Disclaimer- I don't own BBC Merlin. I, however, should. I can't believe it's ending just like that. Stupid. I'm going to be grumbling about it forever. And ever. Until the end of time.
A/N- I'M SO SORRY! School has been the monsters of all monsters, I haven't got a chance to put this up. Don't worry, I won't leave you guys hanging as long for the next one.
Thanks for all the lovely reviews, everyone! I love reading them :)
Beta-ed by the ever helpful Paralelsky! Thanks, Doc!
Enjoy!
By nightfall, Arthur was pleased to see that Merlin remained wrong and was happy to remind him when they stopped to make camp. The servant rolled his eyes up to the sinking sun and did not deign Arthur's comment with a reply. Instead, he chose to lope over to Lancelot and complain to him. The knight grinned and did his best not to laugh at what Merlin said, very carefully not looking in Arthur's direction.
The prince ignored them, but his rumbling stomach reminded him of something very important. "Merlin!" he called, "hurry and get supper ready. We're all hungry."
"Of course, your lordship," Merlin pretended to grovel, and turned back to his horse. The warlock was mindful of Arthur's stare on his back as he tried unsuccessfully to open the saddle bag. He groaned when he finally accomplished the task and realized that it was the wrong one.
"Here, allow me to help," Lancelot's voice came from beside him.
Merlin looked to his friend and smiled. "No, it's alright, I can... never mind." He chuckled as the knight produced a pot from the right saddle bag. Lancelot made Merlin order him around and between them, they had a stew starting to bubble in the pot.
Arthur and the rest of the knights had set out their bed rolls on the uneven ground. Their spot was not the most comfortable, but the thickly packed trees outside their tiny clearing provided shelter from the gaining wind. The grey sky overhead promised a cool night but luckily the breeze lacked a damp bite. Percival sauntered over from where he was seated close by and took a hearty sniff.
"Smells good," he told them.
Merlin smiled in a pleased manner. "Well, it's ready now. I'll get the bowls," he informed the muscular knight. As he went to retrieve them from the log Lancelot had placed them on, he caught Arthur's eye. The prince brightened and made his way over to the cook pot. When Merlin returned, the blonde man was the first to take a bowl.
"Sometime today, Merlin," he groused as the servant passed the bowls to each of the knights.
"Why, if I didn't know better I'd say you were hungry, Arthur," Merlin grinned.
"I think we all are," Timond said when Merlin handed the last bowl to him. The man's dark eyes flitted between the stew and Arthur impatiently.
The warlock wasn't sure if he would appreciate a comment so he only gave a small laugh and headed toward the cook pot. He handed each knight a generous helping and there was still more than enough for himself, were he hungry for it.
All of the knights settled into eating, so their small campsite was silent. Merlin decided to get his own bed roll set up before he ate, but was stumped when he headed to his horse he spotted that there were six already laid out on the forest floor. His own was of noticeably lesser quality and easy to see where it was beside the prince's. Merlin looked back and met the satisfied gaze of Percival. The warlock grinned in thanks before doubling back to the knights.
Sir Edward started up the conversation as Merlin absently stirred the last of the stew inside the pot.
"I'm surprised that there wasn't any trouble," the knight noted in his deep voice. Merlin fought not to smirk.
"Why is that?" Lancelot wondered and unfortunately caught the smile Merlin was trying to hide. He glanced quizzically at his friend before returning his attention to the other knight.
"Rabard's Path usually has at least one bandit. A highwayman or...something," Edward explained.
"Lucky for us then," Arthur mused and ignored Merlin's sly glance.
Timond finished his mouthful before adding, "There is still tomorrow though."
"Ever the optimist," Edward muttered under his breath.
Lancelot smiled and looked back up to Merlin who was still standing by the cook pot. He blinked and stopped smiling, choosing to bob the bowl in his hands. The warlock received the hint and ladled himself out a small amount, testing how his arm was healing by using it to hold the bowl. It gave a dull ache which eased when he grabbed it with his other hand.
"If we are talking like that, there's still tonight," Percival's voice rumbled quietly.
His comment earned a small laugh from everyone except Arthur. "We are going to stop this line of conversation now," he told them and his eyes landed on Merlin when the servant sat across from him and next to Lancelot. "Merlin! What hunting supplies did you bring?"
