Author's Note:

So, the last chapter was more of a hook than anything and this is more insight than anything. This story takes place right after "Yes/No". Rachel accepted Finn's proposal and Quinn put up quite a fight. For the record, I ship Finchel as friends and friends alone. None of this should be considered Finchel hate because it isn't. They do have their allure I suppose but in my opinion, they are not a very good couple.

This was a hard chapter for me to write because I'm not good at starting stories and because "The Princess Diaries" came on, distracting me from writing for about four hours. Oops. This chapter is not and will not be the best but if you stick with me, I promise it does get better.

Let me know what you think and what you'd like to see in future chapters. Also, if there's anyone interested in being my beta, you should pm me. I would love a beta for both this and other stories I may start working on soon.

Hopefully, you all won't burn me at the stake for this shitty chapter.

All my love,

Dietcokeandcigarettes.

"It was our senior year, rapidly approaching the end of our high school years and the beginning of what could be considered the hardest and most fun parts of our lives—adulthood. We were all reaching the part where pre-departure nostalgia kicks in. We were already beginning to miss high school, teachers, the easiness of it all, and, more importantly, we were beginning to miss each other. The entirety of the Glee club was beginning to wonder what would happen after graduation. Would we stay in touch? Would we split up like most high school students did once they were out in the real world? Our lives were changing. Some changed for the better and some changed for the worse. I believe we got lucky. Both of our lives changed for the better at nearly the same time and, as a result of that stroke of luck, we found each other. You had gotten past your rebel stage—which, by the way, was one of my favorite of your many stages. The pink hair was very becoming—and had grown a lot since the beginning of senior year. But your head Cheerio attitude was still there, especially when it came to me."

Taking a breath, Rachel looked over at the platonic body on the bed. The steady beeping and the rise and fall of the blonde's chest told her that Quinn, or Lucy, was still alive. But she still hadn't opened her eyes. How was she supposed to talk without feeding off the energy, good or bad, held in those eyes? She wasn't for sure that she could finish this story. It was a story they had told many times over the course of their relationship and a story that they alternated in telling. Rachel would tell parts of it and Quinn the other parts. But now, Rachel was flying solo and it was breaking her down inside to know that Quinn wouldn't be interjecting little comments at her favorite parts.

"You stopped hiding your sexuality and came out as a lesbian right before Valentine's Day and right after my accepting of Finn's proposal. You tried to tell me not to, but, for some reason I didn't listen. I think I thought I loved him. And I suppose, in a way, I did. See, that's the part you always snort at when we tell this story to each other. You don't believe it possible for me to have ever loved that 'God's rough draft'. But, I believe that I did. I loved him in the typical high school way and he was the perfect lover for that time. But, as I matured and as he matured in very…different ways than I, we grew apart, the way lovers do. Anyway, back to where I was. I had accepted his proposal. He had enlisted in the army and he wanted to get married before then so we set a wedding date for right before I would start my first semester at NYADA. Nobody in Glee club was particularly ecstatic, as I recall. But you in particular put up a fight. And, at first, it didn't make sense to me and I had to wonder why you cared so much. I let myself decide that it was simply because he was your ex-boyfriend. Later, I'd see that I was wrong."

Quinn was at her locker, trading her Lit. book for Pre-Cal, when Rachel walked up to her and waited patiently for Quinn to notice her. Quinn was careful to keep her eyes in her locker, pretending to look for something. She was tired and had absolutely no desire to talk to the now-engaged Rachel. Her head hurt just thinking of the wing on her finger and the most likely overly elaborate wedding she was planning. When Rachel didn't go away, Quinn sighed and shut her locker door. "What do you want, Berry?"

Her voice came out harsh and cold, exactly as she had planned and she raised an eyebrow when Rachel hesitated in answering. This got the smaller girl's attention and she straightened her posture, trying her damnedest to be at eye-level with Quinn. "I want to talk. "

"About what? Or is it a topic of my choosing? In that case, I'd like to talk about Bacon. That Wilbur makes for one hell of a meal, don't you think?"

"Quinn, why are you so opposed to mine and Finn's proposal?" She asked, completely ignoring Quinn's comment about poor little Wilbur. She saw Quinn roll her eyes and begin to walk away but she stopped her by reaching out and grabbing her arm. Quinn's eyes when she turned around were frightening to say the least but Rachel refused to let her fear show and she kept a firm hold of Quinn's arm. "At first, I thought it was because he's your ex but that doesn't make sense. First, you've been other him for awhile. A long while, really. Second, you're a self-labeled lesbian so my marrying him shouldn't affect you at all. Unless, of course, you feel you mislabeled yourself? In which case, I'm sure Miss Pillsbury has many a brochure on that very subject."

