Author's Note: Wade finds the stairs, and mild head trauma is suffered.

First Time

" Ow!"

" Careful. There is a step there."

" Gee, I hadn't noticed."

Why did 'firsts' have to be so painfully first? No prior experience to help you out. No already-made-friends to keep you from doing awkward things. No established protocol for you to subconsciously adhere to while thinking about other things.

No. If it's the first time, then you're going to notice nothing you do right and everything you do wrong. All attempts at grace, cool and smoothness will fail. The better you are normally, the harder you fall.

For sex, this is magnified. For sex with Deadpool, it's so close you can feel it breathing on you.

Ororo frowned as her hands rested at his still-covered waist." How does this come off? Do you paint it on? It is awful tight."

" It's better than four-wall protection!" Only Deadpool would be able to continue babbling while unhooking her bra strap, without looking, and with one hand. " I have sensitive skin you know. I bruise like a grape and burn like an Irishman. It's not pretty, let me tell yo–"

An impatient press of hips derailed him. " Wade."

" You have grab it from here and tug up." His hands guided hers into the removal of his costume.

The rest of disrobing was decidedly less that of a storybook romance. ("No, no, you have to squeeze it on the sides. That's the teleport butt–Well Jesus, don't push it woman. I do not want to end up back in Kansas, buck naked in a chicken coop. Again.") You can, after all, only find so many hidden weapons on the human body before you start to wonder about that person's safety, and/or mental state. ("Do you really need to keep a knife there? Seems quite risky.") There was even something blinking a little red light that Wade had to remove himself.

" All this time I thought your suit was padded. What a pleasant surprise." A smile quirked at the blue-eyed mutant's lips as she regarded him.

Wade totally flexed for her. " It's all muscle and all me bab–What do you mean, you thought it was padded?! Your outfit is just as tight as mine! (I know, I've been looking.) How does yours come off?!"

Amused, she gestured to her back. " There is a zipper in the back. I'll show you sometime."

" I'll show you something right now." That was all the warning she got before they both became thoroughly sidetracked by his mouth on her breasts.

Ororo was completely nude long before Wade joined her however. And even then, he still had his mask on; pushed up though it was. His body language was tense, while his speech was just as cheerful. He'd hesitated to put his bare hands on her hips at first but made sure to keep her distracted. And while her hands ran idly over his chest and back, he would stiffen again every time her hands got close to his neck.

He knew he was doing it, and he knew that Ororo noticed it acutely no matter how talented his hands were. It wasn't like she hadn't seen what he looked like before this. But he still couldn't stop it. The longer she explored him, the less comfortable he felt with himself. What if his face totally ruined the mood? What if she closed her eyes, laid back and thought of England instead of him? What if Roseanne went on for another season?

It usually took a lot for Wade Wilson to get seriously annoyed. Even moreso when he was getting annoyed at himself. But dammit, now he was facing the prospect of ruining good sex with a totally willing goddess woman. Here was Ororo Munroe, topless and bottomless before him, and instead of gawking and grabbing at her, he was almost talking himself out of the whole thing altogether. And that just could not happen. Who knew when he'd get laid again? Huffing, he tugged her closer and resolved to do something about it. " You can take it off if you want." Oh, that's telling her, Wilson.

The Weather Witch regarded him carefully, stilling her hands. " Are you sure?"

" Yes." No.

So those gentle hands came up again. This time, Wade did not flinch or recoil. Even as her fingertips settled just under the edge of the mask. No, dammit, he would be still and he would face this no matter what. Get it? 'Face' this because–Ah, you don't know what's funny.

Any minute, he expected to feel the rush of air that always came with de-masking. But her hands never moved up and the air didn't come. Instead, he felt what was beginning to be usual pressure against his mouth, through his mask, that was Ororo kissing him. Wade blinked.

" It is okay, Wade." He didn't ask what specifically, and she didn't elaborate. But all over his body muscles decided to chill out. Then she was smiling at him; leaning back while both of her hands tugged him down atop her body.

And dammit, he wasn't going to let himself get sidetracked again.

Thump!

Until he smacked his head into her headboard that is. " $#%!"

" Oh! Goddess, Wade, are you all right?" She was leaning up immediately with worry all over her face.

" Yeah, yeah. No, it's fine. I'm fine." He kept her down with one hand, holding his head with the other. And through that one eye he had open, he saw how dumb he'd been in the reflection of himself in her concerned blue ones. " I didn't need those brain cells anyway. Good thing all the blood is gone up there..."