Merlin thought for a moment. "Cross bows, that leather thing, and some traps if you decide to use them. We can get the cross bows now, just in case we get unwanted visitors during the night."
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Shut up and eat, Merlin."
The warlock smiled mischievously at Lancelot and dug into his food as ordered. Lancelot chose to oblige Arthur and started another topic of conversation which Merlin only paid half an ear to. The knights seemed to be getting along just fine, a fact which Arthur seemed quietly smug about. Everyone except Merlin got up to get seconds and Lancelot didn't seem pleased with Merlin not eating as much as normal.
The knight's disapproval did not bother Merlin much, with nearly two months of practice under his belt. He settled with making a face at the knight to get him to lighten up. It seemed to work slightly but Lancelot still kept an eye on him. He was very aware that he was being watched, so it as a relief when he felt a chill breeze drift through their campsite and linger in the air.
Merlin looked through the trees and up to the sky before saying, "I'd better get some more wood. Feels like it's going to get cold tonight."
"I'll help you," Lancelot volunteered.
A flicker of annoyance flashed within Merlin's mind but he grinned disarmingly. "Thanks!"
Both of them rose from their spots on the ground and headed to the nearby trees with a parting glance for their comrades. The dense treetops overhead filtered the fading sun into shadow then deepened the further they went. Neither man spoke and the sound of their feet crunching through the underbrush filled the strained silence.
Only when they were out of sight of the others did Lancelot speak. "You didn't eat much for dinner."
Merlin glanced back at his friend and refrained from sighing. "I'm not hungry." He stooped and pried a thick branch from under the leaves, balancing it in the crook of his elbow.
The knight was unappeased. "You didn't eat much for lunch either."
Merlin stopped and pinned Lancelot with a look he hoped would end the conversation. His frustration from earlier was back. "I ate a lot for breakfast," he lied and immediately turned around, busying himself with the task of getting more firewood.
"Merlin," Lancelot admonished. His tone was not angry, but tired and worried.
The warlock felt a twinge of guilt but still did not turn around. "I'm just not hungry," Merlin repeated with significantly less patience.
"You need to eat," Lancelot insisted and trudged closer to him.
"I know that," Merlin grumbled. He picked up his pace to get away from Lancelot but the knight stalked after him.
Merlin employed a different tactic and tried to ignore him. The warlock crouched amongst the dead and fallen leaves to reach for a dry looking piece of bark that was resting beside an old birch tree. With only one arm to spare, he had to keep his limb still and tug with his fingers.
"Tell me again why you can't heal your arm?" Lancelot inquired.
Merlin shrugged and spoke to the trees. "Everyone saw the break. I can't just wake up one day with it all better now can I?"
Lancelot trudged closer but Merlin skirted away. "But it pains you. Surely you can heal it and pretend it's still broken," the knight pressed.
Merlin exhaled an irritated breath. "I've told you before, Lancelot, it's too risky."
Lancelot's footfalls halted and his voice was slightly raised. "It's not and you know it. Merlin, why-"
"Get that branch for me will you?" Merlin asked him loudly and marched back the way he came, studiously avoiding eye contact.
Lancelot pressed his lips together but grabbed the branch that Merlin pointed to. He yanked it free from the fallen tree it was attached to and stalked after his friend, unwilling to leave him alone yet again.
"Are we going to talk about what has been bothering you?" Lancelot called.
"Nothing has been bothering me," Merlin snapped and looked up in aggravation, still not facing the knight.
"You've been evading me for weeks," Lancelot said, quite clearly at the end of his never ending patience. "Enough now."
Merlin certainly did have enough. He whirled up and around, throwing his branches to the ground. The sight of Lancelot holding much more firewood in his arms only fanned his anger.
Merlin had to restrain himself from gesturing with his other arm, since he had unwisely used it to throw down the wood. "I don't want to talk about it," Merlin said in a low tone of voice.
"Why not?" Lancelot asked gently.
"It won't change anything!" Merlin yelled. The volume and sudden fury in his tone made Lancelot jump but he was now too angry to care. This had been the exact reason Merlin had been avoiding the knight, knowing that if he had an outlet, he would not be able to hold back.