Listening to Rachel ramble on, Quinn bit the inside of her cheek and leaned against the row of lockers, maintaining a perfect look of boredom. "I'm labeled correctly, Rachel. I am a lesbian. Vagina and boobs are so very, very much better than penis," A smirk settled on her face and she waited a minute, giving herself a second to become serious again. "Why are you marrying him? You're young and you still have so much left to do. You said once that the stage, Broadway, was your life. What happened to that? Fly out the window when Mr. Tall, Goofy, and Rude got down on one knobby knee? Do you have a reason to marry him? Or are you just doing it because you feel like you have to, since his life is shit and he's going to risk it in a war? Give me a reason besides 'I love him' and I'll let it rest."

Rachel stood there, froze and perplexed, and watched Quinn walk away. She had a confident walk that definitely made it clear she was the Head Cheerio. No doubt about it. But what had she meant? Rachel didn't do things without giving them a considerable amount of thought and she had definitely given becoming Mrs. Hudson loads of thought. And she had decided it was worth it because she loved him. She did, right?

She frowned at her doubt. Quinn's words were making her second-guess herself and she didn't want to do that. She had already accepted, had already told the Glee club and, tonight, she was going to tell her dads. She was going to slide on the shiny thing and she was going to make an announcement that their baby girl had grown into a woman. And that now, that woman was joining a man as the wife to his husband. She couldn't afford to doubt herself. If she doubted herself, she'd talk herself out of it. And while a part of her mind wondered if she should go through with it if it was so easy to talk herself out of it but she pushed that thought away too. She was going to marry Finn. She was going to become Mrs. Rachel Barbara Berry Hudson.

Wait. Would she keep her last name? Take on his? Combine the two? They hadn't discussed this. Their last names were important. Especially hers. No offense to Finn, but her last name would have to be something she was fond of, something that looked good on posters and billboards. Her last name needed to be something she was extraordinarily familiar with. Would he understand that, though? Would he be okay with her keeping her last name and not taking his? They needed to do a lot of talking and suddenly, she felt as if she was rushing. She had to tell her dads tonight. They would be expecting answers and a plan. But, at the moment, she didn't have one to offer.

"Hello there, Mrs. Hudson-to-be," She heard his voice behind her just before his arms wrapped around her waist and he placed a kiss to the top of her head. She chuckled uncomfortably before squirming in his arms and turning to face him.

"About that," She began, a sheepish smile stretching across her face. This was just slightly awkward to her but she continued nonetheless, "Finn, don't take this the wrong way. I mean you could very easily take this the wrong way and think that I'm insinuating that I don't want to marry you but I do. I do want to marry you, Finn. I just would like to keep my last name. You know how important last names are to celebrities and you know how long I've worked on my signature. I've just perfected the double 'r' and you know how long it would take me to learn a whole new last name. Besides, I'm comfortable with my last name and while I adore yours on you, I just don't think it would really fit me."

Finn just blinked slowly before nodding. "Yeah. No, yeah, I get it. Your last name's kind of a big deal to you. Makes sense. I'm not going to force you to take my name or anything."

Rachel sighed a little in relief before seeing him open his mouth to say something else. He seemed to freeze and she sent him a quizzical look until he closed his mouth and shook his head. "I-I gotta go. See you, Rach."

And then, Rachel was left standing there. Both Quinn and Finn had walked away from her and now she felt rather small and alone in the big hallways. It normally wasn't that big a deal to her. Nothing new or anything but today her head was spinning and she felt sick. She felt so small and all she really wanted to do was curl up in bed with The Sound of Music. That would have to wait though because the next time she saw Finn, they were going to get some answers ready for her dads.

"I didn't know until later what had gotten Finn running off so fast. I didn't know until later that you were standing somewhere behind me and that you had gestured him over. I didn't know until later that you had threatened him. It wasn't until later, when we were together and sitting in my bedroom floor surrounded by our yearbooks that you told me that you filled in the pieces. You told me that you had made it abundantly clear to Finn that if he hurt me, you would bite the ring off him, finger included. You weren't exactly subtle to him. He told me later that he knew you had liked me for the longest. But he was confident I had no feelings for you so it never worried him."

"I didn't see you again that day. I spoke to Finn and we discussed our impending marriage some more. We made some decisions, brought some things up for debate, and filed some away to debate about later. When school ended, I stayed after as long as I could before going home. I didn't want to go home and I didn't want to have this dinner and I definitely didn't want to tell my dads about mine and Finn's engagement. But it had to be done. I was in my bedroom, facing the mirror and breathing when the phone rang. You've always laughed at me because whenever I get nervous, I just watch myself breath. It's calming though. It's proof that I'm somehow alive. Anyways, imagine my surprise when Daddy called and told me that a certain Quinn Fabray was calling for me."

