Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own this story. I really think she's got the better end of the deal.

The first day of summer vacation dawned brilliantly.

I watched the sunrise from the roof outside my bedroom window, inhaling the air and almost feeling the dew on the grass that was a story below me. I hugged my knees close to my chest, looking out at the expanse of forest that stretched out beyond our house. We lived apart from the rest of Forks, technically outside of the town. We didn't have neighbors for about half a mile; the quiet was peaceful.

Carlisle and Esme were leaving in a couple hours for a weekend in Seattle, to spend time alone and reconnect with each other. Jasper, Emmett and Alice were all coming to spend the weekend with Rose and I, so Esme had stocked up on food for us all. I wasn't entirely prepared for their stay—something was off in my universe. Something about the world felt different, something was changing, but I couldn't place it.

I stretched my legs out and leaned back on my hands, squinting slightly as the sun finally crossed up over the horizon. I heard a noise in my room but didn't bother looking, knowing that Rose was coming to join me. I waited with closed eyes as she made her way to the large window that lead to where I was sitting, breathing in the sweetness of the sunlight.

She climbed out and sat down next to me quietly, leaning her head on my shoulder, and I dropped my own to rest upon hers. I sighed and opened my eyes, readjusting my head against her hair.

"How'd you sleep last night?" she asked softly.

"Not well," I answered honestly. I had no reason to lie to her. Esme worried endlessly about my behavior, but Rose, for the most part, understood. The only time she tended to agree with Esme was when it came to my being single, and that wasn't something I was necessarily ready to change yet.

"Hmmm." She sat up straighter but continued to lean her shoulder against me. "Are you looking forward to everyone being here?"

I stayed quiet, and she had her answer. She didn't bother looking at me, and we both stared straight into the trees. A bird screamed from somewhere within them, and there was movement as another one flew into the sky from another spot.

She spoke flatly this time. "We'll stay out of your way, if you like."

I sighed again. "No, I don't want you to." Maybe I did. I wouldn't want them away for the whole weekend, but right now it didn't feel right to really be around anyone. I knew she understood that and wouldn't push the issue, but I felt bad for making her feel like she had to isolate me from the group. "I'm just… you know. Didn't sleep well. I'm glad summer is finally here, but I'm wondering if I'm going to do anything while it's here."

"Yeah. Reading is fun, Edward, but I think you've finished every book you have," she teased. We finally looked at each other and glared, but her eyes were sparkling and just like that my mood dissolved into something much brighter. I chuckled and she smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I think I want to go out. Or possibly leave, you know? Get out of Forks for a while. Maybe go up to Canada… get trashed in British Columbia," I concluded, maintaining as straight a face as I possibly could. Rose wasn't buying it.

"Oh, ha ha. Hil-aaarious. Yeah, you're going to go get fucked up and rot your brains out. I'll bet you shroom and then bang some hooker, too, with no condom!" she snickered. "The day you step outside your comfort zone, I'll give you a medal." No, she knew me far too well. I laughed again, and she stuck her tongue out before letting her face grow serious again. "So, how little would you like to see of us?"

I stopped laughing and looked back into the forest. "It's not that I don't want to; you know that. I just… I don't know. I feel… like… cabin fever, or something. Like I need to get away. Be outside of here for a while."

"Camping?"

"No… well, maybe. I don't know." I scrunched my face in thought. Camping was a compelling idea. We hadn't all gone camping in quite some time, which was ridiculous considering the forest and mountains that were right in our backyard. "Where would you want to go camping?"

She shrugged in reply, then looked down at her watch. "They'll be leaving soon. It's nearly breakfast time."

I nodded. It was a sort of ritual to do the breakfast and have a safe trip bit with Carlisle and Esme—they traveled whenever and wherever they could, and had been doing so for as long as I could remember. It was only in the last couple of years that Carlisle had decided Rose and I didn't have to go on trips if we didn't want to, and could be home alone without them. Alice, Emmett and Jasper were always welcome to come and stay with us, because Carlisle and Esme trusted all of us very much. We were really mature. We had freedoms that no one else we knew had. For as much as Esme liked to worry about us all, she knew that we were responsible enough to handle a few days without her. I also think she was secretly thrilled by the fact that we were independent enough to take care of ourselves and make good choices without her or Carlisle there to guide us.

***

Everyone arrived just as Carlisle was opening the door for Esme. She gave us all the standard 'be good' speech, and Carlisle tried to move her along more quickly. Finally, they were off and Emmett was pushing into the house, X-Box hot in his hands. I rolled my eyes, but Rose's narrowed in challenge. Right then. Video games.

