She should've never let herself get to this point.
How was it, that one simple matter could create such a huge problem? It wasn't even something as minor as an inconvenience, not something as simple as being able to make an apology for and laugh about it later on. No, it was far worse.
Nothing before had ever been able to breach the realms of her heart. How was it that this one person had become so significant to smash through those carefully placed barriers? Years of building, never once allowing a soul any closer than necessary in order to keep anyone or anything cause any type of effect on her, more so a destructive one.
Destructive in the worst of ways. These emotions, how was she to handle them? Did such a person even understand the bounds, the depths, of just how far down they went? Into her heart, to the very realms of where her trueness lied. Did it matter that she suffered so, all because of something that had been beyond her control? Was it wrong for her to feel such things, these mass of emotions swelling, ever growing, creating such exhilarating feelings that easily subsided into the greatest of fears and inhibitions.
How was it that this one person could cause such chaos to her? Shaking her to her core, completely uprooting everything she had once ever believed in. All that she had built herself up to was changed, in many ways, all because of that one person.
It was selfish in the cruelest of ways. Back and forth, back and forth, the never ending duel of her own egoism versus the unknowing selfish and cruel things that this person was able to do to her. How was it that she could go about every day, hardly paying her any mind now? Yes, it was with good reason, since she had crossed that line. Yet it didn't help her subconscious at all. The war still raged on, the unanswered questions, and ever-present what ifs and I shouldn't haves tormenting her till she would finally be able to force herself to sleep at night.
If only…if only she hadn't of gone that far.
- Avow -
Part 1.5.
There had been some time given to her in order to recuperate from her minor mess up some time ago. Although, it wasn't even truly that long ago. Everything seemed to go by far too quickly with school and training still taking up most of their days. The constant schedule of keeping busy hardly even let the Kirijo heir notice that it had only been a week since the late night encounter with her.
Her. She had been trying not to see her face in her mind, yet her mind would play cruel tricks on her. In the end, every aspect of the brunette would end up in her thoughts and she would mull over that fire-blazing muse for hours on end. Even with all the distractions, she found herself being pulled back into her orbit without even realizing it. Since that night and her mistake, there had been plenty of effort put into distractions and avoiding the one that kept involuntarily creeping into her thoughts.
But none of it was working. Mitsuru was growing even more frustrated than she had already been given their ferocious rounds of training almost every night. Studying for finals that may or may not determine her future was hardly an issue seeing as she was already academically inclined since her youth. The frustration during battles grew to be too much that night though.
She had been doing her part in casting what magic spells she could. Whenever they were all ordered to use physical attacks, her sword had easily lain into the enemy. A counterattack wasn't necessarily taken into account though, seeing as, the enemy had clearly been on its last bit of health. It was her own slip of karma though to have the enemy's last attack be made upon her before it dissipated into nothingness.
The wound stung on her upper body. She clutched onto her left arm, her sword barely remaining in her grasp as she could already hear the footsteps approaching her. The first to reach her from across the area was the last person she wanted to meet with in a gaze.
"Mitsuru-senpai let me take a look."
Her hands were on her shoulder and along her chest, that alone was making the stinging disappear and a burning sensation take over her skin in its place. Every movement, even in the slightest made her inhale uneasily. The warmest of sensations joined that burning, it spread throughout her arm. A vibrancy of green and white appeared and disappeared just as quickly.
"Is that better?"
"I believe it helped, yes. Thank you." Those hands withdrew away just as Mitsuru took a step back. Her arm was still slightly injured, only healing could do so much for surface wounds, but it was enough for her to at least make it out of Tartarus and back to the dorm to recuperate properly.
As she sheathed her sword, she could still feel someone watching her. Scanning around as they headed towards the device to return them to the lobby, she looked from the corner of her eye to see glances being made her way. The areas that she had been held onto beforehand began to burn from her lingering touches, and those glances only intensified that feeling. She needed to get home soon, to find a way to rewire her mind onto a different mindset.
Never mind the fact that there had been an odd amount of tension between them since that night. It had been a mistake to jump to such an action without proper assurance. Yet she had allowed herself to act selfishly. It was nothing to be proud of. Then again, she hardly found much to be proud of anymore.
Unbuttoning the length of her blouse, she easily discarded it to see her bare skin.
She had retired to her room directly after entering the dorm. There was nothing for her to say, and it was also very late. No one was much in the mood for idle chatter about the evening's events.
Her chest felt the cold chill of the night air. The balcony was open once again in an old habit of hers during the times that she needed to think. It was a chill to her bone, yet it still soothed in her some strange way. Staying idle in her stance, she lowered the left strap of her bra to relieve some pressure, letting her hand run over that portion of skin that was still burning almost an hour after the occurrence. She knew why that sensation was still there; knowing it was a subconscious process that she needed to desperately rid herself of.
There was no end to the torment it seemed. Glancing back to her wine that she wanted to taste again, the harsh pull back into the night from seven days prior made her hesitate. It was because of the intoxication and losing herself in her desires that she had taken a step forward into something that wasn't her right to do.
Yet still it tortured her.
The shakiness of her hand was an inclination of how her thoughts were bursting open at the seams, her fingertips barely pulling out the cork from the bottle as she let the red flow into the glass.
It was still an insatiable thought that she could not stray from. Just how had Takeba felt when she did kiss her? To let their lips join together in a way that wasn't viewed as right, but in the taboo of it all, she still always found herself aching, such an internal ache it was, to want something so badly.