"Hello," Rachel's spoke cautiously into the phone. This had to be some type of joke. Quinn would never call Rachel except to humiliate her in some way. So, what was Quinn doing? Her hands shook a little, as she carried the phone over to her bed and sat down. She was afraid that whatever was going to happen might leave her a little shaky.

"Hey, Man Hands," Quinn responded quickly and coolly as was her nature. "Any reasons yet? You might want to come up with some before you tell your daddies, don't ya think?"

"I think that I have no reason to listen to you. You have points, Quinn. You have points but I have no desire to listen to them. I have no desire to let you make me second guess my love for Finn or my desire to marry him as you have yet to give me a reason as to why you are so very opposed to the idea."

"Why am I opposed? Because if you loved him, truly loved him, it wouldn't be so easy to make you second guess your feelings for him."

And then the phone made a quiet click and Quinn's voice was gone. Rachel dropped her hand to her lap and sighed. Why was it so easy for her to doubt? It shouldn't be. Rachel looked around her room and let her gaze fall on a picture of her and Finn. His arms were wrapped around her and her lips were pressed to her cheek. Her smile was bright and her hands were pressed against his chest. Normally, she loved the picture. The lighting, their outfits, and the joy she normally thought the picture held made it one of her favorite pictures out of all the ones that had ever taken. But now, with all the Quinn-induced doubts, the picture seemed negative. It almost seemed like she was pushing him away. She knew this wasn't the case but with the doubts and Quinn's words still flooding her mind, that's how it seemed to her.

It wasn't that she had never doubted Finn or her love for him but she had always validated them both. She had put him to the test and made him prove his love for them. And he normally proved it to her, not always in the ways she had expected but she still believed he loved her and that they were meant to be. Or, she thought she did. But maybe the doubt had never resolved itself and now it was all just building it up and polluting her. Maybe now it was all just drowning her. But what did that mean about them? If all the doubts she had had since the beginning of their relationship was still there but hidden, what did that mean about them?

The doorbell rang and brought her out of her thoughts. That was him. That was him showing up for the dinner where the two of them would announce their engagement. It was him showing up for the scariest dinner of her entire life. She stood up and waited until her legs stopped shaking before heading towards the door. "Rachel! Are you going to get that, hon?" Leroy called and she sighed. Everything was going so fast. Why were they rushing? What was there to rush towards?

She opened the door with a small smile and stepped back to let the much taller boy in. He pulled her into her arms and she fell rather stiffly into them. For some reason, she couldn't just melt into him the way she normally did. These damn doubts were killing her.

"Rachel? Are you going to-?" Leroy's question was cut off as he walked into the parlor and saw their embrace. "Oh, you got it. Okay, well, we're in the kitchen if you need us."

"Remember—door open," Hiriam's voice called out from the kitchen as Leroy walked away. Rachel stepped away from Finn and smiled, rolling her eyes jokingly at her dads' comments. They stood in the silence for what felt like several minutes before Finn looked towards the stairs.

"Rachel? Wanna go upstairs? I think we have some things to talk about, don't we?" His voice had that weird tilt to it that people get when lying or trying to act. She could only hope her dads hadn't heard him. If they had, they would be on red alert and walking by her bedroom as often as they could. She nodded and, casting one last look to the direction Leroy had walked away in, took Finn by the hand and led him up to her frighteningly pink bedroom. She let him walk in first, pushing the door nearly shut but leaving enough of a crack to satisfy her dads. Passing her dresser on her way to her bed, she set her iPod to shuffle and set it on its dock, letting Ingrid Michaelson's voice surround the two of them. These were all safety precautions, of course. She couldn't risk her fathers finding out before she was ready to tell them.

"Done?" He asked, smiling his typical goofy smile.

"Yes, I've finished. I didn't want to risk them overhearing," She took her seat by him on the bed and glanced towards the door. "Regardless, keep your voice low. They have exceptional hearing."

He laughed, shaking his head and she smiled politely, waiting on him to bring up what it was he had wanted to talk about. She assumed he had something to say but, should he not, she did have a few things that needed to be discussed.

"Rachel, I was just wondering if we're going to write our own vows," He asked and then, upon seeing the incredulous look on her face, chuckled and looked down. "I mean, I'm not good with the whole talking and writing thing so if we are, I'd like to, you know, start on mine now."