Alice grabbed my hand and tugged me over to the couch, sitting down and dragging me with her. Jasper was all ready in the kitchen, searching for something he likely wouldn't find. The man was addicted to fast food and junk food, and Esme had no idea what either of those things were.

We watched as Rosalie stomped on Emmett—several times over, and in several different games. Jasper found popcorn somewhere and had made about three bags before coating it all with sugar. It was disgusting, but Emmett enjoyed it, and Alice did, too. Jasper called it 'kettle corn,' but I called it an excuse to get hopped up on sweets.

Eventually I grew bored of watching everyone play their video games, so I excused myself and decided to go for a walk. I headed out into the forest surrounding our land, going in no particular direction. I watched the tiny animals that scrape along the forest floor, and stopped briefly to watch a deer going through the trees.

I crouched low so she wouldn't see me; I didn't want to disturb her. She was relatively young, and beautiful. She was a white-tail, which was common in Washington. Her coat was a light but lovely reddish brown, and her frame was small enough that I'd guess her barely a year old. She walked carefully through the thick underbrush, avoiding branches and any pitfalls that might await her. She looked so peaceful.

The doe ate random leaves and sniffed various things with unnatural grace and beauty. I felt a slight pain as I watched her. I wondered what it was like to live as a deer. I wondered if they were in any way aware of the poise and perfection they possessed, or if it was as normal to them as tying my shoes was to me.

At some point I made the stupid decision to try and get closer. My movement startled her and she watched me for all of five seconds with her huge, dark eyes before turning and prancing off into darker parts of the forest.

I envied her freedom, her ease of movement. Her grace, even in fear, was stunning. I breathed out a deep breath before turning and beginning my way home, vaguely aware of the gnawing hunger pains in my stomach. I was now, oddly enough, craving deer, and I hoped that we still had some in the freezer. I began planning various meals in my head: deer lasagna, deer burgers, barbequed ribs if that's what we had. Deer was so delicious.

All of us loved deer.

"Jasper, please don't tell me all of this is—"

"Yup." His face glowed and I took in a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say.

Jasper had, apparently, found it necessary to go grocery shopping in my absence. I hadn't thought I was gone that long, but apparently I'd been gone almost an hour and a half. Plenty of time for Jasper to raid the local market. And raided he had.

The island in the kitchen was littered with… everything. Frozen dinners, cans of Chef Boyardee, boxes of Mac N Cheese, Cheetos, a jar of nacho cheese sauce… Obviously, his cheese weakness had not yet subsided.

"Hell, Whitlock, you know we don't eat all this junk," Emmett said, appearing at my right side. His eyes scanned the table, and upon viewing the Swedish Fish, nearly popped out of his head. "Okay," he said slowly as his eyes wandered between Jasper and the candy, "maybe some of it is edible…"

Jasper's face became smug, and he waved a hand dramatically over the spoils of his shopping trip. "Eat what you wish." He leaned back and crossed his arms, smirking slightly.

Emmett yanked up the fish and disappeared out of the room without another word. Candy was his one weakness, save for Rosalie. The man was outrageously healthy and took amazing care of his body, but any mention of candy and he was done for. A couple years back when we'd all gone to Disneyland he ended up spending nearly one hundred dollars in the various candy shops, and had gotten so hyper that Carlisle actually yelled at him to shut up. And he used those words.

It was not an easy thing to irritate Carlisle to the point of yelling.

As Jasper started to jam all of his snacks into various places in the fridge and cabinets, I leaned against the island. I had no intention of helping him, and I knew full well that all evidence of the crap would be gone by the time Carlisle and Esme returned Sunday evening. One of his brows popped up at my expression, and he stopped mid-bend to ask what was bothering me.

"I want some deer," I said.

"Yeah, man. Deer." He nodded his head, squinting slightly at me but not pressing any further. "22's are out back, right? We could hunt this weekend if you want."

"I think we still have some in the freezer. I don't want to deal with butchering anything fresh. Besides, it's not in season right now. You know how Carlisle gets when we hunt out of season."

He nodded again, looking me straight in the eye. We didn't exactly obey the seasonal laws for hunting, and Carlisle would merely offer a light scolding if he found out we'd gone. As long as we weren't caught, we were actually free to hunt as we pleased. He knew something was off. I was also pretty sure he was aware that I didn't know exactly what it was yet, and until I was ready, he wouldn't bother me about it. He continued what he was doing, humming a random tune, and I watched for a moment longer before heading out onto the front porch.

