Breathe

"There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out. And these mistakes that you've made, you'll just make them again. If you'd only try turning around... So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe."

Breathe (2 AM) - Ana Nalick

"Come on, Maia. You can do better than that."

I knit my eyebrows tightly together, gritting my teeth as I flexed my sore fingers.

"Just concentrate. The harder you try, the easier this will be, and the sooner we'll finish this."

Shut up, I wanted to yell. Your babbling is distracting. Knowing that this would only earn myself more verbal abuse, however, I bit my tongue and did as Agent Hill commanded- I forced every bit of concentration I could muster to the forefront of my mind.

"You're almost there. Imagine the technology and change it."

"I am trying," I growled.

"Try harder."

As a small bead of sweat slid from my temple to my jaw, I released the breath I had been holding in a huff and dropped my hands. "I can't do it."

Maria sighed as she planted her hands on her hips, tilting her head as she stared at me. "Yes you can. You're just not trying hard enough."

"How can you say that?" I argued, flapping a tired arm in the direction of the Iron Legion robot standing in front of me. It twisted its head to glance at Maria before turning back to me wordlessly. "I am not Wanda, or Vision. I do not manipulate minds!"

"I know that," she replied with a calm yet firm voice. "I'm not asking you to manipulate a mind. I'm asking you to rearrange the bot's coding." I ran my hand down my face with a groan, wiping away my sweat and exhaustion while Maria continued to watch me. "You have the potential to be unstoppable, Maia. But potential is useless if you don't apply yourself."

"You are asking me to do something that is not within my powers to do!" I snapped, glaring at the woman before tossing my left hand towards the bot and gripping its insides, easily shoving it to the floor. "This is what I can do. I control movement, not choice. Simply commanding me to do otherwise will not give me the ability to do so."

Maria crossed her arms over her chest as she cocked one eyebrow, shifting her weight to lean on her right leg. "Fine. We'll take a short break for lunch, but when we come back, you're trying again."

Without bothering to argue further, I snatched my water bottle from the edge of the mat I was standing on and marched out of the room, streaming curse words at the woman in my head. Ever since I had become an official Avenger and was announced completely healthy by Dr. Cho, they had wasted no time in trying to advance my powers further than Strucker had ever tried.

Not only did they expect me to be able to control multiple people at once, but they were also exploring the limits of how much control I had over machinery. The most recent assignment Maria had given me was to try and give robots commands by manipulating their hard drives and sending orders through their motherboard. The furthest I ever got was telling one to lift its arm instead of simply lifting it myself, but this was enough to convince Maria that I had the potential to give them any number of orders that they would be forced to follow.

I was so caught up in my anger that I rounded the corner of the hallway without looking and walked straight into another person, accidentally splashing my opened water bottle over their shirt. I glanced up to see who it was, and allowed myself to continue breathing calmly when I saw that it was Sam. He was one of the nicer people currently staying in the Avengers Facility, and I was glad I wouldn't have to deal with an angry Avenger.

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly, screwing the lid back onto my water and pulling a small towel off my shoulder that he wiped his clothes off with. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Ah, it's no big deal," he dismissed. "I'm about to go shower before we eat anyway. You just gave me a head start is all."

I chuckled nervously, already stepping around from the man. "Right. Well, I should... I'm sorry."

With that, I passed by Sam and hurried down the hallway. Despite having lived here for close to two weeks now, I still found myself uncomfortable around everyone except the twins. They were all nice enough, but I still felt bad about fighting against them at Ultron's side and feared that they held silent grudges against me- especially the ones I had manipulated during our fights.

Wanda, always having been one to make friends easily, seemed to be exactly the opposite from me. She grew closer to the team every day, smiling and joking as she roamed the large building with her newly acquired comrades. She seemed close to Vision in particular, spending most of her free time having long conversations with him that she would happily recount to Pietro and I later on.

Pietro, while he had usually leaned more towards my tactics of generally distrusting strangers, also seemed to get on quite well with the Avengers, though in his own special way. While Wanda preferred to listen to their battle stories and tell them her own tales of our time in Sokovia, Pietro had grown accustomed to joining Steve and Sam on their morning jogs, engaging in prank wars with Clint, and being his usual jokester self.

As for myself, when I wasn't with the twins, I tended to stick more to myself. It wasn't as if the Avengers had ever truly made me feel unwelcome, but the nagging voice in the back of my head still told me that they didn't actually want me here. It was this voice that kept me from participating in most conversations, or encouraged me to choose spending more of my time alone than joining my family in making new friends.

And it was this voice that had me practically running away from one of the nicest people I'd ever met, even when he was openly forgiving towards me when I made a mistake.

When I finally made it back into my bedroom, I quickly closed the door behind myself with a sigh of relief. Any chance I could get to avoid speaking to these people, I was going to take.

"What has you in such a hurry?"

I let out a small shout of surprise, whipping around at the sound of the voice. Pietro laughed at my reaction, lacing his fingers behind his head as he snuggled deeper into his resting place my bed. "Did I scare you?"

"Jerk," I scolded, throwing my water bottle at him. He easily caught it, of course, and sat up to take a drink out of it while I walked towards the drawers against the wall and opened the top drawer.

