definitely missed my personal friday deadline for this one but in my defense it's a monstrously long chapter and i lost a couple days to work and updated another fic so i mean. close enough.

anyways do u ever look at a character (karamatsu) and feel the cosmic urge to ask said character's (karamatsu's) show's writers (ososan anime staff) why that character is Like That

Chapter 2: Tidbits Collection

Edo's Kabuki district is like nothing Choromatsu has ever experienced, and god only knows he's experienced a lot of weird shit in his time. It seems a little silly, objectively, to feel so blown away by it all, when he'd already known going into this nonsense arrangement that Edo here is an anachronistic mess, but seeing it all in person is definitely something else. The novelty of the future beside the nostalgia of the past, all blended together with the perfectly mundane trappings of a typical modern existence – honestly, it's enough to leave him reeling. He's been wandering the streets of the Kabuki district just drinking it all in for what feels like eons, now, ever since he lost track of his brothers after leaving the Yorozuya apartment this morning.

Choromatsu smiles hesitantly; it's been ages since he's been able to lose track of time like that, and it feels nice. Experiencing the sights and sounds of a city in childlike wonder – it's relaxing, in a way. Therapeutic, even. Just wandering around, lost in time and space, and oh god is that seriously the time?! The icy grip of anxiety clutches at his guts, and adrenaline floods his arteries, and it takes Choromatsu a solid minute of deep breathing to remind himself that it's okay that he's wasted – no, not wasted, spent – several entire hours doing absolutely fucking nothing useful. It's okay, because there's nothing to do here. There are no job applications to be working on or resumes to hand out or Nyaa-chan merch lineups to be waiting in. This is practically a vacation, and people don't do things on vacation, and anyways in the first place he's a NEET so it's not like he has anything to do—

Groaning, Choromatsu buries his face in his hands. Well, they do say old habits die hard, after all, and maybe it wouldn't kill him to get a job… Not that he'd even know where to start, mind you. Does Edo even have employment agencies? It's such a commonplace and typical thing, but would an alternate universe Earth invaded by aliens have come up with them? Surely not every modern amenity will have been recreated here—

"Oh, are you still looking for Takamagahara?" An unfamiliar voice interrupts Choromatsu's train of thought.

He looks up at the speaker, and squints – it's a guy he's never seen before, with big brown eyes and long black hair wearing a light grey haori over a dark blue kimono. And standing behind him… Is that an alien? It's… a giant duck, as far as he can tell, but then a passing breeze briefly exposes a pair of human feet under a fluttering sheet. What the hell? Is that an old man wearing a duck costume? And who is the man speaking to him, in the first place?

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for who, now?"

"Not who, where. Are you still lost?" the man inquires kindly. Behind him, the old man-duck-alien-thing produces a small sign out of seemingly nowhere, which reads:

He's wearing different clothes since this morning. He must have found it.

A switch flips in Choromatsu's brain as he realizes what must have happened.

"Hmm, what was that, Elizabeth?" The man glances at the sign. "Ah! That's true! Sorry to have bothered you, I'll be on my way." He bows his head and starts to walk away.

"W-wait! You probably saw my twin brother this morning."

The man pauses and looks over his shoulder. "Oh, is that it? Well, there's that mystery solved!" A relieved smile spreads across his face.

"Although, if you helped him this morning, I think maybe you could help me as well?" Choromatsu asks hesitantly.

"Well, I'm trying to find someone right now, so I may not have time…"

"It's okay, I just need some directions. Do you know where i could go to find work?"

The man frowns thoughtfully. "Hmm… finding that kind of thing isn't exactly my area of expertise… Ah!" His eyes light up. "Gintoki would help you, of course! There's a place – maybe you've heard of it – Yorozuya Gin-chan. It's an odd jobs business, so they can help you with whatever you need."

Seriously? Choromatsu grits his teeth – but he was just at Yorozuya Gin-chan, dammit! Although… they are an odd jobs business, so really, they would be the most helpful in this situation…

Choromatsu smiles gratefully. "Thank you… ah, what was your name, sorry?"

"It's Katsura. And yours?"

"Matsuno Choromatsu. Thank you for your help, Katsura-san! I hope you find whoever you're looking for!"

"Thank you! Good luck!" Katsura gives a small wave before turning and continuing on his way.

Choromatsu takes a deep breath. Well… back to the Yorozuya, then. And so he goes.

