Author's Note: So I just realized that the Oscars are going to be on my birthday. It'll be the coolest birthday/movie awards party ever. Anyway, back to the story. In this chapter I want you all to know that there are some parts in Russian but their are translation notes at the bottom. Sorry that you'll have to scroll down. THANK YOU TO AGNESSA13 FOR THE RUSSIAN TRANSLATIONS! I really appreciated it. As always I'm sorry if anyone is too OOC. Here is Chapter 2: "My Thoughts Told Me Inside A Dream." This chapter's title comes from "Blackbird Smile" by Nightmare and the Cat.

It had started off as just another day training in the gym. Natasha had been waiting for Clint to come train with her and was doing some gymnastics as she did. Steve had just helped rescue some hostages in a office building from some terrorists the night before and had been too tired to come with her that morning. That's when she called Clint and asked if he wanted to train with her.

She hadn't really seen much of her friend since the vacation at the beach, except for a few chance visits in the gym. He and his girlfriend, Bobbi Morse, had just recently moved from the West Coast to New York City and had been preparing their house so a day to just hang out hadn't really been in Clint's schedule. That's probably part of the reason why he so enthusiastically accepted her offer to train.

"Hey, Nat!" came the shout from doorway of the gym.

Natasha turned around and saw Clint approaching her. "Hey," she said. "Ready to get your ass kicked?"

Clint just laughed as walked to his side of the mat. "You really think you can beat me?"

Natasha grinned as she walked to her side. "I have before and besides I've been training while you've been spending every moment with your girlfriend."

The two of them began their mock fight while they continued their conversation.

"Jealous?" he teased as he grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back.

"Not at all," she said as she broke free and then tried to kick him in the head.

"How's your boyfriend?" he asked as he jumped back from her.

"Wonderful," she said as she ran at him trying to punch him as he blocked it with his arm. "Your girlfriend?"

"She's ok. Trying to adjust to New York." he said as he tried to grab her wrists.

"Well, it is a bit of a change, certainly in weather," said Natasha as twisted around him and wrapped him in a headlock with one arm and held his arm behind his back with her other. "Are you two going to have a house warming anytime soon?"

She kneed him in the back of his knee to get him to fall to the ground. Just when she though she'd won, he twisted out of it and pinned her to the ground, holding her arms down with his hands as he sat on her legs. They hadn't been in this sort of position since Budapest though a mock fight wasn't the reason for it then.

"Actually," began Clint, "we're going to have a Halloween party as a house warming party tomorrow. You and Cap are invited."

"What?" asked Natasha as Clint got off her and helped her up.

"We're having a Halloween/house warming party tomorrow," repeated Clint, "and I was supposed to invite you and Cap. It starts at 5 by the way."

They headed over to the bench to take a break. "Who has a Halloween/house warming party combo?" asked Natasha, pulling her water out of her bag.

"Bobbi thought it'd be a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Everyone gets to hang out for Halloween and see our nice new house," he said.

Natasha shook her head in an 'I see' sort of way as she chugged her water. When she put it down she asked, "Do we need to bring gifts?"

Clint shrugged. "Not really. We have most everything...actually a microwave would be nice. I broke ours when moving and Bobbi's pretty pissed about it. She loves popcorn more than anything and can't make it without a microwave."

"Ok well I guess I can do that," she said.

"Thanks," said Clint as he started gathering his things. "Well I'm hitting the showers. I've got to pick up some decorations for the party today. Bobbi wants to be set up tonight so we can just get the food in the morning and then be ready."

"See ya," said Natasha.

"See ya! Hope you'll be at the party," he said.

Now Natasha sat alone on the bench, finishing her water as she stared up at the ceiling, sighing.

She wanted to be there for Clint's house warming but the only problem was Natasha hated Halloween. The KGB had made her wear enough costumes in her life to make up for a thousand Halloweens. Not to mention the fact that there were masks she was still wearing to hide anything about her life wearing those costumes that she didn't want to wear any more of either.

