Living with Regret

Kate's POV of the last scene in the alternative universe in Time of Our Lives.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. You guys are great.

So he'd gotten to me. I'll admit it to myself.

Espo was right when he gave me that knowing smirk yesterday, and damn him! I hate when he's right.

I've had a thing for the Richard Castle for about decade and suddenly there he was, standing in my precinct, ruggedly handsome, smeared with soot and way too intuitive for his own good.

So yeah, I went with the crazy talk hoping to either get this stupid crush out of my system by realizing my favorite novelist was a total head case, or hoping he'd take me back to his place and solidify that reputation of his. Either way, I could at least get the if only's out of my head. I wondered if he had any idea that, ever since yesterday, listening to all of his crazy talk was the first bit of life I'd felt in a long time? It was like coming up for the first breath of air after almost drowning.

As I pulled my car to a stop, I took a steadying breath. I hadn't gone out for field work for the past two years. I forgot the rush you got going into a situation blind.

Giving myself a mental shake, I made the quietest approach I could, given the gravel crunching underfoot.

I surveyed the dilapidated building looking for signs of my case, when I heard the rich baritone of his voice and other more threatening ones. Creeping closer I made out the escalating level of violence. Swallowing the lump in my throat I decided it was time to make my presence known.

"NYPD! Drop your weapon now!"

Next thing I knew, all hell broke loose.

As I recovered from my last return, I had a front row viewing when Richard Castle punched one of the assholes. He was like some renegade cowboy and he looked so hot, I almost forgot where and what was going on.

If there was a moment that turned the tide on what I thought about the man who words had been my rock, this was the moment. The guy totally did it for me. He was all man. Not some delicate. debutante playboy looking to play cop. Despite myself, I wanted him more than I did before. Okay Kate, get it together!

He was looking at me again. That look that I could've sworn I've seen a thousand times in my dreams.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the adrenalin coursing through my veins, from the recent shootout I probably would have kissed him.

Damn it Kate! Be a professional! The current body count on this scene is up to at least two.

He was still staring. Words, I should probably say words.

"Are you okay?"

"How'd you find me?"

"I couldn't stop thinking about what you said about compromise. So I decided to retrace the investigation. It's pure luck that it brought me here when it did."

"Or fate."

I hoped so.

"Why are you here? What do they want from you?" He was key to this somehow, maybe figuring that out could answer all the strange questions I had about this case.

Okay now he's being weird again.

He gripped the strange artifact with this weird Dorothy expression that only lacked the 'no place like home' mantra.

"Something I guess I didn't have."

I didn't have time to really examine what he meant by that, when I saw a shadow of figure move into my vision.

"Look out!" He yelled as he jumped in front of the line of fire so quickly I barely had time to react.

As I double tapped the asshole, I prayed that Castle was aiming for the dramatic as he lay on the ground.

"Oh god, Mr. Castle you saved my life. Why?"

Then he looked at me like it was painfully both literally and figuratively obvious. Then he uttered the words I hadn't heard from many men, much less one I'd known less than forty-eight hours.

"Because I love you Kate."

He was looking at me like I was some sort of angel and then I knew. But tried so hard to deny it to my own sensibilities, he was dying.

No, this couldn't happen! I just found him! We didn't even have a chance to see where this could go. I pleaded for him, begged him to stay, not just alive, but with me. I needed him. He was like the life preserver in the ocean I had started to drown in. I needed him!

As I watched his blood spread and ruin the shirt that matched those gorgeous blue eyes, the ones that were now making their final showing, my heart broke for a love I would never have.