I sat down in one of the old rocking chairs and watched as the sun began to dip lower in the sky. It was still early, barely even four, but the sun didn't always hold up for very long. I heard laughter filtering out and getting closer, and I closed my eyes against the sound of it. The screen door opened and I suddenly smelled the light, sweet candy smell of Alice breezing past me. She softly perched on the chair next to me, and when I opened my eyes I found her looking out into the distance.

"I think it's going to be a good summer for you," she said softly. She dropped her eyes and allowed her voice to follow suit. "I think you're going to meet someone." She shut her eyes now and sucked in a soft breath, and I felt my jaw clench.

We'd been over this. I'd been over this. Countless times. I was tired of all of them thinking I needed someone. I didn't. I was perfectly content to be—

"I know, Edward, we all know. You're happy to be alone." Oops. Had I spoken out loud? "The problem is that we aren't happy with you alone. And although you may think you're happy, you're not quite seeing yourself the way we do. And we all see the sadness in your eyes when you look at us sometimes." She looked at me finally, and I saw the sadness and conviction in her face. I looked away, because… she was right.

"I know it's hard, because we're all young and how does one find someone to share their ideals and match their maturity at this age? It's no secret that we're all more… grown up… than most people our age," her voice began to soften, and she looked down at the ground again. She was holding her hands together lightly in her lap, and I was surprised that she was completely still. Usually Alice was this thundering ball of energy, constantly moving and shaking and bouncing. You knew it was serious if she wasn't moving.

"You see, we worry for you. The boys, not so much. I think Carlisle does, a little, because you're his brother and he wants to see you happy," she looked me in the eye again, her face blank this time. "Ultimately, you're a seventh wheel, like you said before. That has to be hard." I nodded. What could I say?

Oh, yes, it's really incredibly sucky to see you all so happy and to know that you're all giving each other constant affection while I'm… not. I love seeing all the subtle little relationship things you do—the kissing, the holding hands, brushing hair off each other's faces. It doesn't make me feel alone at all. And at night, when I'm laying in my bed, not sleeping, I never think, 'boy, it sure would be nice to have someone warm lying next to me, someone soft that I can reach out to hold close to me… It's also fantastic to be teased about not getting laid, because, you know, a sixteen year old boy is supposed to be getting it on the regular, or so I hear… Oh, and by the way, have I mentioned how completely annoying it is to constantly have you and Esme judging my being single? Because really, truly, I love you, but please, just let me be.

"But… I feel something," she smiled tentatively at me, and I couldn't help the tugging at the corner of my mouth. I could feel it, too. I wanted to tell her, to let her know that I understood her feelings, but I also didn't want to speak my thoughts out loud, lest I set myself up for some great let-down. I met her eyes, and tried to convey with my own what I couldn't say. She smiled more, her eyes joining her mouth this time, and I knew she understood.

"Something is going to change this summer, soon; I can feel it." She reached out and grabbed my hand. "I promise," she whispered, taking in a deep breath, "you're not going to be alone this summer."

The rest of the weekend went swimmingly. I didn't sleep very often, but I had company in that. I even played some of the video games—surprisingly, I rather enjoyed Resident Evil 5. It scared the hell out of Alice, and she buried herself in Jazz's side while we played, but the rest of us got really into it. I readily admitted that I found the story compelling, and the graphics to be fantastic.

This pleased Emmett to no end.

Profusely.

We watched a lot of movies, too. Rose was particularly happy that I didn't skip out of everyone, going so far as to stay in the living room with them while they slept. I did step out momentarily on Saturday night to clear my head, though. Alice had once again tried to tell me that I'd be meeting someone, and soon—I had to politely tell her that I couldn't hear it.

As I walked through the dark woods that surrounded our land, though, I couldn't help but wonder… what if she was right?

The idea of meeting someone made me… I felt… I couldn't even explain it. It was so rare that I entertained the idea, and I was convinced that I would probably die alone and… well… as Emmett like to teasingly remind me—a virgin.

It was no secret that Rose and Emmett had sex. They were actually rather discreet about it, and while Rosalie often talked to Esme and Alice about it, my sister thankfully kept me in the dark about her alone time with Emmett. Emmett himself had the sense to not really talk to anyone about it, save for his occasional teasing.

I had my suspicions about the physical aspects of Jasper and Alice's relationship, though Jasper was a gentleman and would never reveal to anyone what they did. I'm sure Rosalie and possibly even Esme knew what went on between the two of them, because girls do talk, but again, it was really none of my business.

