NYOTA

Nyota stirred in a bed that was definitely not her own, for one because it was much bigger than the dorm beds she had grown accustomed to. She was warm and comfortable, but she needed to pee.

Her eyes flew open suddenly. "Wait a fuckin' minute," she hissed out loud. She was still at Spock's apartment! She sat up, looking around. Shit, had she spent the night? The last thing she remembered, she'd passed out on his couch due to pure exhaustion. Yet now she was in his bed. How did she get here? He must have moved her when she'd fallen asleep. And she hadn't felt herself being carried? She gave half a chuckle, shaking her head. His room was so neat. There was a window to the left with the shades drawn. She could make out a stringed instrument in the corner, held in place by wall brackets. The work station and computerized wall that no doubt held hundreds of scientific research books. She couldn't see him reading anything strictly for pleasure. The moving hologram on the wall showed the slow rotation of imaginary fish going back and forth across the screen. It occurred to her that she was observing swimming fish in her instructor's bedroom. Yes, she was in his bed. Fully clothed, but nevertheless! Nyota found it suddenly hard to swallow. She couldn't believe she was still here! Her fingers automatically went to her hair, knowing it must look a mess after sleeping with it in a halfway undone ponytail. She unwound the elastic holding the majority of the bulk, shaking her hair loose with her fingers. She was certain her makeup had worn away. Luckily, she'd gotten her mother's genes when it came to her hair. It had always been full, jet black and very long. Her hair would look halfway decent if nothing else.

"Computer, what time is it?" she whispered to the silent room.

"0530. Permission to add Voice Recognition?"

"Denied," Nyota sighed as she swiveled her body around, her feet on the floor. There was no point in saving her voice to the machine. For all she knew, this would be the last time she spent this much time in Spock's quarters. They'd worked together almost three full years, but she'd only been to his quarters a few times, and the visits had been brief. She was either picking up reports after hours or dropping off PADDs. He had given her the access code last year, but she'd never been able to come with an excuse to use it. She wasn't sure if it had been an open invitation or not. She'd never bothered to ask. It was just by chance she'd ended up spending the night. Well, the good news was that she hadn't been drunk (therefore, hadn't made a fool of herself) and she hadn't hooked up with him (nothing to be embarrassed about when she saw him next). Things were still innocent. He wasn't even in the room with her. So where was he? He'd mentioned a dozen times that he didn't need the same amount of sleep as humans, so was he sleeping now? Nyota stood up and walked quietly back out to the front of the living room.

All the lights were off. She tiptoed to the bathroom, closing the door quietly while she used the restroom and thought about how she should go about her next move. She'd missed curfew, but it didn't matter now because she could be scanned in without a problem since it was the next morning. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands quickly in the sink. When she came fully out into the living room, she saw him, on the couch without a shirt on, only long dark pants. No blankets or a sheet. One arm was up by his head, the other across the toned muscle of his stomach. His arm rose and fell with his quiet breathing. He was asleep. She bit her bottom lip, shifting from one foot to the other. She hated to wake him. He looked so peaceful. He looked so…beautiful. Her heart leapt to her throat when he shifted slightly, turning his head towards her. He did not wake.

Spock. Her instructor, her friend…she didn't know what else. She'd always stopped herself right there, at friend. If she admitted, even a little, that she was attracted to him, that she would let him do whatever he wanted, if only he would ask, she would fall completely in love with someone who, at best, was considered strange and emotionless by half of Starfleet. He'd never flirted with her, never given her the eye like so many other men at Starfleet did. Especially that Jim Kirk. Spock, however, was someone who she was sure would never be able to give her a normal relationship, one with hand holding and flowers and fondue and engagements. She didn't mind the engagement; honestly, she never wanted to get married. She was married to her studies and after that, to her missions after Starfleet. Each exploration was five years. That left no time for a regular life, or for a family. Nyota had accepted that long ago. She was perfectly okay with that choice, no matter how the thought of no grandchildren disappointed her parents. But, she had seen what her cousins had gone through with their husbands and their screaming, relentless children, always asking for, always needing, never able to give their mothers space to be themselves. "I can't, Ny," her cousins always told her when she wanted to go to a bar or check out a new dance spot. "I've got to watch the kids." "I can't, Nyo. I'm exhausted. Stephen had soccer practice today and Elaine had a recital." Nyota didn't want to turn her friends down for the sake of children. She didn't want to give up her life for a normal family, one who expected folded laundry, a spotless home and cooked meals day after day. She had never been attracted to that lifestyle. She wanted to be free, always. It was one of the reasons why she'd chosen Starfleet. Who could ask for more liberty than studying the final frontier?

