Hi! I should be updating Yggdrasil! (It's been like 4 months!) Sorry for the huge wait, school took priority for a very long time. It was crap. I hope to get the chapter out soon! Please bear with me for a little while longer!
I hope you enjoy this story! (This shall be its only chapter, as the earlier one was simply a prologue!)
Disclaimer: I don't own KHReborn!
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Tsuna had always believed that his greatest fears lay with monsters, the dark, the unknown. He believed it to be something natural, such as spiders or the torturous abuse from Reborn. Yet, this was far more terrifying a threat than anything else.
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It was simple. So much so that they had to question why they were all assigned to it, rather than it being labeled a solo mission. It was suspiciously too easy that their boss needn't go through the trouble of even lifting a finger. He idly hung back and observed as they infiltrated the building, bypassing security and any large problems.
Tsuna clicked his tongue as they rounded another corner with no guards in sight. He could feel it, something was about to happen, and he wished he would be occupied enough to not have to witness it. He had estimated the mission to be of little difficulty, but had assigned it as a group task in the hopes of getting in some team bonding – as much as you could have on a mission, anyway. Actually, rather than that, he wanted reassurance. Reassurance that something was still a part of them. Something they used to have as children. And it would be easier brought out in situations where everyone was present.
Their teamwork was impeccable. It was efficient and warranted few errors, if any at all. Tsuna should be happy with that. But that was the problem. It was too perfect. No mistakes, no arguing, no emotion, no life. It held nothing but numbers and results. And this was, as he found to be, his greatest fear. The loss of his family.
What hurt the most was that they were still there. They were still beside him, still talking with him, still alive. They weren't deceased, terminally ill, nor in danger. It's just that they'd changed. Changed into beings Tsuna could no longer recognize or familiarize with. Who were these people who thought of killing as a daily activity? Who were these people whose hearts were tightly shut? Who were these people who took it upon themselves to no longer call him by name?
God, when was the last time he had heard the name "Tsuna" fall from their lips? When was the last time they actually laughed from the bottom of their hearts? When was the last time they had simply talked? Talked about anything and everything, but nothing at the same time. It didn't matter what came up, it was meaningless chatter, but it was enjoyable and comfortable nonetheless.
He had tried. So many times, he had tried – tried to get them back to the way they were. However, with each passing day, he increasingly found it harder to look them in the eyes. The guilt he felt for dragging them into this life had already eaten away at his insides. He felt hollow, and yet there was still this sickeningly dull ache resting at his core. When had it all happened? When had they all changed so much?
Tsuna felt listless these days, and had started to fear his own thoughts and doubt his decisions. What was sensible anymore? What was he doing with his life? What good was he if he couldn't even protect his friends?
I let them become like this.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
That thought alone burned more than anything. No matter what Tsuna did, it wouldn't go away. It would always be in the front of his mind, haunting him, plaguing him. He hadn't been sleeping well, and his appetite had left him months ago. He admitted he was feeling a little under the weather, but he paid it no mind. A small fever didn't take priority in his mind at the moment. Tsuna briefly shut his eyes to try and will away the unwelcome feelings. He was in the midst of a mission, he had to focus. A loud shout made his eyes snap open.
"Enemy spotted! It's the Vongola!"
"Hah, I was beginning to wonder when you would show your ugly mugs!"
Everyone got into a battle stance and prepared to face off. The subordinates were easily taken down, and soon the heads of the group appeared to challenge the Vongola. Tsuna was pitted against the leader, but he wasn't of any concern. Tsuna knew he and his family were far superior, so it was only a matter of minutes before they were done.
After a while, Tsuna had the guy pinned to the floor by his neck. With dark eyes, Tsuna questioned, "So this is how you do business, Marco?"
"Shut up, scum! I hate seeing pompous asses like you sitting high on their throne, sucking on silver spoons!"
"You infringed on an alliance and stole information to sell to some street rats. I should be calling you scum instead of the other way around."
