Sorry I didn't introduce myself last chapter, but this is Noodles. The other author of this story is Mitsuki Umisako, or Mitchan, as I call her. Naoko belongs to her. Hana-chan and Kakeru belong to me. Everyone else belongs to Bisco Hatori. Please enjoy our silly lil story~!

A King, a Queen, a Jack, Two Jokers, and the Ace of Hearts

Chapter 2

It was all the twins' fault.

Naoko'd been packing up his things after school, they came (they said it was to get something they'd forgotten, but Naoko suspected that they might've just been there to torture him), they'd pestered him a bit, and then…

Well, the result was one tripped Naoko and one broken teacup. From the teacher's desk. With the tea now all over the floor and on Naoko's uniform. Thankfully, it had cooled quite a bit, so that it didn't hurt, but…

Oh crap.

And, of course, the teacher chose that moment to walk in.

"A-ah…" was all Naoko could manage. The twins sighed, but Naoko knew that they were smirking on the inside.

"Mr. Gouto…" the teacher began. Then she just sighed. "Well, I'm not good with speeches. Let's just go to, after your constant interruptions in class today," (Also the twins' fault, Naoko didn't say) "and now this… I really ought to give you some sort of punishment."

'Ought to'. Not 'going to'. Naoko was hopeful.

"Sensei," the twins chimed in together. Oh no.

Hikaru began. "We've been watching dear Naoko for a while now. And we've noticed… he doesn't have any friends. It's sad, really. We think that Naoko's troublesome behavior may be caused by loneliness and a desire for attention." Oh, here came the sparkles. Naoko looked at sensei, and was horrified to see that she was believing every word of their crap (probably more for the sparkles and sudden soft lighting, but still)! Are there no sane people in this freaking school? Naoko panicked.

Kaoru continued his brother's bullcrap. "So, we think that, rather than any punishment you could administer, which would only increase his desire for attention, Naoko should join a club, which would give him the chance to make friends and therefore reduce the trouble he causes." They looked at each other and smirked. Back in unison.

"And we've got just the club in mind."

"Hana-chan! Hana-chan!" Kakeru caught his sister after school. She turned, impassive as ever.

"What is it, niisan?" she asked, making it sound more like a bored sigh than anything else.

Kakeru hesitated. Hanasu wondered briefly if he was doing it on purpose, knowing how she hated waiting, but scolded herself for even considering such a thought. Of course he wasn't. Kakeru didn't possess any ability to be mean to anyone, even people he didn't like. "Um… Hana-chan…" he said softly. "W-would you… come to the Host Club with me?"

Hanasu blinked. "Why?"

"I-I'm just a bit nervous, that's all." He paused, for a moment. "Also, I don't know what a host club is."

Hanasu sighed. Then why agree to go? she thought angrily, but calmed herself down. "Fine… I'll go with you," she mumbled.

Kakeru's eyes lit up. "YAY!" he yelled, and tackle-hugged her. "You're the best, Hana-chan!" he sang. "You hear me? The absolute BEST! I can't think of anyone better in the whole wide world! I love you, you know that? I love you soooooo much~!" People were staring at them. Girls were wondering who the heck had gotten so much of Kakeru's love. Hanasu blushed, awkwardly untangling herself from her older brother's arms.

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the host club," she muttered. Glaring briefly at the girls, she added (so they'd know), "Oniisan."

Naoko couldn't believe that he'd been blackmailed into this. Upon the twins practically dragging him to the third music room and opening the doors, a flurry of red rose petals came flying at him and practically blinded him for life, and when he was able to wipe his eyes free from them, she saw that a sparkly-eyed Tamaki was standing in front of him with an eager smile.

"So you decided to come after all, eh? No doubt my speech touched your heart and you were just being shy, right?" He rambled, striking poses on every other word he spoke while Naoko resisted the urge to facepalm. Instead, he opted for the nice, expressionless scowl. "Hey, what happened to your uniform? We simply cannot have you talking to guests like that!"

Before Naoko could even growl out the dreaded word "twins", the exuberant blonde had snapped his fingers and fished a clean, sparkling uniform out of thin air. Which, Naoko noted with extreme displeasure, was beginning to seem perfectly normal to him because of the odd day that had been filled with such things. Before the twins could grab him and yank him behind the curtained change room that had seemingly materialized for such an instance, Naoko grabbed the uniform and hurried off to the change room.

Meanwhile, Hanasu and Kakeru walked into the room, though Kakeru rather seemed to bounce and skip into the room, his optimistic smile clear on his face.

"Hello, Suoh-san!~" Kakeru said with a smile.

"Hajimete-kun! Good, good, you're here." Tamaki smiled back charmingly.