Lancelot's brow was furrowed together in worry and compassion lighted his dark eyes. "You should get it off your chest, Merlin. Maybe it will help."
"It won't," Merlin said shortly, "why don't you mind your own business?"
Lancelot appeared surprised by his friend's vehemence. "I just want to help."
"Help?" Merlin repeated loudly. "How exactly can you help? Can you find Morgana and Morgause? Can you cure the king? Can you tell Arthur I have magic?"
Lancelot's eyes widened and he looked around panicked. "Merlin!" he hissed.
But the warlock didn't want to listen and only got louder. "Oh better yet, can you make him accept me? Because I'm pretty sure when he finds out he won't be so happy. My best friend has no clue I'm lying to him, and the calls just keep on getting closer every year. Everything is getting worse, and I can't do anything about it. All because I'm stuck! All of you are knights now, you're moving on, but me! No, I have to stay a servant, keep my magic a secret. Always a secret, ever since I was born. You can't know how hard it was! I have to lie, all the time! Every time something goes wrong. And I could have saved them! Do you know how many people I could have saved if only Arthur had known? I could- I could have saved Morgana! I could have saved my own father, and Freya, and Will. And everyo-"
"Merlin!" Lancelot clutched Merlin's shoulders. "Stop it, stop!" Merlin snapped his mouth shut and stared at Lancelot with large eyes. "Listen to me, you can't save everyone. You have done all you could and that is more than anyone can ask for. Merlin, you have done amazing things, and you need to remember that."
Merlin swallowed and averted his eyes, discomfiting his friend by suddenly being quiet. "Merlin?" Lancelot called softly.
"I just feel so alone," Merlin confessed in quiet desperation.
Lancelot squeezed Merlin's good shoulder. "Know that I am here for you. Gaius is too. Even Gwaine and Guinevere. And Arthur. I have never seen a greater friendship, Merlin. I think you can give Arthur some more credit." Merlin looked back at him and Lancelot saw a trace of hope along with the misery. But then the warlock looked down again and shook his head.
"Arthur hates magic. When he finds out, he'll hate me too," Merlin said.
"You are not magic, Merlin," Lancelot said strongly.
Merlin sent him a sad smile. "We're one in the same."
The knight frowned. "No. You are Merlin. With or without magic, you are who you are."
Merlin shook his head again. "Thanks Lancelot, but you don't understand." He extracted himself from his friend's grip and fled back to the campsite. Lancelot sighed and bent down to retrieve the branches Merlin had thrown down. Soon the warlock's footsteps travelled out of his hearing and Lancelot allowed his shoulders to slump.
When Merlin trudged back to their camp, dark followed close behind. The fire was bright in the pit and casted flickering shadows on Percival who was tending to it. Arthur looked around from beside the knight and peered quizzically at Merlin.
"Where's the wood?" he demanded.
"Lancelot is bringing it," Merlin answered quietly. He sat himself across from Arthur and Percival, nearer to Sir Timond who, along with the other two, eyed him curiously. Edward was already curled up in his bed roll, sleeping again now that he saw it was only Merlin who disturbed his rest. The warlock half expected Arthur to heckle him more but when he looked up Arthur was studying Merlin's arm. He only gave Merlin a look tinged with a little concern, and a lot of chastisement.
"Well I'll go hurry him along while I can still see," Percival said and stood up. He then headed in the direction Merlin came from. The warlock reached for the poker stick Percival had let fall and absently stoked the wood. When the knight disappeared within the trees, Timond glanced at Arthur who was watching Merlin with slightly narrowed eyes. The servant sat with a slightly hunched posture, oddly silent. Timond did not appreciate the awkward silence and rose up with exaggerated cheer.
"I just want to check on my horse before I turn in. You said we are leaving early, sire?" he asked the prince.
"Yes," Arthur answered vaguely.
The knight smiled and hurried to fawn over his grey gelding, leaving the prince and Merlin to themselves. The moment Timond was away, Arthur turned back to his servant. "So what's with the long face?"
Arthur's voice snapped Merlin out of his distracted slump and he blinked. "...Nothing. And I don't have a long face."
