Secret Keeping

It's difficult to hide things from my family. Between incredibly heightened senses, Jasper's ability to sense emotions, and Alice's ability to see the future, it is virtually impossible to keep a secret.

But I was so ashamed of what I was doing to Bella that I went to extreme lengths to do so. I took extra care with the color of my eyes, my emotions, my attitudes. There were some things I was forced to leave unexplained, of course, but for the most part they seemed to ignore these. Esme never asked why I was sometimes gone for so long hunting alone, and Jasper never asked why I was so anxious when I came home. They both assumed it was nothing to worry about.

The only one I wasn't sure of was Alice. I knew she saw visions of a vampire Bella, but I still wasn't quite sure whether she saw me drinking her blood. From my ability, I learned very little – my closest sister was very capable of hiding her thoughts from me. I could never confront her about it either; I couldn't work up the nerve.

So I carefully and cautiously fed my addiction, hoping against hope my family would never find out. After all, I was stopping soon. Just once more. One more time.

"Are you sure?" Bella soft voice was muffled, her face resting against my chest as we lounged on the couch. I had my arm wrapped around her shoulders, my free hand idly playing with both of hers. We were supposed to be watching some movie or other, but I was much more interested in the angel sitting next to me. From time to time I would stroke her hair, caress her face, press soft kisses to her forehead. To me, it was like a form of atonement. She deserved all of the love I could give her.

At her question I gave her shoulders the tiniest of squeezes, leaning my head to rest it against hers. "Yes, I'm sure, Bella. Believe me, it wouldn't be healthy. It's too soon. Besides, I'm not even thirsty."

That was, of course, a lie. It had been one week since I had last tasted her blood. Seven days since I had let my razor-sharp teeth cut through her skin, down to the pulsing blood underneath. One hundred and sixty-eight hours since I had fed the addiction... But I knew it was too soon.

I didn't need my two degrees in Biology and years of medical school to realize this. Last time I had accidentally made her wound bigger in my frenzy. Instead of stopping, I had kept drinking and drinking. She had lost too much blood. I had taken all of the proper precautions afterwards – gave her something to eat, carried her back upstairs, made sure she rested – but it had shaken me.

It had made me realize that perhaps... perhaps I wasn't as much in control as I liked to believe. The thought was absolutely frightening.

"Alright," she replied, her words half turning into a yawn. I wanted to ask why she wasn't pressing the issue today, but she was too adorable to interrupt. She had wiggled against me, and released one hand from mine to throw that arm around my middle. Her body warmth felt amazing, but the content sigh that escaped her lips was even better. "Alice wanted me to come over later, but I think I'd rather stay here."

I couldn't help but smile at her words, though they pained me. Bella truly wanted my company too much for her own good. No matter how many times I tried to explain that I could hurt her, that besides the perpetual thirst there was my strength to put her in danger, she always said she felt safe. Honestly, she hadn't the faintest trace of survival instinct.

"Hmm, maybe we should get going then. We wouldn't want to make the little pixie mad," I muttered with a somewhat nervous chuckle.

I had always been closest with Alice. Perhaps it was because of our abilities – we always knew too much, and sought refuge from this in each other's company. Our bond had only grown with the introduction of Bella into my life. I was constantly growing more dependent on my sister's visions, in an attempt to keep her safe.

Alice never complained once about helping me, because she was growing close to Bella as well. The two had become good friends over the summer. They spent a lot of time together around the house, watching movies, going for a swim in the river, or with Bella trying to avoid Alice's pampering. I enjoyed watching them, even if it meant losing some alone time with my love. I could see her happiness through my sister's eyes, and that was almost enough.

I suppose I should have seen it coming. I knew my sister was watching Bella's future, whether I asked her to or not. She was bound to see even the smallest of risks. How could I not expect her to see the extreme danger I was putting Bella in every time I pressed my lips to her delicate veins?