There was no understanding to it, no means to an end. How was she to ever surpass this one woman? It had bidden to the deepest traces of her soul at this point, sunk so far down that from her waking moment she saw nothing but the trace of her outline in her mind. The softest remembrance of her voice, how her eyes had shined at her that one day in the hot springs. During those moments of vulnerability, she had seen the truth that was Takeba. It was an underlying impression that she could never get enough of either, to see the essence of her. During times she would summon her persona, garnet eyes would watch in awe, seeing that splendor and being able to understand just what she had gone through to obtain such a gift.
It almost made her feel unworthy to even be able to experience such a sight.
A light knock on the door almost made her drop the glass that she had just picked up. Glancing around, she reached for her blouse that had been laid aside on top of the small couch. As she set the glass down on a nearby shelf, she quickly slid it on, doing up the buttons enough that were acceptable to her before grabbing her glass once more and heading to the door.
To see the very person that had been residing permanently in her thoughts made her have to reaffirm her grip on the glass she held. Takeba stood there, a hand raised in midair as if she had been about to knock again.
"Oh um, hey."
"Hello."
They both stood there for a few moments, staring. The wonderment of just what had attained such a visit had Mitsuru bewildered. She thought if anything that she had scared the young woman off after her forward action.
"I came to double-check your arm, if that's okay."
"I assure you it's fine, but if you insist."
Mitsuru pulled the door open enough to let her move past the doorway and into the bedroom. As she closed the door, her hand laid against the frame for a few seconds longer than usual, almost as if to mentally prepare herself to keep her composure.
"If you could take off your blouse, it would be easier."
The statement made her turn away from the door, facing the figure that stood over near the couch. She could sense from how she requested such a thing that she had been a little flustered by it. To say that she inwardly wasn't feeling the same would have been a lie.
The wine was sipped once or twice before she set it down on the table near the couch. She could feel it soothingly slip down her throat, only to leave a soft aftertaste as she let her fingers unbutton the very blouse she had taken off minutes before. She felt brown eyes watching her, only in mere glances, but still it was enough for her to feel a moment of nervousness as she slid off the fabric and laid it aside in the same spot as before.
"Just sit down and let me…"
The brunette moved over, finding her nerve to half-way push the other woman to a sitting position on the couch. As she moved to sit up on her knees beside of her, she let her hands wonder down over her left shoulder, closely looking at the skin and feeling on the muscles as she did so. It was hard not to find herself looking at the chest that was just inches away, her fingertips twitched a bit in that moment of thought.
The subtle glancing to the auburn-haired woman's face let her see just what areas were painful. Mitsuru was wincing and exhaling slightly when she touched an area near her bone.
"You're lucky. It cut into your skin, but it just barely missed your bone."
"It's sore enough there to feel as if it had reached that deep."
"That's because it's cut through a large portion of your skin and muscle." She let her fingers halt in there pressure and only remained gliding on her skin. It left Mitsuru feeling fuzzy in her head. "You need to rest this arm as much as possible."
"I'm right-handed so that shouldn't be much of an issue."
"You might need to lay off the training for a few days too though."
Mitsuru sighed. Her good hand absentmindedly reached for the wine on the table nearby just as she felt that hand move back over her skin again. The touch was still there, even after her analysis had been given, so why was she still touching her?
"If it's necessary then I will do so."
There was a hanging silence after that, almost as if the brunette was hesitating in saying or doing something. Her hands finally slid away in that moment.
"You should." The young woman moved from the couch, standing upright once again as her hands slid behind her back to clasp together. "Dr. Takeba has ordered you to do just that!"
Mitsuru couldn't help but to smile at such a claim, even more so as her eyes strayed up to see the most genuine of smiles on the other woman's face. As she let the taste of wine slip to her tongue again, her hand set the glass aside before she stood up and began to reach for her blouse. It was only in that moment that she remembered what state of dress she was in, and she felt all too exposed to her.
"So rest is all that is needed to cure me then?"
Yukari paused for a moment, her smile fading a little as she drew into the question. After thinking on it for a few seconds, she looked over to see the woman had finished redressing herself.
"Yes rest and a day out tomorrow afternoon with me."
Had she heard her right?
The statement was still hanging above them, almost if to wait and see if Mitsuru would even take to the invitation. It was a strange thing to her. If anything she had already been surprised that the woman would have even found a way into her room again given what had happened previously. But now she wanted to go out together-alone. It left her puzzled, yet that didn't stop her inner want to accept from verbalizing itself.
"After school?"
"Of course! I know you have important things to do at school, so I'd never imagine having us skip class."
"I don't see why not then. Is there anything you had in mind exactly?"
"Well, maybe some shopping. We could see if there was a good movie too, or we could just go out to eat."
"All right, whatever you manage to come up with I'm sure it'll be fine." She gave a smile to her, already feeling her heart swelling in the slightest fabrication of hope.
"It'll be fun. Plus I know you're always stuck studying or in some business meeting or another. We could both use some girl time I think." Her lips kept in that smile as their gazes aligned together. When that meeting continued for a long while, brown eyes looked away first, a soft shade of pink tinting on her cheeks. "I should go for now though, let you start getting some rest."
"Yes, you should rest too."
"I will. I'm a shopaholic, so be prepared." After reaching the door, she had turned offering a slight wave and smile before exiting the room.
Mitsuru doubted that she would ever be prepared for more moments alone with the very woman that was driving her mad with a wanton need and desire for her presence.