Sure some people said they loved it because for at least one night you could be something that you weren't. Natasha would like at least one night where she could totally be herself. Watching people parade around in costumes, thinking about how cool it would be if they really were a vampire or a nurse or a superhero, almost made her sick. She would've given just about anything to have had a normal childhood, grow up to be a normal office worker, grow old with some normal man.

Of course if she hadn't be through all she had she wouldn't have all the good things she currently had in life either. She wouldn't be friends with Clint or the rest of the Avengers. She wouldn't be as talented as she was at athletics, speaking, and many other things. She probably wouldn't have ever come to the US and most importantly she wouldn't have met Steve.

Thinking of Steve made her decide to call him. After a couple of rings, he picked up. "You woke me up," were the first, groggy words out of his mouth.

"Sorry," said Natasha as she picked up her stuff to head to the showers. She'd totally forgotten that he'd probably be asleep.

"No it's ok," he said with a yawn, "I'm still getting used to this phone and the sudden ringing startled me a little but I probably need to start getting up. It's 9 am."

"Yeah but you were at that hostage situation until about 6 this morning," she said.

"Three hours is enough for me," he said, "I'm a super soldier remember."

"Well no matter how 'super' you are I don't think I know anyone who can survive on three hours of sleep, especially after having a fight with a gunman in an office building," she said.

"Well I'm just different like that I guess," he said, "So what are you up to?"

"I'm at the gym about to shower."

"Oh," was all he said.

"Are you thinking about me showering now?" she teased.

"What?! N-no," he said. Natasha could just picture him, blushing.

"...You know if you want, since you have a cellphone now, I could send you some...pictures," she said, seductively.

"Of what?" he asked, confused.

Natasha sighed. Steve was so clueless sometimes. "Nothing," she began, "So, do you want to meet up and get some shawarma for lunch? Say around 1?"

"Sounds good," he said, "I'll see you there."

"Ok and get some more sleep before then," she said.

He just laughed. "I will. Bye." And the two of them hung up and Natasha processed into the showers.

After she'd showered and was getting dressed again she looked at the scar on her abdomen from the Winter Soldier and sighed. Her scars were just another part of her she had to hide with one of her many masks. Steve hadn't asked about them since vacation and Natasha certainly wasn't going to talk about it if i wasn't brought up. But seeing it made her think about how she was still wearing a mask even around Steve, who she wanted more than anything to be totally herself around. But some parts of herself were better left hidden. Maybe that was another reason people liked Halloween so much. It was one day when you could hide yourself.

Whether you were changing yourself or hiding yourself, Halloween was the night to do it unless you were a spy like Natasha in which case you did a little of both everyday. Yeah, maybe that's why Natasha didn't like Halloween: because ultimately her life was like one big Halloween. Maybe I should just mail Clint a new microwave. She thought as she left the gym.

Eventually 1 o'clock came around and Steve met Natasha at the shawarma restaurant. She'd went there right after the gym and had been reading an original Russian version of Crime and Punishment at a back table.

"Hey," he said as he came up and kissed her on the cheek before taking his seat in front of her.

"Hey," she said. "Did you get some more sleep?"

"Yeah. I just got up about 30 minutes ago. Enough time to shower, dress, and head over here. What are you doing?" he asked.

She looked at her book and held it up. "Reading Dostoyevsky's class Crime and Punishment in Russian. Since I'm not constantly speaking it I like to read books in Russian so I don't get rusty."

"I see," he said. "Do you not have anyone you know who you could have some conversations in Russian with?"

"Pochemu? Ty predlagayech izuchat' russkiy yazyk?" she asked with a grin.

He stared at her confused. "What?"

"I said 'Why? Are you offering to learn Russian?" she said.

He laughed. "Sorry but you can't teach a old dog new tricks."

