He was trying to be a good guy. It was difficult. He was a pirate, dammit. But he was trying. So, why in the name of all that is good in the world was he being punished?
And by Milah's son. It was as if the world didn't want him to be good to the lad- man. The world made it so damn difficult. He'd sworn to look after him – and then he'd screwed it up in Neverland with the whole lost boys thing.
And then he'd fallen in love with the mother of Bae's child, who Bae also loved. He'd tried to step back. He really had. He'd tried to spend less time with her, but she was enchanting and funny and beautiful. And he loved her. Bae had had his chance and he'd fucked up. Surely that meant it was Killian's turn? But, no, he'd stepped back to allow Emma and Bae a second chance.
But Emma had come to him. She'd made her own choice and spent her last night in Storybrooke in his bed. She'd said she didn't trust Neal. And he'd tried to fight the urges inside him, but it was never going to work. So he'd kissed her and spent the night with her, making her feel truly loved.
The next morning, when he watched her go, all he wanted to do was follow her. He must have looked truly heartbroken because Emma's mother had approached him and squeezed his hand, looking into his eyes before letting go.
Seconds later, they appeared in the Enchanted Forest. And, two weeks later, Killian was living in a palace with the love of his life's parents. He'd tried to leave, he really had. He knew it was going to be difficult to be without Emma and he wanted to bury himself in piracy and rum, but Swan's parents had told him to come with them, to be a part of something, to help them rebuild the kingdom. And he'd said yes. He could look after Emma's family and help them and, surely, that would be what Emma would have wanted.
For the first few weeks, he had lived there in peace, helping the monarchs rebuild the kingdom. He worked with Charming to build houses for the people and they rebuilt the navy together. Throwing himself into the work meant that he could clear his head. All he could think of was Emma, all of the time, and he knew that Snow and Charming knew it.
In the third week at the palace, Baelfire arrived with Belle and a comatose Rumpelstiltskin. And Killian had been glad to see Baelfire, glad that he was alright. But, quickly, Killian began to get annoyed. All Baelfire – Neal – ever talked about was how much he loved Emma and – and this galled Killian – how much she loved him. It took a lot not to tell Neal that Emma had spent her last night in his bed, crying out his name.
But, still, Killian had stayed. He liked it at the palace. He got on well with Charming and Snow and Robin Hood, who had moved into the palace also. Killian had a feeling that Robin stayed to be near Regina. Well, he had more than a feeling. Smitten was the word to describe them.
And, now in his thirteenth week at the palace, Killian was still there, sitting in the dining hall with the people that he had come to think of as friends. Neal was telling a story about Emma and everyone was cooing, as if Neal deserved to love Emma. Eventually, it got to Killian and he burst.
"She didn't love you!" he shouted and then swore under his breath. How much had he had to drink?
The room went silent and Neal stared at Killian. "You left her in jail!" Killian continued, figuring everyone should know. "You abandoned her in jail!"
"I- what?" Neal said, feeling every eye in the room on him.
"She told me," Killian said coldly. "She told me she was seventeen and you let her take the fall for your crime. And you blamed it on August or Pinocchio or whatever, but that's just an excuse for your cowardice. You were too scared of your father to protect the woman you supposedly love. I know that I would never have let her go, not for anything," he spat, storming out of the room and to his chambers.
"Fuck," he muttered, beginning to pack.
XXX
Dear Hook,
I am sorry that you felt that you had to leave, but I do understand and I want you to know that you are welcome in our castle and in our kingdom whenever you should want and for however long you should want.
I would also like to say that both David and I are immensely grateful for the help you have given us with our kingdom over the past three months. We would not be where we are today without you. I know that Emma would be incredibly proud of the man you have become.
David and I spoke to Neal about what you said and he admitted that it was the truth. He explained what August told him and, although I do agree that it was cowardly, I also understand his actions. As I'm sure we both know, fear is a difficult thing to overcome. David, however, completely agrees with you. You two are more similar than you know.
I am so glad that we got to know you properly over these past months and I want you to know that David and I both truly treasure your friendship. Please do not hesitate to ask for our help with anything you need. Remember that you are always welcome in our home. I hope that you find what you are looking for.
Yours,
Queen Snow of Misthaven
XXX
Dear Hook,
I hope that this letter finds you in the middle of the ocean on the deck of the Jolly Roger because I know that that is the only thing capable of truly making you happy now.
Things remain well within our kingdom and our family. Robin and Regina continue to grow closer. I cannot describe how strange it is to see Regina, who is such a powerful and headstrong woman, become completely smitten with a man.
Neal has not stopped looking for a way back to Henry and Emma, despite the futility of his attempts. He travels far from our kingdom in search for magical beans, although we have told him repeatedly that they won't work.
