Chapter 2 : The Empty space I lay between

I saw sign posts and traffic lights go past us. He knew not to go too fast to get pulled over. Not on highways to get pulled over by the police at least. He didn't have a built in radar or police scanner like Edward did. Reading minds did have it's advantage but the rush of getting into trouble never phased me anymore. It made it easier to be around Jacob, knowing that we could just be normal, human, together.

I was wearing a pair of regular jeans and a band tshirt til we got to the hotel. I had an outfit to change into at the hotel before we got to the club to meet up with everyone. The outfit was really nice due to Alice sending it to me a few days ago. She still sent me outfits on occasion telling me certain one's " Screamed Bella ". She definitely would never change with dressing me up now and again no matter how far away she was.

There were times where I missed Alice, the rest of the family too for that matter. I knew though, that if I let it get to me too much tonight, I would be down. I promised myself before that I would not let thinking, drinking, or whatever ruin this weekend. I was going to really go out and fully enjoy myself. Then again I knew I wasn't going to ever be as down as I was before when Edward had left the first time.

He was pained, I could see it in his eyes before they had left Forks due to my decision and giving his ring back. At the same time, A part of him was happy. He wanted me to stay human, even Rosalie, no matter how much she acted like she detested me surprised me that day when they left. She hugged me, a gesture that even Alice didn't see coming. She whispered in my ear, " Now I really am jealous of you Bella, you have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy it."

I could remember how Carlisle and Esme were very undecided of the matter. I made Edward promise me that if something were to happen to me no matter how long from now it happened, he wouldn't do anything to hurt his family. If it was meant to be that I wouldn't have felt the way that I did. I wouldn't have doubted us. I told him, regardless of how determined he was, that there had to be someone out there worth living for , he just hadn't found her yet. He gave me a smirk as he kissed my forehead and looked in my eyes. I felt his hands on my face as I looked into his amber eyes one last time.

" Bella, you could never be replaced by anyone. It may take a few more centuries before I find another woman like you. If I have to wait that long, then so be it. It'll be worth having a person like you with me forever."

Thinking about what he had said, I couldn't help but feel bad for hurting him. He only wanted me safe, that was why he had left the first time and all it did was endanger both our lives. He knew that Jacob would keep me safe as he did last time when Edward was away. Part of me still wanted to be with Edward and to live forever but my body flourished. It loved to be fragile and wrecked and living. I thought of the few bruises I had on my hip the small blue and purple rings that were still tender. That's what I got for falling off of the bike, making too quick of a turn and falling into a big puddle of mud. I'd have to remember to keep those bruises covered up tonight unless I wanted people to think I was in some sort of fight club.

As I sat there thinking, I didn't know what was worse. The fact that I was thinking too much, or that Jacob was unusually silent. He looked a bit nervous in the driver's seat. I was always used to being in the car with him now. There were nights where I still had nightmares and Jacob sometimes in his wolf form would stay patrol of my house to make sure I was safe. It drove Leah nuts seeing as he was worried more about me then the pack at times. I tried to replay another thought in my head as I thought about that. The hard times, the times I shouldn't have thought about. Just then I was broken out of the concentration when a buzzing sound came from the radio.

" Stupid dial. Sorry 'bout that Bells, I figured since we're going to the club you have to listen to some upbeat music at least." He smiled and scratched the back of his head with his hand real quick. A gesture he did at times when he was nervous. I had noticed that since we had spent so much time together over the past year. I started listening to music again. Some songs really got to me but some just had me move around. Something I never thought I'd ever enjoy again is music. Jake got me into all sorts of music, recently stuff like club music. Stuff that didn't need meaning just a beat when it made me dance around.

" It's ok Jake. " I smiled at him as he smiled the smile that I loved when he was being really himself.

"Ooh this song's good. " He turned it up a bit. It was a song with a lot of different beats but it was almost slow in a way too. Something I could really feel myself dancing to.

" Do you know this song? " I asked him as he bumped around a bit in his seat.

" Yea, surprisingly Quil loves this guy. He has all his CDs and had me listen to it. He went silent as the voice that sang the smooth lyrics finally broke the barrier of the beats in the background.

I remember the days I still could breathe
Now I'm sinking beneath, the waves are crashing over me
The empty space I lay between
Is all that's left of where our love was meant to be

The song's tempo picked back up again and the beats returned with the buzzing sounds interacting with the beat making it simply addictive and melodic. The lyrics hit me like a pang at first but I tried to ignore it. I tried to distract myself with some other bits of information, anything to distract me til the lyrics were on again.

" How did Quil hear about this band?"

" It's just one guy Bells, but his name is BT I think, he's been around for a good while but he has some real good music. Quil said he'd definitely go with me to Seattle if he ever played at one of the clubs there." He smiled at me. " You're more the welcome to join us too if you want." I smiled at him.

" Yea, maybe.." I then heard the next line of the lyrics as it slowed down almost instantly setting the stage for the next pang into my soul.

Do you cry your eyes asleep?
Is it peace you seek at night when your body's weak?
Did it leave you with the scars, of a war-torn ravaged heart?
Do you cry your eyes asleep?

I relaxed and felt my head lay against the headrest of the passenger seat.

" You can't be tired now Bells."

"No, no... I'm just resting my eyes." I closed my eyes for a bit and just had memories wash over my mind playing it in fast forward, rewind, slow motion, there was one thing I couldn't stop thinking about after the first line of lyrics came from that song. It was the part of the darkness that still resided inside me. The utter fear of the nightmare I had before when Edward had left. The one that left me screaming every time I had awoken. This time it was different, I was terrified of losing someone else instead of Edward now.