Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of it's characters. This story was written for my entertainment, and the entertainment of my readers, and I did not profit in any way from it's creation.
Readers: Here it is, the hardcore Yaoi Goodness I promised! I hope you enjoy it.
Warnings: Yaoi, Mention of Suicide, Drugs, Underage Drinking
With all of my reviews, words of encouragement as well as constructive criticism is always appreciated and encouraged. Your reviews let me know that I should continue with the story, and give me the push I need to continue working on it. I respond to all reviews I recieve with a personal message thanking you for commenting on my work. Flames are not appreciated or acknowledged. The warnings are clearly listed above, if you do not enjoy this type of story then don't read it.
Kagome watched Inuyasha leave and began to feel guilty about hurting him. Damn it! Why did he have to take everything so literally? It was only a joke! This was ruining her high. Wanting to overcome to guilty feelings, she took out another joint, lit it up, and fell back on the cool grass, inhaling deeply.
The three looked around to each other unsure of what to do. "Perhaps we should just give him some time to cool off, it has always been the best thing to do in the past" Sango pondered aloud. The group agreed and then decided that if he was not back by sunset Miroku would be the best person to go in search of him.
Meanwhile, Inuyasha sat by a hot spring under a tree in a nearby meadow fuming at himself for what had happened. He shouldn't have let it go that far. He cursed himself for his weakness around Miroku. How was it that he could push aside sexual needs for over five hundred years, for his entire life span, but simply remembering Miroku shirtless on top of him made him ache with desire. He shuddered and looked down. God damn it! Just the mere thought of it made him harden. How could he remain with the group and act like nothing had happened when he couldn't look at Miroku without thinking of the sensual moment between them? He stood and undressed, thinking that soaking in the hot springs might clear his mind and relieve some of the tension, mainly below the belt, that was making his body ache.
He stepped into the springs and sighed as the steaming water warmed his body. He would just have to push the memory out of his head. There was no way for him to be with Miroku, even though he and Sango were no longer together, he loved women, lusted after them with no shame. Inuyasha would have to accept the fact that he simply had no chance with him. If the group mentioned how he seemed to enjoy it, he could just blame the drugs and say he was pretending to like it to get the girls naked.
He laughed softly at the thought. 'Pretending', yeah that was something he did very well. He pretended to enjoy the company of girls, pretended to be the strong, harsh, and distant person that is stereotypical of the average guy, by now he even knew how to play off having a sore throat when he accidently raised his voice an octave or blame a 'limp wrist' motion on the tetsaiga being too heavy. He could never be who he truly was, he learned that lesson long ago when he came out for the first, and only, time.
Flashback:
Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were practicing in the fields, dreaming of one day becoming strong and powerful youkai warriors. He and Sesshomaru were very close, they did not keep secrets and because they were brought up as royalty, they did not have an opportunity to make other friends due to their extensive training.
He cared about his brother deeply. His father was gone and his mother was often alone grieving silently in her room over the loss of her Lord or sleeping off the effects of the alcohol she consumed to dull her pain. His brother was the only one he spoke to on a regular basis. Sesshomaru was the one person he felt he could be himself around. The problem was, he was not being himself. There was a major part of him that Sesshomaru did not know about. In fact, he had only discovered it a short time ago.
As they sat below the sakura tree eating their lunch after a hard day of training Inuyasha pondered how he would reveal this new side of himself to Sesshomaru. Obviously Sesshomaru noticed his anxiety because he eyed him every few moments eventually voicing his thoughts. "Brother, something is bothering you." Although it was not spoken as a question, Inuyasha knew his brother well enough to understand Sesshomaru was seeking an answer. He sighed and decided this was as good a time as any, besides how could you rehearse something like this?
He looked to the ground before meeting Sesshomaru's gaze and his mouth tightened with nervousness. "Sesshomaru, there is something you do not know about me. I ... I just don't know how to tell you." He again moved his gaze away from Sesshomaru to the ground and the falling sakura blossoms that landed gently on the grass around them.
Sesshomaru was intrigued and a bit worried. If Inuyasha felt he did not know how to voice his thoughts, then it must have been important. "Speak your mind, Inuyasha. I am listening. Often the best way to say something is to refrain from leading up to it."
Inuyasha nodded and took a deep breath. The words came out in a rush, so quickly he did not know if Sesshomaru could even understand him. "Okay, the thing is I..." He faltered, figuring out what exactly to call himself."I... like guys. There was this one guy I met and he was really nice, before I knew it he kissed me. I never felt that way for a girl before." He looked up to see Sesshomaru staring out into the distance, as if weighing the impact of his words.