Snack Smile has that same, typical bar smell of alcohol mixed with the general musk of humanity, only it's lightly tinged with perfume, as well. Karamatsu inhales and lets out a contented sigh; now this, this is where he belongs – mingling with all the most beautiful women in all of Edo, drinking and partying the night away with them.

"Was there anyone in particular you came here to see, sir?" the manager asks as he leads him down the hall towards the main room.

"Why, only your finest girl, naturally!" Karamatsu laughs.

"Ah, then I know just the girl," the manager smirks, and they step into the main room.

The sweet scent of sake and perfume hits him again, and the lighting is moody without being too dim, and Karamatsu is almost drunk on the sultry atmosphere. He arrives at a cozy booth, and there waiting for him – waiting for him, imagine! A true, bona fide Karamatsu girl – she's wearing a purpe kimono, and her beautiful brown hair is tied up in a high ponytail, and look at that gorgeous smile, why, it could rival his own trademark sparkling grin, even!

Cabaret clubs are truly Heaven on Earth, Karamatsu thinks as he slides into the booth beside her.

"Hello, my honey," he croons, and is that a light flush on her cheeks? A gentle blush dusting her glorious visage? The self-satisfied smirk that creeps onto his lips cannot be helped. "And what is the name of the fine blossom that I'll be having the pleasure to drink with tonight?"

The girl's cheeks darken a little further – a sure sign of infatuation, Karamatsu is certain! And that twitch of her eyelid, that subtly-outlined vein in her temple – those are just tricks of the light, he 's sure of it. He's irresistably cool, after all; there's no way she isn't appreciating that right now.

And look there! Her brow uncreases, and her face lights up with a sunny smile, and her name drops from her lips like a precious jewel – Shimura Tae.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl," he winks, and produces a rose from the sleeve of his leather jacket. "Now, what sweet nectar would you care to indulge in tonight?" he asks as he passes her the rose, then reaches into his jacket once more. "Choose whatever you'd like, for tonight you are my Karamastu Girl, and that means you can have whatever your dear heart desires." He places his wallet on the table – unlike his idiot brothers, he'd had the foresight to save up some money in advance for this trip.

Tae sniffs the rose primly, then leans towards Karamatsu. "Whatever my heart desires? I think a bottle of Dom Perignon would be perfect right now."

Karamatsu fiddles nervously with his bangs, but keeps his voice smooth. "Heh. Your wish is my command, my beauty." He waves at a nearby server – "one bottle of Dom Perignon, if you would!" – and tries not to think about how much of his savings this is going to eat through.

"Make that two bottles of Dom Perignon, please!"

Karamatsu whips his head around to find the source of the voice, which definitely did not belong to the young lady beside him and most definitely did belong to a man who seems to be… crawling out from under the table? And the beautful Tae – she's looking extremely unimpressed with this situation. It's… certainly intimidating, to say the least. Karamatsu swallows hard.

"What are you doing here, you stupid gorilla?!" she hisses. "Didn't I tell you not to stalk me at work anymore? Or at all, for that matter?"

"Otae-san, I'm just looking out for your best interests, you know? You need to be careful around guys like this! Look, his whole aura just screams 'scumball', wouldn't you say?"

"Who are you calling a scumball?!" Karamatsu finally manages to choke out.

"Yeah, look at the pot calling the kettle black here!" Tae scolds, and Karamatsu's brow wrinkles at the casual insult thrown his way.

"I'll have you both know, I'm no scumball! I'm the absolute picture of the perfect gentleman!"

The other two turn their heads in tandem to glare at him, and Karamatsu flinches, suppressing the instinctive urge to jump up in a panic and sprint out of the building and as far from Tae's death gaze as he possibly can. Every rose has its thorns, he reminds himself, although even his inner voice is quaking in fear.

A derisive snort from the gorilla brings Karamatsu back to the present moment. "It doesn't matter what kind of gentleman you are – Otae-san is under my care, so if you want to be with her you'll have to go through me first!"

Karamatsu frowns. "My good sir, I am the customer here. This beautiful young lady is under my care tonight, and if you'd like to join in on our pleasant evening you'll have to clear it with me first!"

And the next thing he knows, he's flying across the room.

There's a loud crash as he lands, and Karamatsu opens his eyes only to see the gorilla's back a second and a half from colliding with him – just long enough to process what's about to happen before it does, but not long enough to get out of the way. The air is knocked out of his chest with an audible whoosh as the man slams into him. Across the room, Tae is dusting off her hands, and the look in her eye makes Karamatsu avert his own lest he be executed on the spot by her stare alone.

