WhatTF? Part 2: The Team

"*Sigh*…what have I gotten myself into, here?"

"Boss? 'Ey Boss, where are ya?"

All of my composure vanished within an instant as soon as I heard someone calling for me. It was too bad; I was enjoying myself for a second there, staring down that long, winding corridor…

I lifted my head to see the Demoman right behind me, who stared back with a confused look in his eyes. Er, eye.

"Oh! There ya are, boyo!" There was quite a stumble in his step…he was just barely able to stand up by the looks of it, let alone walk.

"Soldier…have you been-"

"Oy! I ain't dat mother-frickin'-*hiccup*…mother-friggin' *hiccup*…bloody Rocketman! I'm da Demoman!"

"Uuugh…yes, Demoman, I know that. I was calling you 'soldier' in the sense that you are a soldier in an army, not directly calling you the nickname of your teammate, the Soldier."

"Uh…heh, Army man? Boy-o, it's De-mo-man…Deeeeem-ooooo man…not Armyman."

"Hurrrrrgh," I moaned as I slapped my hands against my face. "Fine. Demoman. Whatever. Just tell me what you're wanting."

"…Eh?"

"I'm asking why you came to find me? Surely there was a reason for you to be looking for me, right?"

"…Uhhhhh…*hiccup*…I, uh, I can't very much remember…ha ha haaa!" He began knocking his head with his fist, "Memory ain't really what it used to be!"

…I could feel my frown stretching from one side of my face to the other.

"Oy…guess I've been hittin' the bottle a little too hard lately, eh? Oh well," he shrugged, "'sposin' I be findin' it out soon 'nough…catch ya later, Boss!"

I turned back so I could continue looking down the endless-looking hallway…why was it reminding me so much of this job?

"And Boss! Don't be callin' me 'Shirley'!"

…That was it. Soon as the battle starts, he would be charging alone, at the front of the group as a meat shield.

…I mean head attacker. Yeah…yeah, that's what I meant.

A few moments later, while I was deep in thought, I suddenly got a rude awakening from another one of my men.

"Mmmaaaaagooot!"

"Gah-uh!" I must have jumped a foot into the air, then fell face-first onto the ground, all from just the mere shock of his loud voice.

"You!" he continued to shout, pointing his finger inches from my face, "Bossboy!"

"Yes, Soldier? What do you want?" I asked, rising from the floor.

"What kind of boss are you supposed to be?"

"Well, I-"

"Shut it! I'll tell you, maggot! A pathetic one!"

"What? What'd I-"

"Ap ap!" he yelled, signaling for me to zip my lip with his fingers. "Listen you lowlife, lippy, loser of a leader: we sent the Scot to get you just a few minutes ago, and instead of doing what he asks of you, you just chose to lie around and do nothing? Get your sad sorry excuse for a soldier self to the spawn safe-house: STAT, scumbag!"

…Yeah, the Soldier really knew how to alliterate.

"Move it, you mumbling maggot!"

"Fine, fine! I'm going! Sheesh…"

I followed him into a small, base-like area nearby, where all of the other men were waiting for our arrival. I guess this was there they held all of their meetings? Judging by the rooms inside the remainder of their base, though, I suppose that there weren't many other choices they could have gone with, anyway.

The men were all conversing about their own little things. The only thing I could overhear was the Heavy saying the word "bologna" over and over again.

I was a little…preoccupied, though. The Scout was sitting up on a tall, nearby crate, constantly hitting his aluminum bat into my skull when I wasn't looking, and then as soon as I turned back to look at him he would always pull his bat behind his back, acting as if he was actually being subtle in his little irritating act.

The Soldier began to crack his fists, which apparently signified he was about to speak up. The room immediately went quiet after the men noticed this. At least this meant they were trained to do something.

Except for the Scout, of course. He just kept "beating my head in."

Yeah…he was going to be charging right behind the Demoman.

"Alllright then, maggots! Time for this little get-together to get underway!" The Soldier turned in my direction, as if to say that it was my turn to talk.

"Um…okay then guys, I'd just like to say that I am very glad to be a part of-WOULD YOU KNOCK THAT OFF?"

The Scout threw his bat across the room, seeming very surprised that I actually had said something directly to him about his constant annoyance.

"Now…as I was saying…it's a pleasure to be here and working with you guys. I'm sure that Command told you all about me, so-"

"Aye! Dey told us you was da new boss-man!", the Demoman rudely interrupted.

"Well…yes, of course. But I'm sure they also told you who I am, what I've done in the past, what work I've done-"

"Yeah," the Scout spoke up, "dat you're da Boss."

"…Yes, I'm the new boss. But that's not who I am, specifically…"

…The room was silent.

"…Did command not even mention what my name was?"