Belle has travelled to her own kingdom to help her father run the kingdom. Their kingdom has not recovered as readily as ours. It should not have been affected by the curse, but Belle's father happened to be in Misthaven when the curse took, so Belle's kingdom has been without a real monarch for twenty-eight years. She is next in line to rule the kingdom, although it is clear to us all that the thought of being queen terrifies her. She is set to return here in a few weeks, when she hopes her father will have recovered from his illness.
As for David and I, well, our news is perhaps the most exciting: we are expecting a child. We miss Emma every day and a new baby will in no way replace her in our hearts, as I am sure no one could ever replace her in yours. I can only hope that she would be happy that she is to have a sibling.
I send this in the hopes that you are well and happy. Remember that, should you ever need our help, all you need do is ask. You are always welcome here.
Best wishes,
Snow
XXX
The Jolly hadn't been easy to find, but he'd done it. Maybe he'd manipulated Ariel a bit and let her down and he knew that Emma wouldn't be proud of him, but he also knew she'd understand – she would understand.
He robbed and stole and pilfered, his crew at his side, and it was the same. He drank rum and gambled and it was the same. Until a woman would sit on his lap. And then it wasn't the same because it wasn't Emma and he wanted Emma. So he'd take her out of the tavern and pay her off and go back to the ship alone because Emma Emma Emma.
He knew his crew had noticed that he was different and the more obtuse members of his crew had brought her name up with him. He'd found new crew, from places other than Misthaven, places that hadn't ever known the name Emma Swan. Smee stayed with him, of course, but the others were replaceable and replaced.
Killian was always on the lookout for news of Emma's family, just in case. It was not until his fifth month in the Enchanted Forest that he met one of them again.
It had been a stormy night and the Jolly had sustained damage, so Killian and his crew had begun to make for the nearest port, post haste. Thankfully, the main sail hadn't taken much damage so they were able to move along fairly swiftly. They were a few miles out from port when Killian saw her.
Belle sat in a small rowing boat, no oars with her. She was curled up slightly and she appeared to have given up. "Belle!" he shouted and she didn't answer. Killian swore violently. "Belle!" he shouted again and she looked up.
Killian pulled Belle up onto the ship and she fell into his arms, sobbing. "It's alright," he soothed. "Come on, Belle, it's alright," he repeated.
Belle came to port with him and he got her some new clothes and she stayed in his quarters while he slept in with the crew. He promised to take her back to the Enchanted Forest after she told him that her ship had been shipwrecked and everybody on it except her had died. He wondered if he would do the same for any woman. He wondered if he would have done the same before he'd met and fallen in love with Emma Swan.
The trip back to the Enchanted Forest and Misthaven was short and Killian could practically feel his crew's dissatisfaction with his choice to take Belle back to Misthaven. When he arrived in Emma's parents' kingdom, he was fully aware that most of his crew were abandoning ship.
Killian paid for a carriage to the palace, leaving Smee and a few other loyal members of his crew on his ship, informing them that he would most likely stay the night but would return in the morning. Killian steeled himself ready.
XXX
Snow caressed her stomach softly as she watched her husband talk with their closest advisors over the latest attack from Zelena. A whole village had been turned into her monkey warriors and even Regina didn't know how to stop her.
A knock on the door broke Snow from her reverie and she turned to David, standing up. He moved slightly in front of her and drew his sword. The guards at the door knew not to let anybody interrupt their council meetings. Snow wrapped an arm tighter around her stomach. The doors opened and Snow gasped loudly.
"Killian!" Snow shouted. Killian didn't register the sound of her greeting Belle too, because he was too thrown off by her use of his real name, almost as though he registered as a real human being with her. The last person to call him Killian was Emma, all those months ago. His heart ached.
He was distracted by Snow wrapping her arms around him in a hug. He could feel that she was with child now. She was that bit bigger. Killian was surprised. He hesitated before returning her hug. "What happened?" she asked, pulling back.
"Killian saved me," Belle replied for him, perhaps knowing that that wasn't how Killian would have put it. "I was going to die if he hadn't found me," she continued and Killian wanted to protest that somebody would have found her eventually, but he knew that, even if somebody else had found her, she may have lost all of her honour and she never would have made it back to Snow and David.
The whole room looked at Killian with undisguised respect and Killian found that he liked it. He was subject to more hugs and thanks and even Baelfire gave him a terse thank you. Killian had really fucked things up there.
"Sit down, both of you," Snow ushered. "We're discussing the latest attacks by Zelena."
Killian watched and participated in the meeting. He liked this, this feeling a part of something and he'd missed it.