She just laughed. "Alright, we'll I guess until someone around here learns I'll stick to Crime and Punishment."

About that time the waiter came over to them. "Hey! It's the superheros! Captain America! Black Widow! So glad to have you back! What're you having today? It's on the house!"

"Thanks, Emir. We'll just have two shawarma plates," said Natasha.

"Alright I'll go get it ready," he said and left.

"So back to you," began Steve, "Do you ever miss Russia?"

"Oh yes Steve I miss communism, poverty, freezing cold," said Natasha, "tons of other things that sucked about it. I miss them all."

"Ok obviously you don't miss all that but don't you miss it a little? It was you're home," he said, "I mean-"

She cut him off, tired of talking herself. "I forgot to tell you that Clint and Bobbi invited us to a Halloween party!"

He blinked at her, surprised at her sudden outburst, trying to figure out what to say. "Uh, wait, what?" he asked.

"Clint and Bobbi invited us to a Halloween party that is also a housewarming party. It's on tomorrow at 5." she said.

"That sounds fun," began Steve, "I always liked Halloween as a kid."

"You did?" asked Natasha, surprised.

Steve shook his head. "Yep. Me and Bucky would almost always dress as soldiers and Dad would take us around to get candy. Bucky's mom would sew our costumes because Mama was usually too sick but she would sometimes make us a pumpkin pie to make up for it and we'd eat pie and candy at my house until it got late and Bucky needed to go home." He smiled as visions of the past went through his mind. Visions of a time when Bucky wasn't a killer on the run, when Steve was a scrawny little kid who could only dream of being a soldier, when his parents were still alive. "It was always really fun."

About that time Emir came back with their shawarma. "Two of the freshest plates of shawarma for the heroes!" he said, as he laid the plates in front of them.

"Thank you," they both said simultaneously.

After taking a bite and enjoying the first taste of warm, delicious shawarma, they continued their conversation.

"So what are you going to go as?" asked Steve.

"I'm not going," said Natasha.

"Why not?" asked Steve, surprised.

Natasha shrugged. "I'm not really into Halloween. I mean I want to be there for Clint and Bobbi's housewarming but I don't do the whole Halloween thing."

Natasha expected him to ask her why but he just shook his head and ate another bite of his shawarma. "Ok then. So what do you want to do then?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well I don't want you to feel left out," he said, "so I want to spend Halloween with you. We can do whatever you want tomorrow."

Natasha smiled. She was glad that Steve cared so much about her feelings and wanting her to be included. "Steve, it's fine. If I wanted to go I would and I don't feel left out or anything. It's sweet you want to spend Halloween with me but you should go to the party. I'm sure you'll have fun."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positive," she said before taking another bite.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon, about 4 pm on Halloween, Natasha was lounging around in her apartment, continuing her reading of Crime and Punishment when she heard a knock on her door. Before she opened it she had a pretty good idea who it was. "Hey Steve," she said when she opened it.

"Hey, Nat," he said, standing in the doorway in his costume. He was dressed as any WWII soldier would've dressed for combat. He had a fake gun around his shoulder and he was just holding his helmet.

"Heading to the party I assume?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"Well you look nice," she began, "Though why am I not surprised you chose a soldier costume? But is that even really a 'costume' for you?"

He laughed. "Surprisingly yes. I never actually wore a real uniform for combat like this. And I always think that the costume you chose to wear says something about you, like there is a part of you in it. That's why I'll always stick to a soldier costume."

"I see," said Natasha, "...So why are you here, Steve?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, uh, I'd thought I'd give it one last try to talk you into coming."

Natasha smiled as she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Steve it's sweet that you care about including me but again I'm good. I've got Rodion Raskolnikov to keep me company tonight."

"Should I be jealous?" he joked.

She giggled. "Maybe. Because if the night goes as I plan he'll more than likely end up on my chest while I sleep."