"Uhhh…no," Scout replied.

"Ugh…of course they didn't," I groaned as I rubbed my eyes at how utterly deplorable the RED organization was becoming in my mind. "Well then, just to get formalities out of the way, my name is-"

"Ehhh!" sounded the Soldier, making the noise of a game show buzzer with his voice.

"…My name is-"

"Eh!"

"…My-"

"Eh!"

"Would you stop that, Soldier?"

"Ehhhhh, I don't think so, dumbbell! When you entered this war, maggot, you gave up your right to have a name! You are now, and officially from here on out, to be known as the Boss!"

"What? But that's ridicul-"

"Ap ap!" The Soldier threw his palm up to my face, which seemed to signify a "talk to the hand" gesture. "Any further whining may be directed to someone who actually gives a damn…aka, NOT ME!"

I looked at him with a half-scold, half-"what the hell are you doing" expression as he began poking me in the chest. "Now shut it, wimpy-boy! From now on, you are to be known as 'the Boss,' and that's that!"

I felt like continuing with the argument…but I knew it wouldn't have done any good. The Soldier had a childish personality that could only be described as him whining and yelling until he got his way. Not to mention the drunken Demoman would probably have interrupted me over and over throughout the whole conversation.

I sighed deeply before going on with what I was about to say. "Oookay…fine, whatever. I'm 'da Boss', I honestly do not care. So…was there anything else that command 'told' you about me?"

This time, the Medic decided to answer for me. "Da! Zey mentioned you vere a vuss!"

"Ooooo!" the team exclaimed, in a tone that insinuated that I had just been insulted very badly.

"…Wait, what?"

"Zey claim zat you don't even know zee difference betveen a medigun and a kritzkrieg!"

All of the other men turned to me, each having their own shocked look on their face. I couldn't tell whether they were kidding around with me, or if they were sincerely surprised by my lack of knowledge towards these…things.

"Nooo…" the Sniper stated, his face looking grim at the possible truth. "No way ya never heard a' the medigun…right, mate?"

"Uh…" My head was starting to hang low, and I stared towards the ground.

"Whaaa?" everyone gasped at the same time.

"I can't believe it!"

"Dat even possible?"

"Why would they hire someone who hasn't even heard a' the medigun? Well that's darn near-"

"Oh, stop it!" I finally said. "Don't go acting like I should be prepared for these kinds of things!"

"…It's mighty rude to interrupt someone while they're talkin', partner," the Engineer pointed out to me.

"Whuuu-aaat? But I, but you all, and then you…uuugh, forget it."

Once again, I had lost my composure, and I didn't ever think that it would be possible for me to retain it in front of these people. But…I had been sent here for a reason (even though I wasn't sure of what that reason was), and whether I liked it or not…I had a job to do.

So…I stepped to the middle of the room, straightened out my skydiving outfit (I still hadn't changed after the jump) and went into my phase of where I draw all of the attention in the room towards myself.

"Look. All of you." The men finally went quiet and paid attention…this was my chance; my opportunity to make the impression I had wanted to make ever since I landed onto this base.

"Now…I know that I may not be the most experienced person here, and yeah, I may not know everything there is to know in fighting a war, or firing a rocket launcher, or knowing what a…medgun thing is."

"Med-uh-gun," the Scout piped in.

"Shut it." He went silent. "Just…know that even though I'm not the most skilled leader ever, or hell, probably not even the most skilled leader your group has ever had…whether you like it or not, I'm here. And, despite what you may think," I continued, slamming my fist into my palm, "I will do my best at leading you, and no matter what it takes, we will end this war. And we will be the victors!"

"…"

Where I was expecting some cheering, or at the very least, some applause…all I was getting was some blank stares and heads shaking side to side.

"Hmmm…vell, zat settles it," spoke the Medic as he flapped his arms once into the air. "Ve are all as good as dead."

"Yeee-ep," everyone else seemed to say and agree with.

"That's it," I thought. "Now everyone's going to charge to their death at the exact same time."

Apparently, the Scout had found himself another bat during my little speech, this time made of wood.

"Bonk!"

…Did I say he was going to be charging in with the team? I meant he'd be charging in with a bomb strapped to him.

The Medic, which at the very least surprised me, seemed to care very little, if not at all, about me arriving to lead the team.

"You are…quite the dick, aren't you?" I asked him. He merely shrugged at the statement.

Unfortunately, though, the Scout began to chuckle. "Heh, yeah…dat's why we call 'im da 'Me-dick', afta' all!"

Urrrrrgh…

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Everyone began to laugh insanely.

I, on the other hand, suddenly felt the urge to rub my eyes again…

"Boink!"

…And maybe run in front of a bullet or two.