"Inuyasha, this can not happen in our family, you know this. We are royalty. Such actions are disgraceful to our name. I will not see our family line dishonored because you can not control your emotions. You will not speak of this again, am I clear?" He looked to Inuyasha with a serious glare. This would not happen, not when he was the upcoming Lord.
Tears began to form in Inuyasha's eyes and he looked to Sesshomaru with a pleading expression. "I can not help it. I tried to push it away; it kept coming back. I thought you would understand. You were the only one I could ever talk to, brother. I have tried to change and I can't. I just wanted the ability to be myself , if only around one person." The tears had now fallen from his eyes and begun to stain his cheeks.
Sesshomaru's expression remained cold and distant towards him. Something Inuyasha had rarely ever seen him do when they were alone. This stoic mask was normally reserved for when he was in training, or studying to become the next Lord, which was soon to happen. "Inuyasha, I will not tolerate this. If you truly can not change then you will leave the palace. I will keep your secret as not to shame our name. There will be an understandable explanation for you going elsewhere; but you may not stay." He glanced towards Inuyasha briefly and saw the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "Your tears will not help in this matter, the act of crying will only prove to be a waste of energy."
Sesshomaru then stood and turned his back to Inuyasha to walk inside the palace leaving him broken hearted and abandoned. He did not know how long he sat there in pain hoping Sesshomaru would return and take back what he had said. Each moment that passed further crushed his hopes of acceptance from the one person he cared for. When the sun began to set, he realized that he was alone, his brother was not coming back. His mother would not notice his absence. He was isolated from everything he ever knew because of something he could not change and could never speak of. Would never speak of, not after what had happened. He would never again try to be himself. Instead, he would play the part that society expected of him. No more friends would be lost because of his shameful feelings.
He stood and walked away with his eyes focused on the ground and his ears flattened against his head. When he reached the edge of the grounds he glanced backwards at the palace one last time. Looked for a final moment at all he used to have and hold dear, loved and cared for. The tears blurred his vision into a kaleidoscope of colors as he saw, in that one moment, the life he had to walk away from. Everything was now lost to him because of his filthy desires. As he walked into the woods out of sight, he left a piece of himself he would always long for under that sakura tree.
End Flashback.
No, Sesshomaru never cared that he was a half demon. That was the lie that he had created to save his family's name. Not a single person dared to question his change of heart. Although, Inuyasha was certain the maids and servants of the palace spoke of Sesshomaru's reasoning in hushed whispers in his absence, it would have abruptly ended when he entered the room. He was Lord of the Western Lands and his word was law. Inuyasha never had a chance to gain acceptance from what used to be his family when such great odds were stacked against him.
As for his mother, she committed hara-kiri, honorable suicide, soon after. It was not something he hadn't been expecting; she had mated with his father. The mating ritual binds the souls of lovers together and life becomes intolerable for the one who lives after the mate has passed from this world. A demon can withstand the pain, and although it never goes away, it becomes a part of their life and they learn to suffer the sorrow of a lost love. Nobody ever imagined that Izayoi would outlive his father and it came as no surprise when she decided to follow him into the next life. What hurt deeply was that in her suicide note she never mentioned him. Inuyasha replayed the words in the note over in his mind. He had long ago memorized it.
My Dearest Family,
I can no longer live the life of a Lady with out my Lord. I miss him dearly and every agonizing minute that ticks by is torture as it is simply another moment I am forced to remain without his touch. He was my world, the air that filled my lungs and the sun that caressed my cheeks. My soul belonged to him, and when he left this world, a part of me passed on along with him. Today I willingly take my life and in doing so reconnect our souls once more, wherever that may be. Do not grieve my death. Celebrate the reunion of me and my mate.
In Everlasting Love,
Izayoi
He wiped away a stray tear that fell from his cheek at the memories of the past. Was he really that disgusting and shameful that he could not love freely? Was the way he felt so crude and vile that it had to isolate him from the world more than he already was? All he wanted was the ability to be who he truly was in life, it was a simple request that he knew most took for granted. With all that had happened, it was no wonder he despised the way he felt. Eventually he grew to become sickened by these desires because of the pain he endured over something he knew could not be changed.