She was frozen and her mouth hung in its half-open and half-closed position. Normally, she would have been able to respond to his question quickly and efficiently but now, all she could think of was how guilty she felt for having any doubts. He was so sure. He knew that they were getting married and he didn't think she'd change her mind. He was getting ready now and already thinking of their vows. If she backed out on him now, she'd feel awful and he would have wasted all his time. But if she backed out later, wouldn't it be just as bad? If not worse?

"Finn, I have to tell you what I've been thinking and, um, feeling as of late. I have to ask you to not overreact or take anything I say offensively. Okay?"

Finn's eyebrows furrowed together as his face twisted in confusion. "Yeah, yeah, sure. You can tell me whatever."

Rachel stood up and began to pace back and forth while her mind worked to put the words together. She had a lot to say but she wasn't for sure how to say it and have him understand. Sometimes it was as if they spoke two completely different languages. "Before I start, I'd just like to say that this isn't the first time I've thought any of this and that this isn't just me being afraid or anything of the sort. I've had these thoughts and feelings before and now I'm stuck questioning if they ever fully went away."

She purposefully avoided his gaze as she continued her pacing, listening intently for any sounds of her dads pounding up the stairs. Satisfied that they weren't coming, she let the words pour out of her mouth in the traditional Rachel Berry way. "You and I—we weren't really supposed to be together. You're the star quarterback, the most popular guy in school, and, when we met, you were dating the head cheerleader. And I'm...me. I wear sweaters with animals on them, skirts that look like they belong in a more PG version of Britney Spears' music videos, and I'm insistent on reaching my goals. I was the biggest loser in the school with absolutely no friends. We were a surprise to everyone. And, it hasn't exactly been easy. And during the harder parts, I have to wonder, if you were really there. To put it simply, I'm having doubts. And, I don't want to tell my dads unless I'm sure. You have about ten minutes to help me shove these doubts away or else we're going to have to postpone the dinner."

She finally came to a stop and looked at him, her hands planted firmly on her hips and her lips pressed together into a nearly straight line. Finn just looked up at her and she felt disgusted at the confused and speechless expression on his face.

"Make that eight."

"Rachel," He shook his head and shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"

She blinked slowly before throwing up her hands and groaning. "Why do you have to ask me? Do you know me? I want to marry someone who knows how to talk to me and what to say. I want to marry someone who's not afraid of saying the wrong thing. I want someone who can calm me down! Why can't you be that someone?"

"Why don't you know me yet?" Her voice shook a little and she sat down in the chair in front of her vanity. Propping her head in her hand, she closed her eyes. She needed him to say the right thing. She needed him to say what she needed to hear and the chances of that seemed very slim to her.

She could feel his eyes on her. She could feel them watching her and a rush of fear hit her like a train. What was coming next? As much as the doubts were killing her, the thought of being alone was terrifying. What if he left her?

Rachel heard her bed creak and she opened her eyes to see Finn walking towards her, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. He was walking towards the door and Rachel wondered what that would mean. If he walked out the door, where would that leave them?

"I'm sorry."

Rachel looked down as he walked out the door, closing it behind him. She waited until she heard the front door close before tossing herself on the bed and gripping her pillow. What was this? What were they?

Quinn was still not moving and Rachel frowned. She had hoped, irrationally, that that part of the story would get her attention and get her eyes open at the very least. But it didn't and Quinn was still laying there. She looked peaceful and happy and Rachel had to admit that she adored it. The memories of their senior year were reminding her of the hard time Quinn had been having that year. She remembered how Quinn had rarely looked genuinely happy or at peace. It had been almost painful to endure.

"I nearly called you that night. I nearly called you and told you that I hated you. I was going to tell you that I hated you for making me doubt myself, my engagement, my relationship, and my love. I was so angry with you and just so upset in general. I pressed the 'redial' button multiple times and watched your number flash on the screen. But I never called you. I didn't know what stopped me at the times besides maybe my stubbornness and pride or maybe even fear. But now I realize that it wasn't either of them. No, I thoroughly believe that it was me afraid of what would happen. Had I called you that night, when I was weak and considerably vulnerable, what would have happened with the two of us? I only think of that now though. Back then, I was painfully ignorant."

"That night, I went through my scrapbook. I flipped through the pages and looked at the pictures of my dads and me, Finn and me, and the Glee club. There was a picture of you and me there. You were smiling, mid-laugh, and I was looking at you, laughing as well. We were sitting in our respective seats in Glee and Kurt was sticking his head between us but I think, of all the pictures I looked through that night, I think that was my favorite. For reasons I didn't know then but reasons that are so transparently clear to me now."