Christian

It feels as if every sob is a knife cutting through my chest. Her tears soak my shirt, her body shakes against mine as I hold on to Tara as strongly as I can. I don't know what happened, though I'd be lying to say I have no suspicions… She had an appointment with a doctor this afternoon. This can't be good.

Still, I don't dare to ask. I may not have the best timing in the world, but I'm sure this isn't the moment to question her about anything; I doubt she'd be able to even speak, Tara's still fighting to recover the air.

Minutes go by and I'm not sure for how long we stand there, however, I'm willing to keep her in my embrace for as long as she wants to, if she won't let go, neither will I. Eventually, her grip around my torso goes loose and Tara brings her eyes up to look at me. I force a smile, trying to ease her, and place a lock of her hair behind Tara's ear, so it'll no longer cover her eyes, they hold a painful look.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I ask, taking her hands into mine.

She nods.

We walk to the couch and I try to look relaxed, but I must be failing. I just can't help that feeling, like there's a huge weight over my chest, as if I'm suffocating. I don't want to pressure Tara, but I'm not sure for how long I'll stand waiting, not when she looks so hurt, not when she looks so broken. I need to know… I need to help.

"Tara…"

"I can't dance." She whispers, avoiding my eyes.

"What?" My voice almost inaudible.

Tara's arms wrap around one of the sofa's cushions. A tear falls from her face, soon followed by a couple more, but there are no sobs, almost as if by now she's too tired, even to cry, even to suffer.

"I can't dance." She repeats, this time looking me straight in the eye, her lips trembling, her eyes swollen "The doctor said it is too risky."

"But… but all the other doctors…"

"They took a chance on me." She interrupts me, closing her eyes for a moment, as if she needed a moment to take in the words and their truth "Doctor Veronica said the recovery results were good, but they would never change the fact I had been injured and things can never be the same. My flexibility, my strength…" She shakes her head, almost as if could erase those words.

"We can look for a second opinion." I tried to comfort her, hold her hand again, but she pulled away.

"Second? You mean tenth!" Tara would have sounded angry if her voice wasn't so broken "I'm so tired of this! How long until I accept I will never be able to be a dancer? How many times do I have to fool myself? It hurts, it's pointless!"

"No, it isn't! It's your passion! It's what you are!"

"It can't be, Christian, don't you get it? It's not my fate, my passion, my life or what I am, it can't be! Because now it is over! So, what? That's it? Is this the end for me?" She truly seems unsure. More than that, Tara is scared.

"No, of course not!" The words sound empty, even for me "That's not what I meant." I try to say again, but I doubt she'll listen now and I doubt I can even explain in the moment. If I'm having a hard time to deal with the idea, I can only imagine how mind-fucking this must be to her.

Tara isn't just one thing, she's all these amazing and unique things united, she's incredible in so many ways. I've seen people take her for granted, I did make that mistake once, but they don't seem to understand how surprising she can be and how many great things there are to her apart from dancing. Still, dancing is such a big part of Tara and her essence, dancing is what kept her going through the worst times of her life, her weakness and yet her strength, her goal, her objective, the thing she'd sacrifice and work and risk everything for. I'm not saying it is healthy putting herself in danger to achieve a dream that might never become a reality, I for one wouldn't support it, but… I don't know, who decides that? Whose call is it? Certainly not mine, but does this new doctor have any more right than I do to influence Tara's choice? How can I let her give up now? Now that she's making so much progress and now that, for once, things seem to finally be going the right way not only with her dancing… but with us. After all she's been through, how fair is it to let her throw it all away? And how selfish would it be to force her forward?

"I'm sorry." I finally say, once the silence becomes unbearable.

"For what? It isn't your fault…"

"I don't know. I've been sort of your teacher during these last couple of months, I mean… I've helped you practice and I've seen how hard you've worked, how badly you want this. I can see it in your eyes and in your smile… I can see it when you get a move right. It's inspiring. You inspire me. I wish I could do something or say something and fix this, make it better, I… I just… I'm sorry." I pull her into my arms once again, pressing her body against my chest as if it could somehow keep her pieces together, when I'm sure their seconds away of crumbling down or maybe I'm the one who can't stand it anymore, I'm the one who's lost all the words. To see her hurting, it kills me as well.

"I'm sorry too." She whispers, not moving, not hugging me back. Tara simply closes her eyes and allows her head to rest against my chest as she's stays once again locked in my embrace.

Silence fills the apartment as time flies by.

It is night, in the distance the city lights seem to mirror the sky's stars, the horizon line gets lost in the view and my vision gets blurrier as the end of the day approaches. I'm not sure what time is it, but I don't really care. Tara's asleep, my arms still wrapped around her, foolishly trying to protect her from some greater evil, one I'm sure I can't defeat and yet I'm willing to try. She doesn't sleep peacefully, every now and again she turns, moves suddenly, pressing her eyes and lips together as if she's having a bad dream. I can't blame her; her life is slowly turning into a nightmare anyway. I consider waking her up but I doubt that'll help. She needs some sleep, even if a troubled one.

When I can keep my eyes open no longer, I decide to carry Tara to her bed. Carefully, I pick her up like a baby and walk to the bedroom. I put her down in her bed and sit next to her for a moment. Before I can acknowledge it my hand curls around a lock of her hair, then following its way down Tara's check. A tired smile rests on my features; it's been a long day. I should better go home, but if I'm being honest I don't want to leave her, not after all that has happened. I check my watch and it's almost one in the morning. I must have stayed up watching her sleep and cuddling her into my arms for hours straight.

It's late to go home on foot now; I should have come with my bike here back in the afternoon when she called, but the Academy is so close to her apartment I decided that just to run would be more effective and would get me here faster. Perhaps I should sleep on the couch. Tara wouldn't mind… I get up from her bed and my eyes start searching around the room. Where does she leave the covers?

"Christian…" A shy whisper calls me. I turn around, Tara's hand reaches for me weakly, she barely even moves her arm. Tara's eyes are still closed "Don't leave me." She pleads.

"Okay." It's the only word I can manage.

I lay my body next to her, a sleepy smile in her face as she feels my presence. She turns around and takes a deep breath, unsure if she'll be okay with my next move I dare to hug her, her back against my chest as my arms fall exhausted around her body. I wait for her to move away from me, but she doesn't. Instead I feel Tara's hand hold mine, our fingers intertwine as they had done so many times before in the past, our bodies perfectly fitted together. I can't help a smile.

I'm tired but I'm not sure I can sleep, not anymore, I'm not sure I want to, because sleeping means this night and this moment will end. This is the closest I've been to Tara in a long time, not just physically, but emotionally. Seeing her so vulnerable, knowing that she trusted me this much… I can't say I'm not scared, of disappointing and hurting her again, but I'm not willing to run away, not this time. I've lost her way too many times and I can't afford to do so again. Right now, feeling her body and warmth, I just know, I am sure… I can't afford to lose this.

A/N: I'm sorry I took so long to update... I was on vacation and didn't have my computer with me. I don't know where I'm going with this story yet and I might still not be able to update all that often, but your reviews have made me really happy so I thought I should keep it up! I hope you've liked the new chapter! There should be more coming soon!