Dumbledore squeezed my hand 8 times. "Think of all your Hogwarts memories, all that you can," he said, as he squeezed my hand, each time a different length. "Even the unpleasant ones. After you are done, think of how to spell Hogwarts."

Three minutes later, I felt warmth tingle around me and the old man's hands.

The next thing I saw was all the portraits of Hogwarts. "So," I said with a sneer, "this is apparently stupid. Anyone could dip their heads in this stone basin and see all the portraits of Hogwarts. And go in them."

"Not quite," said Dumbledore. I narrowed my eyes into slits. "What do you mean, 'not quite'?" "Well," said Dumbledore, closing his eyes as I managed to jerk my hand away from his, "If you are a normal Wizven or Witchven-" Weird names, I thought. It should be something better. "- you will not be able to go here. You will be prevented, and instead, your forehead will hit the bottom of the stone basin. Do you remember what we did before we came in? Why I asked you to hold my hand? That is for you to go to Hogwarts. It already automatically knows you are a teacher. There is a very advanced spell.

"And do you know who this spell is created by?" I shook my head. "It is Lily Potter," he said. I was taken by surprise, and froze, then regained myself. There was still hope... maybe Harry Potter had had a daughter during the war but she died in Ginevra's stomach… but then, if she was less than a year old, how could she invent spells? And why would a person have a child at the age of sixteen? It must be Lily Evans. Why, oh why, did old Dumbledore have to use Potter, James Potter's surname? Glaring, I corrected, "Evans!"

He sighed.

"Severus, you are not easy to please."

I rolled my eyes.

"Lily, meanwhile, is still married to James. You cannot change that. Evans is her maiden name." "But she didn't have to change her surname!" "But she wanted to."

I opened my mouth, but said nothing, then closed it, like a fish trying to talk but just spitting out bubbles instead. The feeling seemed so familiar…

And I remembered my fifth year at Hogwarts. Probably the worst yet. Why had I called her Mudblood? She had told me after I gaped at her that we had chosen our own paths, and couldn't be friends anymore.

I know Lily deserved a wealthier, better man than me, but choosing Potter was a mistake. Look at him, thinking he could kill the Dark Lord himself… but Lily was not Lily Evans, she was Lily Potter, and everyone except me called her that.

Lily Potter. What an ugly sounding name (except for the Lily part, as it will always be a beautiful name).

Had she really wanted to?

"Shall we proceed?" he said. I nodded resentfully. With a swift, piercing look, he told me to follow.

A thought struck me. Questions, I had many of those. "Why does the basin have to have a tap?" I questioned. "It's just foolish. We are magical, have you forgotten? Or are you testing out foolish Muggle things?"

"The bathrooms in Hogwarts has taps for the sinks, and you have to flush the toilet to get your-" "DON'T remind me of it!" I gagged. He raised his eyebrows. At least no one needed to go to the bathroom in Heaven.

"Whatever," I said, when he didn't speak. It was not a big deal. "What do we do now?"

In front of us hung tons of portraits. Phineas Nigellus Black's back was turned to me.

I still had many questions buzzing in my head. I wanted to swat them; they were as annoying as flies.

"Well-" "If you go to your portrait not that often, will it be empty all the time?" I questioned. "If you don't ever go in your portrait, will it still be there? How do you know which one is your portrait? What if your portrait is not here?" My questions rambled on, and I was like a hungry child, asking for more food.

"Of course, Severus, your portrait will be empty when you are not there. You must go to your portrait at some point. Mind you, your mind would go quite foggy if you don't ever do, and you will be forced to. Your portrait would always be there. Your mind is connected to your portrait. Like I said, your mind finds your portrait. Now, enough questions… would you care for a lemon drop?" I groaned. Not. Again.

He chuckled, and popped the yellow candy into his mouth. "You've been eating those for practically your whole life," I said. "How come your teeth never rot? I stopped eating sweets when I was 16, and my teeth are yellow!"

I felt so stupid saying that.

My teeth are yellow.

He laughed again, then choked, and relaxed. "What?" I muttered. "Oh, candy got caught in my throat. Then I swallowed it; I can't die again." Popping another drop in his mouth, he said, "Off topic. We have to go to our portraits, we're talking too much, we'll probably never make it if we keep talking-" "Dumbledore! We can't NEVER make it, I mean, we're here in heaven forever!"