"Well I may just have to have a few words with him," he said, "But Natasha really you should come. It'll make Halloween more fun. And who knows, maybe you'll start liking it more if you do something fun with all your friends."

"Maybe," she said.

"But you still don't want to come do you?" he said.

"Sorry but no," she said.

"Alright," he said in defeat as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"See ya," she said as she closed the door.

She headed back over to the couch and began her reading again. The room was really quiet and after a while Natasha fell asleep.

"Miz. Natasha...Miz. Natasha..." said a voice.

Natasha opened her eyes and saw a figure of a little girl standing in front of her. The little girl looked familiar. She noticed blood dripping from the girl's side and that's when she finally realized who the girl was.

"Irina..." whispered Natasha.

"Miz. Natasha, pochemu vy odety kak uchitel' yesli vy shpion? (1)," asked Irina Drakov.

Natasha looked down at her clothes and noticed she was wearing the teacher outfit from the day she killed Irina. She even had the bandages on her hands from where she fell on the sidewalk.

"What..." said Natasha, confused.

"Nu, yesli eto ne moy prekrasnyy russkiy feyyerverk (2)," said another voice from behind her.

Natasha quickly jerked around and saw Alexi Shostakov standing their grinning at her.

"Alexi..." she whispered.

He took a step toward her. "Pochemu by nam ne priobresti, eto malen'koe plat'ye, Natasha? (3)"

Natasha looked down again and noticed she was in a black cocktail dress, the same one she'd worn on the night she killed the CIA agent and Shostakov attacked her.

Before Natasha even had time to think about what was happening shouts of "Help me! Help me! Help me!" came from her left.

She turned toward them and saw some of the S.H.E.I.L.D. agents from the hospital she'd burned down. Most of them were still on fire.

"Medsestra, pozhaluysta pomogite nam! (4)" shouted one.

One of them crawled to her and grabbed the bottom of the nurse's uniform she was now wearing. It's what she wore to sneak into the hospital.

She quickly pulled away and then turned to the right where she saw tons of different people looking at her, some civilians, some villains, some other agents she worked with. Suddenly she saw Emir from the shawarma restaurant walk up. "Hey it's the superhero! It's the Black Widow!"

That's when Natasha changed into her Black Widow suit. She was getting so confused and scared about what was happening that she quickly took off running even though it was nothing but darkness and she didn't have a clue were to run to.

Suddenly she hear a small voice whisper, "Kto ty? (5)"

Natasha slowly came to a stop as she came face to face with a figure that appeared in front of her. It was her, a 5 or 6 year old her. She had long, matted red hair, dirt caked on her face, and was wearing a ragged clothing. "Ty... eto ya (6)?"

Natasha fell to her knees and stared at her young self. "Da...ya eto ty (7)."

"Ty ne ya. Ty prosto nosish mascu (8)," said the young Natasha. That's when she reached over and took a mask off of Natasha's face. As Natasha stared at the mask in her younger self's hand all she could think was what was happening? Why was it happening?

"Ty kak marionetka. Ludi mogut izmenit' tvoi kostumy i narisovat' tebe novoye litso, i zastavlyat' teby delat' chto-to kak im zablagorassuditsya (9)," said the younger Natasha, "Marionetka moget sgnit', ty znayech. Vot to, chto ty sdelala: sgnila. Nikto ne propustit nastoyashchiu tebya potomu chto net nikakoy real'noy tebya. Na samom dele tebya prosto ne dolzhno byt' vovse, real'noy ili poddel'noy (10)."

That's when suddenly a gun appeared in the hand of her younger self. "Proshchay, Natasha. Proshchay (11)." And she fired the gun.

Natasha probably had enough time to dodge before the bullet hit her yet she was frozen to the ground. She closed her eyes and decided to just accept it. Her younger self wasn't wrong. She was just a puppet...and sometimes you just had to throw a puppet away.

Just as the bullet was coming toward her, she was suddenly enveloped by something. She heard the bullet clank against something metal and fall to the ground.