Quickly he pushed the memories aside. He did not want to dwell in the past and besides, he had current problems to deal with. Looking down he noticed that the water had relaxed all but one part of his body. He cursed again, the pressure was so intense it was nearly painful. Damn his unnatural emotions. He could not go back to camp like this. He simply would not let the others see him in such a state. He glanced up at the sky, it was almost sun down and they had not come in search for him so he guessed he had time before returning to camp.
He glanced around one final time before circling his hand around his erection. Slowly he began moving his hand over his length, picking up speed as he went. Normally as he did this he willed his mind to remain blank, his desires should not even be voiced inside his own head, or so he was told; however, tonight he could not help himself. He moaned out loud as his mind flooded with images of Miroku, naked, moaning, writhing along side him in pleasure. A drop of pre cum beaded on his tip as he thought about how they would look joined in passion, their lips locked together, his tongue frantically moving with the other in rhythm to their thrusts. He heard a twig break nearby but was too caught up in the moment to think anything of it. As he was reaching his peak, his head fell back and his body arched. He pumped harder and moaned Miroku's name as he reached his climax.
He washed himself off and eased out of the hot springs, pushing aside the guilt he felt over what he had done, again. As he turned he caught sight of Miroku standing a few yards away. He was smiling secretively and leaning against an oak tree with his arms casually crossed over his chest, his staff on the ground beside him. Inuyasha blushed furiously and jumped back into the spring realizing his clothes were at the tree where Miroku stood. He was not going to walk over naked and retrieve them, not after what had happened earlier.
Miroku's voice was calm and held a hint of humor to it. "Inuyasha, why jump back in the spring? I have seen you without clothes before." Inuyasha didn't know how to answer that question and simply shrugged. What Miroku was saying was true, he and Miroku had soaked in hot springs in the past just as Sango and Kagome did so often. The only difference was that after today he did not know how to control his emotions around him. He used to be able to push them aside, but now he had a taste of that paradise he sought after for so long and wanted more.
Inuyasha blushed even more as he began to undress. "Wh... what are you doing Miroku?" He removed the tie to his pants and slowly slipped them down off his body and began walking over to the spring with Inuyasha. "I am going to relax after a very strange day. I suppose that is what you are doing here as well." He sighed and stepped into the warm water and leaned his head back on a stone.
Inuyasha felt his self lengthening again at the sight of Miroku's body and quickly attempted to leave before it became apparent. "I was ...uh..just getting out actually." He turned around and almost left successfully, but Miroku's calm and sensual voice stopped him. "There is really no reason to go back to the camp site, the girls passed out soon after you left. I made sure they were comfortable and lit a fire for them before coming to find you. I am sure they will not be awake until morning." Damn, he was trapped. He had no reason to leave now.
He slid back into the water, hoping that Miroku would not notice his growing erection. He couldn't help it. The sight of Miroku in the spring with the steam creating a hazy aura around his body while water gleamed off his skin in the pale moonlight. Oh no! Bad, bad Inuyasha. He scolded himself mentally. He tried to rid himself of the thoughts but it was too late. He was already fully erect and aching with desire.
He just hoped it wouldn't be like earlier when the only way he was able to rid himself of it was to... He almost choked on air as realization hit him. The broken twig! Was that Miroku? Had he... Oh god! All color drained from his face with the thought of being discovered. When he tried to speak, his voice broke from fear. "Miroku, how... how long were you there?" Miroku again gave that secretive smile and chuckled slightly. "Long enough to hear you call out my name, Inuyasha." He wanted to break down and cry right there on the spot, but doing so would only prove Miroku's suspicions were correct. He quickly thought of a lie. "I was calling your name to tell you to leave me the hell alone, but you didn't get the hint!"
Miroku sat up to face Inuyasha who was looking away, seeming to be very interested in the appearance of a nearby tree. "Inuyasha, there is no need to lie. The things you hide from the world do not need to be kept secret from me." He reached out his hand and placed it under Inuyasha's chin, turning his face towards his own. He didn't even try to stop Miroku, at this point it was taking all the strength he had to avoid a breakdown. "I will never think less of you for such things, Inuyasha." His eyes widened as he took in the sincerity of Miroku's words.
He didn't know if he could let himself believe it. The idea that he had finally found someone he could be himself around seemed almost impossible. "Why are you saying that?... Why wouldn't you?" Miroku gave him that boyish smile that always made Inuyasha's heart flutter. He smiled at him from under long eyelashes and batted them a few times innocently before responding. "You were not the only one who enjoyed himself this afternoon."
