Title: Riza's Day Off

Type: Oneshot (2/3)

Pairings/Characters: Royai

DISCLAMER: I own nothing other than the fanfiction itself

Summary: SPOILERS for chapter 30 of the manga and episode 15 of Brotherhood. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's rare days off were hell for all involved – well, at least for Roy Mustang, especially when everyone's favorite serial killer makes an unwanted appearance. Royai.

A/N: Just so everyone knows, I get most of the dialogue and scenarios directly from memory when I write these types of fics. However, in this particular case, I did consult Volume 8 of the manga for the names and dates of Barry's murders.

Out of all the scenarios Roy had played out in his head on the way here, he seemed to have somehow overlooked this particular outcome. He spotted Riza sitting on a low wall, her head resting in her hands, as a chubby suit of armor (could armor even be called chubby?) sat beside her and made wide gestures with – was that a meat cleaver? Roy blinked once and rubbed his eyes, wondering if Havoc had spiked his coffee. When Riza saw him, relief flooded her hazel eyes and she got to her feet, walking over to him. This left the suit of armor confused and caused it to speak even louder than before as it got up to follow her.

Riza stopped in front of Roy and he could see she was tired and annoyed – he was normally the one making her look like that, and he felt a vein pulse at the thought of someone else pestering her that badly. The suit of armor caught up to Riza and hugged her around the middle, dangerously close to groping her. He looked at Roy with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, Toots, who's the chump?"

"Quiet, you." Riza snapped, thumping it on the head with her elbow.

By this point Roy had pulled on one of his gloves, his aura practically glowing with malicious intent. This thing thought it could insult him and, more importantly, touch his Lieutenant? That son of a bitch was going to burn. "Stand aside, Lieutenant. There's going to be a fire tonight." He enjoyed seeing the thing break out into a terrified sweat.

"Stop it, Colonel! This is Barry the Chopper, a mass murderer who was supposedly executed!" Riza objected, urgency in her voice.

Roy scowled. Her words did nothing for his rage – in fact, they only made him angrier (not only was another man touching her, but he was a convict that had been sentenced to death?) – but they did serve to shock him enough so that he wasn't completely focused on killing Barry. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the suit of armor. "We need to talk."

"Hey, I don't gotta do anything you say." Barry snapped, tightening his hold on Riza.

Riza sighed. "Barry, I am going with the Colonel. You can come or you can stay." She said, having already predicted his response to the statement.

"Then I'm coming! No way I am letting a pretty lady like you go off with a no good punk like him by yourself!" Barry said, letting go of Riza to cross his metal arms and glare at Roy. "I don't trust 'im!"

Roy frowned and, in a childish display of territorial defense, snaked his arm about Riza's waist. "Then come with us." He said, leading Riza off down the road. With Riza in civilian clothing and with her hair down it was unlikely that they would raise suspicion. He wanted to keep Barry a decent distance away from her, and, though he refused to admit it, he was the slightest bit jealous. If he tried to pull half those stunts in public he would have been shot.

"Hey, punk! Whaddaya think you're doin'?" Barry shouted, narrowing his eyes at Roy's retreating form. "I oughtta chop you up!" He charged at Roy, menacingly brandishing his sharpened meat cleaver.

"No!" Riza ordered in the same tone of voice she used to reprimand her dog, turning in Roy's grasp to look at Barry. "I told you before and I will tell you again - you are not allowed to chop up anyone or anything!"

"Yes, Ma'am." Barry said in a subdued voice, but the admiration with which he looked at Riza caused Roy's frown to deepen.

It seemed like forever before they reached the vacant warehouse that was Roy's goal. He released Riza and picked up a rope, tossing it to her. "Restrain him. I don't want to risk him running away. And take that damned cleaver, too."

Riza nodded and grabbed the rope, pinning Barry's arms behind his back and tying his wrists. The suit of armor laughed in glee. "Wow, Sweetie! Who knew you were the kinky type?"

Roy's head whipped around and he pierced Barry with a malicious glare. His eyes shot over to the confiscated weapon and then back to Barry but, before he could make a move, Riza had walked over to him. She placed a hand on Roy's arm and turned him so his back was to Barry before doing the same.

Riza lowered her voice and said "Just ignore him, Sir. You're only encouraging him by getting angry. He'll get bored if you don't give him a reaction."

"But he –" Roy began to protest.

"I know." Riza said with a sigh. "Just ignore him. Please, Sir. We won't get any information out of him if you kill him."

Roy remained silent for a moment before nodding once. "Fine." He said bitterly. At that moment, Falman arrived and regarded his superior officers with uncertainty.

"I'm here, but what exactly do you need me for?" Falman asked as he closed the door to the warehouse.

"We need your encyclopedic knowledge of criminal actions within the past several years. I need to confirm if this person really is who he says he is." Roy nodded to Barry, who had seated himself in a corner.

"Hey, Old Guy!" Barry called in greeting, looking directly at Falman.

"…Old?" Falman looked genuinely offended.

"Just start drilling him on crimes a serial killer named Barry the Chopper committed. Give him dates and make him give you names." Roy ordered.

"Uh… Yes, Sir." Falman said, walking over to the suit of armor despite the unusual request. He squatted down in front of him and said "May 3rd, Year 9."

"Man named Reynolds. I chopped him up behind a warehouse." Barry said rather proudly.

"Augyst 29th, Year 10."

"Hendrick – didn't like my meat, but who's laughin' now?"

"…Right. January 5th, Year 8."

"Lenny and Cynthia. Only time I chopped up two people in one night. Nice workout."

"And the Gadriel incident on March 3rd, year 11?"

"Idiot! It was the 13th, not the 3rd! You should have been there – the way the full moon glistened in the pools of blood…" Barry trailed off with a smile.

"So, what do you think?" Roy interrupted as he took off his coat.

"I think he's the real deal. He didn't fall for any of my traps and he knows his stuff. I can't be completely positive, but it seems likely he really is Barry the Chopper." Falman stated as he stood up.

"What? You think I'm a fake?" Barry exclaimed, suddenly furious. "How about I chop you up into tiny pieces – then we'll see who's the fake!"

"Stop it." Riza ordered, smacking the suit of armor upside the head with a pipe.

"Aw, come on, Sweetie! I was only kidding!" Barry said in his defense.

"Fine. I believe you. Now I want you to answer a few questions." Roy said.

Barry laughed. "If you promise not to rat me out to the guys that made me, I'll tell you everything I know."

Roy grinned. "Excellent."

A/N: I know this had a decent bit of dialogue from the manga, but I kept it as minimal as possible. It was necessary, however, because I couldn't get through this scene to the next one without it. There will probably be dialogue from the manga in the next chapter as well, but hopefully not as much. Again, I do it only out of necessity.

I really enjoyed writing Barry. He's just fun to play around with because of his personality but also because I got to work out Roy's reactions. I hope you enjoy it.

The next chapter should be up anywhere within the next three days – it depends on my schedule.

Rate and Review!