer at it. Link's eyes immediately hooked on Zelda's name, and he pointed to it. Proxi nodded, and he tapped it. A new sort of picture opened, revealing boxes filled with plenty of words inside them.
He started to read the one that looked the most recent, with a tiny marking that said 'today' on it.
The question to her read: "What was that you were saying about how Link rescued you earlier?"
The Hero had to move the picture down to read the whole response.
Zelda replied: "Oh, dear Goddesses, it was magnificent. It was just a couple dozen Stalchildren, but they had been riled up by the defeat of the last Argorok - which I'm sure Lana can tell you about if you ask - and so they were all proving a little harder than usual to take care of. I was just beginning to gain a bit of ground when he arrived, hair pushed back by the wind and face glistening with sweat from the battle only a couple minutes previously. He was gorgeous. He came in and finished the job in a second with a well-placed spin attack, and I had the honor of walking back to the Allied Base with him."
Proxi giggled. "I didn't know she thought that about you."
Link nodded in agreement and went back to the list. Strangely enough, scrolling down, he found the names of enemy commanders, as well. Against his better judgement, he clicked Ghirahim's name and glanced over the first one.
Q: "Tell me, Ghiri, just what you would do to Link if you got your hands on him?"
A: "Well, first I would probably tease him a little - maybe push him up against a wall, and..."
Link fled immediately.