After the council meeting, Killian ate dinner with Snow and David and gave them a loose version of what had happened over the past few months. The food was the best he'd had since he'd left, of course. The palace could always be counted on to deliver a feast. He enjoyed the atmosphere around him and he soaked as much of it up as he could before he left.
After dinner, Killian sat with a flagon of ale and looked out from the balcony near the dining table. It was a beautiful view. "So, how've you really been?" Snow asked him from behind. Killian hung his head slightly.
"How can she affect me this much?" he asked quietly. "I didn't exactly know her for long, did I? And, of that time, we only got on for, what, a week? Two?"
Snow smiled sadly. "You fell in love with her. It doesn't matter how long you knew her for, or how well you knew her. It was always going to affect you," she said.
"Before we left, I told her that not a day would go by that I wouldn't think of her, but it's more like every minute, every second! Every time something happens, every time I do something, I think of how Emma would react. I'll see things that I know she'd find funny and wish that I could tell her," he continued and, then looked down at his beer. Was it the drink that was making him so talkative? Or was it that he knew Snow understood?
"I know," Snow sighed. "I- oh my word, the other day, one of the servants in the kitchen had made themselves a grilled cheese, because they must have liked it in Storybrooke, and I saw it and I just sobbed. I stood in the kitchen and cried because it hurts so much to not have her here."
"There's this famous pirate ship that has a crew full of women and, last week, we were docked in the same bay as them and one of the pirates had this red leather vest on and blonde hair and I only saw a glimpse and I chased her through the town," Killian said, laughing at himself.
"My life is completely different. I thought when I got back on my ship and back to piracy and my crew that I'd be able to go back, but I can't. Every time I do something that I know Emma would disapprove of, I feel it in my stomach. The crew have noticed that I'm different and loads of them abandoned me, jumped ship in the most literal sense," Killian mocked.
"Isn't it crazy that we miss her so much and yet she doesn't know we exist?" Snow said heartbrokenly. "She must still think she's an orphan, that we abandoned her on the side of the road."
"At least she has her lad," Killian pointed out. "She's not alone, at least."
Snow nodded. "Henry," she sighed. "I hate that I can't see him grow up. The other day, I found Charming in our room in tears because he'd seen some kids playing with swords and he missed doing that with his grandson. I bet he's getting so tall," she said wistfully.
Killian had no idea what to say. He took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I guess we'll get used to it eventually," he lied. He knew he would never grow accustomed to this ache in his heart and she didn't say anything, but he knew she wouldn't either.
XXX
Killian,
It was so wonderful to see you, even if only for a day. Please feel free to come back whenever you need, for just a night or for more. I hope you are happy to be back with your ship and on the seas again.
Belle is so grateful to you for helping her. I can't imagine Rumpelstiltskin's face when he finds out that you of all people saved his Belle's life. I don't think she enjoyed her time away from us. Her father is well again, and he suggested that she stay. He is an odd man. I have no doubts that he loves her, but he was talking about an arranged marriage and her staying in the castle all the time. He must have missed her.
Our baby continues to grow. Sometimes, I swear I can feel him kick but I know that it is too early. When I was pregnant with Emma, I remember her kicking all the time. Hopefully, this baby is tamer and will allow me to sleep unlike his big sister.
I think about her all of the time. I hope that she and Henry are happy in New York, but, more than anything, I wish she were here with us. Henry would love to be a prince, although perhaps Emma would make a better pirate than a princess. I can't imagine that she would enjoy having so many rules to follow.
I am glad that she is far from Zelena, who continues to plague us with threats. Regina's magic keeps her out of the castle, but we don't have enough to protect our people and more and more disappearances are coming to light. It is a scary place to be right now and I don't know what Zelena will do next. I know that it is our fear that Zelena enjoys. Perhaps we will find a permanent solution to her soon.
I hope that this letter finds you well and that you are taking care of yourself. Remember that there is always a place for you in our council and in our castle. Be safe.
Yours truly,
Snow
XXX
Dear Killian,
I feel as though I am always thanking you! Red says that you helped her out in a tavern a few days ago. I am eternally grateful for you. You seem to be always coming to our rescue.
Again, things are well here. Neal has finally given up on finding a portal to take him to Emma after Regina finally explained the rules of Pan's curse to him, none-too-kindly. It seems to have sunk in now.
David is anxious about Zelena. She knows that I am pregnant and she has threatened our baby. I pray that Regina and Belle find a solution soon. Belle has been fierce in her research since Zelena took Rumplestilkstin from her a few days ago. It is this protective quality that she has that makes me sure that she will be a wonderful queen when the time comes.
You will perhaps be pleased to know that David apprehended Blackbeard yesterday and he is to be trialled tomorrow. It is best that you stay away from the trial and from Misthaven for a few weeks. We don't want to appear to be hypocrites, although I suppose that we are. Do remember, though, that we are only too happy to help you with anything you need.
