That lying bastard! He just made him steal 6,000 dollars from some random customer of some random Scottish bank! What a fucking assho— Another ping came from his laptop to signal that he was once again being pestered.
-carcinoGenetecist began pestering twinArmageddons
CG: CONGRATULATIONS. TG SEEMS TO THINK THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY BE COMPETENT, WHICH I DOUBT, BUT RECRUITING IS HIS JOB.
CG: NOW I WANT THE ACCOUNT THAT YOU PUT MY MONEY IN.
TA: whoa whoa hold on.
TA: your money?
TA: ii thought ii wa2 the one who rii2ked my fuckiing neck two get that money that you claiim two be yours.
CG: MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY KNEW THE WHOLE FUCKING STORY YOU WOULD HAVE AN ARGUMENT, BUT SINCE YOU DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE THING, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE YOU MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE ANY MORE OF A DUMBASS.
CG: THAT WAS MY MONEY YOU STOLE, MORON.
TA: ...
TA: what?
TA: you're owen?
CG: THEY SHOULD GIVE OUT AWARDS FOR BEING AS DENSE AS YOU ARE.
CG: OF COURSE I'M NOT OWEN.
CG: BECAUSE THERE IS NO OWEN.
CG: TG SAID YOU WERE SMART SO ACT LIKE IT!
CG: UPTON NATHANIEL OWEN.
CG: THINK ABOUT THAT NAME FOR A SECOND. GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT A MORON YOU'VE BEEN.
Sollux pondered the name for several minutes. Upton Nathaniel Owen obviously meant something significant. When people coded names they usually used initials... U. N. O.? Uno? No that's just coincidence. Upton was a fairly uncommon name, so that was likely an initial, but U. Nathaniel Owen still just sounded like a name. Maybe a middle initial... U. N. Owen? U. N... Un Owen. Oh God how could he be so stupid.
TA: the name ii2 u n owen.
TA: or unknown.
TA: how the fuck diid you not get caught?
CG: BECAUSE APPARENTLY EVERYONE WHO WORKS FOR RBS IS JUST AS DUMB AS YOU ARE AND CAN'T RECOGNIZE A PATTERN WHEN IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.
CG: NOW SEND ME THE DAMN ACCOUNT INFORMATION WITH THE MONEY IN IT.
TA: hiidiing 2omethiing by puttiing iit riight iin front of them.
TA: clever.
-twinArmageddons is sending a file! [here2your$.txt]-
CG: THAT'S WHY I'M IN CHARGE, SHIT FOR BRAINS.
CG: SO TG SAID THAT YOU GOT THE MONEY AND LEFT NO TRACE.
CG: WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? CONVINCE ME YOU'RE NOT AS MUCH OF A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME AS I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE.
TA: ii'm a computer 2cience major.
TA: ii could probably get iinto anythiing ii really wanted two iif ii was giiven enough tiime.
TA: ii can program in ~ATH ^CAKE DI2* C++ and java.
TA: and ii've been told ii have a head for number2.
CG: SO YOU HAVE ALL THE SKILLS OF EVERY GODDAMN NERD ON THE PLANET. CONGRATULATIONS.
TA: your word2 are 2o biitiing. ii may ju2t keel over riight now.
CG: YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND LISTEN.
CG: AS I'M SURE TG NEGLECTED TO MENTION, I'M BUILDING A TEAM TO MAKE US ALL RICH.
CG: I ALREADY HAVE EVERYONE ELSE I NEED BUT WE STILL NEEDED A HACKER.
CG: SO I'M GIVING YOU AN OFFER THAT WOULD BE PHENOMENALLY STUPID OF YOU TO REFUSE.
CG: SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO "TAKE THE MORAL HIGH GROUND" AND TRY TO REPORT US THEN IT WOULD BE BETTER TO JUST TELL ME NOW, SEEING AS THERE'S ABOUT AS MUCH CHANCE OF ANY FORM OF AUTHORITY BUSTING US AS THERE IS THAT YOU WILL EVER LOSE EVEN THE SMALLEST SHRED OF YOUR VIRGINITY.
TA: well actually there wa2 thii2 one tiime...
CG: I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU DICKSPONGE!
CG: I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHO WAS INSANE ENOUGH TO LET YOU GET ANYWHERE NEAR THEM NAKED. ALL I NEED TO KNOW IS IF YOU WOULD BE IN ON THIS.
