This one is a very direct parody, as it retains most of the exact quotes from the video, though I have changed bits and pieces of it to fit Dan and Phil. While this story can be read without any knowledge of the video, a short look at it can help in understanding the dialogue format, for those of you who desire to take a look at it. It is also a great video in general, and anyone who enjoys this story will likely enjoy the video, as well. But for now, onward!
BFFs
Dan and Phil sat in the lounge. Dan was playing Mario on the DS while Phil was scrolling Tumblr on his laptop at the dining table.
Dan broke the silence. "Hey, you wanna go grab some coffee at Starbucks?"
"–Starbucks," Phil jumped in on top of his sentence.
Dan looked up in confusion.
Phil shut his laptop and stood up. "I knew you were going to say that."
Dan paused the game, staring over at his friend. Then he asked, "Hold on, Phil. What are you trying to–"
"–trying to say," interrupted Phil. Grinning, he walked over to the couch and sat next to his flatmate. "This has been happening all day."
Dan sighed, not convinced. "Really."
"Really," Phil said at the same time. "Yeah. I've been knowing what you're going to say all morning, and it's been freaking me out. I didn't even know if I wanted to bring it up, but . . . " He bit his lip, then confided, "I think I have a super power."
Dan raised his eyebrows but didn't respond.
Phil paused, and when his friend didn't respond, he added, "I think it's because I stood next to the microwave while I was heating up the leftover pizza this morning."
Dan closed his game and turned to face Phil. "Okay . . . " he started. "So what am I about to–"
"–I about to say," Phil finished.
Dan frowned. "You're not predicting what I'm going to say, you twat."
"–predicting what I'm going to say, you twat," Phil copied at the same time.
Dan huffed. "You're just saying it right after I say it."
"You're just saying it right after I say it," Phil talked over Dan.
"It's like that thing that kids to do to annoy each other," Dan finished, with Phil still saying the same sentence simultaneously.
"That's definitely not what's happening," Phil objected.
Dan argued back, "That definitely is what's happening."
"–is what's happening," Phil cut in. He glared at his friend. "Why can't you just be supportive if I discover a new talent? We both don't have to be able to do all the same things. This could be my thing!" he reasoned.
"It isn't even a thing!" Dan exclaimed.
"–isn't even a thing," Phil rushed in.
Dan took a breath and said. "See. If. I. Speak. Very. Quickly. Like. This. It. Makes. It. Very. Obvious. What. You're. Doing."
Phil copied every word in a slight delay. When Dan was done speaking, he shrugged. "I think I'm still doing it," he replied.
Dan rolled his eyes. "Bloody anyone can do what you're doing!"
"–one can do what you're doing," Phil jumped in.
"I can do what you're doing," Dan added.
"I can do what you're doing," Phil mimicked over him.
Dan pressed his hand over Phil's mouth. "Shh. Listen," he commanded. "Let me speak. Stop."
Phil's muffled protests died. He leaned back on the couch, pouting.
"Let me speak for a second," Dan said, lowering his hand. "I'm going to demonstrate that I can do what you're doing. Just say anything."
Phil thought for several seconds, then started. "The badger . . . "
" . . . e . . . adger . . . " Dan muttered after him.
"Rolled over a dog," Phil continued.
" . . . oll over . . . dog," Dan murmured, keeping his tone low and unnoticeable.
"And became a hamburger," Phil finished.
" . . . came . . . mburger," Dan ended, lifting up his voice at the conclusion of his sentence.
Phil growled slightly. "You're not doing it, Dan. You're copying me. It's different – stop it!" he yelled as Dan continued to copy him.
Dan leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms, a slightly smug look in his face. "See?" he responded. "And if you actually had this ability, then I should be able to start a word, and you should be able to finish it."
Phil brightened. "I should!" he announced. "And I will!"
"Okay," Dan said. He paused, then said, drawing out the sound: "Aaaappp . . . "
"–endix," Phil completed.
