Author's Notes: Okay, a quick short chapter, sorry, but I am rewatching some of the show as well as considering how to finish the story off. In the meantime...this is what I have. Enjoy it for all it is, which isn't a lot, but hey. shrugs

Act 2: "I don't think I need a baby-shower..."

Celeste sighed as she looked over at Elaine. "This isn't good."

"Napoleon said he'd fix it."

"I'm hormonal and worried. Unless something else comes up about this, that bastard will pretty much sign me over to be the happy homemaker."

Elaine smiled briefly before saying with a slight teasing tone, "Nah, you just have to stop the baby-showers when he decides to let it out."

Celeste, who had been typing on the computer quickly, stopped suddenly and looked up at her friend. "Elaine, you're like a sister like me, but don't joke like that."

"WHAT? I didn't mean...well, actually, it'd be--."

"NO! No, no, no, and hell no! I'm not having a baby-shower! I'm not acknowledging that there is something growing inside of me that is making me sick at the smell of corn but is causing me to eat avocados for the first time in my whole life, and I'm most certainly not going to let that rat-bastard of a doctor tell me what to do!"

Elaine blinked at Celeste then said, "I'm going to go and help out Napoleon. If I see Illya I'm sending him in here to deal with you."

"Why?"

"He's partly responsible, he should take care of this. I'm not going to hear it and most certainly not going to deal with you being a bitch in your hormonal state. He has time and, knowing the guy, he'll try to wiggle his way out of it with a mission that involves kidnapping and torture just to not deal with reality."

Celeste's shoulders slumped and Elaine quickly waved her hands in front of her. "A joke! Damn it, I'm sending in the Russian!"

"I...I don't think I need a baby shower but...but...Elaine, I'm going to have a baby! I mean...what do I tell my parents? What do I name him? Her? Whatever...what do I do afterwards? What if I mess up? What if Illya's dead when he's born? Oh God, what if he gets--."

Elaine moved forward and put a hand over Celeste's mouth. "HOLD all those thoughts. Keep them for ILLYA. I'm going to get him. Listen to music, eat something, but don't talk about these things around me. I'm having him deal with them because it's his job. Okay?"

Celeste nodded as Elaine released her. "Good. Now, wait here."

The minute she was out the door, Elaine sprinted to the office where Illya usually was to find him.

"Listen--."

The door to the infirmary opened with a bang and, in a rush of red hair, Elaine strode in, grabbing Illya and turning him towards the door. "Go and make Celeste feel better! It's half your fault anyway! I don't deal with hormonal friends, I have enough problems of my own and you're going to take care of her!"

"What..."

"NOW!" With one last push, Elaine sent him out of the doors before turning back and glaring at Doctor Fisher. "YOU! This is all your fucking fault! I have to listen to my best friend become an emotional wreak and when we get back to the future I'll probably have to deal with all the weird foods she'll be eating! All the smells that make her sick! I might not get to drink my fruity-coffee-beverage from Starbucks that I love! I could not chew gum again for months because of you! You will let us go back and let her choose what to do or so help me I will beat you into the next century just so I can run you over! And you!"

"I'm innocent in this," Napoleon said quickly.

Elaine stalked towards him as Napoleon backed up. "If he dies and we find out, I'm tracking you down and killing you! If you're already dead I'm going to bring you back just to kill you again, and trust me when I say it'll be painful and horrible. UNDER-FUCKING-STOOD?"

"Completely. Can I go back to trying to convince Doctor Fisher in a way that doesn't involve violence?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

Napoleon turned back to Doctor Fisher. "Well, considering what she said, I'll have to add in 'general health' to your reasons for changing your opinion."

"My answer, now and no matter what, will be no. She obviously needs support from a family and it's proven. She will make a good wife and mother if she simply stays home and takes care of it and the child. To do that, she needs to stay here. I've already spoken to Allerman about the machine and it's effects: he will hopefully find a way to keep her here and get the paperwork together."

There was a long pause before Napoleon said, "In that case I don't hold myself responsible for anything either of the girls do to you should one stay. Come on, Elaine. I need to talk to you anyway."

"Okay."

The two left the room and Napoleon asked, "So...hormonal again?"

"I made a joke about a baby-shower and she freaked. I tried another joke and she got depressed. I sent in the Russian because he needs to take care of it. He'd better not cope out of this mission either."

"He won't."

"Napoleon, have either of you ever dealt with hormonal women?"

Napoleon gave her a smile. "I had two older sisters and was somewhat forced to help out during their times before I got nieces and nephews."

Elaine tilted her head. "Really?"

"Yep. They were very odd."

"Tell me about it."

"You don't want to hear it."

"Yes, I do." She smiled at him, "I might have to deal with it. I need pointers."

Napoleon smiled again. "Okay. Now, first off..."