Sensing that the two were about to engage in a completely meaningless and irritating (at least to her) conversation, Hanasu interjected, "Suoh-senpai, was it? May I inquire exactly what this supposed 'host club' does and why you've asked my brother to join it?"

Oh no, he was getting that sparkly-eyed look again. As if to keep Tamaki from going on a tangent, Kyoya quickly intervened, as well. "The host club entertains ladies with spare time on their hands. Or, at least, that's the basic gist of it." He smiled, but Hanasu sensed that there was no genuine emotion in it, because the second she saw it, she felt a cold breeze.

"Oh, and we have cake and snacks, especially cake! It's really fun!" A younger-looking boy with blonde hair and wide brown eyes said, and Hanasu stared down at him in disbelief. Were they seriously letting an elementary schooler into a host club?

About to make that point, Hanasu was suddenly interrupted by Naoko's voice from behind the curtain. "That sounds stupid and pointless. Those ladies with spare time should be spending it bettering their education or getting themselves prepared to become their company's heirs, not goofing off and sipping tea."

The curtain drew open with a "swoosh"ing sound, and Naoko emerged in a clean uniform, light brown hair slightly mussed. Sparkles surrounded him and the change room in the background suddenly disappeared, replaced with a backdrop of beautiful red roses. "What the-?"

"Hmm, good, good..." Tamaki said, staring down at the smaller boy. "Let's give you a test, shall we? Let's see how many customers you get, and how you get them."

"Sure." Naoko shrugged, inwardly hoping that if he was distant enough to the ladies that no one would request him and they would cut him loose.

…Unfortunately, that didn't happen, because Naoko didn't have it in him to ignore the girls, and instead politely chatted with them, just like they wanted him to.

"Naoko-kun… May I call you that? What are your hobbies?" asked one, smiling shyly.

"Ah, well… I like to… Um…" Naoko stammered, unsure of whether or not he should tell them his hobby. It seemed sort of weird to say, and his parents had told him that he shouldn't do something so ridiculous, but Naoko was running out of topic changes, and this sudden question couldn't very well be ignored by commenting on the weather. 'Why not?' Naoko thought with an inward sigh. 'It's not like I've got anything to lose…' "I… Like to read fortunes using tarot cards… And um…"

The entire room became incredibly silent.

"T-Tarot c-c-c-cards? Gouto-kun!" Tamaki yelled, launching himself over to Naoko's table and began to shake the boy violently. "You can't mean those dark, scary-looking cards with 'death' and 'the devil' and 'the hanged man' on them, could you? Please tell me no! Please tell me you're not like Nekozawa-senpai!"

Who's Nekozawa-senpai…? Naoko thought as he pushed Tamaki off him. "Suoh-senpai, tarot cards aren't used for black magic, if that's what you're talking about. You use the cards to tell fortunes. You know, wealth, family matters, your future, yourself, love…" Insert female population's squeal here.

"EEE! Naoko-kun!" One squealed.

"Please read my love fortune!"

"Yes, me too!"

"No, me first!"

"No, me!"

"I want a love fortune, Naoko-kun!"

"Please tell me about my future love life!"

"Well, um…" Naoko said, frozen. "I—I don't have my tarot cards with me today, so…" There was an overall disappointed aura to the room now.

"If you ladies wish to have your fortunes told by Mr. Gouto, requesting him from now on would be a good idea." Kyoya suggested ever-so-subtly from his table with a fake smile. "Anyone who requests him from now on will be allowed to have their fortunes told for a small fee."

"Then I'll request him!"

"Me too!"

"Really? Naoko-kun, I can't wait!"

Hanasu stared dully at the black-haired, glasses wearing boy in distaste. "Shadow king…" she muttered, shaking her head. She looked around the room, leaning against a wall. The elementary-schooler was being sickeningly cute and eating cake, with some tall, silent guy lurking around him. Kinda creepy… she thought. …But not exactly bad. I mean, it doesn't look like he wants to kill the little guy or anything… I guess it might be a cute, protective relationship if one got used to it. Content with her analysis, she continued to scan the room. The twins were just talking to the guests, when all of the sudden, they were completely into each other, one twin grabbing the other's face and gazing into his eyes, and the other twin looked misty-eyed. What was even worse was that the girls at the table absolutely loved it. They squealed loudly, and Hanasu put her hands over her ears to block out the sound. Freaking sirens… she thought, wincing. What's wrong with them? A romantic relationship between two identical, male twins? That's just wrong on so many levels. Disgusted, she turned away. Tamaki was probably the most "normal" hosting-wise; just cheesy pick-up lines and sideways glances. Nothing special, she thought.

Over at his table, Tamaki suddenly felt that someone had insulted him. It was not a pleasant feeling.

Hanasu's eyes drifted over to Kakeru, who was busy with his own customers. Oh dear God why...? Hanasu thought, squinting from seeing all the blinding sparkles coming from her older brother's table. All the girls were quietly squealing at Kakeru, who was blushing and smiling in slight discomfort.