"Aw, don't be angry with me."

"Too late."

My hair fluttered slightly in its ponytail, brushing over my shoulder as Pietro's arms wrapped around my waist from behind me. I ignored him, rifling through the piles of clothes Wanda had insisted on picking out for me. To be honest, I was perfectly happy with wearing a t-shirt and shorts every day, but she would have none of that. "We finally have the means to dress you up!" she had told me, clapping her hands together. "Don't worry, I'll do all the shopping for you." I shouldn't have agreed, because now I had to dig through too many outfits to find a comfortable one.

"You didn't answer my question," Pietro pointed out.

"I am aware." I finally settled for one of the loose tank tops she had bought for me and a pair of light-wash jeans before slamming the drawer shut and stepping out of Pietro's grasp to walk towards my connected bathroom.

When I walked in, Pietro had already moved to stand in front of me and I clicked my tongue with annoyance. "Are you not going to let me change before we eat?"

"I will after you talk to me."

"We will be late."

"I'm sure they will manage without us."

I sighed and tossed my clothes onto the sink before crossing my arms over my stomach. "There is nothing to talk about."

"Maia," Pietro scoffed with a small shake of his head. "After all this time, you still try to lie to me? How long until you realize you can't hide anything from me?" I didn't answer, causing him to shake his head once more before smirking at me. "You know, I could always simply ask Wanda what is bothering you."

"She wouldn't know," I immediately contested. "She would never look into my head without my permission."

"She would if I asked her to."

"Pietro."

"Maia."

Growing increasingly frustrated and not willing to argue any further, I grabbed Pietro's forearm and shoved him out of the bathroom. When he tried to fight back, I did something I rarely did- I didn't let him. I used his legs against him, forcing him out of the room and slamming the door shut once he was gone.

He was silent on the other side while I ripped my clothes off, tossing them haphazardly into the laundry basket, but I knew he was still there by the quickened buzzing of his nerves. I could feel how upset he was, but in the moment, I didn't care. After dressing into much more comfortable clothes, I stopped in front of the mirror and stared down at the sink, waiting for Pietro to leave so I wouldn't have to face him again.

With all my attention focused on his actions, I sensed when he sighed and lifted his hand to rest it against the doorframe. "I know this is a difficult time for you, kravitsa," he murmured through the wood, just barely loud enough for me to hear him. "Living here with these people is a change for all of us... I hope you realize that you are not alone in this struggle."

When I opened my mouth to answer, I was halted by an involuntary shuddering intake of breath. I hadn't even realized I was crying, but when I did it became instantly harder to breathe. My chest was tight and my legs felt weak, so I turned around to sit on the floor and rest my back against the sink counter, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around myself. My head began to throb while the entire world seemed to become so much smaller. Anxiety gripped my insides, twisting them in a manner that made it seemingly impossible to breathe.

It felt like I was dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Maia?" Pietro knocked softly on the door. "Will you please come out now? I promise not to ask anymore questions." The lack of air prevented me from answering, while my muscles became tensed and I had to massage my arms to try and alleviate the building pressure. "Maia? Are you all right?"

I shook my head furiously with my forehead rubbing against my knees. Never had I experienced such pain, especially without an apparent cause.

Pietro knocked harder on the door. "Maia? I'm going to go get Wanda. I'll be right back."

It seemed like hours that I was trapped in that tiny bathroom with the weight of the world trying to crush me in on myself, every second bringing another wave of thought that this was surely the end of the world. There was no other explanation for such a phenomenon.

"Maia?" This time it was Wanda knocking at the door. "I'm going to open the door, so stay back."

The door handle was soon covered in red wisps before it turned and the door was pushed open to reveal Wanda standing in front of it with Pietro looking in over her shoulder. When she saw me on the floor, Wanda's face fell and she rushed in, dropping to her knees at my side. "Are you all right? What's happening?"

She laid her hand on my shoulder, but it felt like fire. Finally speaking, I shoved her away from me and moved my hands to grip my hair. "Don't touch me," I growled, squeezing my eyes shut. "Please."

The both of them were quiet for a time before Wanda returned her hand to my shoulder, though her touch was light as a feather this time. The muscles her hand faintly covered relaxed, and like a light switch I instantly shifted from wanting her nowhere near me to wishing she could touch every part of me at once.

Luckily, I didn't have to wish very long. Within seconds I was cradled against her side like a small child, her arms wrapped firmly around me. She brushed her fingers through my hair while she rocked me, cooing soothing words to me in our mother tongue.

It took a while, but air slowly returned to my lungs and the pounding in my head dulled to a tolerable ache. Once I had calmed down, Wanda moved her hand from the top of my head to cradle my cheek. "Better?" I nodded softly, and she copied the action. "Do you want to join us for lunch, or would you rather go to bed?"

My stomach felt empty, but I also didn't want to face the others so soon after... whatever had just happened to me. While I sat contemplating, Pietro stepped further into the room to crouch in front of Wanda and I with a small half-smile. "Why don't I bring your lunch to you? We can use Stark's money to buy a movie on the television and spend the rest of the day in bed. How does that sound?"

