I knock on Romano's door with a basket of tomatoes slung over my arm. I am unsurprised when he doesn't answer. He always pretends that he isn't pleased when I drop by unexpectedly. I let myself in with my key, and walk to the kitchen. He isn't there. I check the time.
Three-thirty. He'll be asleep. I go up to his bedroom and open the door.
"Hey, Romano..." I stop dead as I find my lover in the middle of a deep kiss with Russia. The larger nation breaks off the kiss.
"So you will become one with me?" He holds Romano's chin in a vice grip so he can't kiss him until he answers, no matter how hard he tries.
"Yes, yes, oh god, yes! Let me at you!" I drop the basket to the floor and run from the house. It is only as I am crying in the garden that I realise Russia had Romano's hair twined tightly in his fist.
I run back inside the house and scream at Russia. He stands up from the bed but keeps his hold on the hair. Blood trickles slowly from Romano's nose. I look Russia up and down and realise there is no way I can take on this guy. Unless...
I deliver a swift, hard kick to his crotch and he doubles over.
"I'm going already!" he squeaks as I ready myself for another go, and he stumbles out of the house.