Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own anything. Except perhaps the plot. But don't quote me on that.
A/N: I am still grounded, so there will not be another update for at least another week. So, I apologize. The last chapter was so excruciatingly short, that I made this one over sixteen hundred words. If you read it, please review. I would greatly appreciate it. It only takes a moment, and I'll even go and read and review one of your own stories. I really hope you enjoy this chapter much more than the last. Thank you so much.
When I saw James in the Great Hall the next morning at breakfast, my heart sank, remembering our conversation and his belief of my hatred for him. He had left before I had even woken up this morning, avoiding me at all costs. Thankfully, we have to patrol tonight, so I may get the chance to redeem myself, I thought pathetically. Why did I even care? What did it even matter? All James Potter had ever been to me was a meaningless nuisance.
"Hey Lily." His voice held that same insouciant lilt as it always did, but it barely managed to cover the strain and discomfort from our previous conversation.
"Hello James." I smiled slightly. My gaze flickered behind him and I saw the surprise of his fellow Marauders at my use of his first name. If James was surprised he didn't show it. "Listen, about yesterday. I didn't… I mean, I don't ha—"
"No, no. It's fine." He gave me that grin that would charm any girl straight into a Demetor's arms. "No harm, no foul." He sounded odd. Lifeless, as if he didn't care at all. I told myself that if he didn't care, neither did I.
"I'll talk to you later then." I strode over to sit by Alice and Mary, leaving James and his bewildered Marauders in my wake.
"Lily!" Alice squealed, pulling me down to sit beside her. "Why on earth were you talking to Potter?" She wrinkled her pert little nose prettily and I sighed, trying desperately to rescind the turbulent emotions.
When I was sure I had my emotions in check, I turned to her, knitting my eyebrows together, and injected an annoyed note into my voice. "It was Head stuff, concerning last night." I felt horrid, lying to my two best friends, but I absolutely could not tell them what happened or what was going through my mind, especially since I had no bloody clue what it was in the first place.
"It must be dreadful, having to board with him." Alice looked at me with sympathy.
"I certainly wouldn't mind!" Mary chirped, grinning.
Alice turned and looked over at James, appraising him. "No, I suppose not." She giggled.
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help agreeing with them. As much as James lacked in good qualities, he certainly made up for in appearance. What with his messy dark hair, piercing hazel eyes, and quidditch-toned body, no one could ever quite grasp why I always turned him down. Looking back on it, neither could I.
"Mary!" Alice shrieked, laughing wildly. "Lily would never do that!"
Alice's amused cry caught my attention and broke my reverie. "What would I never do?" My eyebrows were raised and though my face looked interested, my voice was cool and distant.
"Mary said that you've probably been boffing Potter." Alice choked out between giggles. Mary smirked.
My eyes just widened in mute horror. "Are you boxed?"
Mary just laughed.
"James!" I ran to catch up with him. "Hey." I said, rather breathlessly.
"Hi." He looked down at me, his eyes searching my face in the dim light. I smiled slightly.
"Do you mind if we swing by the common room? I just need to drop off my books." I had just come from the library, as usual, and my arms were loaded with heavy textbooks. As if noticing for the first time, he reached out to take them. I had never imagined James Potter could be so utterly caring. "Thank you." I murmured, embarrassed.
One corner of his mouth pulled up into a crooked smile, tugging at the edges of my heart.
"You're awfully quiet." I observed quietly. Normally we would be fighting tooth and nail by this point. What had changed?
We had reached the common room and he placed my books on the table.
James turned to me and looked deeply into my eyes, his hazel gaze intense. "Yeah, well, I decided I don't want to argue with you anymore." He sighed. "So, let's go, okay?"
"James." I breathed, wondering why on earth I was calling his name. He turned to me and for an instant, I caught a glimpse of all the pain and hurt I had caused him. More than anything, I wanted to make that anguish disappear. "I— Oh… I'm so sorry."
I reached forward to touch his cheek and he turned towards my touch. My fingers hummed. I leaned toward him, standing on the tip of my toes. I stopped just before our lips met, asking his permission, his forgiveness. Then, miraculously, it was James who bent down, pressing his lips to my own.
