Site Down - Chapter 2 - My Old Lady

Lady was pissed off.

Of course, that was not far from her default mode. She had the proverbial resting bitch-face that promised a quick death to anyone who met her eyes. Even her faint smile looked like she was about to roundhouse kick someone's consciousness into next week. She was the grimmest female Dante had ever come to know. Lady was all hard, full of guns and violence.

She also happened to be his roommate. One day she suddenly decided to take over the fourth floor of his shop. This was not a big deal since their daily schedules and jobs did not match most of the time. She was an early bird and he was a night owl. There was an empty floor between their rooms that they mostly did not hear each other. He almost never saw her during the week, outside the times when she left for and came home from school. The only time he saw her consistently were on the weekends or on jobs that required the both of them. Even during those times, they barely acknowledged each other, usually focused on the task at hand rather than on general pleasantries.

Still, her presence was known by things like her nasty habit of burning scented candles. It was hard for people and demons to take him seriously when he and his shop smelled of sweet peas and orchids. Then she leaves her personal hygiene products around the shop which was not too terrible since there is finally hand soap in the bathrooms now. On the plus side, the pizza boxes seemed to clean themselves up every couple of days.

That was not to say that Lady was a freeloader at the shop. She paid Dante rent, which really amounts to nothing since he really has no luck when betting against Lady on anything.

Having a roommate would not be an issue, if not for the fact that Lady who, without trying, had a habit of convincing his flings that he was some sort of nut job.

For example, on a Friday night, Dante brought home a sweet buxom woman named Jazmin. Or was it Rose? He could never get their names straight. Anyways, the chick had the most gorgeous red hair and a manufactured but cute accent. They both had some fun with each other then talked deep into the night, mostly about Jazmin's money and family troubles. She talked about her daddy issues and how men used her. She lavished praised on Dante, talking about strong he was and what a complete gentleman and how appreciative she was of such a strong man. Jazmin spoke all the sweet words that a man wants to hear and believe about himself and swore eternal love for the handsome devil.

Then Lady came back from an early morning job, with a person in tow.

That Saturday morning, Jazmin, who got up early, tried to leave, just in time to see Lady.

Lady did not seem to be aware of a random chick that Dante brought home was watching her from the second floor landing that overlooked the main office area of the shop. Instead, the demon huntress focused on dragging a fat man behind her. The man was heavily bruised. Purple welts on the face and all. The man was wearing a fancy suit that was about two sizes too small. With nearly inhuman strength, this all sticks and bones girl tossed the man against the dirty floor, making sure the back of the man's head smacked against the ground.

"Wake up!" the girl hissed at the man whom she just gave another bruise. "Or I will break your arm in three places instead of two."

Jazmin, confused and afraid, rushed quietly back to Dante's room. The red head shook Dante awake.

"Dante! Get up! Someone from the mob broke into your house! She's about to kill him! You gotta fight them off!" Jazmin said in an urgent whisper.

The devil hunter, still in his boxers, blinked his bleary eyes. He was having a rather pleasant dream that was slowly morphing into a headache. Why did he have a headache? Probably from all the drinking he did last night to tune out whatever Jazmin was saying. Sometimes, he wondered what good was demon blood for if it did not prevent hangovers. Dante rubbed his temples."What? What are you talking about, babe?"

"There's a pipsqueak downstairs, threatening to torture a poor man."

"Pipsqueak?" Dante frowned a little. His reputation had grown enough to the point that the human soldiers of mobs avoided his shop. Who else freely come in and out? "Does this pipsqueak have something that looks like a rocket launcher strapped to her back?" At Jazmin's confounded expression, Dante further explained. "Something that looks like an overly thick square dance pole."

Jazmin thought about it, then nodded. "Yes. Now did you mention it."

"Oh. That's just my roommate," said Dante, turning over on his side, relaxed and ready to go back to sleep. "She's probably just working out her anger issues on whoever pissed her off. Leave her be."

Jazmin, however, was put off. "Roommate? I didn't know you have a roommate! I thought you own this place!"

"I do," said Dante with a yawn. He winced slightly as he heard a loud crash. There was the wet smash sound of something pounding flesh followed by a pained groan. That did not sound good. In fact, that sounded like someone was more pissed off than normal. For the sake of keeping the damage down, he really should go down there and referee. Lady can get rather indiscriminate when she was in one of her moods. Sighing at having to get up early with a headache, Dante sat up and blinked sleepily at Jazmin. First of all, he needed to get this pretty woman out. "You know what babe, you probably should sneak out through the fire escape before Lady finds you here. "

"Wha? Fire escape? No! I'm not a cheap whore to leave by the fire escape!" In her mind, she and Dante are an official item and she should be displayed as one.

But Dante was not paying attention. He was up now, digging through a clothes drawer, ignoring the screaming and the muffled cries from downstairs. "Seriously. Go before my roommate starts shooting. She normally aims at me, but I don't want you to get in the crossfire."

"You have a roommate who shoots you?" asked Jazmin incredulously.

