It wasn't a big deal. Why was he making it worse in his mind? They'd overcome many more awkward encounters in the past and it had made them much stronger, far weirder friends. It was morning, and the breakfast bar was beckoning. He had to leave the room eventually. Nobody would be expecting him to leave the confines of his man cave before noon, and all the other loft-mates had bed fellows who would probably keep them there for a while longer. The coast was as clear as it would ever be and his stomach rumbled for the sweet taste of bacon.
He attempted to casually open his door and strode forward with all the confidence of a man who was not Nick-like. He wanted to officially start the day with confidence, a little pizazz. Instantly a tinny squeak echoed throughout the loft as he lurched out into the hall, ruining his entrance and causing his shoulders to cringe upwards with the sound. He would have to angry-fix the door later. First, he needed to decipher the odd scene that lay before him.
Melon seeds were still scattered amongst a patch of sweet smelling fruit goop, which extended in a trail that led towards the kitchen and a very unhappy looking Schmidt. Jess, presumably startled awake by his door, emerged from her room as he surveyed the area. He could feel her gaze lingering on his face, but he wasn't ready for something as intimate as eye contact just yet. Fortunately, Nick didn't have time to make uncomfortable morning chit chat, as Schmidt was already rounding the kitchen counter and making a determined beeline towards them.
He hissed and shook his head, "Barbarians, the both of you!"
"Look at this mess! Who leaves a perfectly good melon on the floor like that? Smashed in half by Nick no doubt, clumsy butterfingers. No respect for tropical produce!"
While his attention was split between Nick and the melon, Jess took her chance to edge past Schmidt and begin rifling through the kitchen cupboards.
"Do you have any idea what rejuvenative qualities rock melon possesses Nick? Of course you don't - look at that pallid complexion, good god man!"
Refusing to respond to the ridiculous question - he could barely distinguish fruits from vegetables, let alone list their health benefits - Nick followed Jess' lead and headed towards the kitchen.
"I get it Schmidt, I should treat my body like a temple. But you need to accept, i'm never going to worship at the food pyramid."
Jess giggled, head still foraging for food deep within the pantry.
"No, not at all Nick - a temple is a dusty place where old bald men go to pray. The body should be treated like a penthouse suite - clean lines, with a great view and well kept mohair rugs - if you know what I mean. The perfect place to take a lady at the end of the night."
"Unfortunately, we do know what you mean." Jess quipped, eliciting a gruff snigger from Nick just as Winston appeared.
"What did Schmidt do to that poor girl?" Winston asked.
"What did I do to her?! That woman is truly terrifying - she is like the female equivalent of DiCaprio in Django Unchained. No offense Winston."
"None taken until just now."
"You know what she made me do? Spill milk and eggs all over the floor until I literally cried over it. That was just the foreplay. It was the most emotionally confusing sexual encounter of my life."
"I highly doubt that," said Nick.
"Ughhh, that's why there's no breakfast supplies!" Jess raised her arms and let them flop to her sides in frustration. "What did I say to you about sharing Schmidt?"
He sighed, eyes downcast "That we need to learn the value of communal supplies in case of a zombie apocalypse..."
"Exactly! None of us can hunt with a cross bow. If you wasted eggs like that we'd have to kill and eat you. And with all your stupid muscle mass and sinew I bet you'd taste disgusting, so even that would be a waste!"
"Fortunately Jess, there is no need for crossbows - unless we were talking props for Daryl and Carol sexual role-play… I'm open to tha-"
"JAR!" The group snapped.
"Okay, alright, but what I'm saying is, with no impending apocalypse you can just get Nick to take you to the store. Buy new supplies to pay me back for the $15 organic rock-melon you so carelessly wasted."
"Schmidt. You literally poured food onto the floor of your room to impress a lady." Nick groaned, pretending he hadn't been thrown by the possible threat of alone time with Jess.
"Yes, but she then let me scramble her eggs in bed. So it was worth it. Amirite?"
"Eugh, Schmidt..." Jess gagged, "Its too early for me to be able to fight you on this. We'll go shopping, just as long as you don't take that euphemism any further"
"Oh Jess, I can see the lingering glow of sexual excitement on your cheeks from last night - I've gifted that complexion to many a woman. Don't act like you're above some good lovin', I noticed Sam hasn't even the energy to leave your room. You must have had quite the evening"
Jess stood stock still in the corner of the kitchen. Winston looked quizzically towards Schmidt "Wait so if they look awful the morning after, like Jess does, that mean they had a good time?" to which Schmidt shrugged and began to explain in detail the ways in which you can assess a persons post coital appearance in the search for a non-verbal performance review.