Esme had tried to give me 'the talk' once before, and she'd been very careful in what she said to me, but it still made me irrationally uncomfortable. We were two mature adults, having a discussion about the meeting of organs as a means for pleasure.

I still cringe at the memory of it.

Carlisle had been better about it, because he knew my interest in medicine. He'd given me a college textbook on human sexuality, offering to answer any questions I might have. He'd also used his professional voice while doing this, so when he pointedly mentioned that if I needed condoms that he had them, I couldn't even groan. He was a doctor, after all, and safety was his first concern regarding all aspects of life. He was also my brother, and I'm sure that on some primordial level, he was also very disappointed with the fact that I wasn't… finding a release.

I was also positive that he was proud that I was nothing like he was when he was my age.

He didn't discuss his own teenaged years with me very often, but I could sort of remember bits and pieces of who he'd been back then. I remembered a couple of his girlfriends—bubbly and beautiful Tanya, the first girl I ever met that I had a fantasy about, and small, quiet and lovely Jane, the girl who, to this day, I considered second only to Esme as far as his choices in women. Jane could've been a lovely mother to us, I'm certain.

I also remembered him going to parties a lot, and coming home completely drunk and/or high. It's hard to believe that this hard partying teen would grow up to be such a respectable and well-rounded doctor. Then again, he'd partied through his first couple years of college, too. This was what I remembered as his dark period in dating. He'd had a girlfriend named Heidi, who even I could recognize as manipulative. She appeared as sweet as candy on the outside, but she was actually a very evil young woman.

She'd watched me on several occasions for my parents, but her treatment of me was anything but kind. I always bit my tongue, thinking that how she chose to discipline me was appropriate, and since I was just a child, I didn't know any better any way.

When Carlisle finally came home one night to find her smacking me and screaming at me about being a 'filthy little liar' (for no reason, really. All I had done was asked to use the bathroom, and she'd flipped out. This wasn't uncommon for her, though), he realized he couldn't be with her anymore. This was the point when he became a man, as I see it.

He stopped doing drugs and cut back on his alcohol intake, throwing his entire focus into school. This thrilled our mother. What she didn't know was why he'd suddenly changed—it was well known in the community that her son was somewhat of a playboy and deviant. Apparently, the night he'd walked in on Heidi 'disciplining' me, she'd been on a four day cocaine streak—and he'd been her supplier.

He kept apologizing to me afterwards, telling me he'd make it better, he'd give me more. This was the ultimate nail in the coffin for the life he'd once led—he didn't want his baby brother to be subjected to the terrible things he'd done and seen up until that point.

It was very lucky that this change happened before… the accident. Had it happened after, I'm not certain he would've handled it very well. I am grateful, however, that he did change. I still don't know the full extent of who he was back then—my memories are a bit hazy. I think if ever I did start getting like that, he'd surely pull me out before I got in too deep. I'd like to hope so, at least.

When Carlisle and Esme returned home again, the house was spotless and, as predicted, all traces of Jasper's shopping trip were gone.

Esme made us all a great dinner of lasagna—deer, my favorite—and Cesar salad, along with fresh baked bread. I'd taken out deer on Saturday, but had been too lazy to actually do anything with it. When she saw it in fridge upon their return, Esme immediately knew what to do with it. She had smiled knowingly at me, patting my cheek before shooing everyone out of the kitchen and getting to work. Her devotion to us never ceased to amaze me. Her food was always delicious, and I swore I could actually taste her love in it.

After our delicious meal, Emmett drove Alice and Jasper home, and Rose and I sat with Carlisle and Esme for a bit. They told us about Seattle—how beautiful it was there right now, how great the weather was. They didn't really get into specifics, and Rosalie winked at me when she realized this. I tried to appear disgusted, but Carlisle caught me and raised an eyebrow, daring me to say something.

I, of course, said nothing.

Rose and I said goodnight to our parents and headed upstairs. After I had changed, I heard her knock softly on my door.

"Come in, Rose."

She stepped in, quietly closing the door again behind her. She walked over to my bed to sit with me, ruffling my hair as she did so. I sighed. I wasn't a child.

She didn't say anything for several moments, looking down at her toes instead.

Finally, I couldn't take her silence. I sighed again. "What?"

She didn't look up from her feet, but she tilted her head in my direction. "Alice told me she talked to you."