"Natasha?" asked the voice above her.

Natasha opened her eyes and saw Steve hovering over her. He was dressed in his Captain America uniform holding his shield around them.

"Steve..." she whispered as he helped her up.

He was grinning at her. "I thought you said you didn't want to celebrate Halloween. But you do look good in your costume."

Natasha looked down and noticed she was in a ballet outfit. The Swan Queen from Swan Lake to be exact. Natasha was surprised. When she was a child she always said she wanted to be a ballerina and perform in Swan Lake. Of course that was when she was young, before her parents deaths, before she was taken by the KGB.

"It's like I said Nat, your costume says something about you," he said.

"Then wouldn't the Black Swan be more appropriate?" she asked.

"No," he began, "Because the Natasha I know is good. She's the white swan."

"But Steve you don't know all about me," she said.

"And I don't want to until you offer to tell me. But Natasha the past doesn't matter to me. I know who Natasha Romanoff is now. And I love her."

That's when suddenly the rest of the team appeared. Clint, Tony, Bruce, Thor, Pepper, Maria, Fury, Sam, Sharon, Coulson, Bobbi.

"We all love you Natasha. You aren't some puppet to throw away to us. And no matter what happens we are going to keep loving you. We're your friends, Natasha. You can open up to us. You can always just be you around us. No masks, no costumes that aren't you," said Steve.

Natasha smiled as she felt like she was about to cry...

And that's when Natasha woke up. She noticed her book laying on her chest and looked around the room just to make sure she wasn't in a dream again. She closed her book and then grabbed her phone to look at the time. It was only 5. She'd only taken an hour-long nap but that dream certainly made it seem longer.

Natasha sat there a minute thinking about the strange dream. "No more reading Russian before sleeping," she said. She thought for a moment about Irina, Alexi, the S.H.E.I.L.D. agents, and her younger self. But then she thought about Steve and all her friends. Steve had protected her and he and the rest of her friends had all been there to show they cared about her. Even if it was a dream it made Natasha happy.

She looked at the door and wondered for a moment if Steve was right. Maybe she could make Halloween more fun by being with everyone she knew cared about her. Maybe she should go to the party...but just what was she going to go as?

XXXXXXXXXX

When Natasha finally arrived at Clint's house it was 7 and Bobbi answered the door. She was dressed in 16th century clothing but Natasha couldn't figure out her costume exactly. "Hello Natasha! Wow you look so pretty!" she said, "Were did you get that outfit?"

Natasha looked down at her costume: the Swan Queen ballerina outfit from Swan Lake. "I know someone who works with the Moscow ballet that is currently doing costume design on Broadway."

"Well it looks great. Very fitting on you," began Bobbi. "Anyway come in! The party's already going but I'm sure you knew that. And what do you have there?"

Natasha looked at the box in her arm. "A new microwave for you two."

"Thank you," said Bobbi. "Clint! Clint! I'll have him come and take it to the kitchen. But thank you so much. Just between us I haven't let Clint have sex since he broke it. He'll owe you big time."

"Oh he already does for so much," said Natasha.

"What is it, honey?" asked Clint as he came toward them. She noticed that he was dressed in a Robin Hood costume which would only make sense that Bobbi was Maid Marian. He stopped when he noticed Natasha. "Hey Nat. Glad you could make it. You look great by the way."

"Thanks. I'm glad I could make it too," she said. She then held the microwave out to him. "A little housewarming gift."

He excitedly took it from her. "Thank you!" he said as he gave her a one armed hug. "I might finally have sex again tonight!"

"More than I needed to know but you're welcome, Clint," she began, "So, uh, where is Steve?"

Clint pointed toward the living room. "The last I saw he was in there talking to Fury about something."

"Ok," she said, "Well I'll see you two later."

