"Damn it," I muttered under my breath as I turned the key in the ignition, desperate to get home and pop in some Barbara. Today was definitely a cry me to sleep kind of day. I felt tears of frustration sting my eyes as I turned the key again and again, to which my car simply responded with a painful sort of groaning. I slapped the steering wheel and climbed out, feeling my face drop into a pout. I kept my face averted from the rest of my teammates, who were all getting into their own (working) vehicles or waiting for their parents. I was still embarrassed by what I had done today, and there was no way I was ready to act as if it were no big deal. I sat down on the curb by my car, curling my legs beneath me as I dug into my purse for my phone. The tears began to sneak down my cheek, the confused pride, joy, humiliation, and pain that had made up the day too much for even me to take.

I felt someone sit next to me on the cool concrete, and I didn't have to turn my head to know who it was. His presence was something I could never forget. That sweet, simple energy that seemed to radiate between us, like it was meant to draw us together like magnets. The spicy, intoxicating scent of his aftershave, mingled with the subtle hint of body wash and sweat. I could breathe him in. I pretended like I hadn't noticed him, even though he completely bombarded my senses, causing an even stronger torrent of tears to cascade from my eyes.

"You were amazing, Rachel." He said simply, so close that I could feel his body brush against mine. I kept my face down, afraid to show my weakness and tears, afraid to show how much I needed him. He had seen my tears too many times in the past few months to be affected by them. I didn't want to be attacked with rejection again.

"Yeah," I managed to chirp, trying to pass a sudden sob off as a cough, "The team has grown so much this year. They did such a great job."

"I didn't notice the team," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. I snuck a peek up at him, and felt my breath catch, when our eyes met. There was a fire that was burning there, a fire I hadn't seen in weeks. He sighed, and lifted his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I squeezed my eyes shut against the new tears, cursing the way my body responded to his touch like it were oxygen.

"You were so beautiful out there, Rachel," he whispered, his hand trailing down my arm as if he were searching to take my hand. I hugged my arms closer to my body, protecting my hand and heart from his touch. I knew just how fragile holding his hand would render my sanity. He paused, and let his hand fall.

"We both know I'm not smart," he said, lightly, "But I think I've kind of set the record for dumb asses the last few months huh? Like I just told Quinn, I never should have-"

"Listen," I interjected, finally turning my face up to his. His face fell at the sight of my tears, and he reached up to wipe his hand across my cheek. I gently pushed his hand down, and held it against his lap, " I can't hear what you and Quinn talk about. I can't hear about you sharing secrets and feelings with her- secrets and feelings that you could not and now will never share with me. It hurts too damn much, Finn. It's like I can't breathe when I see the two of you together, when I have to think about you choosing her and not me."

"No, Rachel, I just-"

"Let me finish, please. I know I told you that I was moving on. That I was focusing on my career. That there was no place left for me with you. I was lying to you, Finn. And that's why it hurts so much when I see you with her, when I think of your hands, your lips…" I fought back new tears, looking down at our hands as I searched for the strength to finish.

"I meant every word of that song. I hope one day, I can get it right. I tried so hard with you, Finn. I know it may not have seemed that way, because I know my personality makes it impossible for people to take me seriously. Point is, I still love you. And I'm not going to give up on you. But I just… I just can't listen to you talk about her." I tried to pull my hand from his, but his strong grip held it tight.

"That's what I'm trying to say, Rachel," He said, scooting closer to me on the curb. I just shook my head, not wanting to hear that he could never love me again, that he was with Quinn, that he planned on staying with her. I had to hold on to some shred of hope of him loving me if I was going to live through this crushing pain that I thought only existed in the movies.

"Let me go, Finn," I whispered, my tear filled eyes meeting his. I tugged my hand free of his as a single tear escaped through his lashes, trailing it's way down his cheek.

"I'm going to go ask Mr. Schue for a ride," I whispered, nodding as if to reassure myself that walking away from him was the right thing to do, although it was also the most difficult.

"I could-" I just shook my head, and tried to give him a sad smile.

"You were amazing today, too." I said simply, before turning my back to him and starting across the parking lot.

"Rachel, wait!" I paused, and shut my eyes, waiting for his next words. "I- I miss you, Rachel," he said simply, his voice rough with his hidden tears.

"Don't, Finn." I replied without turning, wrapping my arms around myself as if to preserve the little strength I had left, "Don't say things like that when you don't mean them, okay? Not when you're still going back to her. I hope I can get it right with you, Finn. But until I- until we do… Just don't. Please. Don't." With a new sob, I hurried away from him, leaving him standing alone on the sidewalk.