We stayed alone at Bella's house for a little while longer, but eventually headed back to my home in the Volvo. Alice greeted us on the porch, skipping out to the passenger's side door before I could. The door was open and my beloved was flying away before I even had a chance to answer my sister's thoughts. I thought I told you not to hog her, Edward.

I saw Bella give me a smile and shrug as she was put back on her feet in front of the house. Alice ushered her inside soon after, much to my dismay and Bella's amusement. There was no use in following them, since I wasn't often allowed to share their time together. This meant I was stuck, with my beloved painfully close and yet kept from me. To add to my torture, I decided to stay in the Volvo a few precious minutes more. The sweetest of scents had sunken into the car's interior now, almost as delicious as the real thing. If I closed my eyes I could almost imagine her still with me... a little longer and I could taste her mouth-watering blood on my tongue...

"Edward, do you want to come swimming with us?" My eyes snapped open at Bella's question, the smile evident in her voice even as it carried through the glass of windshield. I realized I must have looked like some bloodthirsty idiot sitting in the car, imagining things I should never have had, but there was nothing on her face indicating that's what she saw. Instead, there was that distinctive loving, smiling, radiant expression she reserved only for me.

In less than half a second I had swung open the door of the Volvo and jumped out, rushing to where Alice and Bella stood on the porch. My sister was already wearing a black two-piece swimsuit that made her look even paler than normal, a packed duffel bag over her arm. She had a smug smile on her face, to go with the smug thoughts of, You owe me one. I waved the thoughts away quickly in favor of looking at my love. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see what Bella wore – she had a bright green beach towel wrapped snugly around her, only allowing me a glance at her shapely calves and delicate shoulders.

I suppressed a groan at this, but consoled myself by looking forward to an afternoon of swimming in the river with Bella... and Alice too, I suppose. My thoughts drifted to what that future might hold, but stopped abruptly when I realized I was severely limited until I knew what she was wearing. I was about to start probing Alice's mind when an amused voice interrupted me.

"Well? Do you want to come or not?"

My eyes widened at the prospect of not going, and I immediately nodded. "Yes, of course love. I'll be out in a second." Without waiting for an answer I flitted past the two into the house, giving Esme a passing smile before sprinting up to my room. It took me a matter of seconds to throw off my clothes, throw on the swim trunks carefully arranged on my couch, and rush downstairs again.

I only slowed to a stop when I was in front of Bella again, tempted to throw her on my back to get to the river faster. My arms were halfway outstretched to her when I noticed a slightly dazed look in her eyes. Alice let out something between a laugh and a snort, realizing at the same time as I did what was going on.

It seemed that Bella was utterly entranced by the sight of me, wearing only swim trunks. Her eyes were traveling up and down my exposed chest, her breathing becoming a bit more erratic the longer she looked. I wasn't quite sure how to react. A few seconds passed by in this manner, until I cleared my throat and finished reaching out to caress her face. At my touch the spell over her broke, and she glanced up at me with a shy smile. Her cheeks flooded with color, and I tensed. The moment, so perfect, was shattered by an errant thought – how warm her blood must be...

"Well, time to get going. Jasper is coming home from hunting in three hours and forty six minutes and I would like to be here when he gets back." Alice's words, casual and teasing on the surface, sounded too tense to my ears. My eyes flickered to hers and I immediately probed her mind, but she was already thinking hard about the following week's weather.

Something was amiss. I didn't have time to think about it before Bella spoke, oblivious to the minute tension between Alice and I. "Sounds great Alice."

The only hint I ever had that my future-seeing sister suspected something was a short encounter about two weeks after the third time.

I had been spending the afternoon at home to give Bella some time alone with Charlie, and to force myself to manage the insane thirst. Those first few times, no matter how much I hunted, a second in my love's company and I was already forcing back venom. It was ridiculous, how much tasting her blood made me want it all the more. And though I was allowing myself another 'hit' the next day, I wanted to restrict myself today. Music was my method of reintroducing self control.