Marco snarled deep in his throat, but seemed to give up on trying to escape. Tsuna sighed and looked up at his family to see how they were fairing. As expected, they were barely breaking a sweat. Tsuna's eyes darted toward Yamamoto to see him pierce his opponent through the abdomen. Tsuna turned his head to the side. He wasn't a stranger to death and murder, but it was still unsettling to see it being done. It was especially hard to watch his friends be the ones who were responsible.
Seeing Tsuna distracted, Marco took it upon himself to make a counter and throw the other off of him. A punch was delivered to Tsuna's jaw and his vision swayed a little. A sense of nausea invaded his body and he had to steady himself with the wall. Marco smirked and aimed a jab at Tsuna's neck. Choking somewhat, Tsuna clutched at his neck to nurse the pain, backing up a few steps from the impact. Marco kneed him in the stomach and grabbed the back of his head to slam it into the ground. He drew his gun and crouched down to press it against Tsuna's head.
"Now, what was that, scum?"
Tsuna glared at him from the corner of his eye. "You're despicable."
Angered further, Marco moved his gun and shot at Tsuna's leg, eliciting a yell from the other.
Tsuna grit his teeth and tried to ignore the pain, but his mind seemed to be shutting down on him. Suddenly, everything sounded muted. He could feel his blood slowly soak into the material of his slacks. Faint cries of "Tsuna" reached his ears. He gave a wry smile. He finally got to hear it, yet he was in a situation like this. His line of sight blackened, and he soon fell unconcious.
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"... malnutrition... ...sleep... ...slight..."
Tsuna stirred from his sleep and recognized the familiar beep of a heart monitor among murmurs. He opened his eyes and cast a glance around the room. His guardians were all gathered, as well as Reborn. They all perked up at seeing him awake.
"Do you feel okay? You haven't been eating and sleeping properly, right?" Gokudera asked.
Tsuna sat up gingerly and felt a shock of pain come from his leg. Grimacing, he answered, "M'fine, it's nothing too big."
"Don't push yourself, now," Yamamoto said.
"I'm not."
"You've been distracted lately. You normally wouldn't let small fry get the better of you. What is it?" Reborn inquired.
Tsuna's eyes seemed to dull a shade as he recalled his guilt. "What happened with the mission?" he asked, ignoring Reborn's question.
"Kufufu, we completed it with no further problems," Mukuro answered.
"...And of Marco?"
"He's dead," Reborn clipped.
Tsuna clenched his fists and lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
Everyone looked puzzled for a moment. Was he apologizing for not upholding his part of the mission? But they wouldn't care about that, as long as he was safe.
"For what?" Gokudera knit his eyebrows together in confusion.
"You guys kill people because of me."
The others still didn't understand what he was alluding to. What of it? They would do anything for their dear friend. Chrome seemed to catch on first.
"Boss..." she spoke solemnly. "It's alright."
Tsuna shook his head. "No, it's not. I've made you all into... this."
Realization dawned on the rest. This is what had been tormenting Tsuna these past couple of years. They all had known something was wrong, but whenever they tried to ask him, he'd avoid their eyes and brush it off. This was the reason for his despondent behavior, which had increased over the years, especially as of late.
"We're still us, you know, Tsuna. We're right here with you as your friends, and that will always be true," Yamamoto stated.
"We've gone through a lot, but we haven't really changed," Lambo commented.
"Yeah, Lambo's an idiot, as usual, and Ryohei continues to eat, breathe, and sleep boxing," Gokudera put in. Lambo puffed out his cheeks and crossed his arms, while Ryohei shouted, "Extreme!"
When Tsuna kept silent, their energy died down and they grew quiet again.
"You understand they're not children anymore, right?" Reborn cut in.
Tsuna clenched his jaw and stared at his hands.
"... Tsuna... this is how we are. You're too stuck on the image of our past selves. You've clung to the idea that we would always be the same as how we used to be in your mind. We're part of the Mafia now. It's simply something that has to be done. We haven't changed, but rather we grew up."
"Don't! Don't you dare give me that excuse! Being part of the Mafia doesn't justify what you guys think, what your values are, your beliefs and morals! It doesn't change your views or alter your character. You are who you are, and only you can choose to change yourself."
