Chapter 1 - Shadows in the Sunset

Revised on 1/3/12.

Have you ever wanted to destroy this world, to end it entirely?

I was once asked this question by someone who was – at one point - very dear to me. When he asked me that question, I was very surprised that such dark words could escape such a kind face. Although I had heard a question similar to it before, that moment on the pier was different. It was so cold outside, and the wind coming off the water made it even colder. His grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly as he stared out at the bay. All I could look at was his melancholy expression. Never had I seen Ryou look so deeply sad.

The truth is that I have wanted to destroy this world before. I've had that intense need to end everything and rid this planet of filth. Somehow, I think that he knew that. I don't think he knew, though, that I was actively working towards that goal. The first time that I had ever decided to act on it was from that first question, asked by another man that is dear to me. He is much colder, much more cynical. There are very few times that I have seen him smile, and those times were only when I was the only one looking.

Pai…

I truly think that he is the most beautiful creature in the Universe. When he spoke to me for the very first time, my heart was filled with such desire, yet I was terrified to go anywhere near him. He stood there at my window, the sunset shrouding his front in darkness. As he watched the blood seep from my self inflicted wound, he asked me how much I hated this world. I couldn't respond, since my voice seemed to be lost in my shock. I found him to be most magnificent as he stood there, staring at me intently.

Such a dark, mysterious person was looking at me, speaking to me… I couldn't say a thing. After we stared at each other for a while, he finally extended his hand towards mine. "Come with me." He said in a monotone voice that made me think of dark chocolate. "There's something that I want to show you." Dark chocolate with a raspberry center. I felt hesitant – do I dare touch him? – thoughts of traps and danger and pain clouding my judgment. After a mere few seconds that felt like hours, I placed my hand in his.

As he helped me to my feet, I had a strange sensation of tugging as the scenery changed. We stood there hand in hand, looking out at the ocean, the sunset reflecting in the water. I gasped at the sight, not expecting it. It was so incredibly beautiful. I could stand there, staring at it forever. "Beautiful, isn't it?" That same raspberry dark chocolate voice spoke once again. I nodded. A cynical sneer curled his lips upward. "Look down." I did. I took a step backwards in shock. Garbage, rubble, trash, and all assortments of filth littered the ground to the point of making the sand vanish to the eye.

I was stunned as I looked around. The garbage was piled so high, it could've been a mountain. The blood seeping from my wrist fell onto our hands. "Have you ever wondered why we're here to take this planet?" He asked me as I looked down at my feet. 8 soda cans, 2 diapers, 15 pages of newspaper… I heard his tied hair brush against his shoulder as he turned to look at me. I said nothing, opting to listen to him as he turned to look back at the sea again.

"We lived here so long ago, but now this planet is dead." I suspect that he was frowning. I looked up at the sight of a shadow darkening my shoes, and I saw that he was standing right in front of me, his brow furrowed ever so slightly. He was beautiful in the sunlight too. I felt like I might melt as his violet eyes pierced mine. It felt like he was looking into my soul. And then I thought of all the nasty things he would see. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, which clearly surprised him at least a little bit, I assumed as I saw his eyebrow twitch upward.

He gently brushed back my tears, and he said, "We have to soldier on." I never thought that I would look at an alien and desire him so greatly. "Even when you feel like giving up." He wanted to lay waste to this world and rebuild it, making it a paradise – or was that what I wanted? Everything had to be destroyed. Suddenly, all I wanted was to end everything and remake it with him. I think he understood the look in my eyes, because he nodded and grasped both my hands.

I had always loved sunsets, but I loved them even more after that day.