Inuyasha's jaw almost hit the floor. Was he just messing with him? "But all the girls you are always around, and when you try to make a move on Sango, constantly asking women to bare your children..." Miroku laughed. "Cover up. A really good one apparently." He began to stutter from this new information. "So...so that means...that you..you're" To prove his point, Miroku held out his hand, letting his wrist fall limp. "Gayer than a purse filled with rainbows, dahling" He smirked at Inuyasha and after a moment the two began to laugh.
Miroku reached his arm out and pulled Inuyasha over towards him. Inuyasha landed sideways on his lap and almost gasped when he felt Miroku's length pressing into his lower back. Miroku placed a gentle hand on his cheek to turn his face so their eyes met. "Inuyasha, never be afraid to be yourself around me. I really do care about you." He laughed slightly and leaned in close to whisper to Inuyasha, teasing him by allowing his breath to play against his ear. "I also was not lying when I said I enjoyed myself today." Inuyasha blushed at the comment. His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in a look of bewilderment.
Miroku took this chance to pull him closer and place a gentle kiss on his lips. He wrapped his arms around Inuyasha protectively and when Inuyasha moaned he deepened the kiss by moving his tongue inside Inuyasha's mouth. When he pulled away, Inuyasha blushed a little and looked up at him slightly embarrassed. "Miroku, I've never done anything like this before, I don't know..." He was cut off when Miroku placed a finger to his lips and spoke gently. "There is no need to worry, Inuyasha. Don't be nervous. I only want to see that you enjoy yourself tonight."
His hands ran down his sculpted body and soft pale skin. He purposely lingered on Inuyasha's lower stomach, slowly trailing his fingers in small circles moving lower painstakingly slowly. Inuyasha felt heat pool in his lower abdomen and let out a whimper of protest through the kiss. Miroku pulled his lips away from Inuyasha's to nip gently on his ear.
As he went back to pressing their lips together, Miroku stroked Inuyasha's erection briefly before swirling his index finger around the head. Inuyasha sighed heavily and that was enough incentive for Miroku to begin moving his hands faster. Inuyasha was hardly able to kiss him because he was gasping for air so badly.
Miroku smirked and pulled away to pick Inuyasha up and gently lay him on the grass. He moved on top of him and ran his fingers over his chest, taking in the beauty of his glowing skin under the full moon. Inuyasha closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He smirked and trailed kisses down his stomach before flicking his tongue on the tip of Inuyasha's erection earning a soft whimper from the hanyou. Miroku smiled and laced his fingers with Inuyasha's. Then he bent his head down and took his entire length into his mouth. Inuyasha's eyes opened suddenly and a cry of pleasure escaped from his lips. He felt Miroku's warm mouth encase him and his tongue swirl in intricate motions over his most sensitive area. He clutched the grass underneath him and gasped for air. He whimpered from the loss when Miroku pulled away after he flicked his tongue once more over the head, licking up the pre cum that beaded on the tip.
He looked down and chuckled at Inuyasha's pleading eyes. Then he pulled him up into a sitting position and kissed him gently on the lips giving Inuyasha a taste of his own desire. Running his hands through his silver locks he used the seductive tone that he knew would send chills down Inuyasha's spine. "My dear Inuyasha, don't worry. There is still plenty to come."
He began kissing Inuyasha softly and pulling him forward, slowly easing him onto his stomach. Miroku moved Inuyasha's hair aside and scraped his teeth gently over his neck while running his fingernails down his back. He nuzzled his cheek and kissed him on his shoulder. Inuyasha looked up at him confused as Miroku stood to move behind him, but his confusion faded quickly as Miroku ran his nails up and down his back while sucking gently on his neck, leaving tiny red spots. Moving down slowly, he pressed his lips against his spine and used his tongue when he got to his lower back. He could see Inuyasha breathing heavily, hear his moans of anticipation, and that almost drove him over the edge. But he would take his time, make sure Inuyasha was ready before he saw to his own pleasure. The last thing he wanted to do was cause him pain by doing anything prematurely.
He massaged the two dimples that were visible on Inuyasha's lower back with his thumbs. Inuyasha was almost shaking in pleasure and didn't know how much longer he could last. His hands clutched helplessly to the grass as he pleaded to Miroku. "Please, don't stop. Don't tease me..." He looked back at Miroku just as he bent down and ran his tongue in between his cheeks causing him to scream out in desire. Inuyasha's arms gave way and he fell on the ground, using only his forearms to brace him up.