"Really? So what did you do after that?" giggled one girl.

"I, er... Sorta fell off..." he laughed, embarrassed.

More roses. More sparkles. Higher squeals.

Hanasu instinctively plugged her ears. She really didn't like this club. The girls were annoying, there were questionably illegal relationships, and the guys were spraying pheromones and roses all over the place like they were going out of style. She looked over to the other new host, oh, what was his name, he was in her class... Naoko! Yeah, him. The girls there, as usual, were squealing, but he didn't seem to be doing anything extraordinary. In fact, he was barely talking at all. He seemed, if it was even possible to do this, listening to the girls and deciphering what they were actually saying through the squealing fits.

"So, your family went to Rio on vacation last year? That sounds nice. I haven't been there yet, so how was it?" he asked with a kind smile towards the girl, who looked halfway to melting by then.

"Oh, it was... wonderful... But not as wonderful as you...~" the girl said dreamily, as if she were the guy and Naoko was the girl, or something. Weird.

Naoko looked surprised. "Eh? I don't really... Know what you mean... But thank you." He smiled again.

Hanasu covered her ears, wincing. Then, as she opened one eye, she saw the incestual twins making their way over to his table, looking smug or something. Hanasu didn't really get it, but listened in, purely out of curiosity.

"Hey, Naoko-kun!" the twins said cheerily. Naoko did his best to hide his irritation (and he was pretty good at it, Hanasu had to admit), probably in some attempt to keep his cool in front of the ladies. Not to impress them, Hanasu observed. He doesn't like this club enough to worry about something like that. It's probably the way he was raised, or something.

"Hello," he replied, though the word came out forced. I wonder what those twins did to the poor guy. He obviously hates them.

"Can we speak to you for a bit?"

Naoko smiled at the headache-inducing girls. "Ladies, could you excuse me for a moment?" He looked slightly bashful as he said it, as if worried that the girls would be upset with him.

They promptly melted.

Dang, he's good. Hanasu made note of this as the boy got up to speak to the little devils. She was about to hear what they were saying, when a certain idiot blonde slid in front of her. "Excuse me, Miss Hajimete," he said matter-of-factly. "But what are you doing?"

"Standing, stupid," she replied bluntly. Tamaki twitched from the insult, but quickly regained his composure.

"Miss Hajimete," he smiled, attempting to charm her. It didn't work. "Here at the Host Club, we pride ourselves on having an array of handsome young men to suit any young woman's preference."

"You have nine, one of which is my brother, one of which is in grade school—"

"Honey-senpai is a third-year."

"—Fine, one of which is a midget, an expressionless guy, then you've got the homosexual twins, which I wouldn't really care about if they weren't gay for each other, two really feminine-looking boys, the shadow king, and you." An insult arrow struck Tamaki on the last word. "So," Hanasu continued, not really caring what happened to the so-called king. "If you'll excuse me, I'd like to keep to my thoughts in peace."

Tamaki swiftly withdrew in a gloomy fashion, back to his own guests, who were quick at attempts to cheer him up. Suffice to say, it didn't take much. Hanasu stared after the idiot for a moment before returning to where the twins and Naoko were, and she almost felt like going for a round two of insulting Tamaki. The conversation had already ended, and Naoko was walking back over to his table, his polite smile to the ladies successfully hiding his irritation with whatever the twins had said to him.

Great, that stupid blond made me miss whatever they were talking about... I'll probably never figure it out now... Hanasu thought with some irritation, trying to make up for the lost conversation by studying the boy closely for any hint of the nature of the twins' conversation with him. Unfortunately, that came to naught, and Hanasu was left wondering.

Naoko, meanwhile, was annoyed. Those stupid twins, the nerve of some people! It was evident that they had no manners whatsoever! Even as he carried on his conversation with the giggly, smiling ladies, he continued to inwardly fume. He'd never met any people so rude in his entire life. Shouldn't their parents have taught them some manners? Of course Naoko realized the answer to that question. He'd no doubt in his mind that those two troublesome twins had never had a scolding in there entire life. Yes, he was imagining it now, those two as children being spoiled rotten by overly-indulgent adults. He let out a small tsk not unnoticed by his confused guests.

"Naoko-kun?" Said one of his guests uncertainly, gazing over at him with worried eyes. "Is something bothering you?"

"Ah, it's nothing. Please," He flashed one of his reassuring, kind smiles. "Don't worry about me. I'm sorry. My thoughts escaped me for a moment there. I was about to ask you, Miss Yorozuki, about your vacation in Tahiti last summer you'd mentioned."