So Natasha headed into the living room. It was decked out in Halloween decorations of pumpkins, skeletons, ghosts, black cats, etc. There was a big table of finger foods and punches and alcohol by the back wall and standing beside it were Steve, Fury (dressed as Jules from Pulp Fiction), Maria (dressed as Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction), Tony (dressed as Hugh Hefner), Bruce (dressed as Einstein), and Sam (dressed as the red Angry Bird). Steve and Fury were talking as the others watched. Natasha started toward them and could hear their conversation.

"What do you mean you haven't ever seen a Tarantino movie? Those are the best movies ever made. You know what, get that little black book of yours out and put Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, both Kill Bills-" said Fury.

"Just put 'All Tarantino Movies' on your list, Cap," said Maria.

"All right," said Steve as he pulled out this little book to write in.

About that time, while Steve was focused on his book, Natasha approached the group and everyone turned to look at her.

"Well look who's here," said Tony.

Steve looked up from his book and stared at her surprised. "Natasha..."

"You look really pretty, Natasha," said Bruce and everyone agreed.

"Thanks," said Natasha.

"Hey everybody!" shouted Clint. "We're about to have an apple bobbing contest! Anyone who wants to play come onto the back porch!"

"Alright some competition!" shouted Tony as he and the rest of group headed toward the back porch. Steve and Natasha were the only ones left there.

"You came," said Steve as he walked up to her.

She just shrugged. "I had nothing better to do."

"Your Russian man wasn't good company?" he asked.

She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Not as good as you."

There was silence for a moment before he spoke. "You're beautiful, Natasha. Though I never really took you for the ballerina type."

"Well," She paused. She thought back to her dream. Steve had said that everyone loved her and that she could open up to them. Even if it was a dream, she wanted to believe that Steve would really say those same things. She felt like Steve was someone she could open up to and maybe it was time to start, just little by little, until she worked up nerve to tell him about her past, about her scars, about some of the people that still haunted her today. But for now she would start with just telling him some of the little things.

"Well, Steve, I haven't ever told anyone this but my dream was to be a ballerina with the Moscow ballet just like yours was to be a soldier. Like you said our costumes say something about us," she said.

He smiled at her. He was glad that she shared that with him. Maybe she'd finally start taking down some of her walls around him, even if it was just a little at a time. "I love you, Natasha."

"Ya l'ubl'u teby," she said as she kissed his cheek. "That's Russian for 'I love you too.'"

"Now," she said as she let him go. "How about we go watch an apple bobbing contest?"

"Ok," he said as she took his hand and they headed out to the back porch.

So maybe Natasha and Steve are getting to a point in their relationship where Natasha can trust him enough to tell him some about herself. It's nice to see it grow a little bit in this chapter. And we get another look at Natasha and how the past still haunts her. Maybe one day Steve can help those nightmares go away. But not in the next chapter. In the next chapter a woman moves into the apartment next to Steve and while Steve's just trying to be a good neighbor this other woman may not have those same intentions in mind which leads to some jealously from Natasha, a stakeout, and more appearances from Sam and Sharon! I start school back in 5 days (;_; I don't want to think about it) so I don't know when the next chapter will be up but hopefully it will be up within the month. Anyway, as always reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! See y'all next chapter!

Thank you to Lawlady562, kirzty990, and the 1 guest for the reviews and constructive criticism! Also thanks to all who followed and favorited.

TRANSLATION NOTES:

1: Ms. Natasha, why are you dressed as a teacher if you are a spy?

2: Well if it isn't my beautiful Russian firecracker.

3: Why don't we get that little dress off, Natasha?

4: Nurse, please help us!

5: Who are you?

6: Are you...me?

7: Yes...I'm you.

8: You are not me. You are just wearing a mask.

9: You are like a puppet. People can change your costumes and paint a new face on you and make you do as they please.

10: Puppets can rot away, you know. That's what you've done: rotted away. No one will miss the real you because there is no real you anymore. In fact there should just be no you at all.

11: Goodbye Natasha, goodbye.