Disclaimer: Golden Sun is property of Nintendo and Camelot.

This pokes fun at Mudshipping. I like the pairing, but sometimes fics get a little too soppy. This chapter is dedicated to all those people whose fics made me giggle from cheesy, over-the-top romance.

Once upon a midnight dreary, As I authored weak and weary,
I decided, "You know what? Screw it. Rocks fall, and everyone dies."

.'.".".'.

It was your typical evening on the Lemurian ship. Ivan and Garet were off doing something like, I don't know, looking at porn or having a Tupperware party. Whatever. The point is, they were out of the way so that Isaac and Mia could have a sweet and romantic heart to heart talk.

The stars glittered in the night sky, which looked like a black velvet tapestry studded with diamonds, and the moon hung like a big luminescent pierogi. Mia stood at the railing of the ship, deep in thought.

Like a ninja, Isaac sidled up next to her. "Whatcha thinking about?" he inquired softly.

Mia had been wondering how much longer she'd have to wait before they got to a city with a decent day spa. She was in desperate need of some pampering; she was still finding sand from the Suhalla in the most unlikely places. However, she mentioned none of this to Isaac, instead going with, "Our quest." It sounded a lot deeper than "When am I going to be able to get a decent bikini wax?"

"Oh." Isaac was silent. Then he ventured on. "So, uh, you look really pretty."

And this in spite of the lack of spa treatment. Mia smiled. "Thanks."

"And um, well, you're really swell and nice and smart and junk," Isaac continued, blushing scarlet. He stared into the ocean and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "And the way I figure it, Jenna's always been insatiable, so she's probably not gonna wait for me, so you wanna go steady?"

"Oh, Isaac..." Mia said, also blushing. She'd been waiting for this day for a long time. Seriously. Every night she'd come up on deck and pose wistfully at the railing in typical Mudshipping fashion, hoping that the Venus Adept would get the balls to approach her. Now that he finally had grown a pair, Mia wasted no time in telling him, "Sure, I'd love to!"

"Awesome!" Isaac said. He tugged his scarf loose. "Well, uh, I don't have a class ring or anything to give you, so you can have my scarf instead."

"Oh, er, thanks," Mia said, hoping that she could get around wearing it places. It would really clash with her outfit.

"So, uh..." Isaac said, sounding even more nervous than before. He met Mia's eyes.

"Yes?" she said in barely more than a whisper.

"Mia..." Isaac said as they leaned in for a kiss.

Just then, an authorial voice sounded from the sky. "You know what? Screw it. Rocks fall, and everyone dies."

"What?!" the lovers exclaimed, horrified.

"ROCKS FALL. EVERYONE DIES." And lo, rocks did rain down from the sky (in the middle of the ocean, no less), crushing Isaac and Mia beneath a heap of boulders. Their hands were uncovered, however, and in death, they clasped hands, together even at the end. Surprisingly, the ship didn't sink.

Having heard the authorial pronouncement, Ivan and Garet rushed onto the deck.

"Isaac! Mia!" Ivan cried, rushing over to the dead couple and feeling their wrists for signs of life. "They're dead!" he told Garet.

"Hm..." Garet consulted a clipboard. "So I guess I should take off Isaac's order for a cake transporter."