"Oh, right, my old brain, I had forgotten. You keep cutting me off, Severus. Let me finish my sentences-" "Well your speeches are stupid!" I cut him off yet again.

Swallowing the candy, he said, "Do not interrupt me again."

The tone was icy and cold; it sent shivers down my spine. I gave him a timid look, and nodded. Just the tone can make you frightened.

"So," I said, my voice trembling, "do you know where my portrait is?" "Close your eyes." I had the sudden urge to move forward. "Good," said Dumbledore. "If you have the urge to move forward, do so. It will take you to your portrait." "How do I get back?" I asked. "Well," said Dumbledore, "you shall find your way."

And in a swirl of mist, he was gone.

I followed my feet; they seemed to know exactly where they were going. I was surprised when I lurched forward. Slowly, I opened an eye. It was my portrait.

I stepped into the frame. And I was there, in a blank white space. It looked the same as where I had met my mother.

"Well, well, well," said the portrait of Phineas Nigellus. "Severus Snape." I nodded stiffly. "I see that you don't have a background like the rest of us do," he sniggered. The other portraits looked solemn. "Phineas, he doesn't know how to yet, don't start teasing him," said Armando Dippet.

"Actually," I said, "Mr. Black here reminds me of myself when I was a teacher."

"Ah, really?" said Dippet.

I nodded.

"Where's Dumbledore? I thought that he was here. He just abandoned me!" I complained, while Black snickered.

"You sound like you are a one year old child who lost his father," said Black. Very few of the portraits smirked along with him. I glared. "I just died the night of the day before yesterday! I don't know anything here." "See? The boy-" "-I died when I was thirty-eight, and I'm not a boy." "Ooh! Little Snape is a girl!" I gritted my teeth, when a very familiar voice burst out, "STOP!"

It was Miss-Know-it-All, Hermione Granger.

"Professor Snape," she said, still wearing her Know-it-All voice, "you were very brave. Harry told me all about you… I'm sorry you died so young and didn't get Lily back."

"Miss Granger!" I screamed at her. "Don't you dare come bursting into the room again and yelling for us to stop! How about 'please stop fighting', it's much better! You nearly gave me a heart attack! You are the same show off! Now quiet! It's between us, you stupid little gir!"

A/N: The other portraits were like, O.O Lol sorry bout that

I called her stupid. For the second time.

Hermione Granger was not a stupid little girl, in fact, she was a young woman, and she was very knowledgeable. Top of the class. More than 100% accurate. Not one piece of her brain was stupid.

Phineas Nigellus Black seemed shocked. So did the other portraits. No teacher was so mean to a student, not even Black. And especially the headmaster; they were in charge of the other teachers… and a headmaster like me had yelled at a student. Then, Black raised his hands, maybe to smash through his portrait and punch me in the face… but no.

It was a round of applause.

"SEVERUS SNAPE! YOU HAVE PROVEN YOU ARE A MAN!" he shouted at me. I stared. This was Black's way of proving you were a man?! It was so wrong!

Meanwhile, Miss Granger had started to shout at me.

"Look, Snape, I had been here to stop the fight from you two! To compliment you! Yet this is what you give me back! I'm sick of you! You were never a good man! Ugh, I wish that you didn't have an afterlife, or a stinking portrait!"

She headed towards my portrait, her fist raised…

I backed out.

She started smashing my portrait. "There!" she yelled at me. "Take that, you filthy man!"

And Hermione Granger stormed out of the office.

"Wow," I heard the voice of Phineas Nigellus say. "That girl is… amazing. She is a wonderful woman. Look at you, Snape! You are so weak compared to the girl!" I rolled my eyes. "I'm coming back, you know!"

While the other portraits whispered about Miss Granger, I started my way down the hall.

I was defeated by a seventeen year old! She called me Snape, she smashed my portrait… she back talked! I was never ever going to face Hermione Granger again. If I had another portrait built, whenever Hermione Granger came in, I would slip out. That was my plan.

My feet were leading the way again.

I found myself outside in Heaven Hogwarts' courtyard. Wondering how it happened, I went inside, hoping to find Lily so I could discuss with her a few things.

Hey! So I was wondering if my fanfiction was okay. Please tell me! Thanks!

~Bluera