Ch2: Mayonnaise is a versatile food ingredient
'AAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHH!!!!'
Gintoki's scream of horror and anguish reverberated along the four kidney-coloured walls of the room. The whole bed seemed to shake with the violent soundwaves that Gintoki was producing, for what seemed like an entire minute before he ran out of breath.
At this point, Hijikata woke up.
'Man... I feel like crap.' he rubbed his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted an unmoving, apparently shellshocked figure. A figure with a silver coloured, natural perm.
Hijikata nearly fell off the bed. The Shinsengumi vice-commander quickly regained his composure as best as he could: "What the hell are YOU doing here? And- and -" For a brief moment a flash of colour appeared on Hijikata's cheeks. 'Where on earth are your clothes?!" Gintoki didn't say anything, nor did his expression change. He simply pointed a quivering finger back at the other man, who at that point realised that he, too, was as naked as a newborn babe.
There was a moment's embarassed silence, which quickly changed into a desperate scramble to retrieve various own articles of clothing to preserve one's modesty. The two men then sat back down, awkwardly, on either side of the bed with their backs facing each other.
Gintoki was the first to speak. 'Oi... Oogushi-kun. Own up. What did you do last night? or specifically-' he cleared his throat. 'What did you do to ME last night?!'
Hijikata glowered with rage and steam began to appear from his head. 'Surely it's the other way ROUND?! I would never voluntarily DO anything with you. Least of all, YOU.' He repeated the vowel with all the disgust he could muster.
Gintoki simply waved this away. 'Both of us know I'm impossible to resist.. Especially when I'm drunk.' His eyes met Hijikata's ice-cold 'COMMIT-SEPPUKU-NOW' stare. 'All right. Jokes aside... All I want to know is, what the hell happened? More importantly-' he pointed at a lone, empty tube of mayonnaise at the corner of the room. 'What did we do with that?!'
Hijikata pretended he didn't hear the last question. "I don't give a damn what happened. It doesn't matter now. As long as NOBODY knows about this." He turned around and grabbed hold of Gintoki's collar. "NOBODY. Understand?!" He shook Gintoki violently a few times in typical anime style. "Shit... I need a smoke,' the vice commander muttered. He stood up and dug around in his pocket for a cigarette for a few seconds. Upon finding one, he lit it with relish and began pacing around the room, all the while breathing smoke until he started to resemble a walking chimney. "We're obviously in some kind of love motel," he said, spitting out the words as if they were poisonous fruit pips. "Nobody can know that we were here together, so we need to leave the building separately. I don't know about unemployed people like you, but if the Shinsengumi find out about this..." he shuddered involuntarily. "I'd be better off dead." Hijikata always been prepared to sacrifice his life for the Shinsengumi, but dying of pure shame had never before occurred to him. Now that this had happened, getting killed by Okita's bazooka seemed like an attractive option.
BANG.
The door to the room suddenly flung open. To both men's horror, a familiar voice shouted out in monotone: "SHINSENGUMI RAID. KATSURA KOTAROU, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE." After the initial waves of dust clouds wafted away, a shiny black bazooka appeared, followed by the appearance of a sandy-haired boy in the Shinsengumi uniform.
"Hmm? He escaped again." Okita looked around. His eyes rested on one man, followed by the other. "Danna -san... Hijikata san... what are you doing?"
- TBC -