December 3, 1997
I was the only one without a soul-mate. I was damned. Destined to be alone for sure. I would never find Bella. It's been seventy-nine years since my becoming immortal and she's nowhere to be found. We've traveled to Alaska every few months to catch grizzly bears and caribou, but traveling back…I've never seen her. I left to search for Bella one last time in 1992, but I never found her. Maybe something went wrong with the transformation, and she stayed human and has been dead for years…maybe…no! Stop thinking that!
Alice talked to me constantly, trying to get an image of Bella to hopefully find her future decisions, but there was no luck again.
"Maybe we're not trying hard enough." Alice said. I growled in the back of my throat.
"Not trying hard enough—damn it Alice!" I hissed, "I've searched for years…how could we not be trying hard enough?" Alice was used to my mood swings. She took in my frustration and let it bounce off her.
"Just give it up already Edward!" Rosalie said annoyed. She looked up from her book to glare at me.
"That's very helpful, Rose." I snapped. I went back to ignoring her; it was easier that way.
"Don't you get it Edward?" Rosalie said standing up, "She's gone! Maybe she doesn't want to be found! You're not going to find her now; if you couldn't find her within the last eight decades, I don't think you'd be able to find her now."
"I'm not going to give up Rose." I said, calmer, "I love her too much."
"Well I don't want to spend the rest of eternity watching you get even more miserable than you are now. You need to let go of her."
"You wouldn't have if it were Emmett, would you?" I asked bitterly.
"If I knew there was no chance of ever finding him again, then yes, I would let go of the situation!"
"It's not that easy Rosalie!" I said, "You don't get it! You'll never get it! You haven't lost something that means the world to you."
"That's where you're wrong!" Rosalie growled, pissed. "I lost a chance at having a child, and growing old with my husband!"
"Alright!" Esme said, stepping in, "That's enough! Rosalie calm down. Edward drop the subject." We glared at each other for another moment before dropping gazes and leaving for our rooms.
XxxxX
April 26, 2002
"It's so good to see you again Carlisle!" Tanya smiled, "and it's a pleasure seeing your family again. I see you've gained two more since we last met up."
"Yes, this is Alice and this is Jasper." Carlisle said, giving Tanya a hug.
"Well, we will set out on our hunting trip in just a little while." Irina said, clapping her hands together. I dispersed from the group, thinking to myself quietly. I was thinking about death again. I didn't want a life without Bella. Alice had scolded me numerous times for even contemplating going to Italy and having the Volturi get rid of me. She made me think of how it would affect Esme and Carlisle. I had thought about that a lot. But an eternal life being miserable, without the love of my life, seemed like a living hell.
"Are you not joining us?" Tanya asked, sitting down next to me.
"No, I am." I replied, "But I've just got a lot on my mind."
"Hearing voices again?" Tanya teased with a smirk. I chuckled.
"Yes, you could say that." I answered.
"Can you believe it's been thirty-seven years since we last saw each other?" Tanya asked, "It feels like it was just yesterday."
"Funny how fast time passes, even when you're immortal." I commented.
"That it is," Tanya said. She nudged my shoulder and stood up. "Come on, we're going hunting now. We really want you there!" I laughed and stood up.
XxxxX
November 3, 2006
Another four years: gone.
I kept telling myself I gave up on trying to find Bella. But I knew I never would. She was too important to me. Eighty-eight years since I last saw her. Time went by fast, and yet it felt so slow. Maybe that was just in my nature. Forever, eternal, eons, infinite. These words haunted me to no end. I didn't want to live forever without Bella. Esme and Carlisle had been gone for the last two weeks, spending time together, alone, in Brazil. How I wished Bella and I could have gone off on our own for a while. Eighty-eight years.
What if Carlisle hadn't changed her? Would she have still been there when I awoke? Probably not. I couldn't love her while I was a monster. She would have been an innocent human, and I would have had the temptation of her blood closing up my throat with thirst. I would have accidentally killed her.
