AN: I don't own Criminal Minds! Darn it . . .
Chapter 2-History
Morgan sighed as he settled into the seat on the plane. Usually he was glad when they headed home from a case, and he worried that horrible images from the case would haunt him. Today, though, he was dreading the flight home, because it would give him entirely too much time to think about this whole proposal business with Penelope and Lynch. Not to mention the fact that when he stepped off the plane and back into the BAU, he was going to have to face her. He couldn't lie to her and it wasn't his place to tell her what Lynch wanted to discuss. What was he going to do?
More importantly, what would her reaction be? If she knew, would she be happy? He wanted her to be happy, more than he wanted anything else in his life. But if happiness meant she was married to Lynch, what would it mean to their friendship? Lynch had been a part of Penelope's life for four years. They had a history together. Not nearly the history Morgan shared with Penelope, of course, but history all the same. His presence had caused some ups and downs in their friendship. Penelope had never pushed Morgan away, but he had tried to distance himself. George Foyet had come into their lives and nearly killed him. That was when he had slowly begun to distance himself from her. Because he wasn't entirely sure why Foyet had spared him and he had wanted, more than anything, to talk to her about it. But she wasn't his, and that fact hadn't really hit home to him until Foyet had sent him through that glass window.
So he had let the distance come between them, thinking it would make everything easier. Then Foyet had gone after Hotch, and left him at the hospital using credentials he had stolen from Morgan the night he had sent him through the window. Things spiraled out of control. Even though he worked by his baby girl every day, he took a huge step back from the flirting and tried to disengage himself from her life. It seemed only fair to her that he do it, and it was becoming painful to see firsthand how happy she was with Lynch. Not that he begrudged her the happiness. He just couldn't watch it. He had tried to find something to replace the brightness Penelope brought to his life. He had hoped a friendship with Tamara Barnes, a relative of one of the victims of a case they were working, would help feel the void.. But even that fell flat-no one knew him like Penelope did. At the same time, he had been thrust into a position as acting unit chief. And the distance grew.
And then the entire world came crumbling down on them all when Foyet killed Hotch's ex-wife Hayley. Reminding them that they were not immune from the horror. And it was in the aftermath of all of THAT when he realized nothing was worth the distance he had put between Penelope and himself. He had tried to get her to promise once, long ago, never to stop talking to him, but he had pushed her away because she was happy. Because it had hurt his heart a bit to see her be so happy. He didn't really understand that, but tried to never dwell on it. Watching Hotch lose Hayley reminded him that life is fleeting, and that everything deserved to be treasured for as long as it was there. So he had returned to their old routine of flirting and movie nights. And if he needed her to be there for him, she always was. And as he had told her in Alaska, he would go on protecting her for every day of his life.
But if she said yes to Kevin . . . she would eventually marry him. Would he dance with her at her wedding? Just thinking of those things made his heart hurt in the most unimaginable way. How do you protect and cherish someone who is married to another man? He had adjusted to her having Lynch in his life, but changing the tacky man's title from boyfriend to fiancée just felt so . . . permanent. He couldn't imagine the two of them in a shared space-a shared home. Penelope had quirky style, and Lynch was a train wreck.
Derek groaned. He was thinking about this the wrong way-it didn't matter if he could see them married or not. It didn't matter if it hurt to think of it. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. She obviously loved Kevin if she had stayed with him this long. Derek had told her before that he was a good guy, and it wasn't a lie. Lynch obviously cared for her. It was beside the point that he was too dense to know that a proposal over red bull and freaking tacos wasn't the sort of romantic proposal she deserved . . . DAMMIT! He was doing it again.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He would support her. No matter what. Because he loved her, and he couldn't imagine his life without her in it. She always would be his solace, the thing that made his world make sense. Even if she married Kevin freaking Lynch. God, please don't let that be what she wants. And with that thought, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.