Spock understood. He must have, for, despite being relatively young (what was he, 27 or 28 in Earth years?) he was still single and had no children. He was as strange as she was when it came to relationships, from what she had seen. While Nyota maintained a comfortable distance even with her casual sexual encounters, Spock appeared committed to no one, not even physically. She'd heard rumors, of course. He'd been intimate with Christine Chapel, the lead nurse at the clinic. Supposedly he had left her heart broken, but Nyota couldn't believe it (perhaps she didn't want to believe it happening) and besides, it had supposedly happened before she even started at Starfleet. She'd heard about a few other women, and then of course were rumors that he was gay. Nyota might have believed it except she never saw him engaging in any type of flirtation with male or female. When his comm went off around her, he always answered and it was always work related. Sometimes it was his mother. Nyota knew because he always spoke to her in his native language. His tone was not as rigid when she called. Lady Amanda. There had been times when Spock had asked her to send a file from his computer or retrieve certain information, and she had seen personal or work emails up on the screen. She was naturally curious, so of course she had glimpsed at them. There was never anything there that would suggest he was seeing anyone. Nyota couldn't read him, so she had no idea what he thought about her outside of their working relationship. Their friendship had started out rocky enough as it was, but after he had seen how intelligent she was, how quickly she learned the material he lectured on and how many 98.6s and 99.7s she had earned on tests where half the students were failing miserably, he had asked her to become his Teacher's Aide. She'd been thrilled, and fantasized about the two of them maybe going at it over one of the research desks or spending one late evening too many in each other's arms…but he'd remained as impasse as ever. He never made a move, never acted inappropriately. Nyota wasn't the type to flirt with her teachers, no matter how attractive, so she went about her work with him and continued to make high As in her classes, especially his. She dated other men casually, had random sex here and there, but her heart never skipped a beat with any of the "Randoms". Her heart skipped beats when she was setting up the lab for a class and he walked in unexpectedly with his nod and calm, "Cadet." It skipped beats when they stood close at the console as he instructed her responses in Vulcan, both general and High. "Your verb usage is incorrect. You said 'There are birds' instead of 'There are three'. Inflect is of the utmost importance, Nyota." He called her by her first name when they were alone.

Alone, the place she wanted to be with him, and now here she was, and there he was. Nyota moved closer to him, quiet as a cat, until she stood before him on the couch. Her fingers hovered over his perfect body for a moment before she let her fingers trace lightly down his arm. Hot. He was hot like fire. She broke into a smile. How long had she wanted to be this close to him? Nyota knelt down, gazing adoringly at him. Now instead of her heart skipping a beat, it flapped wildly in her chest. He was asleep now, so what if she just took a chance and did it, what she'd wanted to do since she was twenty one years old, a first year student entering his class on a sunny morning in August? What if she kissed him, quickly enough to know what it felt like to have his lips on hers, then went back to sleep until the morning light and took the secret to her grave?

Who would know?

Did she dare?

She did dare. Leaning forward on her hands and knees, she pressed her lips against his firmly.

His eyes opened.

She froze, millimeters from his face. "Oh!" she gasped. "I'm..I'm sorry!" Nyota scrambled backwards on her hands and feet, slipping on her butt before she finally gained traction and fled for the bedroom, burning with shame.

"Nyota!" he said. He followed her into the bedroom; she heard him in the doorway, but she couldn't bring herself to even look at him. Her eyes blurred with tears. She'd just fucked it all up, everything. How could she have been so stupid?

"I'm sorry. I just…I thought you were asleep…I'll go—" She made another attempt to rush past him, to just flee, but he caught her by her wrist.

"Lights," he commanded.

"No, don't turn them on!" she squealed. She knew her blush was so furious that it shone through her brown skin. She just wanted to die, to shrink into the floorboards and melt away! She couldn't stop her tears of pure embarrassment, so several trickled down over her cheeks.

"Look at me, Nyota." He didn't sound angry, but he had never been angry with her in the three years she had worked with him as his Teaching Assistant. In fact, she'd never seen him angry; it didn't stop the dread at what he might say. She braced herself for the worst, for her dismissal, a lecture on how wrong she was, the firm way he would explain to her that she was inappropriate, he didn't appreciate her behavior and their working relationship was now over. She'd never make it as an Officer now. She wiped her tears with the back of her free hand. Her eyes rose to his. He was so tall, so handsome standing partially naked before her. She didn't know what to do. He released her wrist, but held his gaze on her.

"Explain your behavior from a moment ago," he said. Her heart was pounding. Explain herself?

"I can't! I don't know why I did it! I'm sorry!" She attempted to turn away from him again, but his hand caught her chin this time, guiding her face back towards him.

"That is an apology, not an explanation. Why did you kiss me, Nyota?"

She couldn't stop shaking as her mind raced for the best way to tell him that she'd kissed him because she was desperate for attention he had refused to give her. She'd kissed him in his sleep because otherwise, she'd probably never know what it was like. He would never have made a move. She'd been waiting damn near three years. She might have waited the rest of her life.

Of course she couldn't tell him all those things, so instead she took a deep breath. "I couldn't help it when I saw you lying there," she admitted sadly. "It won't happen again. I swear, it won't happen again-"

He moved closer to her, his fingers sliding slowly down to her neck, his eyes lowering to her mouth. "And…if I desire it to happen again?"

Her eyes widened with surprise. He wanted her to do it? Again? Nyota could not find words to respond. She didn't know what to do or what to say. She only knew that her heart was in full bloom suddenly, like a flower. She shut her eyes as another tear slipped out, more so out of confusion now. Was it a trick? A strange dream?

"Maf-tor du na," he whispered. "Fudau na." (Do not cry. Look at me.)

Nyota drew in a deep breath, obeyed. His eyes made her feel like she was the only girl in the world. As he stared into her eyes, it hit her like a ton of bricks that she should have looked there all along. It was there where his intentions about her were clear. He blinked, leaning tentatively closer.

"I should like…for it to happen again," Spock said softly. "If you are in compliance, Nyota."

She didn't know what was happening, or why, but it felt as if her entire world made sense now. Everything hadn't been in vain! Was she in compliance?

"Of course I am," she breathed. "Of course I am."

He pulled her body against his, their mouths meeting somewhere in the middle, and for the first time Nyota knew what it felt like to love someone so much you would change your best laid plans for them.