Dante turned to look at her. He seemed to consider the statement, thinking about the many times they had pointed a gun at each other. Man, those could be fun times. "Yeah."

"She's an ex-girlfriend of yours, isn't she?" Jazmin suddenly deduced.

At that, Dante blinked, then started laughing at the preposterous idea. He cut the laughter short when he heard another yell from downstairs. "Babe, like seriously, you need leave," said Dante.

Jazmin's face contorted into a knowing smile, like someone who had caught their lover cheating. "You know what, I think she's just here to scare me off. And that actor she dragged in is a nice touch. Well, I'm going to show her that we're a real couple."

Dante was so dumbfounded by the sudden turn of events that he could not think of a quick response. It was really early in the morning, he still had a slight headache, and he was still mesmerized by the voluminous red hair. Seriously, do women not know how easily men are distracted by pretty womanly things? Before he could say anything to make Jazmin stay in the room, the girl was already out the door. Dante was left alone in the room, confounded. "Aw. Damn it!"

Jazmin stumped downstairs, ready to have a cat-fight with an ex-girlfriend. She reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to see the man fleeing the shop with a limp, sobbing.

The pubescent girl, with the weird name of "Lady," had her arms crossed. It appeared that this girl's initial peevishness was quelled. Then Lady turned her eyes to Jazmin.

Jazmin had to suppress the initial shiver down her spine. This girl had heterochromia, with one red and one blue eye. Then to top it off, Jazmin noticed the belt with bullet clips and holsters of a variety of handguns. And was that a bayonet at the end of that overly thick squarish pole on her back?

Mustering up courage, Jazmin stalked to the girl. Ha! This pipsqueak was clearly a head shorter and there were some pale but rather obvious faded scars. "Listen you little hussy, Dante is mine."

Lady gave her a bland stare as she looked up, like a predator ready for the kill. There were also bags underneath her eyes, evidence that it had already been a long day, despite that it was early morning. She must had been out all night. "You can keep him." There were no minced words.

Reverse psychology was a domain of females and Jazmin just knew that this little runt really meant to fight her for Dante. "You're just jealous that he likes me instead of you," said Jazmin. "That you have no ass, no chest, no womanly..."

Jazmin was promptly cut off by the feeling of a warm gun barrel against the bottom of her jaw. The woman immediately threw her hands up.

"Please shut up," Lady said quietly. "It's only been an hour since this gun killed something and I'm tempted to shut you up permanently with it."

"Lady!" yelled Dante from the second-floor banisters. He had decided to make himself presentable since Lady did not like him to prance around shirtless. For the sake of the peace, he figured that he could at least throw on a shirt and a pair of pants. He honestly did not think that the situation would escalate this much. In his hands were Jazmin's personal effects like purses, coat, and of course, her pay. "Remember one of my rules? You can only shoot me in the shop! Not other people, especially humans!"

"Shoot you? Humans?" Jazmin whispered. Was Dante being serious? Did he really have a standing policy about gunfights? Why was he even saying humans as if Jazmin was another specie?

"But I'm tired," Lady grumped quietly, as if that excuse gave her the permission to dish out undue violence.

"Lady. Please calm down!" Dante said, trying to placate the girl. He was already down the stairs, slowly approaching the pair as if he was a negotiator at a hostage situation. "If you put the gun down now, I will...I'll take you shopping!"

"Yes, put the gun down," Jazmin added, with some urgency.

Lady did not seem to listen. Instead, she tipped toed, released the safety on the gun, got really close to Jazmin's ear and whispered. "Bang."

A stream of yellow liquid trailed down Jazmin's legs.

Lady withdrew from Jazmin, her proverbial resting bitch face slightly relaxed. The demon huntress pulled the gun back, to squeeze the trigger a couple of time. Nothing came out. "No danger. The clip is empty," she noted calmly like she was narrating a golf tournament.

Dante used this chance distraction to dump Jazmin's personal effects in her hands. "I really think you should go now, Jazmin," He even sounded contrite.

To Jazmin's credit, she did not faint. Tears welled up in her eyes as she quickly veered away from him. More embarrassed that she lost control of her bodily fluid than anything. She slammed the front door open and screamed at him. "F- you Dante and your chest-less broad! You're crazy and your ex-girlfriend here is an absolute psycho! You two deserve each other." She ran a little ways away then shouted. "And the name is Rose!"

To Dante's memory, this scene had repeated itself a number of times.

Dante rubbed the back of his neck after the woman was out of sight. "Geez, Lady. This is like the sixth babe you've chased off, and you've only been here for like...a month or something? And I don't think you're even trying," Dante complained.

Lady did not say anything. She stood there, her resting bitch face soften to merely expressionless and her eyes were unfocused.

Dante waved a hand in front of her eyes, now getting concerned by the lack of a biting remark. "Lady? Earth to Lady? Are you in there?"

"So...tired." Lady promptly went limp and fell against him.

Dante caught her just before she hit the ground. She was as light as he remembered, but now was not the time to think about her weight.