"I am under nobody's care but my own," she states, before turning to the manager, who's turned up to see the commotion. "They were overstepping some boundaries."

"Of course, Otae-san," the manager smiles, "I'll deal with them immediately." Less than ten seconds later, Karamatsu is face-down-ass-in-the-air outside the cabaret, nose unceremoniously pressed into the dirt.

Typical, he thinks as he picks himself up and dusts himself off. Just… typical.

The sun shines down on Kagura's parasol and laughter bubbles from her lips as she chases Sadaharu along the riverbank. It's a beautiful morning, and never mind that that idiot she lives with is in a bad mood because of some stupid crossover – those weird brothers aren't even bothering them with anything, and Odd Jobs didn't have any requests today anyways, so she's free to spend the day however she please.

She begins to wonder if Soyo is busy right now, and then she catches sight of a figure in yellow standing under the bridge and… swinging a baseball bat?

"Who on earth…?" she mutters to herself, and suddenly Sadaharu is bounding ahead of her towards the stranger.

"Ah! Sadaharu, wait! Heel!" She chases after him. "Don't jump on strangers, okay Sadaharu?"

Sadaharu barks gleefully, and promptly launches himself towards baseball bat guy.

"Sadaharu!" Kagura calls, fully expecting him to knock the poor guy over, but he looks up just in time, and Kagura catches a brief glimpse of a huge grin plastered across his face before he jumps right at Sadaharu, catching her dog's head in his arms and clinging onto his neck.

Huh. Kagura's never seen anyone else actually react to Sadaharu pouncing on them – usually they just get crushed. She finally makes it to the bridge, and the man is enthusiastically scratching Sadaharu behind the ears, and Sadaharu is panting happily.

"Ah, is this your dog?" the stranger calls down to her.

"Yeah, his name is Sadaharu! You can keep petting him if you want, he likes you!" she answers. And then she notices—

"Hey, you're one of those Matsu sextuplet people or whatever, aren't you?"

"Ahaha, yup! I'm Jyushimatsu!" Jyushimatsu lets go of Sadaharu's neck and drops, landing perfectly in a crouch. Straightening his legs, he holds out his hand.

Kagura grins. "I'm Kagura. I work at Yorozuya Gin-chan." She slaps her hand into his and gives it a firm shake. "You weren't with everyone else this morning at our apartment."

"Ah, no, I wasn't. The river looked really nice when we came by this way, so I went for a swim, and then I wanted to practice my swing, so now I'm here! Oh! Say," he looks at her expectantly, "do you like baseball? Want to play baseball with me?"

"Sure! I don't know how to play though, so you'll have to teach me."

"Mhm, of course!" Jyushimatsu's smile widens, somehow, and he looks up at Sadaharu. "Sadaharu-kun, do you want to play too?"

Sadaharu's answering bark is filled with excitement, and he promptly chomps onto Jyushimatsu's head.

"Ah! Sadaharu, that's rude! You should only do that do close friends," Kagura chastises, but she can hear Jyushimatsu's laughter echoing from somewhere behind Sadaharu's teeth, and she watches in slight awe as he lifts his arms and pries Sadaharu's mouth off of his head without any help.

"He says he wants to play too!" Jyushimatsu flashes a thumbs up at Kagura.

She shakes her head in amazement and laughs. "Okay then, explain to us the rules, please!"

When Choromatsu scolds him for booting Karamatsu down the Yorozuya apartment's outdoor stairs, Ichimatsu only rolls his eyes (because look, anyone would be thrilled to have the opportunity kick Karamatsu down a flight of stairs for speaking the words 'alright fellas let's bounce', in English, in this the year of our lord two-thousand-and-seventeen; hell, Ichimatsu knows for a fact that Choromatsu would have done it himself if Ichimatsu hadn't, so why his idiot older brother is lecturing him about this is absolutey beyond him—)

Anyways, when Choromatsu scolds him for booting Karamatsu down the Yorozuya apartment's outdoor stairs, Ichimatsu only rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue in derision and stalks off down the road to look for stray cats, because what the hell else is he supposed to do in this weird-ass city full of weird-ass people. Neither of his brothers bother following him, presumably because they either know that he'd rather wander by himself, or because they just flat-out don't give a shit about him, or some hellish combination of both – Ichimatsu isn't totally sure, and he'd rather not think about it for too long anyways.