Nick remained uncharacteristically quiet, making her nervous.
Avoiding eye contact and staring at her feet, she tentatively asked "So... Groceries. More like, yummeries, huh?"
Overhearing her mumbled remark, Schmidt wrinkled his nose in disgust, before shaking his head at Winston in disbelief. A knot of tension wound itself tighter around Nick's stomach. Play it cool Jessica.
"Because... They're tasty. Hahah. You know, as in not gross?"
...
"No? No takers?"
Jess faltered, then quickly left the room in search of suitable shopping attire. Nick did his best impression of a person who was not fazed in the slightest while grabbing his car keys.
This was going to be interesting. The nearest grocery store was 15 minutes away. Plus, with his car stereo on the fritz, Schmidts comment about sexual excitement, and Jessica attempting to take the comedic route, there was ample room for uncomfortable silences.
Nick waited impatiently in his pajamas, leaning against front door frame. A few minutes later Jessica cautiously slipped out of her bedroom in a Mickey Mouse print sundress, closing the door softly to avoid waking Sam. She came to a stop when she got near, looking straight ahead and keeping a safe distance between them. Out of habit, Nick opened the door for her, and as their eyes met she gave him a sheepish smile before walking through out into the hallway. He followed suit, hoping it was a sign that things would be alright after all.
Moments later, Winston turned to face Schmidt.
"So... Tell me more about those scrambled eggs."
Nothing had been said about the kiss and it seemed that neither he nor Jess wanted to bring it up. Of course, the kiss was the one thing they desperately did need to talk about. Everything else in Nick's life seemed to fade into the background. So it was either: talk about it, or talk about nothing at all.
And for the next 10 minutes, silence won.
The elevator ride was filled with the strangest silence he had ever experienced. Nick dug the car keys into his palm in an effort to distract himself from the palpable tension. Oddly enough, a very small part of the silence was comfortable - testament to the solid friendship they'd built up over the past year. There was an underlying sense of security based in the knowledge that their friendship was important. But intermixed with this was the tang of lust and of self loathing that couldn't be ignored. It filled his mouth and violently churned his stomach in a way that made him slightly dizzy.
In all the movies he'd ever watched, the grand romantic gesture never resulted in nausea. Hollywood had lied, because in reality this situation was awful. While the act of kissing Jess had been wonderful, this confusing aftermath made him want to take it back. Almost. It was a moment so utterly defined by what he wanted most, yet it could spell disaster if he let those feelings run wild and free. For the past 12 hours he had been asking himself over and over if that moment of happiness was really worth the discomfort that followed?
Risks never payed off for him like they did for others. People were always encouraging him to take a chance, but he never seemed to choose the right one. A leap of faith in any other area of his life would have been a better idea. If he was going to start making changes, couldn't he have started a little smaller? Perhaps by experimenting with a different brand of deodorant, since he'd been using the same one for 16 years. Or Investigate the strange smell coming from his t-shirt drawer. That would have been a better start. Much safer than grabbing his only female friend and kissing her while her boyfriend was in the next damn room. Stupid Nick Miller, you're nowhere near hunky enough to go around making out with anyone you want. Especially not Jess.
As the car shuddered with every gear change and his internal spiral of self destruction continued, he barely registered Jess's voice when she spoke up.
"So... Uh. Maybe we should pick up some awkward sauce in the condiments section, because this is weeeeird." She sing-songed.
It was the most perfect thing she had ever said. Jess was giving him an easy out. It was her way of saying they didn't have to talk about last night, that it didn't have to be a big deal. They could make a few jokes about it and the slate would be wiped clean. An unspoken agreement to laugh it all off.
"Hah, I don't think so. That sounds expensive."
"You'd be surprised. It's very affordable. Always on sale because nobody ever buys it."
"This is an awful joke by the way."
"It's a tough day for comedy." She nodded with a wistful sigh.
"Condiment based humor just doesn't do it for me." He smiled, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly.
"Oh drats. I'll have to get all new material!" She laughed, still not meeting his eye as they drove down a quiet side street, looking for a parking spot.
Despite having been given an easy out, Nick was surprised by how much he wanted to apologize. If he was ever going to say something it had to be now, before this whole event got put into the 'Do Not Discuss' box.
"Look, Jess. I'm sorry for last night. I wasn't trying to start anything between us, I know that will never happen. I'm barely keeping my Sims family alive right now, I'd be awful at having to care for an actual real life person..."
She rose in her seat and continued to look straight forward at the road ahead as if it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.
"I know… I shouldn't have done it, and I hope we can just forget it ever happened."