"Lady? Lady?!" Dante called at her limp body. Crap! Was she injured from a job? Was she sick? Did she eat something weird? He was not prepared to take care of another human! He was nearly indestructible so he never had to learn how to treat wounds or recover from illness. Lady always took too good care of herself so Dante did not even keep an emergency kit handy. He quickly carried her bridal style to the couch at the corner of the shop to check her out.

The first thing on his mind was to check her torso. Even for him, the injuries to the chest and stomach hurt the most and took the longest to recover. He checked her exposed stomach and it seemed fine. Lady appeared to have been very good at avoiding injuries there. Now for her upper torso that was clothed by her usually well starched collared white shirt. However, when his hands landed on the first button of her shirt, he hesitated as a nasty realization smacked him in the head.

My god! Dante, you just tried to undress a minor! You're a sicko! his internal narrative scolded initially.

So what? I was technically a minor less than two years ago! he defended himself against that pesky conscience.

That excuse did not work. That conscience continued to scold him, adding some choice expletives.

Feeling more than frustrated his annoying moral sense, he decided to check the extremities instead. She could've have gotten a poisonous bite on her legs! There was nothing wrong with checking out legs. So he quickly pulled off her boots to check and see if she was bleeding or something from her lower extremities.

Nope. She was not bleeding, or have a swelling wound, or a bug bite. But her legs were sure quite supple and rather shapely. And how the hell does she still smell like sweet peas and orchids after being out all day? Was this some sort of female magic to always smell so nice at all times?

Then he checked her arms to make sure that she wasn't bleeding from there either. She was not bleeding or bruised and her pulse was strong and rather steady...?

Dante frowned. Did he miss something? It was then that he noted the steady rise and fall of Lady's chest. Her lips were slightly parted and there appears to be drool in the corner of her mouth. Blue eyes narrowing in suspicion, he pulled his head closer to her head.

She was snoring.

"Are you f-ing kidding me?" Dante asked no one in particular. He could not believe it. Lady had just beat the pulp out of some random dude and pretend that she was about to blow the brains out of his flings less than ten minutes ago and she is now out like a light? In which Twilight Zone did a girl like this exist?

Lady stirred a little and goosebumps appeared all over her arms and legs. She turned on the couch, crossing her arms a little to keep warm.

Without thinking too much about it, Dante quietly went back up the stairs to his room. He quickly came back out with a well-worn ordinary tan colored throw blanket. Then, like a concerned brother, he placed the blanket over the slightly quivering girl. Unconsciously, Lady curled up a little, lightly wrapping the blanket around her.

After that step was done, Dante walked around the windows of the shop, adjusting the blinds and curtains closed to keep out the street light and coming dawn. While he performed the mindless activity, he thought back to Temen-ni-gru. He recalled the divine library and how she challenged him, despite how worn out she was and how she put up a good fight.

It all made sense now. Lady became more belligerent the more tired she got. It was why Lady resorted to physically beating someone instead of using her usual verbal threats to get what she wanted. She was simply too tired to judge the appropriate level of forceful persuasion.

Why did he always have the bad luck of being closest to people with anger problems?

Now, with all the action over, Dante thought about what he was to do next. The curtains are all closed so Lady should have no problem sleeping for a while. It was Saturday and more than anything else, he would rather go back to bed and probably visit a diner for some sweets afterward. There was a job lined up tonight as usual and being well rested would be a good thing.

He looked over to Lady and scratched that idea. He did run a devil hunting agency and there was no telling when a bad ass demon was going to bust through his door and start a fight. The demon he would gladly engage and split into two. The likely negative reaction of a suddenly roused awake Lady he would rather avoid.

He could move her to her room, which he was certain had some magical protection spells to keep the nightmarish monsters in their lives out. Still, it would be strange to barge into her space without being invited. He could move her to his own heavily warded bedroom, but Lady might misunderstand when she wakes up in his bed.

Dante went back to the couch to check on her again. He laughed internally, seeing that drool had left a trail down her jaw and was now pooling on the sofa. He was not sure why, but he went into the bathroom and got a towel. Deliberately like someone trying to look after a toddler, he carefully wiped the drool off. He snickered to himself when he realized that she really was dead to the world. He had imagined her to be tough even in sleep, ready to snap and defend herself at the slightest provocation. Right now, she was just another human girl, needing someone to watch over her while she slept.

She shivered again. At this, Dante pulled on the blanket, careful to cover every exposed finger and toes. Being so physically close to her, without being automatically threatened by her, was a strange experience. He felt an urge to lean down and give her a sleepy-bye kiss on the forehead like one of those corny TV sitcoms. He never had an opportunity to do so with someone who wasn't a stripper.

She's a minor! that irritating inner narrative yelled at him again, just as the physical distance between him and Lady got a little too close.

Dante shook his head as he pulled away, almost in awe of how restrained he had to be around a girl who had literally crashed into his life from the sky. He stood up and crossed his arms, bemused.

"Keep this up and I'll have to start calling you 'my old lady.'"