"So, because you just ended up at my door, I have to sit up, getting no sleep whatsoever, whilst you have nothing to say to me?" Sara attempted to make her words sound angry, but instead, they came out sounded defeated. He'd always go running to her, but he'd never go the whole hog. She'd always be the one to pick up the pieces, no matter how small, and end up shoved back aside by morning. He wanted company, and she was his choice. But come morning, he'd be back to his distant self, and all she'd have to show for his choice of company would be the large bags under her eyes, and headache brought on by weariness.

Grissom himself moved up from the bed, and winced at her words. She really didn't want him there. There he went again, making a mistake when trying so hard not to. He genuinely thought she'd be awake, since she hardly ever seemed to sleep. He closed his eyes, and did his best to block out whatever was in his mind. Instinct got him into this mess, in her room, and now, it was up to his instinct to get him out of it.

Before he could even register what was going on, he found his hand tangled up in Sara's hair, another hand firmly on her waist, holding her against his own body. He could feel her tongue against his own, her own hands on his sides, and he had no idea how the hell it'd come about. He at least had never pictured their first kiss as one he'd ended up doing whilst zoned out.

Pulling back, breathless, Grissom simply gawked at her, confusion etched across his features.

Sara's face fell as he pulled away, and instinctively, wrapped her arms around her body. She suddenly felt exposed, open to him. He'd kissed her, and she's welcomed it. She'd gripped his body against hers tightly, and played with the curls at the base of his neck as she held on for dear life. It'd been the most natural thing in the world for her to do, but now, felt like the stupidest thing she'd ever done.

"Sara, I…"

"Just go, Grissom. Just go." Sara turned her back to him, and closed her eyes tightly. She could feel the tremors of impending tears start to try to take over, and used up all of her willpower to fight for control. She'd cry; just not with him there.

Grissom closed his eyes again, trying to work out the correct thing to do, to say.

"I didn't realise I was… I just…"

"You kissed me, Grissom. You didn't say a damn word, and you took hold of me like I'm yours to do that to." She answered quietly. Truth was, she always would be his to have; always.

"You kissed me back." Grissom replied, as he took a tentative step towards Sara. His hands hovered by her sides, as he was unsure of what action to take now. Truth be told, kissing her felt like heaven. The heaven he'd denied himself for so long, that tasted both forbidden, and right. So damn right, that he just couldn't see how really, it was forbidden.

Sara's shoulders slumped in defeat at his reply, as she steadfast refused to reply to him on that note. She had done, and she knew that as weak as it made her, she would do again, and again.

Taking a bold step, Grissom rested his hands on her sides. Upon feeling her jump, he moved his hands back away, as if burned. But, just as soon as he removed them, they were back on her sides.

"Why did you kiss me back?" He asked quietly, leaning in, causing his breath to rush against Sara's neck in a perfect torture.

She shrugged him off, and turned on her heel, shooting him a hard look. If he was going to do that to her, make a fool of her, then she was going to do her damn best to come off looking half decent in the whole affair.

"The question you should be asking, and answering, is why did you kiss me, Grissom? I'm not yours to kiss, and I'm not some fucking toy you can play with. Stop screwing with me, Grissom. Stop pushing me away, and then doing this to me. Don't come to my room at 3.20 in the morning, don't talk to me about the past, and i don't kiss me /i ." Sara practically cried the last part out, before bowing her head. It was the total opposite to what she really wanted to say to him, but she knew it was the only thing to say, to come away with some dignity. He'd never treat her like she needed, and so she had to do this.

For a few minutes, which felt like hours to the pair of them, Grissom simply stood there, watching Sara stare down at the floor. Her words had stung him, hurt him, but he knew he deserved them. It was all what he'd wanted to do to her, with her, and he'd always wanted more. He wanted to take her into his strong arms, and kiss away all the years of hurt, self doubt and pain he'd caused her. He wanted to tell her that he'd spent every night of the last 10 years of his life going to bed, wanting her there with him. That every time a call came in about one of their own being hurt, his breath caught for a moment as he feared the worst. God, Nick being kidnapped only months before had torn him apart. Sure, because of the fact it was one of his guys, and the fact that he cares for Nick, but mostly because whenever he allowed his mind to drift back, he could only feel thankful that it was Nick, and not his Sara that had been caught up in such an agonising situation.

He took a few bold steps towards her, and reached out with shaky hands. It was now or never. He'd made some progress, by kissing her. Now; now he had to do more. As much as it terrified him, he had to kiss those lips again, and just feel having her in his arms.

Cupping her face softly, he urged her to tilt her head up towards him. Taking a deep breath, he leant in towards her, pausing only inches away from her tender lips.

"What if I want to kiss you, Sara?" He whispered quietly, his words coming out as shaky as his hands. His own mouth suddenly felt very dry, and his knees felt shaky. If she didn't reply soon, he could only see himself collapsing down in the middle of her room. That'd be a good one to explain to the guys in the morning.

Eyes wide in shock, Sara stared back at him. His hands felt tender and warm, reassuring and soft against her skin. More moments of silence passed between the two, as a wide range of emotions crossed Grissom's face. Fear, desperation, anxiety. Oh God, she was going to snap at him again, wasn't she? Before he even had a chance to finish that thought, he could hear her words break through the silence. Only just though, as her voice, as shaky as his own just moments ago, was barely above a whisper.

"Then I'd say, that you better not be doing this to just push me aside again. A kiss with us Grissom, isn't ever going to be just a kiss. And I don't think you're capable of ever making it more." She reached up for his hands, to remove them from her face. However, she was met with resistance, as he refused to remove them. He'd need to think this through in the morning, he knew that. But he also knew that a kiss with them two would never be just a kiss. He didn't want just a kiss.

"I could be, if you let me try." He blurted out, as his mind wandered over his thoughts. Without giving either of them time to fully process his words, he leant in, and captured her lips in another kiss. Soft and tender, he hoped it would be enough to alley her fears, for now, as well as his own.

He'd just have to keep going on instinct, as terrifying as that may be, because it seemed the only way to get what he wanted, and to give her what she wanted from him.