Miroku laughed quietly and placed his hands on either side of Inuyasha's backside, separating his cheeks to reveal his tight pink entrance. Miroku bent his head and in one long stroke, moved his tongue from the hanyou's legs to his lower back. When he heard him beg for more he obliged, licking the area around his hole gently. He slowly became rougher and eventually pushed inside of Inuyasha. Once inside, he began moving his tongue around finding all the spots that caused screams of passion to erupt from Inuyasha's mouth.
He pulled away and did not give Inuyasha time to protest before he eased one long finger inside of him. Inuyasha could hardly take it anymore. Flames licked along his nerve endings sending waves of desire flooding his body. He moaned into the grass as Miroku squeezed another long finger inside him, followed by a third. He moved them around quickly, spreading his fingers out, stretching Inuyasha's walls. Miroku knew when he found the most sensitive and pleasure inducing spot inside Inuyasha from the sudden cries for more. He smiled because now that he had found that spot, he could pleasure him with a night he would not soon forget. Inuyasha's hips began to thrust in rhythm to Miroku's invasion, moaning into the night with each stroke to that certain spot. Suddenly Miroku pulled his fingers out of Inuyasha, who almost protested about the sudden stop, he was so close. Then he understood why Miroku had pulled out of him and took in a deep breath for what he knew was about to happen next.
Inuyasha felt the slight pressure from behind and knew the tip of Miroku's erection was at his entrance. He unconsciously raised his hips upward into the air in a silent plea for more. Miroku gave him his wish and slowly eased his way inside Inuyasha, emitting a moan into the night as he did so. Inuyasha felt the initial burning sensation as he was stretched more than he thought possible and whimpered in pain, but Miroku was understanding and gave him a moment to adjust to his size before pulling out and slowly pushing his way back in
Soon Inuyasha found his body pushing against him in an attempt to go faster. He had accommodated to Miroku and he needed more. Miroku did as Inuyasha wished and thrust his hips faster, impaling Inuyasha on him deeply causing them to call each others names out into the night. He wrapped his arms around Inuyasha's stomach for support as he surged inside him over and over, each time forcing inside him a little harder than before.
They were both close to climax when Miroku stopped for a brief moment. Inuyasha looked back in confusion for a second and then Miroku turned him over on his back and kissed him deeply, putting all the emotion he had into it. He wanted to see Inuyasha's face when he reached that moment that everything would fade away except for the two of them. He wanted to remember his expression tonight for the rest of his life and know he was the one who gave him that moment, his first moment, of ecstacy.
He brushed a stray lock of silver hair from his eyes and pushed into him again. Slower this time to prolong the time they shared. Inuyasha let out a soft mewing sound and clutched his arms around Miroku's shoulders. Miroku quickened the pace and saw when Inuyasha was moments from climax. His eyes fluttered open and closed, his cheeks were flushed with passion, and his body shook from euphoria. This sent Miroku over the edge and with one final thrust he moaned Inuyasha's name aloud as he felt him explode onto his stomach. Seconds later Miroku climaxed along with him, spilling his seed deep within the hanyou.
After Miroku eased Inuyasha into his clothes and pulled on his own he lit a fire to keep them warm and cuddled up next to him and held him in his arms as they fell asleep together. Inuyasha knew that this had been what he was missing for all those long centuries. He could not explain how or even why he knew, but deep inside something about his relationship with the monk felt right and the rest of the world was wrong about their relationship. Tomorrow he would have to figure out what exactly that relationship meant and how to keep it hidden, but for this one night he would allow himself to feel at ease with himself. He would be happy, that for the first time, he was able to be himself and be loved with out fear of prejudice. As he lay there wrapped in the safety of Miroku's arms everything felt right with the world, he had found his home once again.
A/N: Yes I made Miroku the dominant one. Personally, I get tired of the dominant person always being the stronger of the two in the relationship (Demons dominate half demons and half demons dominate humans). So I decided to mix it up a little
Now I will let you in on a little secret.... would you believe me if I told you that this is the first yaoi I have ever written? Well, it is. How did I do? Do you want more?
A Final But Important Note!
This will be saved under completed stories because as it is now it could be a completed story. I did not get any reviews from my first chapter so I honestly do not know if I should continue or discontinue it. That all depends on you guys. Let me know you like the story and want me to continue it and I will. It all depends on the reviews I get. This also means that if you want to read it again, it may not be in the completed documents where you first found it.
Review to keep the story alive!