Yours,
Snow
XXX
Killian,
A curse is coming from Zelena that will rip us back to Storybrooke. We don't know what will happen there. If you wish to remain in this land, you must leave Misthaven immediately and travel to another kingdom. Be safe.
Your friends always,
Snow and David
"Shite," Killian declared. He was alone on his ship. He looked to the horizon and saw an ominous green cloud there. "Shit, fuck," he continued. He'd been too busy thinking about Emma to be looking into the sky. He had to go. He had to go and get Emma. Her family was in danger.
He pulled up the anchor. He had no time or wish to get his crew. They'd get to Storybrooke and he'd see them there, but, first, he had to get out of Misthaven to escape the curse and it was looming. He had the fastest ship in the kingdom, in the realm, but it wasn't moving quick enough.
"Come on, girl," he muttered, adjusting the sails. A sudden gust of wind had them moving quickly and Killian watched the cloud grow closer. It wasn't enough. "Bollocks," he muttered. It was so close now. Snow and David must be gone already, Killian realised. All of them, ripped back to Storybrooke. Would they have memories? The last curse had taken their memories. Would he lose the friendship he had made with them all? Would they think he was just a pirate again?
It was all this pondering that distracted Killian from noticing as they crossed kingdoms. He only noticed, in fact, when the green cloud hit a barrier, like glass, and stopped. Killian collapsed in relief. He just had to get to Emma now.
XXX
Killian arrived in New York City, without a ship, but with a mission. He looked around, hoping it was indeed New York. Surely it couldn't be that hard to find Emma. He was stood in an alleyway between too buildings and stepped out. Sunlight hit him. And then a man on the phone hit him.
"Get out of the fucking way!" the man shouted at him and Killian stared at him in shock. There must have been thousands of people all around him. He saw flashes of blonde everywhere, but none of them Emma. How the hell was he going to do this? Killian followed a flow of people. He just needed to get away from this crowd and figure it out.
Killian wandered the street for hours. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea properly where he was. He stepped inside a building labelled as a library and approached a woman sat at the desk, dressed in an odd fashion with spectacles on. "Hello," he said with a charming smile. She was young, the woman, and she smiled back. Excellent, Killian thought.
"I was wondering if you would be able to help me find somebody," he said.
She looked a bit uneasy, so Killian explained, "I was in love with her. At school. And I wanted to find her and tell her, because she's been on my mind constantly recently." He gave her a sad smile and the woman nodded.
"Okay," she said. "What's her name?"
Killian watched as the woman typed Emma Swan into the – magic box. "Emma Swan," the woman muttered. "It says here she is a bailbondsperson, with her own business. Swan & Co," she explained. Killian severely doubted there was a 'co'. His Swan was a bit of a loner.
"Great. Is there an address?" Killian asked eagerly.
"Yeah. She rents an office in this building," she told him, reeling off the building number. Killian asked if she could give him directions and she did and then he was off, thanking the woman profusely on the way out. How successful he was.
XXX
Killian found the office. It was dark, but he ascended the staircases to the office labelled as 'Swan & Co'. He knocked on the door and somebody answered. It wasn't Swan.
"For fucks sake," Killian muttered.
"Are you looking for Ms Swan?" the woman asked, holding some sort of bottle with an odd lid and a cloth. She was wearing a blue pinafore and Killian wondered if that was some sort of strange fashion.
"Yes. Emma Swan," he said.
"She's gone home. I'm the cleaner for the building. You want her address?" the cleaner asked. She was chewing something and Killian scrumpled his nose.
"Yes please," Killian replied never-the-less. He did find it a bit dodgy that she was willing to give out her address so easily. She didn't know that he had good intentions for Emma. Who knows what crazy people she'd given Emma's address out to?
"Okay, she lives at…"
XXX
Killian waited until the morning. The cleaner had suggested that it was far too late then and Killian agreed. He walked up the staircases to Emma's apartment. If he got to this apartment and it wasn't here, he would be devastated, but he had a good feeling.
He took a deep breath and knocked.
XXX
Hey, so I know you probably all thought it was a one shot, but I guess it's not. I just wanted to get this up before A Level results day tomorrow so that maybe you could all tell me something positive to get me over how bad my results are gonna be? I dunno. Thanks for reading. Always surprises me that people are actually reading the stuff that I write. Like, don't you have better things to be doing? I dunno, maybe that's just me. It's just that I'll read masterpieces like Beyond the Horizon and wonder why the heck people are bothering with me when they could be reading that again? Ahah, just a bit of self-pity here from me, ahead of ultimate self-pity day tomorrow. Arghhhhh