"You hate staying still," I muttered, and both he and Wanda chuckled.

"I'm willing to make an exception today." He glanced at Wanda before holding his hand out towards me. "Come on. I'll tuck you in, like when we were younger."

I laid my hand in Pietro's and he gently pulled me to my feet, holding my hand all the way to the bed. He pulled the blankets back while I climbed in on my side, a wave of exhaustion hitting the moment my head touched the pillow. After pulling the blankets back up to my shoulders and tucking the edges in around me, Pietro ran his hand over the top of my head.

"I will let the others know that we won't be joining them," Wanda offered before leaving the room, flipping off the light and closing the door quietly behind herself.

As soon as she was gone, Pietro walked around the bed to lay on the other side, though he quickly moved over to be right by my side. He had to have grabbed the remote for my rarely used TV at some point, because the darkened room was then illuminated by the screen's glow. "Any requests?" Pietro asked.

My eyes were already sliding closed, and I just barely shook my head before I was unable to open them again. I felt Pietro's hand resting gently atop my head as I slipped under, and a soft kiss placed on my temple.

When I woke, the room was even darker than it had been before. The television had been shut off at some point, and when I sat up I saw that Wanda and Pietro had both fallen asleep on my bed in the same clothes they had been wearing earlier that day. Not wanting to disturb them, I carefully shifted my legs to the floor and stood. Two empty plates and one still holding food were sitting on my nightstand along with three glasses of water, so I piled the dishes up as quietly as possible to carry back into the kitchen.

Once I was in the living room I looked outside the large windows and saw that it was the middle of the night, judging by how dark it was. That explained why the rooms were so empty and quiet.

Well, almost empty. When I walked into the kitchen, I was startled to see Tony sitting at the breakfast counter with a glass of what I was sure was some type of alcohol in hand. His other hand held a pen, and various papers were scattered in front of him. He looked up when I walked further in, nodding towards the dishes in my hand. "A bit late for chores, don't you think?"

"I didn't want to simply leave them in my room," I explained as I set them carefully in the sink to avoid making too much noise. "Besides, if it is too late for chores, it is much too late for work."

Tony shrugged, and I flipped the water on to wash the dishes. It only took a few minutes, but by the time I was putting them back away in the cabinets Tony was already up and refilling his glass. I had expected to simply return to my room without any further conversation, but I was wrong. "Wanda says she's worried about you."

I fiddled with my thumbs before taking one of the clean glasses back out of the cabinet and filling it with water at the sink. "She has nothing to worry about."

"Maybe not." Tony returned to his seat at the counter. "She didn't want to give many details, but she did say that she wasn't sure what had happened to you."

"Nothing happened," I argued, holding the cup tightly between both my hands with my lower back resting against the sink behind me. "I was just... sick."

Tony pursed his lips, staring down at his work. I never knew what he was thinking, but I had come to expect many surprised from him at this point. What he said next, though, was probably the most surprising thing he had ever said to me. "You were seeing things that weren't happening. You were shaking, and you felt like you were about to implode. You couldn't breathe, you could barely move. You thought you were dying."

When I looked up from my cup to stare at him with confusion and shock, he nodded and tapped his pen against his head. "I know what kind of sick that is, and it isn't physical. It's all up here."

"You are going to tell me that I imagined all of that?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "That's not possible."

"You didn't imagine it, per se. It's a real feeling, but not really happening. Nobody really understands how it works," he shrugged, though the fact that he was avoiding my gaze told me that this subject was something he was having difficulty discussing.

"How what works?"

"Psychologists call it anxiety or panic disorder. Some people are born with it, some people develop it because of traumatic experiences. If that was your first panic attack- which is what that feeling was- then lucky you," he congratulated sarcastically. "You've developed anxiety."

Anxiety? I thought that was an emotion, not a disorder... I sipped my water with furrowed eyebrows, considering the likelihood of what Tony was explaining.

"My suggestion?" Tony grouped his papers together and tapped them against the counter to straighten them out before tucking them under his arm. After grabbing his glass in his other hand, he grinned at me. I could never tell when his smiles were genuine or not... "Talk to Dr. Cho about it. She'll give you something to counteract the symptoms."

I nodded, trying to take in everything he was saying at once. "Thank you."

"Yep."

When he was gone, I stayed standing in the kitchen for a while until I finished my cup of water. Once that was empty, I re-washed the glass and returned it to the cabinet before making my way back to my bedroom.

As I crawled back into bed, Pietro shifted with a sigh and wrapped his arm over my waist. "Are you okay?" he mumbled without opening his eyes.

I snuggled against his side, resting my hands on his chest. "All is well."

And there you go!

I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter, even if it was a bit angsty.

Anxiety is something I've wanted to write about for a long time, and Maia seemed to fit it perfectly. Don't worry though, they won't all be like this. There will be plenty of happy times to come along with adventures and more of the other Avengers, but I wanted to put this one out there first so you all know what Maia is going through before Civil War starts up.

Like I said before, I'll probably only put out one or two of these a month, but they will all be at least as long as this one, if not longer.