The rest of the family had been out and about; Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper were out hunting, Rosalie and Emmett on their own personal rendezvous, and Alice supposedly shopping on her own. But I was midway through a personal rendition of Beethoven's Eroica when the little pixie suddenly showed up, her slender fingers pressing down a dissonant chord and throwing off the piece.

I wasn't too bothered, turning to glance at her out of the corner of my eye. "Did you forget your credit card?" I asked, trying to keep my voice amused even as I searched out her reason for returning. I was hoping for something along the lines of money, or a change in the weather forecast, but instead my sister was reciting the notes on the sheet of music slowly, deliberately.

This not only confused me, but terrified me. My own thoughts were already racing, wondering if she had somehow seen my planned feeding tomorrow. Perhaps she had envisioned Bella bleeding to the death on the floor of her room as I had my fill... Bella gasping in pain as I greedily took from her... the images sent a horrified shudder through me, which I'm sure Alice felt.

Abruptly, her mental reciting of notes stopped, and her thoughts flickered to a vision she had seen earlier. There was Bella on her bed, writhing in terrible pain, her mouth open in a silent scream. The blood staining the sheets told both my sister and I what caused this future Bella's pain – transformation. The day calendar, just barely visible in the back right corner of her desk, showed tomorrow's date.

Alice's voice was barely audible as she finally spoke aloud. "You aren't the only one that loves her. I want to keep her safe, Edward." Her tone was grave, saying a thousand things she didn't dare give voice to. I turned to face her, question her, but she was already halfway across the room, her back to me.

I should have known it was time to stop back then. But I had tasted the forbidden fruit. There were some days I was forced to admit that there was no stopping now.

The afternoon passed amiably. Alice and I took turns teasing Bella, and showing off our ability to stay endlessly underwater. Our skin reflected the occasional rays of sunlight, which then shimmered and bounced off the water's surface – this seemed to be what Bella most enjoyed watching.

I personally got to enjoy my girlfriend's swimsuit, which turned out to be a dark blue two-piece set with golden accents. It was modest, showing only a small sliver of her stomach, but I absolutely loved it. I made sure to remind Bella of this every chance I got, which rewarded me with beautiful blushes. It was those blushes, the shy smiles, laughs, playful gestures, that reminded me every second of why I was so in love with her. Over the course of her afternoon, the thoughts of blood never returned to my mind.

At precisely three hours and forty-three minutes, Alice splashed out of her place in the river, her eyes glowing. Neither of us needed to ask why she was so excited, and Bella began carefully standing up from the long dried up branch she had perched on.

And then everything happened almost too fast.

I saw the vision in Alice's mind a split second after she did. I saw Bella about six seconds into the future, stepping down from the log and onto some loose gravel underneath. The gravel would be wet, and my ever-clumsy love would slip and throw herself forward onto the tiny stretch of beach. Her right calf would land precisely the wrong way on a sharp piece of stone, cutting through her delicate skin and revealing bright red blood underneath.

But that wasn't the worst part. The vision continued, and I heard myself growl quietly. I saw my future self catch the scent of Bella's exposed blood, and immediately jump to her. Before I could even pause to think about the ramifications I had her bleeding calf in my hands, suckling the unbelievably delicious blood. The venom began pooling my mouth, and for a moment I wanted nothing more than that future.

My sister hissed when two long, painful seconds passed and I didn't move. In less than half a second she had flitted to Bella and grabbed her by the waist, effectively lifting her off the ground and away from danger. I could see the confusion on Bella's face, but before I had a chance to explain my sister was whisking her away back to the house, murmuring apologies as they went.

I remained at the river, my vampire mind still somewhat unable to process what had just happened. I had been willing to risk Bella's wellbeing. I had done nothing to prevent her from being in danger. But one thing grounded me most.

There had been absolutely no surprise in Alice's eyes.