Luckily, stray cats seem to be found in fairly great abundance in this town, in addition to stray dogs and some stray potential aliens…? Ichimatsu only really cares about the cats though (naturally), and he even brought some dried anchovies across with him for the express purpose of making some new friends.

He settles in in the corner of a nice little park – no different, in many ways, than the parks back home. Of course, the people are vastly different – all dressed in traditional Japanese yukatas and kimonos, except for when they're dressed in the same modern fashion one might see back in the Akatsuka Ward, or when they're literal aliens wearing whatever alien fashion they've brought with them to this version of Earth. Ichimatsu hasn't always been super fond of people-watching – it's frequently boring, and he'd much rather just pet cats – but here he can't help but stare sometimes at the people going by. At one point he thinks he spots that Odd Jobs girl running by with an enormous white dog. Jyushimatsu would've loved to see that dog, he thinks, if only the bastard hadn't slipped away immediately after arriving. Choromatsu had seemed concerned about Jyushimatsu disappearing, but Ichimatsu isn't too worried about his younger brother's whereabouts – he's probably off swinging his bat by the nearest body of water; Ichimatsu will track him down later on and it'll all be fine. He's probably having a grand old time, wherever he is, and that's all that really matters.

The cats are all wary at first, but they quickly becomes incredibly friendly once they figure out that Ichimatsu has food for them. One in particular is especially bold – a great big black-and-grey monster of a cat, with gorgeous dark green eyes and tufts of mangled fur where his ears apparently used to be. The tiniest of smiles touches Ichimatsu's lips as he reaches over and scratches the cat's neck. It lets out a contended meow, and gently butts its head against Ichimatsu's hand in a silent request to continue.

"Hmm… you like that, eh?" God, there really is nothing in this world so pure and good as a happy cat.

Continuing his ministrations to the cat's neck and shoulders, Ichimatsu continues his observations. Across the way, he watches a man in a worn-out brown yukata and sunglasses (which only slightly less obnoxious than Karamatsu's, at best) stop at a vending machine. The man doesn't buy anything, though; he drops onto his stomach and peers under the bottom, and then reaches his arm underneath and begins sweeping it around.

Must be looking for dropped change, Ichimatsu decides. He lets his attention drift back to the cats.

A few minutes later, he looks back up, and the man is still there, reaching with all of his might. Ichimatsu's brow furrows. How hard is he trying, here? Just how desperate is this guy? He shakes his head, and deliberately moves his focus back to the cats.

A few more minutes pass, and when Ichimatsu looks up again, the man is still there. He feels a vein begin to throb in his temple. Seriously?! Just give up already! Maybe the guy's arm is stuck? But no, there, he's withdrawing it from under the vending machine, and stretching his shoulders a bit, he must be getting ready to lea— Oh, no, there he goes, back under the machine on his quest for loose change. Ichimatsu shakes his head. How broke does a guy need to be to search for loose change under a vending machine for a solid ten minutes or longer? Even Ichimatsu hasn't tried for that long, and as far as he knows neither have any of his brothers.

Well, maybe Osomatsu. Osomatsu might stay under a vending machine looking for change for quite a while. If the mood took him, I gue— ohhhh God oh no he saw me shit fuck!

Ichimatsu abrubtly turns his head away from the vending machine man and stares intently at the cats again, although he can't help trying to peer in his direction from the corner of his eye. The man seems to have turned his attention back to the vending machine, so Ichimatsu slowly turns to look at him again. The man's head turns a bit, as though he's glancing in Ichimatsu's direction, and Ichimatsu quickly looks down again.

Fuck. He knows I was looking. Is he upset that Ichimatsu was watching him struggle for change? He's probably feeling embarrassed, and scrutinized, and maybe even angry—

Anxious guilt wraps itself around Ichimatsu's heart. He takes a quick peek and oh no oh nonononono the guy is walking towards Ichimatsu now, he's probably mad and wants to beat me up, fuck, he's gonna—

"If you like cats… There's a place where they all like to hang out, if you're interested."

"I— huh?"

"Ah, I just figured I'd let you know, you've been out here for quite a while with these strays…" The stranger laughs nervously and scratches the back of his neck. "Just trying to be helpful. You look like you're new to town; I haven't seen you around before."