The kiss was soft and sweet. A proclamation of his love rather than a display of his animalistic need.
When James pulled away, I felt as though he had stolen some unknown piece of me. I didn't like it. I stared at him with wide eyes, while he caressed my cheek.
He kissed me again, just the barest touch of lips to lips. I sighed contentedly when he pulled away and he looked down at me. We conveyed a silent message within that one look: We would not tell anyone. After all, wasn't this just a fluke of my better judgement? Hadn't my brain just suddenly stopped working? But the most important question of all was, did I want him to kiss me again?
What in the bloody hell was going on?
"We should go." He whispered desperately. I suppose he was trying to control himself, to make sure that he wouldn't do something he would later regret, or, rather, that I didn't want him to.
I bit my lip and nodded. "Yeah."
We patrolled the desolate hallways of Hogwarts silently, speaking only to offer the password to be allowed entrance into our dormitory. I collapsed on the overstuffed maroon couch, drinking in the soothing heat from the fire. James sat down next to me and I couldn't help but look at him. He stared back at me, his gaze unwavering.
What happened next was hardly my fault. I had absolutely no control over my body nor my actions whatsoever.
This kiss was much more deep and wanton than the first two we shared. He ran his fingers through my hair and clutched my waist to bring me closer. He broke away from my lips only to lay kisses below my jaw and at the nape of my neck. I moaned softly and he took this as an invitation to continue.
"What the hell are we doing?" I asked when I could form a coherent thought.
"Well, right now, I'm kissing your shoulder." He paused, his nose skimming across my bare flesh. "And now, I'm kissing your neck…" I could feel him smiling.
"Oh. Ha ha." I said dryly, though I was smiling too.
He stopped kissing me and instead stared intently into my eyes. "Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I do know that we are here, now, and some twisted power akin to fate has made you want me, however fleetingly." He sighed and kissed me deeply. "So let's just be here, okay?" He said, with his forehead resting against my own.
I nodded and kissed him in reply.
It was another hour before I stumbled into my bed with swollen lips and a light heart. I still had no clue what was going on between James and I, but at that moment, I didn't really care.
James waited for me in the common room to go down to breakfast in the morning. I felt his gaze flicker down my body and I blushed, embarrassed by the obvious attention.
He noticed and said kindly, "Don't be shy. You look magnificent." He put his hand lightly on my waist, subtly pulling me closer.
"Oh, please." I mumbled, but I smiled anyway.
He leaned down and kissed me, lighter than the caress of a butterfly's wings.
I remembered something suddenly and peered up at his six-foot form with alarm. "Don't— Don't tell Sirius or Remus or anyone, alright?" I sighed anxiously. "Well, it's just that we don't know what this is exactly or where it's going, if its going anywhere…" I babbled.
James smiled, chuckling slightly at my awkward delivery. He kissed me again, acquiescently. "Okay, Lily." He murmured against my lips. "Whatever you want."
We kissed for a few more minutes and then left the dormitory with absolutely no physical contact. As I said before, no one would know.
As Alice and Mary came into view I turned to James, whispering fiercely. "I'll see you after breakfast, right?"
"Of course." He ran his hands through his already messy, unkempt hair. He gave me that crooked half smile that made my stomach flip in anticipation. He could tell that I already needed him more than I ever wanted to.
I don't believe that there was ever a meal that lasted as long as breakfast. It seemed to last a lifetime. Being away from James was absolute torture, and it was even worse knowing that I was pining for him.
I met him in the dormitory. I claimed that I had a nasty headache and just needed a good rest. Alice and Mary thought nothing of it and for that, I was eternally grateful.
I'm not exactly sure why, but it seems as though whenever I am around James Potter, I am unable to restrain myself. James was waiting for me when I entered the common room and I all but threw myself into his arms. He smiled knowingly.
"You missed me." It wasn't a question.
I pursed my lips and tilted my head, as if thinking deeply. I motioned for him to turn around and he did. I examined him as though I was assessing his value, much like Alice and Mary had just twenty-four hours previous. I grinned devilishly. "I suppose so."
He laughed loudly and pulled me into a tight hug. "It's okay." He whispered into my ear. "I missed you too." He laid a gossamer kiss upon my lips and let me go.