"Nick stop" she urged.
He tried to backtrack, regretting having opened his mouth "I just, you know, uh-"
"No! Nick, stop the car!"
For a second he didn't take her seriously. He'd said he was sorry, there was no need to jump out of the car and escape. But the look of panic plastered on her face convinced him to hit the brakes without another seconds hesitation.
The tires screeched slightly and his seatbelt locked him into place before they came to a quick stop. Before he could ask what the matter was, Jess had unbuckled herself and jumped out of her seat. She ran around to the front of the car, dropping down to the ground so that he could only see the top of her head above the bonnet.
Nick had no idea what it was he'd said, or what he could do to fix it. Yet he was still following her outside regardless.
He found Jess kneeling on the asphalt, cradling something small and squawking in her arms. What the hell is going on right now?
Jess glanced up at him, and he gave her a quizzical look in return.
"Someone just left him here. He's all alone."
The 'he' appeared to be a baby sparrow, covered in dust and a speckling of blood on it's left wing. And it seemed to be intent on letting everyone know just how awful his morning had been.
"Who did this to you?!" She wept.
Of course, despite Jess' fantasies, this was not a Disney movie and the bird just squawked back at her. Before Nick could convince her to put the doomed animal back down, a horn blared at them in protest.
Gathering up the dirty ball of feathers and holding it against her chest, Jess stomped over to the offending vehicle. A chubby man with red cheeks looked almost frightened as she reached his open window.
"Excuse me sir, but there has just been a hit and run. You're at the scene of a crime right now. Please don't honk your horn at me, it's rude, and the world has seen enough cruelty today!"
With that Jess flounced her way back over to the car, bird in hand. Nick shrugged apologetically to the other driver, who now looked more confused than angry.
He took this as an opportunity to hurry back to the drivers seat so that he could move the car and figure out how to get rid of the stupid bird.
Marching over to her fellow loftmates, Jess began "Everybody, Nick and I-"
"No. No way, you can count me out of this one." Nick shook his head.
"Ehem. Nick and I have somebody we would like for you to welcome into our home. A wounded comrade, former sky captain and cloud whisperer, Feather Locklear!"
Jess held up the chirping bundle of feathers, swaddled in an old sock she'd found inside Nick's glove compartment.
Nick stood back, a look of indignation on his face, as his curious loft-mates gathered around Jess.
Winston's faces scrunched up in confusion "Is that... A bird? Because It looks truly awful"
"Oh, eugh!" Schmidt gagged. "Get that creature out of here! It's disgusting, a fluffy ball of disease!" He yelled before hightailing it to the farthest corner of the room. "Did you not see 'Contagion'?! If bird flu can kill Gwyneth Paltrow it can kill any of us mortals!"
"Well... actually that virus was started by a pig" Jess countered. "And this bird is adorable."
"Come on Schmidt. I absolutely hate this whole situation, but even I don't think it's that bad." Nick said, surprising himself. He attempted to cover his tracks by quickly adding "Plus, anything that can get rid of Gwyneth Paltrow is fine by me. With her stupid fancy website and her gold filigree greeting cards. Nobody can afford to 'gloop' Gwyneth! That's not even a word..." Nick shouted at the ceiling, finishing with a frustrated grunt.
Jess contemplated his rant for a second before responding "I think that Gloop might actually be a word. Once a student of mine used it in his creative writing." She sniffed, pursing her lips as her eyes swelled with emotion "It was about a little mud monster from Mississippi, who dreamed of owning his own dry-cleaning business."
"Hah! Mud monster... That's a ridiculous character. What is this, amateur hour?" Snorted Nick
"He was only six, and that story was magical. Anyway. I'm going to give our new friend a bird bath, who wants to help?!"
Winston raised his hand cautiously, and with a hesitant smile said, "Nobody can ever repeat this, but I am just thrilled. Just look at the little guy, chirping his tiny head off."
Schmidt looked around, exasperated. Shouting "Oh yes! Rinse all of the bird bacteria off into our sink. That sounds like a brilliant idea, lets all wash ourselves in the vermin water afterwards. Wonderful!" before stomping into his room and slamming the door with a defiant thud.
Nick found himself alone in the living room.
He strained his ears toward the bathroom, as Jess and Winston attempted to comfort the frightened chick. A miserable thought raced through his mind - Even the damn bird is more popular than I am.
He sighed, pressing his palms to his temples, "Today is the absolute worst."
As he shuffled to his own room, he looked back and mumbled to himself.
"There is no way we are calling that thing Feather Locklear. Terrible. Just terrible."