It was amazing how I'd travelled everywhere, and her scent was nowhere. She had to be alive. Carlisle said the transformations always worked unless it was done too late. She wasn't dying of the flu like I had been. She was well…healthy. But she refused to take no, and wanted to be with me. It's been a dismal, lonely eighty-eight years.
XxxxX
May 29, 2008
The rain had picked up over the last week; ninety years. That number rang through my head every millisecond, of every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day. And weeks and months and years until it nearly made me go insane!
Still without a trace of Bella. It almost felt like she never existed, yet she did. I knew she did; she had too! I let her slip through my fingertips so easily! She was like one grain of sand; so very easy to lose in a pile of dirt. I would find her, I would not give up on her!
XxxxX
June 20, 2008
I was lying in the middle of my meadow, peacefully looking up at the glares of sun breaking through the tree branches. This meadow was my sanctuary. I could escape here when I was miserable…almost every day.
It kept my mind off things…off her. Ninety years…
I patiently or impatiently waited day after day. She was a no-show, and it would probably be like that forever. Forever…
XxxxX
June 21, 2008
"What are you seeing Alice?" Jasper asked, holding her hand. He put a pencil in her hand and a sheet of paper on the table so she could draw out what she was seeing.
"Another vampire…it's blurry though." Alice said, drawing out the vision.
"Will they be passing through here?" Carlisle asked.
"Yes…but I don't know when." Alice replied, "I can't see them or their decisions….I can only see that they're heading up north."
Bella.
XxxxX
Bella's POV:
July 4, 2008
Years and years and still no sign of Edward. Maybe he didn't remember anything…I barely could. I stayed in Chicago, hoping he'd return, but he never did. I was making my way up to Alaska, hoping to find thicker blood. Human blood didn't tempt me like I thought it should. I found my urges easier to resist.
There were large killings of murderers around Sacramento within my first few years of vampire life; I went to see who was killing them, but they had left when I got there. I was just in the perimeter of a small town in Washington when I picked up on a scent. There were more vampires here; their blood was different…weaker.
I followed the scent, covering up my own trail as I went; it was stronger in the woods. I made it through the thick, knotted trees and saw a house. Why would it be that open? I walked up to the door and knocked on it. Nobody was answering. I would have to come back and see.
I took off into the woods again; once more, I covered up my scent and left for Alaska. There were traces of gunpowder and smoke around me. People were lighting fireworks. I made it up to Alaska within the hour; the scents of animal blood and trails were all around me. I let my senses take over, stalking an Ox.
Quietly and instantly, I lunged for it. It only fought for a second before I crushed its ribs with my arms and sunk my teeth into its neck. This blood was definitely thicker.
August 13, 2008
If I were human, I'd be over a hundred today. I headed back to that small town in Washington, hoping to meet those other vampires. The scent was faintly familiar. It was quite beautiful with all the green, however, the sun was out, so I would have to be careful. I would try to blend in here; maybe enrolling in high school. By some point in this life without Edward, I began to long for normality; however, being a vampire had its advantages also.
August 14, 2008
My first day at Forks High School. I was known as the new girl, but it was easy to ignore these humans; their blood didn't appeal to me at all. I caught the scent of the others, and my curiosity picked up like a wild fire. They were here!
I wondered if any of them were like me; could they do anything special?
As I continued to walk through the halls, my eyes came across them; one was a beautiful blonde haired female, who held hands with a burly, muscled one with black hair. The other two looked unique; almost fairytale like. The short female looked a pixie, while the honey blonde haired boy look in pain. He seemed to be struggling, however, his features looked much softer, and more angelic than that of the other male. The red haired female looked at me, and smiled slightly.
"That's her, I think." She whispered, much too low for any eavesdroppers to hear. The other three looked over at me.
"Are you sure? I mean, he was here we'd know." The muscular one said. Who? If who was here?
"Edward can find out for himself," The blonde haired scorned his name. My heart flipped; Edward? They knew him! Where was he? Why wasn't he here?
"Well, we'll make him show up tomorrow then." The blonde haired boy said.