"Dipper, what did you do?" Stan's anger erupted. It was clear that a deal had been made with Bill, and that Dipper was the one to make it.

"I wished to go back in time so that Mabel wouldn't pick you over me." Dipper replied numbly.

"What?"

"Nothing. I made a bad choice and we have to get Mabel back." Dipper ran off to try and re-summon bill. However many times he attempted, however, Bill ignored him. He had nothing more to offer.

Meanwhile, in Hell:

Mabel fell from a portal in the sky, screaming. She landed unceremoniously on the hard, burning stone ground. Bill floated before her.

"Bill!" She growled, "Where are we? Why did you bring me here?"

"Well, I think you humans call the place Hell. To me, it's just home sweet home! Anyway, I brought you here as payment for a deal I made with your brother."

"Liar! Dipper would never trade me for anything!"

"Not knowingly, he wouldn't. But he was dead set on staying your favorite, so I just didn't mention the price. Anyway, let me show you around."

He grabbed her arm and snapped his fingers. A tall, crusty, haunted-looking mansion appeared before them. He led her from room to room.

"Living room- I watch mortals in pain here. Kitchen- I feed off of the misery of mortals at the table. Also I have Taco Tuesday and Pasta Friday. Master bathroom- Don't go in here after me. Guest bathroom- you can use this one. Jiggle the handle or it won't flush. Also there's no soap. Guest room- you sleep here. Don't open the closet or you'll die. Extra blankets are in there, but I doubt you'll need them. We're in Hell, after all! And, last, but not least, my room." He shoved her through the door. "I wanted you specifically because you seem to know ho to make things that are alive not die. I have this pet hamster, you see, and even though I feed it and water it every once in a while, it dies. Real pain watching the dumb thing respawn! I even got it one of those wheels. It's powered by motor, like a spinning treadmill that won't turn off!"

A green hamster with purple eyes was stuck in the wheel, being spun around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

"His name is Amaimon," Bill continued, "And I want you to take care of him when I'm being neglectful so that when I do feel like paying attention it isn't to some not-yet-respawned demon hamster corpse."

Mabel picked it up out of the wheel.

"Ew...It looks so...Flat."

"Cintrifical force, kid. He;s been in that wheel for like three weeks ro something. I sprayed him with water once, I think."

Mabel shook her head.

"No wonder he keeps dying! You're the worst pet owner ever- you have to feed him and water him daily!"

Bill cringed.

"That sounds like responsibility. Good thing I got you! Haha. No but really you're my new pet sitter."

Mabel pet the gross green hairball.

"Out of all the entities in the universe, why did you have to pick me to watch you flat hamster?"

Bill burst into tears.

"I'M SO LONELY! Every entity I've met hates me- for good reason- and I have no friends." He wheezed, wiped his eye, then continued with new disgusting tears, "You're the only little shit in the universe who's forgiving enough that I figured I might have a chance of being tolerated by. I've always wanted to talk to someone on Pasta Friday other than my flat dead demon hamster, but I have no one!" He sobbed into a tortilla.

Mabel's soft heart betrayed her. "Awe...You poor, sad, unloved triangle. I'll be your friend- and I'll help you learn to be a less shitty pet owner."

Bill sniffled. "You will?"

"Yep! But if my family comes for me, you have to let them visit. Deal?"

She held out her hand. He shook it eagerly. He'd just made the best deal of his life.

"So...Now that we're friends, tell me about you. I mean besides the fact that you're a horrible demonic beast shaped like a tortilla chip of pain."

Bill waved his arm giddily. "I'll tell you over a plate of pasta, new best friend!"

Mabel smiled. 'Wow,' she thought, 'He's so pathetic and desperate. He reminds me of Dipper around Wendy.'