"Then it's not your fault. You don't have to blame yourself for us simply being ourselves."
"No, no! This isn't you. You're not being yourself! I was the start of all of this. I instigated this chain of events. I said only you can choose to change yourself, but I was the one who put you into an environment where you had to change yourself. Sure, the choice was your own, but I was the one who made you go down that path that lead you to that choice!"
"Tsuna, calm down. It's alright–"
"No, it's not! It hurts so much, I can't bear it any longer! Stop saying everything is alright. I don't want to hear it anymore!" Tsuna cradled his head into his arms.
"Tsuna..."
Tsuna's voice trembled as he whispered, "...All I wanted was for us to be a family. I wanted to be able to protect you guys from anything, but what I couldn't see as the real threat was this. This isn't physical; I can't punch it or chase it away from you. I can't do anything for you guys against this. I can't... I can't–!" He took a few shuddering breaths and grew silent for a couple of moments before continuing. "I brought you guys into this. I made you come into the Mafia life. I roped you along and now you guys have become like this. It's my fault, it's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so sorry."
The air was heavy as the only sound that could be heard was Tsuna's quiet sobbing and the beeps of machines. No one could find anything to say. Their words weren't reaching him, and they feared they never would anymore. A thick, dark tension had settled in the room, and every one of them found it hard to breathe. What could they do to fix this, or was it already too late?
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"Well, well, I heard the tenth boss of the Vongola has stepped down."
"Stepped down? Why? Isn't he in his twenties? He's still so young!"
"Yes, but word on the street is, he was forcibly taken out of office."
"Oh, interesting."
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Tsuna, it's okay now. It's okay. You don't have to feel responsible anymore. We've got it all under control. You don't have to do anything anymore. We'll take care of you. You'll see, we haven't changed at all, Tsuna. It's not your fault. It was never your fault.
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"Do you know why?"
"Get this, it sounds really pathetic. I guess the Vongola are starting to fall from the summit."
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You don't have to worry anymore. It's okay, we're still here, we're still us. We'll always be here with you. We'll always be a family.
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"I like the sound of that."
"Yeah, maybe some of us other families can take control of the Mafia now."
"Right, right. So what happened?"
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Gokudera stared down at his desk for what seemed like hours upon end. Discarded pens, scattered papers and reports covered the top. He sighed heavily as he tried to focus. He had to get back to work, but he couldn't. His guilt wouldn't let him. He could feel it rolling off of everyone in waves each time they came together for a meeting, or if they passed by each other in the mansion. Tsuna... Whenever they visited him, it only intensified, so much so that there was a constant ache in their chests.
Gokudera buried his face into his hands. He couldn't even look at himself anymore. His days were passing by in a blur and in an unrecognizable fashion. Suddenly, nothing was of importance anymore. Why did anything matter? Everything felt like a horrible nightmare. It was reaching the point where he could no longer distinguish between what really was just a dream and what waasn't. Without Tsuna... without their sky...
What had they done to their most dearest friend? How had it gotten this bad? Why hadn't he realized earlier? If only they had discussed it earlier, maybe Tsuna would be here with him, complaining about the amount of paperwork he had, or laughing about a joke Lambo told him, or trying to hide from Reborn. They would have carried out their days in silly banters and pranks. They'd all be gathered around the dinner table, causing a ruckus as always, with loud voices and laughter. They would have been whole.
But those were only delusions and hopes of what "could have" happened. "What if" was something Gokudera found himself constantly asking his own mind in the past few weeks. What if he had done this, what if this had happened? What if. Gokudera was sick and tired of the phrase. It only filled him up with more regret and anguish. But no matter how much he loathed it, it never ceased to give him more questions. They only made him hate himself even more for not deciding to do all he could at the time.
A new question formed inside his head, causing him to bite his tongue to try and distract himself from feeling the fear and uncertainty crawl into his heart.
What if all this wasn't real?
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"They say he's gone crazy."
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End! Thanks for reading! Please tell me what you think! (I bet it had more (plot) holes than Swiss cheese, haha).