" . . . le," Dan finished.
Phil frowned. "You just changed it after you heard my answer. That's not fair, Dan!"
"I'm not changing it," Dan protested.
Phil bit his lip, unconvinced. "Try me again."
Dan sighed, thought again, then said, "Pluuuu . . . "
"–centa," Phil finished.
" . . . mber," Dan corrected. "Did you just say placenta?"
Phil shifted noncommittally.
"Why is everything you say a weird body part?" Dan asked.
Phil straightened up in denial. "Because that's what you were thinking, and then you changed it on me!" he insisted.
"Am not," Dan argued.
"Am too."
"Am not."
"Fine. Again."
"One more. And I can promise that this one is not going to be a weird body part," Dan intoned.
"–weird body part," Phil copied.
Dan sighed. Lifting his head, he said, "Liiii . . . "
"–gament!" Phil exclaimed.
" . . . ttle," Dan ended.
Phil pouted.
"Are you convinced?" Dan asked, but his tone said something more of, Told ya so.
"Well . . . " Phil started, " . . . what if I can do it," he questioned, "but your negative energy is draining my powers?"
Dan picked up his DS again and didn't answer.
Phil frowned, leaning against the arm of the sofa. "Maybe I can charge them up again if I go stand next to the microwave," he mused.
Dan stiffened slightly. Setting down his gameplay device once more, he stuttered, "Uh . . . hold on a second." He stood and started for the door of the lounge. "I need to make a quick phone call."
"–phone call!" Phil called after him.
Dan shot a look back at him, and Phil sunk in his chair, waving his hand just slightly, as if to say, Whatever.
Dan rushed down the stairs to the front door. Slipping out his iPhone, he said into quickly, "Yes, this is Agent 8791. The subject has developed the ability. Again." He lowered his head. "I'd like to request an immediate recycle."
Hanging up, he headed back inside and up the stairs. In the lounge once again, he took a seat next to Phil, farthest from the door.
Phil looked over at him curiously, setting down the stylus he'd been fiddling with. "Uh . . . who were you calling?" he wondered.
Dan stared at him in nervousness. With synchronized movements, both boys said at the same time, "Um . . . uh . . . no one . . . I just . . . I needed . . . I thought that, you know . . . " Both tilted their heads uncomfortably. "Uuuhhhhhhhhhh, you don't need to worry about it!" Their voices grew several pitches. They lowered their heads to stare at one another directly and began making a series of identical noises. "Pow, pow, pow. Peeer-chuuuu!" They tilted their heads in a circle. "Shiiii-baaaa! Woof!" They jerked their heads back to the middle and grew very still. "A llama."
Suddenly, the lounge door flew open, and two men in black exterminator suits broke in. They each grabbed Phil by one arm and dragged him off the couch.
Panicking, the twenty-eight-year-old screamed, "What the – Hey! What're you! Stop!"
Without listening, they began carrying him out of the room and down the stairs.
"Dan! Dan! Help me!" Phil screamed as Dan looked on silently. "Stop! Where're you taking me! Dan!"
They disappeared out the front door, and Dan watched out the window as his friend was dragged to a white truck out on the street.
"Let me go!" Phil screamed. "Let me go! Let me go!" He reinforced each word. He looked back and saw the van. "Do not put me in there!" he yelled. "No! No!"
They dumped him in the back and slammed the doors. From behind the truck, another man dressed identically to the others pushed a wheel chair, which contained an individual wearing a white hospital gown and a bag over his head. They came inside the apartment, and he helped the person up the stairs to the couch. He sat him down, then left.
Dan knelt in front of the individual and gently pulled the bag off, revealing a confused, innocent-looking Phil. "Hello, Phil," he smiled. "My name is Dan." Unfolding Phil's glasses, he slipped them on the male's face. "I'm your best friend."
Phil looked up at Dan with wide blue eyes. And then he smiled.