CG: AND DON'T PULL THAT OLD FUCKING "I NEED MORE INFORMATION" THING BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU ALREADY KNOW YOUR ANSWER. SO YES OR NO, CAPTOR?
It somewhat bothered Sollux just how right CG was. He did, in fact, have his answer. The thrill and satisfaction of theft was nearly addicting; on top of that, the prospect of getting even more money was a tantalizing one to say the least. He was being given a choice; he could join with these people or finish his last year and a half of studies, then search for a boring job in programming for some giant corporation that would toss him in a cubicle and forget about him until he eventually retired. CG was right once again. It would be stupid for him not to take the offer.
TA: ii'm iin.
TA: tell me what ii need two know.
CG: TWO THINGS. FIRSTLY, YOU'RE NOT A STUDENT ANYMORE.
TA: ii fiigured that part out.
CG: WELL YOUR STUPIDITY HASN'T SHOWED ANY SIGNS OF LESSENING RECENTLY SO I FIGURED I WOULD PLAY IT SAFE AND POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS.
TA: ju2t tell me the 2econd thiing. ii have thiing2 two do before ii leave the 2chool.
CG: YOU HAVE TO MOVE.
TA: what?
TA: move two where?
CG: HOUSTON. THAT'S OUR CURRENT BASE OF OPERATIONS.
TA: you expect me two be able two ju2t get up and go two hou2ton?
TA: hold on for a moment and thiink about how 2tupiid that ii2.
TA: ii have a famiily at home and ii can't even afford a plane tiicket much le22 a hou2e.
TA: 2o unle22 you have a better plan then you can go fuck your2elf.
CG: YOU'VE JUST BEEN GIVEN A JOB OFFER FOR TECHNICAL SECURITY AT A SMALL, TEXAS-BASED SOFTWARE COMPANY CALLED SKAIANET. THEY SAW YOUR SCORES AND YOUR PROFESSOR'S COMMENTS AND THEY GOT INTERESTED. IT PAYS WELL. VERY WELL.
CG: AS FOR HOUSING AND THE PLANE TICKET, THE TICKET IS COVERED AND WE CAN LOAN YOU MONEY.
CG: DON'T EVEN FUCKING TRY TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH PLANNING I PUT INTO THIS. IT WILL PROBABLY CAUSE YOUR INFERIOR MIND TO END UP IN A PILE OF THE FLOOR.
TA: god you're iin2ufferable.
CG: WATCH YOUR DAMN MOUTH. REMEMBER WHO YOU'RE NOW WORKING FOR.
TA: ii never 2aiid you werent entertaiiniing.
CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.
CG: HERE'S YOUR TICKET. IT'S UNDER THE OWEN ALIAS. TRY NOT TO FUCK UP TOO HORRIBLY ON THE WAY HERE AND GET CAUGHT.
CG: TG WILL MEET YOU AT THE HOBBY AIRPORT AND DRIVE YOU TO US.
CG: BY THE WAY YOU CAN KEEP THE MONEY. THINK OF IT AS AN ADVANCE ON YOUR FIRST CUT.
CG: SEE YOU HERE.
-carcinoGenetecist is sending a file! [ ]-
TA: ii thiink your caps lock key ii2 2tuck.
CG: IF I WANTED TO TYPE IN LOWERCASE I WOULD TYPE IN FUCKING LOWERCASE!
CG: NOW GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE READY TO LEAVE.
-carcinoGenetecist ceased pestering twinArmageddons-
Sollux shut his computer with a grunt, but his true emotions could easily be deduced by the smirk across his thin visage. This would certainly be interesting. He would need to do some research into this company. If CG had any brains whatsoever he would have set up at least some fake information on it. As it turned out, CG had gone above and beyond a simple fake job. He had actually gotten Sollux a part-time job at the very real company of Skaianet. They didn't seem to make any products very successfully, but it would be enough to fool nearly anyone into thinking he was legitimate.
The ticket was for a flight the following month, which gave him more than enough time to finish up his studies for the year and to tie up any loose ends. He told his father about his high-paying job offer, receiving some suspicion, but not enough to warrant further investigation. Now that family issues had been taken care of, Sollux would have to begin preparations for his departure, and possibly better equip himself for his new profession using his most recent profit. "Better equip" would come to mean the purchase of not one, but two high-end computers, one for the job and one for personal use. Along with the money he saved from not having to pay rent for the next month, the hacker would have more than enough to get him to Houston. All that was left was to finish his classes, then he would no doubt be rolling in cash within just a few minutes of tapping on a keyboard.