Off the girl went on her hurried, giggly story after no further prodding whatsoever by the patient brunette. Hanasu stared over with dull eyes. She'd clearly been itching to tell him the story whether or not he'd asked. She sighed. How predictable. All the girls at this school seemed rather tangled up in themselves... She hoped rampant egomania and shrieky, high-pitched voices weren't the kind of thing you caught like a disease here. Everyone seemed to be ailing from it.

Ootori tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to him with a glare. "What?"

He smiled. "I just need a moment of your time, Miss Hajimete."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

Naoko turned to see one of the girls yelling at one of the hosts. Ootori, if he recalled correctly. He couldn't hear what Ootori said, but it was obvious from their body language that they were arguing. Finally, the girl (who Naoko remembered seeing in class earlier) stomped off in a huff towards Naoko's table. Naoko checked the schedule. Oh, it was time for him to switch clients… The girl sat down across the table from him and glared up at him. Naoko recoiled slightly.

"Look," she began, an evil aura growing around her by the minute. "I'm not here because I want to be. I'm here because that stupid vice president isn't as easy to make go away as the stupid president and said that he'd kick me out if I didn't request someone because apparently me standing in a corner observing people is 'bad for business'. Seeing as I want to keep an eye on my older brother, leaving doesn't exactly work for me, so I requested you, since you seem the sanest and like someone I'd hate the least. So go ahead and talk, but if you touch me I will break your arm."

"Um…" Naoko wasn't sure how to respond. "Look, I'm not going to touch you or anything… so… um, what's your name?"

She paused, as if unsure how to answer. "…Hanasu. Hanasu Hajimete."

He smiled. "Cool. I'm Naoko Gouto. It's nice to meet you." Sparkles materialized once again. Hanasu blinked. Maybe this kid was kind of cute…

"You look like a girl," she commented bluntly. Sparkles and kind of cuteness weren't going to prevent her opinion, obviously.

Naoko chuckled. "Oh really? I get that sometimes, but I think you're the first to say it quite like that."

"Hm," Hanasu mumbled. So this guy wasn't the kind to be ruffled by comments like that. Either he was the definition of politeness or he didn't really value his manhood. Or… "So, are you taking this so well because of my family's social status, or are you just that nice?"

Naoko blinked. "Huh? No, I was just being polite…"

Hanasu sighed. "Sorry, sorry, that was kind of rude of me. Just a knee-jerk reaction to my insults being returned with compliments. You know, after my mom attempting to introduce me to 'nice guys' and all." She waved the comment off. "You probably get it. I'm sure your mom or dad or whatever tries to get you with a bunch of girls anyway, right?"

Naoko looked kind of… uncomfortable? How strange. Usually he kept his calm in front of clients. "…yeah," he mumbled. He then blinked and quickly remembered himself. "Ah! Um, Miss Hajimete," he said, attempting to be cheerful. "You mentioned you had a brother working here, which one is he?"

Hanasu pointed to a boy with black hair, chuckling sheepishly while the ladies giggled and remarked on how cute his clumsiness was. "Him. The idiot over there."

Naoko sweatdropped. "I see… so, then, you don't like your brother?"

"No, I like him." Hanasu shook her head and smiled. "I like him an awful lot. He may be clumsy and awkward and useless, but… he's got a good heart, and he can't be mean to anyone. He always thinks of other people…" She trailed off, noticing that Naoko was staring at her. "What?" All the sudden she was back to the evil aura and glaring.

Naoko blinked and put his hands up as a defense. "Ah, nothing, I was just thinking, this is the first time I'd seen you smile…" The words came out before he'd really thought of what he was saying.

Hanasu stared at him for a second, then looked away. "I see." She glanced at the clock. "Ah, the club's going to end soon… I'll leave you to your fans, then." She got up and turned to leave, then paused. "…I'll request you tomorrow, so leave a spot open for me, k?" she mumbled, so quiet that Naoko might've imagined it. Then she left, and was quickly replaced by the giggling, talkative girls, and there was no time left to think about her.

"Ah, business was good today, don't you think, mommy?" Tamaki commented cheerfully, glancing over at Kyouya, who was scribbling a few things down in his black book.

"Well, Mr. Gouto does seem to have attracted quite a few new customers, as has Mr. Hajimete…" Kyouya replied, ignoring the 'mommy' comment. While Naoko was uncaring, Kakeru was practically bursting with joy.

"Really, really?" he asked excitedly.

"Really."

Kakeru literally jumped with joy.

"Just a moment, oniisan," Hanasu said, pulling him back down to earth. "Mother's gonna be mad if we take too long."

"Ah, you're right…" he said thoughtfully. "One second, let me go get my things!" He ran over to where he'd left his things.

"Mr. Gouto," Kyouya said, not looking up.

"Yes?" Naoko asked, picking up his bag.

"Out of curiosity, is there a certain reason that the only daughter of the Gouto family is dressed as a boy?"