"Come now, Merlin, you are not being your usual annoying self." To prove Arthur's point, Merlin ignored him. "Merlin," Arthur intoned. "You know, your arm will never heal if you insist on using it."
The warlock sighed and searched for a reply, but before he voiced it, crunching through the underbrush alerted them to the presence of Lancelot and Percival. Merlin's eyes immediately flew to Lancelot's and both men shifted uncomfortably.
"Finally," Arthur called.
Percival smiled and Lancelot attempted to. "Looks like we arrived just in time."
Despite Merlin's half hearted attempt to prod the fire, it was down to the coals. Both knights placed their armful of branches on the ground and Lancelot set to rebuilding the fire. He offered a smile to Merlin but the warlock avoided his gaze. The tension was palpable between the two causing Arthur and Percival to exchange confused glances.
"So who wants first watch?" Arthur asked to clear the silence.
"I can take it," Lancelot offered.
"I do not mind either, if you a tired, Sir Lancelot," Timond called. He was walking back towards the group and his horse was happily munching on a carrot.
"You can take the next one," Arthur delegated. "As for me, I'm turning in." His tone told Merlin that he just wanted to get away from the tension. The prince vaulted up and stretched before sauntering to his bedroll.
"I suppose I will too," Percival yawned. "Night."
"Sleep well," Lancelot bid. Merlin settled for a nod.
Timond too opted to turn in. He bid everyone goodnight, even Edward who grumbled unhappily. As everyone was settling in, Merlin started to fidget. He stared into the fire to avoid looking at Lancelot. No longer angry, guilt settled under his skin and served to make him more depressed. The warlock did not even want to risk a glance at Lancelot for fear of finding resentment in his eyes. He was a good friend to Merlin and did not deserve Merlin taking out his frustration on him.
An apology remained lodged in his throat, not wanting to be voiced for fear of rejection. Merlin was too lost in his brooding to see that Lancelot was not at all angry at him and only worried. The warlock's eyes remained glued to the fire and in the coals he spotted a shape that reminded him of a bird. How good would it be to be able to fly again? Just to hop on Kilgharrah's wings and take off. Merlin sighed and noticed that the shape was starting to cave in on itself. Sad to see it go, Merlin thoughtlessly reached for it. His eyes glowed with the fire and a small bird made of flames drifted up toward the smoke.
"Merlin!" Lancelot hissed, snapping Merlin out of his stupor. He gasped and realized what he had done. The warlock cleared his throat and stoked the fire with the long stick still held in his hand. In an effort to not glare at the servant, Lancelot casted his eyes casually around the campsite. And he froze when he gazed past Merlin's shoulder. Merlin noticed the sudden stiffness in Lancelot's posture and dread slowly crept into his veins. He dared to look and found the knight staring fixatedly behind him, fear shadowing his eyes.
Merlin snapped his whole body around and stilled upon seeing the prince staring blankly at him. Merlin's sudden movement caused Arthur to whip his sword out of the scabbard he had just lain on the ground beside him. The disturbance woke up Edward and Percival- Timond was standing by his bed roll, gripping the hilt of his sword uncertainly.
A painful silence bled through the clearing, no one daring to utter a sound or move a muscle. Percival and Edward exchanged confused glances but did not speak due to the pressure smothering them. The moon was almost full and its pale light was suspended in the silent clearing. Merlin and Arthur's eyes were anchored to each others for what seemed like an age before Arthur's lips parted.
"No... This cant- you- no."
Don't kill me? :) I really hope you guys liked the chapter despite this here cliffhanger.
Also... for those of you who don't know, this will be a nasty shock. Merlin's over? WHAT THE FUSS! If there isn't going to be a movie I will be so mad. Livid actually. They have so many loose ends and so much that has to happen before the show ends in just a few more episodes. I don't see how they can have a satisfying ending. Like seriously, this is such a huge disappointment, a let down, a (to use the nice term) GIANT MISTAKE! If the ending isn't satisfactory, and it sadly appears to be looking that way, I will make my opinion heard.
Anyway that's enough of that. At least there's fanfiction to do what the writers should have. Not that this is it! This reveal is just for fun.
Please leave a review! They make me happy :D