I suppressed my groan. As… warm… and thoughtful as my talk with Alice had left me, I wasn't really willing to repeat it with Rosalie. It seemed these conversations about my being single only increased as time went by. I understood that I was a 16 year old boy and that it was of course normal to be in relationships, dating and all of that… but the pressure that was constantly being placed on me to do so was getting unbearable.

I wasn't smooth, like Carlisle used to be. I didn't have any sort of way with women, although Rose and Alice were constantly telling me I was attractive, and Esme always told me I was handsome; I just didn't see it.

I had no experience with girls, either, beyond light social interactions at school. I'd never even kissed a girl. I'd seen it in movies and television, of course, and I always wondered what it would be like to actually do it…

I'd read in one of Carlisle's medical journals about a study done in Germany in regards to kissing. That old Betty Everett song, 'The Shoop Shoop Song'? Apparently, the lyrics weren't that far off from the truth. There's actually a chemical reaction of sorts when the saliva of two people mixes, and when it's good, there's 'magic,' as so many people refer to it. If the chemical reaction is very mild or there isn't one at all, the kiss has no spark, and is therefore considered 'bad.' I sometimes wondered what it would be like to find someone who I could create that magical chemical reaction with… I supposed it was about as easy as finding immediate attraction to someone. And that, for me, wasn't easy.

"Rose… I… appreciate your concern, but—"

Rosalie sighed. "Look, Edward, she had a dream about you meeting some girl and she's super amped about it, okay?"

I looked at her, shocked. Alice hadn't told me that. Alice didn't dream about things very often, but whenever she did, they usually came true. No wonder she'd been so certain.

"Just… try this summer, please?" her eyes were pleading. "If you meet anyone you're remotely interested in, could you try?"

"Do you have any idea how irritating it is to be told you shouldn't be alone?" I asked softly.

Her eyes flared. "Do you have any idea how irritating it is to see you hurting all the goddamn time?" she snapped back. "Edward, listen to me. We prod, we tease, we bug you. We're your family, it's our job." Her voice grew softer now at the angered expression on my face. She placed a hand on my back and rubbed softly, continuing on.

"I've seen the way you look at us sometimes, like you're in physical pain over seeing us kiss, or cuddle. It's human nature to desire affection, Edward. I'd be lying if I said the idea of you snogging some random girl didn't disgust me," she snorted, and I chuckled, "but it is something you should experience while you're young enough to really enjoy it."

I understood her reasoning, on some basic level. "Yes, but I don't want to. I don't want random girls putting their tongues down my throat. Sure, I envy what you all have. But you guys… you love each other. You all always have. When Carlisle met Esme, she was the final thing to help him pull himself together. Their love was instant and remarkable and right. Jasper and Alice… they've always been meant for each other. And you and Emmett…" I paused, uncertain of how to say it. Her and Emmett were right for each other, too, but their connection was somehow different. I couldn't say that it was weaker or stronger, but the quality of it was distinct, somehow.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized all of their relationships were that way. They all had some unique and powerful bond that was instantaneous and in their own ways, they completed each other. They weren't each other's better halves—they were each other's equals, each other's perfect balances.

"You and Emmett grew into something at a very young age and you just knew." I concluded, not voicing my true revelations, but not needing to.

Rose nodded. "That's the point. We grew. You just have to find someone to grow with."

I looked at her. Her eyes were soft, a trace of a smile flitting over her mouth. She was right. If ever I found someone, I'd have to look past their artificial shell and really see them. I'd have to give them enough of a chance to learn who I was, and vice versa.

And I'd have to allow myself to grow with them, to become a balance for them.

Rose chuckled suddenly, and I frowned. "Think of it like this, Edward—at least Esme hasn't been desperate enough to try to set you up with anyone."

My eyes widened in horror. Rose's chuckles turned quickly into hysterics, and I promptly shoved her out of the room.

I muttered to myself as I turned in for the night.

"Damn, right… meddling… stupid… sister."

AN: So, to anyone who hasn't heard 'The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)' (and shame on you if you've never heard it!) the lyrics Edward is referring to are the following:

Does he love me, I wanna know
How can I tell if he loves me so?

Is it in his eyes?
Oh no, you'll be decieved
Is it in his eyes?
Oh no, he'll make believe
If you wanna know, if he loves you so
It's in his kiss
That's where it is!

And yes, there really was a study done in regards to kissing and chemical reactions people have to each other's saliva. It may not have been German-my own memories are a bit fuzzy sometimes-but it was, in fact, a real study. Edward is a bit odd for knowing/considering this information, but we love him anyway, right? :)

Tell me what you think!