I believe that the 'Barto Club' is turning into more of a 'Strawhat fan-club.' In fact, I think we should change our name to such. I really wouldn't be surprised if I were ordered to sell merchandise on the streets- rubber has become some sort of holy item and straw hats are on the same level as halos these days. Some poor suckers who chose to follow the idiot around are dragged into a series of what could be called ship-meetings, but are more like fan-club get-togethers. This includes me.
Oh, what do we do? I organise the necessary information, including navigation details and information on new islands, only for the papers to be thrust aside for one of Barto's new 'big ideas.' Which basically include new ways to piss people off, and eventually lead to one of his fantasies of joining the legendary Straw Hats. To be honest, if he ever did ever meet one of the pirates, he would almost definitely faint before he would get the chance to open his mouth, so I very much doubt any of his stories would go in his way.
I remember one particular idea, Barto had decided that he would be watching and waiting in the shadows while Luffy heroically fought some Yonko. He would jump into the ocean as the boy fell and would save him from hundreds of vicious sea-kings, returning him to safety, unharmed and well. Afterwards, Luffy would ask his help and together they would defeat the unnamed Yonko. Of course, even one like yourself can see how this idea is wrong on so many levels. Ignoring the fact that the Captain is about as helpless in the water as the rubber brat, defeating hundreds of sea kings at once? Let alone standing up against a Yonko.
Jesus, I heard the second division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates could talk a mile a minute about his little brother. I'd love to introduce them, they might be able to wear each other out. I wonder who fanboys more over the poor kid.
To be quite honest, it has been quite a while without any news about the future Pirate King, and I guess I should have known that it was too good to be true. Last week, disaster struck. Bartolomeo had finally received all the coverage he'd been craving, and more. The Stawhat Pirates had done the unthinkable. Raving havoc on Enies Lobby is one thing, but declaring war on the World Government is a whole other level of shit. I have to admit though, it's very impressive. That, or stupid. But what's worse? The wanted posters.
Oooohhh yes. Every single member of the Strawhat Pirates now have their own wanted posters. I'm not sure how (though I can easily guess), but all of our copies have simultaneously been flattened and pinned to the walls of our ship. Each also contains a drop of drool hanging to the corner. The captain now simply stares at them in complete awe.
'Cyborg' Franky-senpai: the super cool, half robotic, amazing shipwright.
'Devil Child' Nico Robin ane-san: the cool, mysterious and intelligent archeologist.
'Candy Lover' Toni Toni Chopper-senpai: the talented, cool and adorable pet.
'Black Leg' Sanji-senpai: the strong, cool and fantastic cook.
'Sogeking'-senpai: the cool, mysterious sharpshooter.
'Cat Burgler' Nami ane-san: the beautiful, cool and independent navigator.
'Pirate Hunter' Roronoa Zoro-senpai: the most amazing, cool, powerful swordsman and 'Luffy-senpai's' 'right-hand man.'
And last but certainly not least we have 'Straw Hat' Monkey D Luffy-senpai: fantastic, amazing, awesome, 'the chosen one,' spectacular, bewildering, most-likely-to-be-king, super, strong, striking, powerful, formidable - and don't forget cool, future Pirate King and Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates.
Using that information in your every-day sentences could convince our captain to do anything for you. And equally, if you shared his enthusiasm while using these words, you would most definitely become his best friend and possibly even his first mate. Surprisingly, no one has filled this criteria as of yet.
I feel like I could pull it off if I just sat there and nodded, smiling and muttering 'they're amazing' every few minutes. Maybe if I followed that plan I could become vice-captain? I suppose I'll save that one for when I'm desperately bored.
The most terrifying thing is, I think I've somehow caught this 'disease.' After spending so much time with a fanboy such as him, I've found myself reading over particular articles several times with a somewhat creepy smirk on my otherwise disinterested face. Articles outlining pirates such as the beautiful Cavendish and a few of the new rookies such as Jewellery Bonney and the Magician Basil Hawkins, I've found myself squealing over to reasonable extremes. Obviously this is no where near as obsessive as the obnoxious bull-ringed madman I'm forced to keep an eye on.
His hair has become excessively rugged recently. Why? Because he grabbed a knife and chopped his pompadour in half... And now he looks like some sort of green punk rooster. This new look, along with his eye tattoo, nose ring, clown pants and sharpened teeth are beginning to make me go delirious, how can anyone possibly look any more ridiculous?
On the topic of this mad-man's appearance, I believe his full set of sharpened teeth are more trouble than they're worth. Sure, they easily scare of civilians and rank him higher on the people's 'to be feared' list. People seem to assume that the man will rip out their throats. However, the thing is without molars and incisors, you can't eat! You can grip onto the food and all, but from there you just have to gnash and gnaw at the material until it's small enough to swallow. You should see the mess around him at the dinning table! It's like some sort of savage predator has torn through the plates in front of him, barely eating anything placed in his mouth and leaving the scraps of salivated food sprawled across the table, the floor and on near by crew mates.
Also, where on the seas did he get his clothes from? A joke shop? The tattoo under his eye looks like he's crying over 'Luffy-senpai' constantly, (which isn't such an impossibility, I'll look into that one).
Oh, the captain has also taken a liking to performing a role-play of sorts. After the Enies Lobby incident, he had 'accidentally' left one of our crew mates on the last island. He doubted all suspicions that such an event had occurred until we were a fair distance away from the poor man. Then he ordered us to turn around, declaring that we wouldn't leave anyone behind. When we arrived back on the island, Bartolomeo ordered our snipers to fire a cannon at a nearby town's World Government flag (thank goodness they missed their target). Then we pillaged the village, rescuing a very confused crew mate from the 'clutches of evil' before departing.
In other news, according to our captain we should be heading over to Water Seven soon. He's explained that we're going to collect supplies and fix the collapsing ship. I feel like there is another meaning to this far overly-anticipated trip, considering the distance we'll have to travel and the previous home of the newest member of the Straw Hats. I've also been told that the people there are massive fans of the Straw Hats. It's going to be like being surrounded by thousands of Bartolomeos. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the idiot ends up getting so over-excited that he organises a Straw-Hat-worshipping parade and ends up making some sort of Monkey D Luffy temple and mantra.
Thank you for reading! This is my first proper multiple-chapter story, so I'm still improving. Please leave a review, I'd love to hear your thoughts!