"Oh. Yeah. Th-thanks," Ichimatsu swallows nervously. So he wasn't mad, after all… Although something still feels off about the guy, like he's emanating some kind of aura of despair behind that friendly demeanor…

The stranger gives him directions, but Ichimatsu can't hear him over the feeling of his stomach still doing somersaults. As soon as the man waves goodbye and leaves, Ichimatsu stumbles to his feet and sets off in the opposite direction. He just needs to get away from the guy, as far away as possible, and away from the park because it's too open and public and someone else is probably going to talk to him eventually… Ichimatsu grits his teeth. He should've known better than to stay for that long in a park…

At least he gave me a tip about where to find more cats, I guess. Ichimatsu sighs. He definitely missed the directions, but with enough wandering he's sure to find them eventually…

Shinpachi's wearing an apron, a white bandana and a surprised look on his face when he slides open the front door of the apartment.

"Ah, sorry, was I interrupting anything?" Now that he's back at the Yorozuya, Choromatsu is less sure about his plan to ask for help finding a job. He swallows nervously.

Shinpachi's face spreads into a gentle smile, though. "Ah, I was just getting some cleaning done, it's fine! Come in!"

Choromatsu breathes a sigh of relief and follows Shinpachi into the apartment.

"So what brings you back, Choromatsu-san?" the boy asks as he unties his apron. "Would you like some tea?"

"Well… I'm actually here as a client this time, I guess." Choromatsu takes a seat on one of the couches. "And tea would be lovely, thank you, Shinpachi-kun."

"I'll be with you in just a moment," Shinpachi says, and begins gathering his cleaning supplies.

Choromatsu nods, and leans back into the couch. A quiet few minutes later, Shinpachi is sitting across from him, and they're both holding small cups of hot tea.

"So then, let's get down to business. What's your job request?" Shinpachi asks.

"Well… I'd like to find a job, actually."

"Really?" Shinpachi raises his eyebrows. "You know a crossover is basically a vacation… You really want to find a job in Edo?"

Choromatsu nods. "I know it seems strange, but I feel really restless if I'm not working…"

"Not to be rude but, uh, aren't you an unemployed NEET in your own canon?"

"Well… yes… but…" Choromatsu's brow furrows. "Even in my own canon, I'm always looking for a job, or if I'm not looking for a job at least I have Ny— my hobbies." Close call, Choromatsu. Whatever else he does, he absolutely cannot admit to this teenager that he, a twenty-something-year-old adult, is still an idol otaku.

Shinpachi leans forward with interest. "Oh? What kind of hobbies?"

"A-ah, uh, y'know, just. Listening to music, stuff like that." Choromatsu can feel the sweat beginning to bead on his forehead.

"You like music too? What kind of music do you listen to?" And suddenly, Shinpachi has tranformed from the polite, responsible young man he's been coming across as so far into an ordinary excitable teen. Choromatsu suppresses a groan – did he seriously manage to bring up presumably the one thing that the kid is this passionate about? Although… I wonder…

Choromatsu hesitates, before deciding to just go for it. "I mostly listen to pop music, especially from one of our canon idols." He can feel his cheeks heating up, but he continues. "She's got a nice voice, and she's really cute—"

"You like idols too?!" Tea sloshes out of the cups as Shinpachi jumps up and hits the table in the process, and Choromatsu's jaw drops. I can't believe my hunch was actually right. "Choromatsu-san, I have a fan club meeting this afternoon. You should come with me!" His eyes are sparkling behind his glasses, and he's wearing an eager grin, and heck Choromatsu can't say no when he's looking at him like that.

"Yeah okay, I'd love to check it out!" Whoever she is, she can't possibly be comparable to Nyaa-chan, but it would still be interesting to check out an actual idol fan club. Being among fellow enthusiasts… What more could Choromatsu want out of life, really?

And now I can put off finding a job for a little longer, too. Choromatsu smiles. This crossover is already going shockingly well, and really, it's only about to get better from here.

actually come to think of it did i ever formally promise to update on fridays? that's the goal here but so far i'm definitely not managing that but i mean whatever it's fiiiiine

ANYWAYS shoutout to the ppl whomstve reviewed and faved thus far 3 and as always i love hearing ur thoughts so 100% feel free to drop a comment here or over on tumblr at charmingstrangeness orrrr even on (drumroll) twitter, where i now exist for fandom bullshit purposes at madameforeman (bc my Brand Name was too long, screw u twitter)

anyways,

Next Time On The Crossover No One Asked For: more of this shit with a possible bonus cameo ft. potential plot developments? spooky.